YSaC, Vol. 995: I’m in the corner already.
wilie care kit (£12)
Description:
An elegant case of “intimate essentials” for the discerning Gentleman on the move.This case contains a range of luxury items designed to keep a mans most treasured parts in order. A silverware “fluffing brush”, styling “shears”, a silverware “sprucing” mirror and a metal “bracelet” complete with mini medallion, for that special evening wear occasion (it is, in fact a very upmarket “Willy Care Kit!”).
All these items come packed in a luxurious, hard, leather look case to add a touch of class to this fine, personal grooming collection.
A must for every “Man on the move!”
Phone: margaret on xxxxx xxx xxx
Jehane found this on Gumtree, which appears to be England’s answer to the insanity that is Craigslist. (We’ve featured Gumtree ads before, and they’re pretty WTF-tacular.) She wonders if it’s common for traveling gentlemen to groom their nether regions, while those stay-at-home gents prefer to let it grow into a junglescape.
I’m very grateful that in my, um, experience, I’ve never come across anyone wearing an evening wear bracelet on their … I can’t even finish that thought. And I’m reasonably certain that I’ll never be able to eat a FlufferNutter sandwich ever again.
However, I may have found something even more appalling.
That’s right … pejazzling. Where bedazzling was once limited to the simple and classy, now it’s gone a rhinestone too far. Some things just shouldn’t be spangled. I mean, I’m as big a fan of redickoration as the next person, but some things just don’t need improvement. This just seems like an attempt at fandonglery.
Do men really feel comfortable having “shears” around their “equipment”?
I’m just glad there’s no curling iron in the kit…
I would think a straightener would be more practical.
There’s plenty this kit is missing. Where’s the styling gel?
And the tweezers. I haven’t met a pecil yet that didn’t enjoy a good plucking.
EDIT: I’ve got it! You could build a pair of tweezers into the fluffing brush to make a little flucker!
GC, ow. On so many levels.
I know. I’m a horrible, horrible person.
£12 !!! I got mine from amazon.com for $12.94.
If you had not linked to it, I wouldn’t have believed it.
Sadly, Amazon has no reviews of it yet so I have no idea how well this item works.
You know, Amazon doesn’t check to see if you’ve actually bought the item before letting you review it. Anyone can post a review of anything.
Just sayin’.
You mean like this: http://www.amazon.com/Tuscan-Whole-Milk-Gallon-128/dp/B00032G1S0
Ah, the classic Tuscan Whole Milk page. One of the finest product comment sections on the whole of the Internet.
It warms my heart that people love their dairy so.
I didn’t know that many people lived in the Land of Serial Killers and Unnatural Dairy Fixations.
That’s up there with 3 wolf moon shirt and the steering wheel desk.
Also: Unnatural Dairy Fixation is totally a band name.
Unnatural Dairy Fixation is the name of my Dead Milkmen cover band.
When I clicked on the link, the bar at the bottom of the amazon.com page said that people who had previously bought that kit had also been interested in mugs where the handle looks like knuckle dusters, a book on ninjas and what looked to be shurikens (given the contents of this “care kit” I was a little afraid to investigate further in that case)
Just thought I’d share.
EDIT: Sorry Madame Mudslicker, didn’t see your comment until too late
2B – I’m in the process of making a video product review for amazon.com. Check back next week…..
Customers Who Bought Related Items Also Bought:
Check out the list. Apparently the Willy kit is bought by gentleman stealth ninjas.
Customers who viewed this item also viewed:
The 3D Mould A Willy Kit.
I can think of two reasons to purchase these two items together; you did such a good job you want to preserve a copy forever, or you want a practice pecil to perfect your techniques on.
practice pecil
BWAHAHA
All I can think of is those Barbie beauty salon heads…
I seem to recall, and I refuse to look this up to confirm, that there is actually someone who makes little outfits for wee willy. I guess if you guys can treat it as a separate persona with a mind of it’s own, why not deck it out completely? Trim away, Longbeard!
I think I’d buy this from Amazon before craigslist. I mean, I’m usually okay with used stuff, but I’m rather… hesitant about this one.
“All of the crabs come dressed to the nines in a proper tux and top hat, for that extra touch of class.”
Willy-care question.
Is the bracelet for giants
Or brush quite tiny?
