YSaC, Vol. 1035: Miami’s football team makes more sense now, too.
2011 July 15
dolpins
really big dolphins i paid 100.00 just to big for me to sit it anywhere call pat at ###.###.####
I’m not sure a really big dolphin is a good idea. That asteroid with the rose is pretty small; the gravitational attraction might not be enough to keep him attached. Plus, he might not be able to see my drawing of the boa constrictor eating an elephant from all the way up…
Wait, did you say dolphin?
Never mind, I got nothing.
Thanks for the post, James!
Of course you can’t SIT a dolphin anywhere, they are sea creatures who lack legs and need to be in water. They’re not going to chill on your couch, no matter what the size.
I’ve got this infinity pool I’m not using. How about that?
I have a buyer for you if you can ship to London (specifically, the rich heartland of Holland Park).
I didn’t realize there was a pod of wealthy dolphins in London! The things one learns!
Pat, if you’ve had that really big dolphin out of the water for more than a few hours you don’t have $100 worth of anything…other than maybe dolphin-steaks.
I hear they taste just like chicken.
Then again, Pat, if my former dolphin-crazed boss weren’t dead* I’m sure he’d shell out the $100 just so he could say he had yet another dolphin-themed decoration.
*sad, but true…he died in ’05..very young, very tragic*
[piscine corey]
Well, the fish, “Dorado” Coryphaena hippurus has a very fine flesh like yellowtail, and responds to indirect heating by having a slight buttery taste with the crispness of Spanish Mackerel.
Also quite beautiful in the water; a handful to catch–either experience worthy of being treated like finding a four-leaf clover, and cherished in memory.
As to the Cetacea, whether spade or conical toothed, my Nipponjin no yūjin aver that the taste is like whale, even if we get “porpoise” from an italianate “porcine.” Never been offered any, and remain disinclined in that direction.
[/corey]
I read that as “pissing Corey”.
No, he was trying to spell [pissghetti corey] however, I have no idea with pasta has to do with fish.
8)
I have no ideas at all, with or without pasta… I am a very unimaginative non-sparky today….
On behalf of the Dolphin community I have prepared the following as a response to the flagrant dolphin trafficing seen here today:
eee ee ee eeeee e e e eeeeeee ee eee eeeeee ee ee eeeeee eeee e eee eeee eeee eee ee eee eeee. eeeeeee eeeeeee eeeee *Whislting sound* eee e eee eee ee e. eeee e eee. eeee eeee eee e eeeee!*
Thank you.
*So long, and thanks for all the fish.
You need to work on your accent, you sound very porpoise-ish.
ééé éé éé ééééé é é é ééééééé éé ééé éééééé éé éé éééééé éééé é ééé éééé éééé ééé éé ééé éééé. ééééééé ééééééé ééééé *Whistling sound* ééé é ééé ééé éé é. éééé éééé ééé é ééééé!
All I see are mutant sperm.
My job here is done then.
Now I am imagining French dolphins. In berets.
With cigarettes sticking out of their blowholes.
And refusing to wear deodorant.
Now I’m picturing hipster dolphins rather than French ones.
I used to swim against the current before it junctioned with the main stream. Now I swim with it, but I swim ironically.
Wow, I wish I could speak dolphin.
All I can speak is whale.
I haz a jealous.
CJ, you can’t speak whale!
Oh, and Mutant Sperm is IF’s Sex Pistols cover band.
Check out May 23rd’s post: http://www.alonmaiden.blogspot.com/
Mutant Sperm in Seville? Those tapas bars are edgy.
Wow, Mutant Sperm is a quartet. Uh… awkward.
Uhhhhhhhhhvvvvvvvvvvvvv cooooooooooorrrsssssssssssssssssssss IIIIIIII caaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn speeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek waaaaallllllllllllllllle, Taaaaaaaakkkohhhh!
And this is why you are the coolest little Mexican item on the menu, Taco.
(bowling like Wayne and Garth)
I’M NOT WORTHY!! I’M NOT WORTHY!!
I didn’t know they were bowlers…
But, it’s a “natural aroma” like the harbor, down by the fish pier, at low tide, in a heat wave . . .
Or being downwind of homo caepusa urbana for more than 60 seconds . . .
They won a trophy for it. I think it’s used as a hat rack.
DAMN!! I meant “bowing” like Wayne and Garth. It was that wacked out Sparkie post from yesterday. All those typos! And Taco’s influence! D’oh!
