YSaC, Vol. 1214: We don’t need another html hero.
WEB HOST good Deal on Web Sites
WEB HOST good Deal on Web Sites
Would You like Your Own WEB SITE?
Check Out Mine, [astonishingly bad website that makes Geocities look modern]
and then Call Me xxx xxx xxxx
Okay. You want to design my website. Let me just make sure, though: would my website have inexplicable pictures of Mercedes and mimes as random cut-ins on other pictures? AND illegible text? Hmmm. Let me look at your own website in order to see if I should work with you.
Oh. Your page title is “siteerror404”. Well, that’s not a good sign. Then again, neither is this:
You MUST click on the link to make it larger. There is just so much here that I can’t even begin to find the words. I will just leave it up to the commentariat to rejoice in the artistic glory that is this website. It has it all: pictures of a guy making shadow puppets of butterflies. Tina Turner in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. A exhortation that I had to cut off for space reasons, but it says “You Can Buy Stock In Our Business and Grow with US!! God will surly bless you!”
But there’s much, much more, dear readers, that you must explore for yourself … if your eyes can take it, that is. Enjoy.
Thanks, Silvershine!
But … but … great things are happing! If you patronize his Web-design business, they’ll happ to you, too! Like maybe you’ll drive a Mercedes that’s old enough to be registered as an antique, or maybe pew space will suddenly appear for you even when you arrive late to church.
Personally I’m hoping for a tiny crossbow like the chainmail lady has.
No. They never make pew space for you. Trust me on this one.
Pew! Pew pew pew!
Le Pew! Le Pew Le Pew Le Pew!
Pew Space is the name of my Butthole Surfers cover band.
I like the one time (just once!) he changes it (maybe to seem more hip?) to “happ-nin”
He’s happin’ and rappin’. I’m going to run that by my kids whilst wearing my mom jeans, just to get an eye-roll.
It’s gruesome, and just gets worse. Like when you don’t clean your fridge out for months. Oh sure the front is easy, just some expired milk and out-of-date yogurt. But further towards the back of your fridge, you find the containers with some kind of green and gray fuzzy stuff that no longer resembles any food that you’ve ever had. And what’s that growth in the corner? Nothing can chisel it out. Is it sentient? So you grab the tongs and clorox wipes, but your attempt is in vain. There’s only one thing to do my friends. Buy a new fridge.
Ah, yes. This whole story arc at the Whiteboard tells the tale:
http://www.the-whiteboard.com/autowb651.html
Yes, and I gruesome since joining this forum. I want to thank Llamanun, Ostrimu, (MBBUT) and everyone else involved for the mind numbing and intellectual content on this website.
It’s like Novacaine for your brain!
Now, is it just me
for to kill the pain
the dentist fills me
with some novocaine.
It starts with a prick
into my top gum.
I think I feel sick,
just sick to my tum.
The needle does creep
and making me dull.
The needle feels deep,
so deep in my skull.
My mind feels like lead
as I’m lying there.
It goes through my head
and into the chair.
So maybe next time
the needle I’ll pass.
I will pay the prime
and I’ll go with gas.
Words fail me.
And also Sparky, too. (And web imagery, especially.)
It’s not so much words as spelling and common sense that fail him.
My
soulsole has become stone.But is it a pink stone or a blue one? You don’t want to make the mistake of pooping on your stone
soulsole.After seeing Santa tied up like that, it just doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters.
*whimper*
Buhwawawawa! I missed the Bondage Santa! There was just too much awesomeness, I couldn’t absorb it all.
Bondage Santa. What a disturbing holiday tradition.
Kinda like eating roast rabbit on Easter.
We’re gonna have roast rabbit. We’re gonna have roast rabbit. – Bugs Bunny Cartoon.
Credit MacDaddy also designs websites? That guy is so versatile!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtzWVYS5XHc
Ok. That ad is making me ashamed of my whiteness.
The music that goes along with his website is an added bonus— a la Blues Brothers.
At the very bottom of the website he also has a link to another of his lucrative professions:
MyAutoBodyShop [he’s got two pics of Ms. Thunderdome on that site as well. Can you say obsessed?]
I don’t want to be blessed by a surly god, thank you.
Better a surly god than an elder one. I’d rather deal with a divine pouting session than an eldrich abomination.
I dunno. There’s something to be said about really good tentacle action. And one woman’s abomination is another’s — you know what, the corner needs dusting.
That’s really more than I needed to know, Windy.
:puts pot of Brain Bleach on stove to boil:
No rapers please!!
Please let him have misspelled “rappers”. Please.
Before I made it big–then bigger–I thought the blurb under Ms. Thunderdome said “Great things are Rapping” And I was like “uh-huh…you betcha’!”
That was my favorite part. I was hoping others would notice it.
These are crimes that try men’s soles.
Like hit and run?
Well, it’s good to see the Time Cube guy is branching out in his search for employment.
I like Time Cube Guy better, at least his insanity has a unifying theme.
He can make soles from stones! Then you can walk around wearing the heaviest shoes in the universe!
I’ll never look at “fillet of stone” the same ever again.
“Let Every Heart Prepair Him Room
And Heavin
And Hev Nand Nations SING!!”
Dude, if I were the All Mighty, I would send you to Hell just for that. And giggle as I did it.
Aside from all the other obvious problems, has he really never noticed that the lyric includes the word “nature,” not “nations”?
I think that was his idea of “poetic license” to deliberately change that.
Hello, I’d like to buy a poetic licence.
A what?
A poetic license, for my pet poet, Sparky.
You’re off your chum.