Doesn’t “fluffing” in that context refer to something just a little bit different?
Is there room in the corner? The ferret will behave this time; I promise.
I’m disappointed it doesn’t have a tiny blow dryer.
:heads to corner, gives ferret a chicken liver:
That’s a weird name for…
Hey look, the coffee slices are still warm!
PECIL!
PECIL BLING NOT ON FIRE!!!!
FLUFFY PECIL!
They make an ointment for that now.
Yeah, but the pharmaceutical company won’t let it go generic, so it’s really expensive.
I like to stylize my pecil these days; however I’m surprised that the kit doesn’t have the little beard and mustache trimmer for taming the pecil’s goatee.
For those now picturing a phalus sporting a hipster goatee; you are welcome.
Brain bleach! Stat!
Huh. Now I’m just picturing Frank(furt) Zappa singing Uncle Meat.
Little Charlie Chaplin !
Uh… *grabs coat*
Bad Taco! Bad!
*scrubbing furiously at Frylock pecil image lodged in brain*
I pictured more of a punk pecker…
I saw “wilie” care kit, and assumed it was a Super Genius Coyote care kit.
Ah, so the brush would be treated with Frontline, then?
Or, would that be Librium?
Acme Brand.
Pejazzling, vajazzling, tiny little ninja turtle costumes, specialized groom kits … What ever happened to just plain naked fun time?
I’m all for expressing yourself in creative ways, but gluing glitter to your netherbits just sounds like a dumbass thing to do.
Apparently everyone wants to look like those sparkly vampires.
I would think that the removal of said glitter would be worse. Just another example of people with no foresight.
And later, no foreskin.
There would really be no good way to explain away that kind of scar.
“This one? Yeah, funny story about that one. Ummm, I was … attacked by … a blind and drunken … pedicurist?”
So that’s how circumcision works! I did wonder…
Meh. I’m not a fan of the shiny adornments. I’m holding out for when they get around to adapting Truck Nutz for my wang.
Granted it’s been a while, but aren’t those a standard feature for most makes and models?
Or are you just unsatisfied with the factory finish?
As an engineer I can vouch that sometimes you have to put in aftermarket upgrades to get the most out of your equipment.
Not unrelated, my favorite thing to say when there’s a lull in the conversation is,
“So I’ve been thinking of getting my testicles laminated.”
Works every time.
What do we think is written on the medallion?
“Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone.”
It’s a good thing NOBODY is in my part of the office today, because I would’ve just terrified them more than usual with that laugh.
“I’m not just the president, I’m also a client.”
“Pull tab to inflate.”
“It’s not a combover!”
“Pull here for service.”
“This end up.”
“Insert Tab A into Slot B.”
It’s a little crowded in the corner for that right now, maybe later after it clears out a bit.
🙂
If your corner remains crowded for more than 4 hours, please call your doctor.
Property of The State of California, A. Schwarzenegger, Governor.
“Not for other use.”
“Caution: If you can still read this, you’re still not close enough.”
>.> The corner is going to be packed today.
“Pull the other one, it has bells on.”
Items reflected in this medallion may be even smaller than they look
“If you can read this then I’m having a good day.”
My manicured meat beat up your Honor Roll student
“Mumble, gurgle, glorgle”
“Do you like my goatee?”
“Stand back I don’t know how big this thing gets.”
“For service, pull lever.”
“For service, depress micro-switch.”
“Free Willy!”
“If found, please call 555-1234. $50 reward. $100 if no chew marks.”
Now I’m hearing the song Detatchable Penis by King Missle in my head.
And now so am I. Thanks Ghostie.
I’m a helper!
When I first read the title, I thought it was an amusing typo and thought I could snark on what it obviously sounded like but surely wasn’t.
And yet, it is. It is, in actual fact, a “willy care kit.”
I am twistedly curious about the bracelet though. I mean, is it meant to be worn around the wrist as a bracelet traditionally is, or do you somehow just kind of hang it from your schmendrick? Because if it’s the latter, I would totally use the “fluffing brush” to make a pube fro, dye the area a dark brown, invite the ladies to have a peek, and then start singing:
Who’s the black private dick
That’s a sex machine with all the chicks?
Shaft!
Ya damn right.