Taco is such a cunning linguist…
The trophy was for the most creative use of the word “Belgian” in a screenplay.
A two-fer. You are welcome, FM.
I don’t mean to brag, but I was the screen play writer for flipper. I only wrote the parts that the fish read.
But he was alreays really true to the script, so I felt he approved of the character I wrote for him.
Ah, a Hitchhiker’s ref. Meta cool.
How about a drawing of a sheep in a box?
What about this picture I drew of a white cow eating marshmallows during a blizzard?
You couldn’t see that one too well because the polar bear was blocking the view.
Is that a bucket of white-wash he’s holding? I can’t really see because the igloo is kind of obscuring it.
No, it’s a bucket of Greek yogurt. The white winterbagel is parked in front of the igloo.
The one being driven by an albino in a wedding dress drinking a vanilla milkshake?
No, the albino drives every day except for Friday. On Fridays, the winterbagel is driven by someone in a KKK outfit eating a package of Hostess white snowballs.
Oh, I know him – the one with the pet swan!
Whoa! I just realized something!
Did you notice how everything in the picture is just covered in powdered sugar? I think the painter was trying to capture man’s inhumanity to donut. Brilliantly done.
Oh. Pretentious. Powdered sugar is just too Thomas Kinkade. Where is the suffering for your art?
@ghostie: Yes! The albino pet swan. I know, I know—overkill—but nature can be cruel sometimes.
:touches picture, licks finger:
I don’t think that’s powdered sugar.
Can anyone else see emotions now, or is that just me?
nope, but I can taste purple
No, all I see are the tears of baby seal pups. I think they taste like coconut.
Baby seal tastes like chicken, not coconut.
You are correct. It’s their tears that taste like coconut.
All they need is a skewer and some pineapple and it’s grill time!. Mmmmm.
Ghostie: You had me at marshmallow.
you
had
me
at
marshmallow….
Dolpins are difficult to find, and hardly anyone makes porcelain dolls anymore. The pins hold the arms and legs on and allow limited movement of those appendages.
Even a Dauphan is some difficult to find, too.
Dave, you and the ferret tribe have fun in the box today. Irregular Fractal installed some playground equipment yesterday. Just be careful on the trampoline.
Is the swingset big enough for the entire ferret tribe?
it was big enough for a deer
Sounds kinky. I hope Dave takes pictures.
Maybe this is a Dauphine Dolphin that Sparky picked up in his travels and paid too much for just to have it sitting around. He’s now maxed out on his credit cards and is using the DOLP method of getting out of debt.
[OT]
OK, what the hell, self. You have difficulty spelling “residual” but you get “Schadenfreuda” on your first try?
[/OT]
And even better, I misspell Schadenfreude in my post about how I spelled it right. I’m just awesome today.
Like Russian nesting dolls. A typo within a typo while talking about a typo. It’s mind-splody.
I think this is what they call “Meta”.
Granted the colloquial use of Meta is wrong, but who am I to go against internet meme.
Oh no. Did I misuse “meta”? Did I make a foe paw?
Taco, you are so awesome that your awesomeness is covered in awesomesauce!
*carefully proofreads above before crossing fingers and hitting submit*
I know what I would do with a football team! 😉
There is plenty of room at my house, as I ‘m sure they won’t mind standing against the wall to sleep. What do football players eat?
These players eat herring.
Football players eat soccer players. For breakfast.
Football players EAT THE MARCHING BAND’S DUST!!! YEEEEEEEEHAW!!!!
So… where can I get a marching band’s dust?
Why don’t you ship some to me Astro, I’m in the process of arranging for delivery of my football team. Thanks.
Okeedokee.
Now, to figure out how that apostrophe made it onto the end of “football players”…
Perplexing.
Ninjas…pretty sure it was them.
What apostrophe? 8) You’re welcome.
Blondes, redheads, and the occasional brunette.
Ooh, there’s lots of room in the corner today.
If I had a million dolphins
(If I had a million dolphins)
I’d buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)
If I had a million dolphins
(If I had a million dolphins)
I’d buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe so you would have a nice place to sit)
And if I had a million dolphins
(If I had a million dolphins)
Well, I’d buy you a bee- truck
(A nice Reliant automobile)
If I had a million dolphins I’d buy your love
If I had a million dolphins
I’d build a swing fort in our yard
If I had million dolphins
You could help, just bring the giant bird
If I had million dolphins
Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
You know, one that looks like it came from a meth lab
Like with broken bottles and stuff
There would already be laid out foods for us
Like vintage Crisco and things
… and then I ran out of time. Sorry.
