YSaC, Vol. 1235: The Bangos were a great band.
2012 April 20
Drum,bangos,and tampering – $20
Dont no much about them if interested call or text ###-###-####
Now, it’s easy to laugh here, but tampering isn’t something you just start off being good at. It takes practice. You’ve got to start small – go into your medicine cabinet and just chip a few small cuts in the plastic wrap around a bottle of Flinstones chewables. Then work your way up to stealing the occasional TJ Maxx circular out of your neighbor’s mailbox.
After a lot of dedication and hard work, you might be ready for something really challenging, like an airplane smoke detector. Or even the holy grail of tampering…
Mattress tags.
Thanks for the link, Jacob!
I’m guessing here that “tampering” was the only correctly spelled word. Sparkdude probably had “drugs” that he didn’t
noknow too much about.
Well, live and learn. Or not.
P.S. Hey, where is everyone? Was there a Thursday night out I didn’t know about?
Sorry, Wanda, I’m on vacation this week.
My utility company charges $125 for each instance of tampering. It’s very obvious Sparky ‘don’t no much about them’.
Drums and bangos are what you get after tampering.
If Spark’ meant the paired percussion instrument, then “bango” (bang-go) is an evocative term to use.
If Spark’ means a double-potted string instrument, well, that’s just sad. (Though, it might be a handy term-of-art for a “3 string” banjo (in the way that a 6-string is appelled “gitjo” in the musical trade).
Luckily, no one has combined tambourine and banjo, as that would be tampering the bango that would get a person sentenced to Narfle the Gar’fok.
And now, such mass consumption as will be, being complete, it is out among the bluntskulls in the humo-carb commuting behaviour.
“tambourine and banjo”
Would that be a tangerine?
Or a mango.
It’s a Bang ‘er-O!
*casts eyes toward corner*
*reels in a ferret*
What the hey?
Hey, Mr. Tampering Man, tamper with this drum.
Don’t know much about them, so I doubt I’ll notice it.
Hey, Mr. Tampering Man, tamper with this drum.
In the bango bongo morning, you can call or text.
I’m not paying this guy $20 to tamper with my drums, especially if he’s not a professional tamperer. What a rip-off.
Don’t know much about their story
Don’t know much but come buy all three
Don’t know much about a spelling book
Don’t know much at all, but come take a look
But I do know that tampering
It is not the correct spelling
What a wonderful ad this weal be
Man posts on craigslist:
Drum, Bongos, and Tampering,
don’t no about them.
In high school band I played the tuber.
I took violent lessons for two years but was never very good at it.
I took sax and violins.
The corner? Why? What did I do this time?
I think it was all the fingering involved.
Hey, this corner is full of ferrets!
I played a strumpet in high school. I sucked at it.
I guess I was doing it wrong.
I was a pee-in-ist. They said they didn’t need one of those in a marching band.
I played the glockenspiel, or bells. Glad Sparky wasn’t trying to sell one of those.
I hated when Mama Eyebrows would tamper with my bangs-o when I was a kid. They always ended up lopsided. And short.
Mama Tank used to do that to me, too. And they would be short, and lopsided, and straight across my (upper) forehead. We have a lot to tell Oprah, Archie.
The trick is to use a bowl that fits snuggly and is mostly clean.
Spagetti’s in my hair,
and the birds are all around.
Spagetti’s in my hair,
and they’re heading for my mound.
But my bangs look really awesome,
Mama did a real good job.
She should have cleaned out the bowl some.
Now I am wearing a blob.
Spagetti’s in my hair,
and I’m running through the town.
Spagetti’s in my hair,
And the birds are bearing down.
I don’t know why they peck me,
Peck me on my head.
All of my friends, they reject me.
They’d rather laugh at me instead.
Spagetti’s in my hair,
I know my tale is wrong.
Spagetti’s in my hair,
so I’m not finishing this song.
You people inspire me to Dorkness.
Drum,Bangos,and Tampering
In theaters now!!! *echo*
Starring Linda Lovelace as the lovely Ms. Tampering and Ron Jeremy as Bango Drum.
*Not yet rated*
Soundtrack by Ango-Bango!
Is that before or after Danny Elfman left?
yes
YES!
I used to play the pianal. Badly.
PECIL!
I tried playing pianal once, but couldn’t get the fingering right.
Hey look, fresh coffee slices!
Smells funny…
I love percussion instruments! They’re great when you’re doing a covert job and need to open a tough safe.
Keith Moon distracts them all with a drum solo while you break into the office…
A bear dog, a gecko, and a thong boy walked into a box . . .