If it’s a boring wrist bracelet though, I hope the medallion says, “In case of emergency, pull lever” with an arrow pointing down.
I thought it was a reference to Creedence Clearwater:
Down on the corner, out in the street
Willy and his poor balls are fluffing
Bring a pickle; slap your meat
Again… no bandages or Ace wraps. People just like to live dangerously.
That “bracelet” has a LOT of links. It would fit around a 2 liter bottle. And the man who can wear that – should stay the hell away from me. Because that is a medical condition.
That’s the reason it’s made to look like one of those Medical alert bracelets: “Caution: wearer suffers from an entirely inflated ego”
I would have thought it would have said, “Inflate to 130PSI.”
“Pump to inflate”
I’ll be in the corner.
“Warning: Contents Under Pressure.”
Hey, save me one of the hazelnut coffee slices!
“Gassy Leak: Maintain a Safe Distance”
“If this bracelet fits, you have been fluffing excessively. Stop fluffing immediately and seek medical help.”
“Traveling gentlemen” either have nobody to come home to or are looking for extramarital entertained while on the road. In both cases, they feel the desire to impress any temporary companions with the thoroughness of their grooming habits – from head to toe and everything in between. “Stay-at-home gents” either stay faithful in a committed relationship, and therefore don’t care what their permanent partners think about the grooming of their nethers, or live lives of celibacy and have no intention of letting others see how well or how poorly they keep their happy place groomed.
In other words, the target audience is Hugh Hefner while Comic Book Guy would race to his computer and blog about his outrage that this product even exists.
*pauses in her blog typing….* Well, damn. *hits delete* If Comic Book Guy is going to beat me too it, there’s no point…
Traveling Nether Regions is totally IF’s Sex Factory cover band.
Really? I thought it was his Sex Pistols/Traveling Wilburys mash up.
Edit: Now I’m imaginging what this would sound like, and it’s cracking me up.
Try to hear Anarchy in the UK in Roy Orbison’s voice, with Bob Dylan and Tom Petty on backup. HAHA!
Tonight at The Poorly Groomed Happy Place – The Traveling Nether Regions!
Parking is limited in front due to the overgrown bushes, but there’s plenty of room in the rear!
*Holds out shovel*
Shall we start digging again?
Funny, when I got there at the lounge the other night they had signs up saying that they had just applied a spray pesticide treatment on those bushes. The velveteen crowd control ropes were just coated!
:digs:
Hey, look! I found a handbasket!
*gets the brain bleach* Sigh…
Some of you may remember Captain Destructo (link takes you to my blog because I changed a few minor details). I’m a sucker for happy endings, so I added one.
The Llama-nun has to know that putting up a post like this is the snark lounge equivalent of giving mountain dew and pixie sticks to third graders.
Shake us all up then sit back and watch.
Well played, Madam, well played.
*curtseys*
Curtseying Llama-nun so needs to be a Flash animated on the site somewhere . . .
It totally does!
…
Uh… not that I… uh…
…
I’ll be in my squirrel costume if you need me.
The travel case is very important:
Cos little Willy, Willy won’t go home
But you can’t push Willy round
Willy won’t go, try tellin’ everybody but, oh no
Little Willy, Willy won’t go home
The Sweet knew what they were singing about. 8)
*Puts on an elf costume*
Uh hem,
Willie care kit, elegant care kit.
With some shears that will style
On the hair
There’s a feeling
of crispness
Girlfriends laughing
Pecil primping
Fluffing mine with a smile
And from ev’ry snark corner you’ll hear
Silky balls, silky balls
It’s trimming time for your willie
Ring a ling, Taco’s ding
Soon it will be trimming day
Hammy! Your unclosed tag is leaking all over the comments section!
What?
Turrets syndrome.
BOOM!
WHAT!
A great way to to assure that your co-workers won’t want coffee for the day:
Accidently leave your chewing tabbaco spit bottle sitting right next to the coffee maker after you brew a fresh batch.
It was a great, great way to remove coffee as my morning need today.
Lara, if you have any problems being in the box with both Mindfield and Taco, you just get this freeze ray, and stop–
I hate to ask what happens when you thaw out frozen Wind…
Just don’t drop frozen Wind. It’s rather fragile and you might break it.