2B: That was my earworm last weekend. I have to get another copy of that CD.
Did you wear it out?
I didn’t throw it.
Wait, I think I’ve got the wrong quote.
Did I wear it out! Pishaw. It couldn’t walk straight after I got done with it.
Oh, wait. Are you talking about the CD? No no no. I think my ex took it.
EDIT: In fact, I don’t think it was a CD, it was a cassette of that album. I’m old.
LOVE this earworm!!! Woo-hoo!
You win the Internets!
Two things:
1: I was going to comment that maybe it’s a Dauphin/e and Sparky spelled it wrong but Baby Penguin beat me to it.
2: I’m such a baby that this dolphin post makes me cry.
Thanks for the earworm, FM 🙂
Um… I beat you to it… that’s why the The Little Prince reference in the post. 🙂
Make fun of those finned mammals if you must, but I have it on good authority that they are very concerned for us……….
“Have we studied, long enough, this genocidal thing?”
“Must we live in tainted water”?, asked the Dolphin King.
We have shown it care and guidance at a cost so dear.
And they all replied, “Dear King, they’re ruled by greed and fear!”
The Dolphin King said, “Yes, I know! And lately some have tried
To understand our kind, and to communicate their pride.
But others net our children and by some, released. Too late.
Soon we will be no more! Will race extinction be our fate?
The crowd replied, “Their minds are small. They’re learning every day.
Though slow and clumsy like a child, a few have come to play.
They know we are intelligent. We see it in their eyes.
“But will it last and overcome their greed.” The King replies.
We have to be so careful when the creature-man comes near.
They do not recognize their plight. Their fate remains unclear.
I can’t decide to leave or stay! Dear friends, what shall we do?
And in their wisdom, all the Dolphins said, “Let’s see it through!”
It’s though we have a lot of pets, and dangerous they be.
So we must strive the harder and must teach them how to see
This Home that spins among the stars is all they have, for now.
The Dolphin King replied, “You’re right!” “We must succeed, somehow.”
You may all go back to your task of teaching creature-man.
I’m tired of talking and would like to race the sun again.
Then turning, he was off with lightening speed; a blur of grey.
The King, in wisdom, love, and kindness went back to his play
Larry D. Jennings
Ok, I have to stop this jocularity and engage in seriousity and grownuppery and be all pretendy-to-not-be-all-snickery-snarky.
I’ll be return-ed home to hearth and couch and the like in the evening. Ere my travels end in travails, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (and driving not quite 300 miles today), send some one to feed the cat.
Adieu, mes amies Dauphine
Safe traveling… and I don’t think I can make it to feed the cat.
Does His Feline Majesty like dolphin? I know where you can get some big ones.
Grownpuppery?
You can’t put ads for hookers on Craigslist, Sparky, the fact that dolphins have 14-inch long prehensile pecils* be damned!
*I believe I learned this little gem on Cracked.
So did John Dillinger and look where it got him.
Ok, so that’s the sort of thing that got us kicked off AdSense!
keep it up!
Sparky probably didn’t follow directions.
So this is the last post of the day, save the punching. Happy Friday!
Dave and Ferret Tribe, Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Tony Sparano!
Good morning Billy Bass.
Just remember, Dolphins are a symbol of hope.
“just to big for me to sit it anywhere”
You’re not supposed to sit a dolphin just anywhere, they need a specific place to sit, like in a chlorineless saltwater pool. See, this is why you should never make impule purchases. No more impulse buying for pat.
I learned that lesson after the fiasco with the giraffe. It does do a good job keeping the trees pruned, though.
I have this strange feeling of deja YSaC. Having read David Brin’s Uplift series since then, I wonder if this purchase was a neo-dolphin, with the walking harness and capability to speak in Anglic and Trinary. 8)
Dolphins….if it’s too big to sit anywhere, honey, you gotta whale.
*cue saxophone solo*
*puts on sunglasses*
YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
I think I know why Sparky has no further need for the dolphins’ services.
Congratulations on the little Sparkspawn!
Dang, Lou Stool! You been hanging around the box all this time? 8) Punchity Punch Punch!
Good morning and a day or two late, Jacques Cousteau!