YSaC, Vol. 1052: A thousand pictures are worth one table.
2011 August 9
dining room table seats 10 – $300
“Really nice solid wood dining table for quick sale. I need to move and can’t take it with me. 300 or best offer. 6 large chairs and leaf for the center. Seats 10 if needed. call or text ###-###-####. picture is of Mickey and Minnie Mouse, but I can send you the pic of table if your serious buyer. thanks much.. ”
Actually, I don’t want a picture of the table. I’m only going to purchase it if you send me a picture of a 1953 Studebaker Champion, a picture of “The Big Duck”, and a picture of noted existential sociologist Shayne Lee. Or better yet, Lee sitting in the Studebaker in front of the Big Duck. Eating an empanada. That ought to do it.
Thanks for the post, Sharon!
Dearest Sparky (the little known, and often misunderstood Mouseketeer),
I’d simply love to purchase your table, but only if you can furnish me with a picture of Bigfoot.
You do that and we are golden.
Tell Mickey and Minnie I said
get a roomhi!Who’s the taker of the pics
That don’t show what’s for sale?
S-P-A R-K-Y M-O-R-O-N
Hey there! Hi there! Ho there!
He’s as clueless as can be!
S-P-A R-K-Y M-O-R-O-N
Thanks for the memories, camille – and the earworm!
I think ‘seats ten’ is dependent on what Disney characters you have at the table.
I’m confident that I could fit at least a dozen of Cinderella’s mice around the table!
*whips out catulator*
“Seats ten”. Let’s see. Seven dwarfs, one Snow White, carry the Pedobear, minus the Warner Brothers, divide by Scientology….
Yup. Ninjas.
Gosh Sparky thanks so much! I’m selling stuff at present and it never ever occurred to me to put anything other than a picture of the REAL item.
YSaCers – what should I put instead of a picture of a double bed? and a glass shelving unit?
Your answers will inform my actions.
tig…might I suggest:
For the bed – a honey badger in a pink tutu and tiara
For the shelving unit – two lacawates valtrus-sukas in parachute pants and matching blazers (maybe MC Hammer can loan you some)
I guaran-damn-tee you those items will sell like that.
Or not.
Definitely, one of those.
It should be a photo of pudding.
On fire.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ghostie, that works only if you are trying to sell just to Taco, who will purchase the item just to put the fiery pudding out.
Hmmm. Why does “fiery pudding” sound like a euphemism? Oh, I know why. It’s the acoustics in the Snark Lounge.
Fiery Pudding sounds more like “women problems” to me.
*shudder*
Like “roasted nuts”?
Better than having a salted nut.
if one is assaulted, what is the other?
Hey! Cool! A Corner!
You’ll still have to send a pic of the actual bed or shelving unit “if your serious buyer” (if my serious buyer what?).
If your serious buyer is Mickey Mouse.
Or a Scottish Lord.
Or, a Scottish Time Lord?
I was thinking that too – I can’t take these suspense-creating ads. “If your serious buyer” – if my serious buyer what?!? They never tell.
If you serious buyer contacts my serious seller, they can then go to serious mediation and try to work out a serious deal.
Seriously!
It seats ten but only has six chairs? Do four of the chairs sit dwarves only at two to a chair? Where do the dalmations sit?
It’s like the Mad Hatter’s tea party: They rotate. Sometimes you get a chair and sometimes you don’t.
Oooh! Inspiration! The Mad Hatter’s Craigslist theme song:
Twinkle twinkle Craigslist ad,
I wonder why you are so bad?
On YSaC you are a hit,
Cause Sparky don’t know Shinola from shi-
Twinkle twinkle Craigslist ad,
Reading you makes me so sad.
Thanks FM, that’s killed the earworm I got from camille – but now ♫…♪
Doesn’t matter where anyone sits, Snow White’s laid out on the table.
*reads post, debates making less suggestive*
Fail.
Awesomely.
I do not want to know what the Seven Dwarves are doing!
Make room in the corner, LL – I’ll be right over.