If you did then you’d be – wait for it – breaking wind.
What? Corner? Really? *grumble grumble*
Yes Lyle… that was indeed the joke. 😛
When I break wind, I just blame it on the human.
My Dad likes to blame it on the catalytic converter.
It’s not as convincing if we’re not actually in a car though.
Lately I’ve been blaming it on my sweet ass-trumpet…
-them in their tracks! *looks at clock* Wow, where did the morning go?
Oh good, no one broke Wind.
I….the words…..willy bracelet, really?….
That sensation you’re feeling? That’s your brain breaking.
I broke two coworkers’ brains today, by introducing them to Time Cube Guy.
….It was a successful morning.
WHY do I continually feel the need to Google the stuff you guys talk about? You would think I would have LEARNED by now!
*passes flask to ToB*
Lola left it in the corner, not sure how it tastes right now.
Brings a whole new meaning to the term “junk jewelry,” doesn’t it?
Alright, so … where’s the kit for women? Surely they must also want to fluff the muff, trim the bushes, maybe include a couple of niplets. (Like anklets, but for nipples, because rings are so early 21st century.)
The medallions could each say “Hot” and “Cold”, or “Bass” and “Treble” or a “Dip” traffic sign with arrows pointing at each other.
We don’t need a kit, we have our own aisle; it’s chock-full of creams, bleaches, fresheners, moist towelettes, waxes, dyes, powders, etc, all designed to tidy up the basement and ajoining areas.
For designer nipple clamps there’s always eBay.
After several minutes of trying to think up snark, all that I can think of is “people frighten me.”
People scare me at only two times; always and often.
I just can’t get past ‘fluffing brush’ considering what a fluffer is.
I’ll be in the corner.
Perhaps the medallion is a preemptive congratulations. “Good job at not cutting off your wiener!”
Maybe it’s like in school when everyone recieves a medal for participating. “Nice Try!” or “Good Effort!”, that sort of thing.
or “Not IT!”
OT
O.O
#2. Discuss.
/OT
No.
No no no no no no.
Yes!
Wait… *checks script*
No.
Had to scroll down to understand that the first photo was both a “fore” and “aft” view.
Given that such items was usually worn by persons an enter decimal place larger than the models, I’m feeling a need to create a very deep bunker.
A bunker deep enough to then start the “real” bunker, then one with the windows bricked over, then surrounded by another bunker, underneath a third bunker, so that outside light could not enter without a pass, a security clearance, and escort, and at least three professional references. And none of that wishy-washy lepton behaviour of being wave or a particle. Particulate photons, only! With proof of never having been in the women’s wear section of Wal*Mart.
Gah! Now you’ve got me envisioning this on People Of Wal-Mart.
I own manga style animal hats and I occasionally wear them. Doesn’t keep people away from me, just changes the comments I receive.
I don’t mind the animal hats… just the funky jeankinis.
ah, but MANGA style animal hats… not something that looks like you skinned a wolf, plunked it on your head, and paraded it around like some kind of hipster-barbarian
I didn’t think one could name an article of clothing something worse than “jorts.” I was wrong. Bonus: The entire concept is just as brain-sodomizingly stupid as the name.
The tiny hats came from the Gothic Lolita look that was popular in japan earlier in the 2000’s…. it somehow made sense as part of a costume, with black frilly babydoll dresses… but that hat alone an anyone other than a girl at an anime convention looks ridiculous.
And the rest of those fashions are stupid. Bad enough to see someone’s undies when they wear ill-fitting pants, to have it actually stitched in as part of the look and in denim…. yuck.
spellcheck, why do you never point it out to me when I type “an” instead of “and” ?
I often see the tiny hats as part of Steampunk ladies fashion, evening wear wise.
Steampunk makes sense too… still costumey. But if a girl just randomly wore a tiny hat with a regular outfit I still think it would look silly
I’ve been drinking to mild excess and decided I’d come here and drunk post; joining the history of great drunk posters on YSaC.
Only now I can’t think of anything to type. Guess it’s back to drinking with me. Drat.
Hehe, pecile, hehe.
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.
I’m supposed to get posters remorse about now… right?
Here’s a gentle Punchity Punch Punch for Lara, Mindfield, and TacoMagic!
G’Night, Willie Wonker!