firewood for wife seduction
Trade firewood for successful wife seduction.
Now, does this person HAVE firewood, and wants his wife seduced? Or does he WANT firewood, and is willing to seduce a wife to get it? And does “successful” modify “wife” or “sed…
You know what? I don’t care. I don’t like ANY of those options.
Thanks for the link, Katherine!
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As if life needed more ambiguity <sigh>
Use of “wife” singular, to my thinking, suggests against this being a would-be Lothario lacking kindling.
Instead, it suggests–to me–an exhausted Lumberjack with a spouse underwhelmed by the unchanging grandeur of the mighty Fir, the Scot’s Pine, the Larch . . .
But, such observations are always colored by our own foci, and I am spent, exhausted in mind and body, and with little prospect for rest over the too-short weekend.
That, and I’m just not willing to think about what, in sparkii, was auto-corrected into “successful wife seduction” . . .
(“sympl Wales succotash” perhaps?)
Oh, Purvis! I thought you were so rugged!
(you forgot to add [rousing RCMP chorus] <G>)
In the post-apocalyptic future, people were reduced to ever more extreme forms of bartering.
There’s a ‘woody’ joke in there somewhere, but I’m too tired to figure it out.
I will trade you a witty comment for some coffee slices.
I got this one!
*clears throat*
He’s offering wood to someone that will give his wife wood.
Bazinga!
What’s my prize?
Wait! Not not nit pick, but give his wife a wood, or give his wife her own wood, which would make her a he-below.
(Your prize is Magic Monkey Boxer Shorts that I picked up in New Hampshire last weekend)
Squeee!
*grabs monkey shorts and puts them on head*
Ain’t y’all jealous?!
I “adored” that just for the “squeee”
See, Alice, ‘e’s trying to trade far-wood fer vie-aga, agin!
Woody: YOU…ARE…A…TOY!!! You aren’t the real Barbie!You’re a… You’re a doll! You are a child’s plaything!
Barbie: You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity. So, are you up for some pity sex?
There you go C…J.
How much wood makes a Sparky good when he seduces a wife like he should?
:rummages through garage:
I’ve got half a bag of charcoal briquettes – can I just get a few compliments or maybe a little light cuddling?
Hum a little “Come on Baby, Light My Fire” and the deal is sealed.
(Arg…Penguin! You had that idea.)
Hey, no one said anything about a humj… Oh, look; it’s the corner.
It’s good that we have such a convivial corner, remember what happened to the line?
The poor thing never had a chance.
I got a telegram from the line the other day.
It read:
Stop. stop.
Not sure how to interpret that, not being fluent in line-ease and all.
Oh my, C” “J! Now the corner has a corner! We are going to have to add a 4th dimention to the room. (If your comment means what I think it does, if not…um..he he, Happy Friday)
Well, if a person follows string theory, what seems to be lines can also be spatial plane intersections. A corner is merely one sort of spatial intersection. After one accepts–mouse-like–six or seven spatial dimensions, as line can be a corner. And a corner can be a line.
Which is why cats watch walls–it’s to see the lines in the corners with the mice. solving for f(x) where x = 42.
(Considers, then rejects japery involving membranes, naughty humans, corners, and concurrent activities requiring a corner)
You got a telegram with punctuation from a line?
It’s not loud enough, we need to hum with our mouths open…
…okay everyone let’s open up our hummers.
–Tommy Smothers
Sparky will light her fire.
I’m thinking the firewood is “Trade firewood” that is used for seducing wives.
“Hey, [wife from ish], I’ve got some two year split and dried ash that’s just dying to go in your furnace, if you know what I mean.”
I wouldn’t mind gettin’ a piece of ash…
Been so long, I’ve forgotten what you do about the splinters . . .
Why don’t you just log on to the internet for your jollies?
Me Og. Og carve words in Craig List Rock. Og trade fire wood for sex with friend of Og wife. Og want sex but Og no have wife. So Og trade fire wood, get sex. Og smart. Og also show you make fire if you not know how. Find Og in cave up hill from Craig List Rock.
Hey Og, this Oooga. Me have interest in you ad. Me no have wife. Want pig? If want, text me on cell rock. Number is (whap-whap-whap)-squeal-beat-beat-beat.
I’d give your wife wood, but she can’t drive a stick.
She just fiddles with the knob for a while.
The chieftan threw a party way down in the dell.
The Barter Band was playing and were doing well.
The band was banging on their rocks and on their wood.
They were looking for a trade, and it was understood.
This rock,
Everybody, this rock.
Everybody who’s willing to hawk.
Just put it on the Craig List Rock.
Og, he was wanting time with Oooga’s wife.
The fairest cavegirl ever seen in all his life.
Firewood’s a great deal, that I know for sure.
I also have some special wood just for her.
This rock.
Everybody this rock.
Everybody who’s willing to hawk.
Just put it on the Craig List Rock.
Oooga said to Og, “Yuh huh, that sound Good.”
“You give me cave full of firewood.”