They dig dig dig dig dig dig dig in our mine the whole day through
To oversee their labor is what we really like to do
It ain’t no trick to get rich quick
If you Make ’em dig with a shovel or a pick
In a mine! In a mine! In a mine! In a mine!
Where all our blood diamonds shine!
They dig dig dig dig dig dig dig from early morn till night
They dig dig dig dig dig dig dig up everything in sight
They dig up diamonds by the score
A thousand rubies, sometimes more
We make ’em dig and we feed them naught
They dig dig dig a-dig dig
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho
Chorus
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
It’s home from work we go
♪♪ ♪ ♪ ♪♪ ♪ ♪
Scene:: interior of the dwarf overseer’s mansion.
Snow W. is stretched out on a table, apparently asleep.
She is surrounded by genie pigs who scatter as the dwarves enter stage left.
Happy: Heigh-ho, what’s this?
Doc: It’s a girl.
Bashful: What’s a girl?
Grumpy: Nevermind that, we’ve got to get rid of her before someone comes by, they might think we’ve kidnapped her.
Happy: she’s awful pretty, I could hide her in my room.
Grumpy: No, won’t do.
Enter stage left, Mr. Hanky ‘assisted’ by Funky Monkey offstage, ’cause, you know, Mr. Hanky is old and doesn’t move so quick.
Mr. H.: Hiideee Ho!
Grumpy: Who you calling a ho?
Mr. H.: Why I ain’t calling nobody a ho, that’s jus’ how I say hi. I smell flowers, do you smell fl-
::SPLAT!::
A new stain erupts from under Grumpy’s hammer
Grumpy: Flowery little shit.
Dopey is now at the foot of the table peering up Snow W.’s gown
Dopey: Giggity giggity goo.
Grumpy: Get away from there you little perv., ‘t ain’t right.
Dopey: Taint, Giggity.
Sneezy: Where’d that weathervane come from?
Snow W.: Queef.
Grumpy: That’s it, we’re selling that damn table.
dining room table seats 10 – $300
Really nice solid wood dining table for quick sale. Used once.
: makes room in corner for SpaceBug:
That almost deserves two corners.
*Ponders the picture*
Well, if anyone needs me, I’ll be in my squirrel costume.
Just noticed a moment ago that I was in the box yesterday – sorry I missed it. T’was busy cutting and installing ceramic tile and lost the whole day when I should have been doing worthwhile things like reading YSAC. If only I had bought Georges Rug, I could have skipped laying the tile.
Thank you Windy for the gentle punchity punch.
You’re very welcome, and it was a much deserved boxing. Glad you are here today.
I had heard Disneyland was losing money, but to make Mickey and Minnie sell off the properties is outrageous. Is that the Round Table from The Sword in the Stone? If King Arthur were alive today, he’d be spinning in his grave!
Now’s the time to say goodbye to all our sanity
C-R-A (It’s you’re, not your, Sparky)
I-G-S (You know, I really could go for an empanada right now)
L-I-S… and T.
Ah, I love song day on YSaC.
M-O-N,
K-E-Y,
F-U-N-K-Y!
MONKEY FUNKY!
(Monkey Funky, Monkey Funky, Monkey Funky, Monkey Funky, Monkey Funky, Monkey Funky, Monkey Funky, Monkey Funky, Monkey Funky…… Gee, you say that enough times real fast and it either gets really silly, or really “inappropriate”.
The idea of you sitting around chanting my name is kind of oog-y. I take back the nice stuff I said yesterday about your Jeopardy comments in the box. 🙂
Funky Monkey, come play with us. We’ve been waiting forever. Please, come and play. Play forever.
Fuuuuuunky! Fuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnky! Come play. We want to play with Funky Monkey! Play. Forever. Fuuuuuuuuunky!
But Funky, I wrote you a song. And I wasn’t sitting around chanting – I was, umm- marching. Yeah, that’s it. I was marching along, singing while I marched, singing a ‘Monkey Funky’ song and marching and the song went on and on so I marched and marched, singing.