I brought the fixin’s for s’mores.
Aww, man! I’m never in the box on S’mores Day.
S’more what?
You know, you people should really learn to finish your sentences.
(I know, being in the box is a priveledge. Being in the corner is a sentence.)
No, “being in the corner” is a clause, not a sentence. “Being in the corner is a sentence” is a sentence.
What was I talking about?
Something about pie, I think.
Something about Santa getting sentenced, I think.
[Corey] “Being in the corner” is not a clause but a gerund phrase (to which one may be sentenced). Maybe we’d better put a grammar book in the corner. It will probably have a page of spelling demons like “privilege” for you, too.[/Corey]
I really couldn’t figure out what Sparky was trying to sell along with those drums, but with a preschooler in the house, I’d pay $20 not to have percussion instruments around! The “weal beryl,” on the other hand, would be nice to have.
“A bear dog, a gecko, and a thong boy walk into a box…”
The box tinder says, “I suppose you are here to see Jack.”
The bear dog asks, “Do I know Jack?”
The Gecko asks, “Is Jack insured?”
The thong boy asks, ” Is Jack in jail for lifting a car?’
The box tinder says,” NO, NO, NO! This is not Joke in the Box!”
The monkey was kicked out of the box for telling the tinder “You don’t know Jack”.
Story time.
Long ago, in a city not so far away,
I went into a Joke in the Box for lunch.
I ordered a burger and fries by the way,
It was way past my time for a munch.
I waited and waited for my meal to show.
Others came in and did order.
They got their meals and proceeded to go.
Maybe I should have ran for the border.
My patience grew thin as I waited some more,
This place here is wasting my time.
But patience is key, it’s part of my core,
I would try to be more sublime.
Ah, finally it came by manager, great.
I could have composed a sonnet.
I’m really sorry about the wait.
Well, why don’t you put some more on it!
(The manager looked at me funny, like, huh?)
The asking price should really be $20 oboe.
Or $15 flute and 3 kazoos.
HEY! It’s twenn’y bucks to flute a kazoo, same as “in town”!
I was going to reply with a “me love you long time” line but I think I’ve been pushing it lately. So I abstained.
Dueling bangos! Piddle fastr!
Didn’t the bangos do “Walk like he gypt them”?
I DO “no” much about them.
Drum? No.
Bangos? No.
Tampering? No.
$20? No, now please get off my truck.
Interested? NO NO NO!
You interested in a good time? I got TacoThongs, $40 each. Satisfaction guaranteed or you no get your money back.
*SNAP*
*Jingly Jingly Jingly*
See, they even fit on your truck!
Ther’s not enough “NO” in the universe to express the no-ness of my no.
Please get them off my truck.
There’s a “Check your tailpipe” joke in there, but I’m too much of a lady to make it. Plus I’m already in the corner.
I’d do your “Check your tailpipe” joke for ya, I’m a guy.
But I’m not smart enough to think of one.
###-###-####,
###-###-####.
See how they drum,
See how they drum.
They don’t no about bangos at all.
They’re tampering with both Simon and Paul.
If interested, won’t you please call
###-###-####.
(I appologize, my mind is waning.)
It’s waning, it’s boring.
my poor mind is snoring.
I went to bed and hit my head
upon the hardwood flooring.
That’s ok, Hal. Why don’t you sing us a song?
Sing us a song tonight/
You’re the pianal man/
Sing us a song tonight/
We’re in a mood for tampering/
And you got us bango a’right!
Any band with a drum, bangos, and tampering needs a hormonalcar. Then they can play Im A Gonna La Vida Loco.
A hormonalcar is a b*tch to get started.
And once you get a hormonalcar started, it can take ages for it to wind down.
And holy cow, are the brakes screechy!
A band with a drum, tampering, and bango clearly needs a manikin . . .
So, you could have Levon, Cass, Scruggs, and Monroe for your band of zomb
Sparky is trying to sell a barrel full of milkfish that’s been tampered with. I wouldn’t touch it with a $20 pole, or a quarterstaff even.
Oh, Alex, I know this one.
What are the three bones of the ear?
If I had a bango, I’d tamper in the morning
I’d tamper in the evening
All over this la-and
I’d tamper with Lionel
I’d tamper with Chester
I’d tamper out love between the Sparkies and the Snarkers
A-a-a-a-all over this land
The NEW YSaC Theme song!
camille, LimeLolly, and Taco “thong boy” Magic, start your Saturday off right with a nutritious Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Trini Lopez!
Is that sugar-free?