I am not. I have a driver license for my pet driver, Sparky, and I have a business licence for my pet business, Sparky.
Are all your pets named Sparky?
You’re not old enough for your poetic license. You only qualify for a poetic learner’s permit for now.
Do I need a licensed poet present when I write prose?
Smight ‘im! Smight ‘im witha plaque of flogs! Lo-cussed! First sunburn!
Mr. Thumb there, looks strikingly like a previous employer who claimed to be a devout Christian but wanted me to falsify my log books. And he never paid me what he owes me. Still owes me about $3000.00
To me he looks like someone pointing and saying in a Jersey accent “Dis guy over here….”
I’d pay him NOT to build me a web site! And Camille, maybe he’s one of those warm and fuzzy sort of people and he changed the lyric from “nature” to “nations” because he wants to include the whole wide world! Nah, you’re right. Sparky hasn’t got a clue.
You can hire me to not design your website, I accept payment in used scratch-off lottery tickets. (I’m planting an orchard of lottery trees in the back yard.)
Hokey smokes Bullwinkle, That site is Badenov to be Fatale.
..And Heavin!!
And heavin
And Hev nand…Nations SING!!!
I can’t figure out if Heavin’ is short for heaving, or heathen.
Hev nand (phonics is phun!)….*snort*
In our segment titled “Letters To Funky, or MONKEY PLEASE!”, our contribution today comes from Butte, Montana. Sparky writes:
“Dear Funky: I’m a slacker that lives in my mom’s basement. If I get a job Ma will make me move out, but I have to make some cash ’cause my pot fund is real low. What can I do that will keep me in Mary Jane but not pay so well that I gotta move and start doing my own laundry? And I gotta do it from home, if Ma sees me leave the house too much she’ll catch on, she’s kinda sharp like that.”
“Dear Sparky: Have you considered creating websites for the clueless? You can do it right at your computer in the basement, never bathe or change clothes, and just tell Ma you’re watching p0rn! If you’re afraid of succeeding and raking in too much dough just make sure you only give it a half-assed try. Bad spelling and grammer and punctuation, color schemes that a 2nd grader would use = voila! You can continue to live like a teenager, but still meet your need for weed!”
“Remember my motto: A man’s reach should never exceed his grasp, or what’s Top 40 radio for?”
Dear Funky:
I lived in Butte, Montana, twice! I remember going sledding in a junkyard when it was thirty degrees below zero. Cold steel really hurts.* I was young and dumb back then, now I’m just older.
Is ther anything I can do to make me smarter? I mean besides reading books? I heard there were books on cds. Do they come in acid rock? I could really use your help.
*this is a true story
I spent 2 weeks of my life in Butte that I will never get back.
*that is a true story
I just said “Butte” cause it looks like “butt”*.
*Y’all KNOW that’s a true story.
Dear OMV: Try wearing glasses, smoking a pipe, and scratching your chin while looking thoughtful. That will at least make people think you are smart. My Grannie Monkey used to say sleeping with a dictionary under your pillow made you smarter, but then she stopped doing that after her ruptured disc surgery. I guess she thought she was smart enough. And never NEVER run for public office.
DISCLAIMER: Advice is for entertainent purposes only. The Monkey is not a licensed therapist/counselor. Seek professional help for a true emergency, such as going total-wack-a-doo nuts. Side effects of taking advice of monkey include (but are not limited to) bulging eyeballs, stinky feet, loss of attractiveness to the opposite sex (or same sex, whichever boils your banana) and irrepairable damage to your checking account. Do not take advice of monkey while driving a car or using heavy machinery and may God in heaven help you if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant. Just sayin’.
FM, good advice costs nothing, but your advice is worth twice as much.
FM: Am I allowed to operate my pants pockets?
“FM, good advice costs nothing, but your advice is worth twice as much.”
I see what you did there.
Origins: Butte
Terraforming: Foothills
Foothills are formed by cropping mountains then placing the mountain top on a fertile flat plain. Foot hills do not grow when properly fertilized, however, they do multiply. The number of foothills in any particular area depends on type of fertilizer used if any, mineral content, and water availability. Most foothills can reproduce for about seven to eight generations with most litters ranging from twenty to thirty five molehills. The most dominant molehills will tend to overshadow and devour the essence of weaker molehills. the result of this process is that only two to four foothills will remain from the litter.
Method of Production: Foothills
Using a large sharp cropping tool, slice throught he top of a mountain making sure the cut is as parallel to the plain as possible. Place mountain top in desired area. If desired area is sloped, place mountain top near upper end as gravity will play some part in distribution of litters.
Environmental Impact: Cropping Mountains
The environmental impact of cropping mountains is significant but not always undesired. Cropped mountains can support a variety of wildlife. A cropped mountain is called a butte.
It’s a beaut! No, it’s a mound.
(Geezer reference)
If you are an ARTIST
If you are an PHOTOGRAPHER
If you are an WRITER…
…If you are an EAGER LEARNERS
If you are an NO RAPERS (Please!!!!)
Grammar is not just for Grampar anymore.
Don’t tell Grampdaddy that!
Surly you can’t be serious.
I am serious, and stop calling me Surly!
Surely you can’t be surly Shirley.
Shirl’s a girl in pearls and curls.
This is where snark fails me. You see I have a dear friend, the sweetest of souls, who could easily have written and designed that site. He didn’t, but he could have. This is where intentions are allowed to run amuck and the end result is nothing short of horrific fail.
funky and Capn, sitting a box, la la la la i-n-g. Punchity punch punch.
Good morning, Al Gore!