“Who’s the Monkey with the thong that belongs to Taco Jingle-y?
M-O-N,
K-E-Y,
F-U-N-K-Y!”
And then I got tired and took a nap. 🙂
“M” is for the mudflats you got me f’r my pickup truck;
“O” is for the oil I put in my hair;
“T” is for [t-bird];
“H” is for [Haggard];
“E” is for [Eggs];
and,
“R” is for Rodger!
Up against the wall, red table for sale
Table who sells for free, so well (so well, so well)
Seats 3 4 wobbling in honky-tonks
covered in hipster gum and looking like he11.
(with apologies to RWH for being only as deep as William Blake’s shadow)
[OT]
I’ve had the joy of listening to the continuing drama that is my boss’s divorce (second hand as he talks on the phone to his ex-wife, ex’s vicious attack lawyer, and his no-so-great lawyer).
Plenty of incentive to stay married right there. Woo doggy is that an ugly mess.
And the amount he pays in child support every month… wow… Tron wishes I loved him that much. (I can only assume most of it is going to daycare, as that stuff is expensive.)
[/OT]
That reminds me of a stand-up clip I saw once. I wish I could remember who it was so I could post it. But he basically went on about how breaking up is so much easier if you’re not living together. Once you move in together, it’s just a hassle.
“You wanna break up? Fine! Just as soon as you help me move the couch… Oh, never-mind. That’s too much work. We good? Okay.”
There is no problem so great that cannot be solved with a judicious use of high explosives…
Wait… Dammit! I got my Chrome tabs mixed up… This post was meant for another forum…
Sorry…
Considering you go as “Bombdude” I think that post is appropriate regardless of the forum you’re posting in, or the topic because, you know… ninjas.
[blink]
Six chairs?
[ear flick, ear flick]
Seats ten?
[stretch, roll over; wash, wash]
It’s a triangular heptagon.
[returns to nap]
If this table ad came from the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, it makes as much sense as the rest of their politics.
At least they didn’t spell it “dinning table”.
Seats ten with six chairs suggests it’s a “djinn-ing table.”
Or, if four have to stand until they pay a toll to sit, it could be a “dunning table.”
One supposes it could be a late American East Coast comedian, making it a “Durante table-cha-cha-cha!”
I recognize the quote, but I can’t remember who said it.
“Really nice solid wood dining table for quick sale. I need to move and can’t take it with me. 300 or best offer. 6 large chairs and leaf for the center. Seats 10 if needed. call or text ###-###-####. picture is of Mickey and Minnie Mouse, but I can send you the pic of table if your serious buyer. thanks much.. ”
-W.C. Fields?
-Mark Twain?
-Hitler?
Somebody help me out. It’s driving me crazy…
PT Barnum?
-Sparky McCraigslist
Roy Disney?
I have nothing snarky to say. I just wanted to see my new avatar.
Hi Windrose – I was in the box last week but I didn’t get to post to get punched, but thanks for the box time.
jg!!!!! Puppeh!!!!!
(Translation: we can see it, too.)
Adorable avatar alert!
jg, no problem, it goes on your permanent record. 8)
“Chairs? You have chairs?! At home, Nathaniel sits on a spike!”
“And what do you sit on?”
“I sit on Nathaniel.”
sounds painful
The worst thing about that ad is the unnecessary quotation marks.
*cue theme music*
The Red Pen Slasher strikes again!
I used to get paid to edit (believe it or not, considering how badly I can write these days). I can do a very effective “Muaahahahahahahaaaa!” should you need it for this. 😀
(Oh, and since it’s not obvious, my “nickname” above is a
shameless pluglink. Click!?? Broken linky??
Tune in tomorrow when Hammy gets box trained, AR fixes her link, and CJ ponders the meaning of life.
Hammy, Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Hermosa!
I don’t care who you are, that’s funny, right there.
I have many, many, many questions, but the one that is predominately in my mind is:
“Where did you get those costumes, why did you get them, and who did you bribe to wear them for that picture?”
Yeah, I know that’s technically three questions.