YSaC, Vol. 1314: With my spear and magic Craigslist
Here’s one from the “unrealistic expectations” file:
lost ring 1981/82,in bar bathroom in [location] or [different location]
lost ring back in 1981/82 in bathroom of a bar in [location] or [different location] area
my mother gave it to me & I would really appreciate it if any one found it, please discribe it to varify
Well, I’d like to help you out, but see, the king of the gods actually stole your ring. But then he had to hand it over to a pair of giants. But then one of the giants killed the other giant, and then turned into a dragon. And then this guy – Ziggy, I think his name was – Ziggy killed the dragon and took the ring. But then Ziggy listened to a talking bird and found this girl asleep on a mountain surrounded by fire. They fell in love, even though it turns out she’s really his aunt, and he gave her the ring. But then he got poisoned by another aunt, forgot the first girl, met her again and took the ring back, then got unpoisoned and stabbed in quick succession. At this point, the first aunt set Ziggy on fire and then gave the ring to some mermaids. And then the world ended.
Sorry, better luck next time!
Thanks for the link, Kate!
So Ziggy was an adventurer before becoming a comics page staple. It sucks when you take a sorceress to the knee.
I missed that part where Brunhilde goes to the Last Call Tavern for Line Dance Wednesday. Must have been sleeping.
I think this might actually be the Coen Brothers’ next project.
It’s been done:
http://www.amazon.com/Das-Barbecu-Musical-Original-Off-Broadway/dp/B0000014WC
Oh my goodness, please tell me the Texas Rhein Maidens were Anne Richards and Molly Ivins.
Holy shit… with JK Simmons? How did this not end up bigger than Evil Dead: The Musical?
Lost virginity 1989/1990 some dude’s bedroom.
I lost my virginity in some random guy’s bedroom back in ’89 or ’90. Would really like it back. It was a birthday present from my mother. Please describe the sheets on the bed, the curtains on the wall, the unusual medical condition the dude had, and my birthmark to verify.*
*some or all of this may be blatantly untrue.
At least it wasn’t the bar bathroom.
This ring is special to me — so special, in fact, that it’s taken me thirty years to notice that it was gone. Obviously, the person who found it would immediately recognize its specialness and
run to the nearest pawn shopspend the next thirty years seeking its rightful owner.and they can’t remember what it looks like
Heaps of praise and swarms of bees for recapitulating 187 weeks’ worth of Wagner into a single paragraph without the least bit of Teutonic warbling or operatic plate armor.
I kinda miss the bird, though.
Lost a one hundred-dollar bill circa ’81 or ’82 in [location] or [location2]; provide description so I can verify it is mine*.
____________________________________
*Note, was part of a larger litter of bills, which will require reconstitution as part of the rehoming.
One Ring a fool let fall, One Ring to find then, One Ring to bling them all and in the darkness blind them.
Gollum, I warned you not to play “What have I got in my pocket” with that hot girl at the Shire Inn. I don’t care how much you thought she was flirting with you. Calling her “My Precious” with her very powerful wizard boyfriend standing next to her was not a bright idea.
Oh, wait. Was this a naughty kind of ring? Though I hardly think that sort of thing would be a present from mom, unless we’re talking a John Waters movie plot point.
I heard that ring and answered, but since I didn’t know your name, I figured it was a wrong number.
And, next time your phone doesn’t ring it won’t be Sparkyette calling either.
In fact, I think I hear her not calling him right now!
Lost youth, circa 1966, would reaaaaaallllllly love to have it back as I’ve noticed an alarmingly long list of aches and pains associated with its loss.
And, my short-term memory ain’t what it used to be.
Oh, and my short-term memory ain’t what it used to be.
But how’s your short term memory?
As good as mine, I’m sure. TGIF!!
Purple, because aliens don-SQUIRREL!
CJ, that’s precisely what my sister & I were talking about last night. Oh, and psychotic breaks. sigh Fun times.
*pout*
I get here late and all the good Lord Of The Rings quotes are gone. That really frodos my baggins.
Slightly OT – Mila doesn’t use profanity and uses creative phrases instead. One of my favorites is “Bilbo Baggins.”
Mini Monkey says tartar sauce a lot. We’re big Spongebob freaks.
There’s another kind?
No. Bless The Bob!
Sir, I’m going to have to book you for inappropriate use of a time machine. Please put your hands on the outside of the phone booth where I can see them.
Sorry, officer, I left my ID inside the phone booth. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll only be a couple decades.
Hey, have any of you seen my plastic missile? I shot it off my G.I. Joe assault boat at the house we were renting in 1988 and haven’t seen it since. The missile is black.
Thanks!
I think I saw that and used it to launch an attack on Barney circa 1988. Sorry, I didn’t know it was your. (You do strange things for entertainment in grad school.)
See??? All of you told me to get on with my life. You said I’d never hear from Sparky again after that night, but you were wrong, dead wrong! When something’s meant to be, it finds a way. Sometimes it just takes a little time.
I think I found your ring. Let me describe it. It is a circle. Does that sound like the one you lost?
Look what I found, this is so weird:
http://gma.yahoo.com/high-school-sweethearts-class-ring-recovered-nearly-40-211948599–abc-news-topstories.html
CJ, you rock the box! Happy Friday! Punchity Punch Punch! (Yes I do get paid extra for using exclamation points, why do you ask?)
Good Morning, Texas!