“Oooga spend a couple nights all alone.”
“When finish with wife call me on cell stone.”
This rock.
Everybody, this rock.
Everybody who’s willing to hawk.
Just put it on the Craig List Rock.
(this song is dedicated to TC and funky, who inspired me)
Take my wife… please! and some firewood too.
Apparently the fire has gone out of this relationship.
And Sparky has turned to CraigsList to rekindle the romance.
And this one didn’t even try to involve Jack White…
But Barry White would help.
My wife will only be seduced by wood. She has no interested in anyone or anything else. She recently got banned from Home Depot.
I do get a tingley feeling myself when in the grout aisle.
Does your Home Depot have those fifty shades of grout I keep hearing about?
i hear tell there must be fifty ways to grout your lover
It’s that Arthur Tree and his ^*&#$# talk show!
Now, Sparky was a woodcutter in the hills of Tennesee.
He made enough so he and his wife could live quite comfortably.
His shack was nice and cozy with a little brown shack out back.
He had a little lean-to where all of his wood was stacked.
His wife was quite good looking, she had wavy hair of gold.
Her ruby lips and curvy hips got him hot when it was cold.
They made hot love upon the rug that lie upon the floor.
He’d contemplate, “Hey, this is great. Who could ask for more?”
She only had one tiny flaw which overrun his cup.
She nagged him so incessantly, she never would shut up.
“IneedanewdressandsomeshoestomatchandyounevertakemeanywherelikeouttoeatortoamovieorletmegoshoppingandIwouldlikemyveryownpuppyorakittybecauseyourhounddogbarksallofthetimeoohIbrokeanailandthatremindsmeIwantmymothertocomevisitnextmonthYouknowshe’sbeendyingtoseewhereweliveandweneedanewrugforthefloorlikeonewithapictureonitlikeastripeylionandhowaboutsomemorepicturesonthewallyouknowsomethingclassylikenaploneneandwecangetridofthosefingerpaintingsandthatgaudyrackmadeofdeerhoovesandwhenareyougoingtoshaveoffthatbeard?”
Andyouneedtowashyourtrouserscuztheysmellalittlewierd.
Sparky felt that all her talk was really hard to take.
There was a proposition he decided he must make.
He wrote this ad to make a deal, he had the extra wood.
Would you please seduce my wife, I’ll thank you if you could.
Now there’s a little moral here, I don’t know what it is.
But someone took away his wife and the wood is no longer his.
Oh look, broken style sheet, and it wasn’t me who did it!!!
I have nothing to add except….you’ve still got it. You’ve all still got it.
*SQUEE* MEREDITH!!!! *SQUEE*
Ditto! I thought you had retired from Snark!
First Isaac and now Meredith – they are just popping out of the woodwork today.
What have they been doing to whittle away their hours?
Oh look, broken style sheet, and it wasn’t me who did it!!!!!
Wife: Trying to get rid of me again, huh? Well, play with your wood all you want, I’m about to grab a 9 iron!
Dan, did drmk (BBUH) know about this day’s post?
Dan – gazillion doors for The Boss.
Sparky – GET AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER UNTIL YOU HAVE A BRAIN CELL.
http://boise.craigslist.org/bks/3101202724.html
Maybe Sparky should look on craigslist.
Hmm, nothing there either.
O_o
Ordinarily I would have moved on to Xbox games by this time in the day but my Xbox is having dire heat issues. So now I have time to ask a dumb question: How does one get different pictures when one posts a comment?
Gravatar.com
Make it saucy!
(I’m a PS3 person, myself, but my son and step-son play XBox)
Or you can change random letters in your email address until you find a quilt square you like, but I’d go Gravatar for a really cute picture. You’ll probably have to clear your cache, sign off, and then sign back on to get the avatar to show up the first time.
(I’m a Wii girl, myself.)
I’ll try the Gravatar thing, thanks!
If I were more coordinated I would totally be a Wii girl, too. But alas, my mother was told to take me home the first week of ballet class because “your daughter isn’t graceful”.
I suggested this very thing once, then wifey beat me silly with a stick of stove-wood
Some son of a beech is not poplar with swingers, so is seeking bigger wood on craigslist. I’ll go out on a limb and suggest that instead of resting on his laurels, Sparky has tried every “male enhancement” gimmick available and is branching out to other seduction scams since he can’t cedar forest for the trees. His last potential mate didn’t like being stalked, and got a restraining order to make him leaf her alone. Sparky is now looking for a new partner for kinky sex, but his bark is worse than his bite, so he is pining for a hunk of burning love.
Well my picture changed but my username thing didn’t. Does that part not carry over page to page?
About all I can think of is maybe he needs proof that she is cheating on him for the divorce papers. I’m too tired and fuzzy from paint fumes to think of something funny tonight.
Somebody stop me before I go too fir. Bring me a shrubbery!
C – – – J! Sorry to keep you in the box so late. Had a rough morning, and I know you will forgive me. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good uh, afternoon, Tennessee!