YSaC, Vol. 1282: A bite out of my bed.
2012 June 26
Commercial Powered Bed
Patriot health care commerical powered bed. never used for what it meant for. bed height can be adjusted up or down, lay up lay down, raise your legs up and down. side rails can be used on either side of bed or top or bottom of bed. 7ft of lay down room. $500. Reply or call xxxxxxxxxx and leave a message if no answer.
If the bed has never been used for what it is meant for, that implies that it’s been used for other things. What other things might it have been used for? A trampoline? A taco-folding station?
Any other brilliant ideas? Put ’em in the comments!
Thanks, SD!
Mission Control for the Elbonian Space Program?
Mind you, one of my first thoughts was that the exercise equipment must be “full” with last season’s clothes . . .
Stretching rack. Start with both ends elevated and Sparky’s limbs secured to the corners. Every time he says something stupid, lower one of the ends just a bit. Ok, maybe not every time otherwise he’d be completely stretched out in minutes.
Maybe you could start with a verbal warning, then a written warning, then the third time you lower one of the ends. Then back to verbal warning, and so on.
Or maybe I’m overthinking this.
A commerical bed needs proper maintenace. This one has never been properly seeded and watered.
Perhaps Sparky meant comical bed.
[too close to home corey]
I really ought to have more one-line zingers for this, but, I just don’t.
See, the nice neighbor lady my folks have been looking over will be needing one of these beds–one of which will be delivered by the hospice people today, matter of fact. This as the medicos really have nothing left in their bag of tricks for chronic (the term-of-art “end stage” has been carefully avoided) COPD. All the more trouble for a person who barely weighs her own age.
Further, I have to admit some selfish agenda here–as the “young” and “agile” (at an arthritic 52), I’m going to be tasked, Cinderella-fashion with heavy-lifting chores at two houses. Which is not easier with my current work schedule, which has developed a nasty habit of, whatever hour I leave is the hour I get back . . . <sigh>
Given the nature of how the system works, too, this vexes me, as my taxes probably paid for the bed Spark’ now finds in double excess.
And, like as not, even if thrift-minded agencies were scanning sources like CL for such items, there is, no doubt, a blizzard of red tape, and tape-friendly administrators to be “in the way” of such sensible use.
“Hey, poor Mrs Name needs an adjustable bed.”
“We found one on CL.”
“Is it from a reputable agency?”
“He says his name is Clifford Klaven…”
“Call Medicare.”
Sigh
[/corey]
As a person who works with the, ahem, “chronic” on a regular basis, I saw lots of sad in this one. I feel for you, Capn. Don’t become a collaterally damaged caregiver.
(I’m new here — is this a /corey situation?)
Fortunately, my profession also requires a sick sense of humor, so I say the unintended use of the object was as a carnival thrill ride for the annual Festival of the Timid.
Rebecca, that’s hilarious. Please keep treating us to your sick sense of humor.
(And thank you for the work that you do. I hope to never require your services.)
I hope so, too — but if you ever do, I can guarantee a fairly steady (stream? flow? load?) of poop jokes.
Definately a corey situation, because you know what you are talking about, but not required since you get the joke and see the humor, probably more than any of us will. 8) To reiterate the words of our honored Llama-nun (MBBUH) please keep treating us with your wacky humor!
“bed height can be adjusted up or down, lay up lay down, raise your legs up and down”
Ah-HA! Exercise equipment for a super lazy person!
I’ll take two!
OK my suspicious mind went to “what falls off the back of lorries” …..
Sparky would have been very surprised when Junior Sparky came back from a successful thievi … sorry “loose lorry invstigation” expedition with this bed.
“Darn” (or other four letter expletives) he would have said, “Junior we’se gonna have problems shiftin’ this thing. Someone might notice it had gone missing”
“No worries, Papa, I’ll put it in CList, that’ll shift it”.
The use of both “lorry” and “shift” causes me to wonder if CL has
infect-er, invaded the UK yet?Oh yes, we have CL. I have checked it a couple of times hoping to find snark-worthy ads, but always get bored. The best one I found was someone trying to sell a bulldog clip for about 50 pence.
*Turns on the shopping network*
PERPETUAL BED! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I guess I was the only one who saw the phantom hyphen between commercial and powered.
You put your side rails up.
You put your side rails down.
You put your side rails up
As you shake them all about.
You do the hokey pokey
As your legs go up and down.
That’s what it’s all about!
The phrases “Patriot health care” and “never used for what it meant for” make me think they mean “slept on by one a them foreigners, so we don’t want it any more. Ewww, the French!”
I don’t know if this is a /corey or not, but we had a French foreign exchange student staying with us for a week. The smell from the guest room kept getting more and more pungent and we were all getting more and more disgusted with said guest and his hygeine.Mon dieu! I didn’t want to intrude upon his person, so I rarely entered the room, just Febreezed when he was not looking. It turns out, our beloved male cat Cooper (now in kitty heaven, bless his rascal soul) took issue with a friend from a foreign land and was leaving poops in the corner of the guest room. Now, I’m not sure why Pierre would not try to communicate this with us…
Maybe he thought it was some sort of obscure American custom.
Maybe Pierre thought that American bedrooms just smell?
Pierre: These ugly Americans are trying to make me leave with the cat pooh, non? But I will outsmart zem! I will accept it as a symbol of my strength and –GADZOOKS! Not on the beret!
[ot] I saw a catnip-filled, feline-sized, (Wnnie the) Pooh at the pet store the other day.
Still not sure that’s something I’d want to have the cat associate with pouncing-upon-shredding-carnivorous-predation-practicing.
Not as disturbing as offering up baby dolls, puppies, and tropical fish . . .
But, giving the cat Pooh to play with, rather than ‘poo’ to hide, a net overall gain . . .
[/ot]
wanda: I believe that was more of a [/matt] (righteous indignation) rather than a [/corey] (snoozingly anal factoid dribble).
Thank you for clarifying. I often wonder when the moment was when I went from being a bright young thing to a doddering (age not your business) woman.
(Nothing)
(More nothing)
(Drink coffee)
It’s a bed, and it’s calling my name.
The only things I can think of are;
1) it was used as a giant ironing board, or
2) it was used for some sort of sex thing.
For my sanity’s sake, I’m leaning much more heavily towards the first than the second.
If the bed itself leans heavily, it is probably because of the second one.
You know I hate to put someone in the box two days in a row. So ghostie better just stop being so clever so this doesn’t go to Day Three. Don’t want to start a marathon or anything.
I can’t promise anything, monkey is a
wonderfulterrible influence.You guys are my my best imaginary friends.
What tha fur?! Why blame the monkey?
Have you not noticed in the movies that the bad animal is always the cat? That’s the way it is in our house, too. Wet wad of fur on the rug? Cat did it. Top slice of bread missing off of Hubby Monkey’s sammich? Cat did it. Chicken leg under the bureau? Cat did it. Big scratch on my arm*? Cat did it. Entire six pack of beer gone already**? Cat did it.
*Apparantly we rolled over on Carly cat again during the night and she gored me again. This is happening a lot.
**I can’t PROVE that this one’s true, but I know damned well it is.
Well, I guess I shouldn’t have blamed the cat prematurely. Perhaps Pierre pooped in the corner.
Side note: we stopped hosting foreign exchange students after I became completely ooged out while doing laundry for them. Male European underwear is odd and small, and I alnost though it was my daughter’s.
I’m almost certain I didn’t have anything to do with the beer, but if you’re missing some wine coolers that might have been me.
There are two things one must never teach a kitten to like.
One is cheese.
The other is beer.
One of those will ruin the atmosphere; the other will deplete you of the life-giving, restorative elixir which is beer.
Unless one is a person who does not care for cheese nor beer, in which case, this will not be a problem.
Our old cat, Lucy, will drink beer out of a can. She catches me with a full can and sticks her tongue in it til it goes down to the point she can’t reach it. She ignores beer in a bottle. And we have poured beer in a saucer for her and she ignores that. She also turns down harder alcohol and assorted drugs/pills. But the more I catch her sitting on my laptop I think she may have an internet porn or on line gambling issue.
We love her. Yes we do. She’s old – almost 12 – so we let her get away with a lot.
My sweet horse, Sunny, does not care for beer. However, she will steal a slurp of Mr. Eyebrows’ vodka soda given half a chance. With a squeeze of lime, please.
Bed height can be adjusted up and down, huh?
Well, I’ll tell you now, I’m only buying if it goes high enough to make me a decent pillow castle.
Poof! You are a Decent Pillow Castle!
Windy, my mother used that line on me every time I asked her to make me a snack. And I never learned to rephrase. Holy Clothespin Jebus I miss her!
Wanda, that’s so cool! 8) I know my kids got tired of it but my husband so far has not. 8) Must be why they moved out and he didn’t.
Couple of pairs of handcuffs attached to those side rails along with the ability to move the ends up and down…..
I’ll be in the corner.
I’m glad you had a corner-worthy thought too. Mine was that a man could, you know, fold himself so that he wouldn’t have to beg his wife/girlfriend/significant other.
I’ll make myself a cup of tea in the corner. Ah, chamomile.
Sheldon Cooper’s t shit [sic] folding station
Ah, now I see where those side rails came in.
I am so making one of those out of cardboard
It’s stripped down now, but the wheels make it obvious that it was used for racing wildly down a hill. Without a headboard to determine which was the steering side, it was probably a free-for-all.
Thankfully, they seemed to have cleaned the ‘racing stripes’ off it. All someone needs is a new commercial sponsor… ready to rumble!
It needs bigger wheels.
Powered by commercials!
You know the Sham-Wow guy wants his turn!
Funky and ghostie, pack up your brownies and get on outta here! 8) Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Jack Lalanne!
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