YSaC, Vol 1410: Think of it as Craigslist Dialysis

2012 December 21


Many cords of nice popular firewood. Just bring chainsaw,help, and truck. Tree has recently been cut down. First come, first served.

Whenever I see someone with less firewood than I,
And lets face it, who doesn’t have less firewood than I?
My tender heart tends to start to bleed,
And when someone needs to light a stove or –
I simply have to take over!
I know exactly what they need!

And even with your truck,
And your truck is largely out of luck,
Don’t worry, I’m determined to have you (for free)
Clear my tree!
And yes indeed, it will be…

POP(U)LAR! The wood will be POP(U)LAR!
I’ll teach…*AWRK!!*
(At this point in the song, Sparky broke his ankle.)

Thanks for the ad, EYM!

23 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 December 21

    I even started the fireplace to make everything romantic, and he still didn’t ask me out again. If only the wood were poplar enough to burn correctly.

    Adores: 3
  2. 2012 December 21
    Brer Fox permalink

    Most of the firewoods I knew back then always pined for the populars. Of course, I always hung out with the furs. That way I never had to get all spruced up. Of course, I was popular in my own right. You know, red fir, redwood.

    Adores: 10
  3. 2012 December 21
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    My firewood brings all the boys to the yard
    And they’re like, “It’s better than birch”
    Damn right, it’s better than birch
    Come cut it and haul it away, no charge

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 December 21
      Ralph permalink

      Popular is one of the softest “hardwoods.” Any son of a birch has more BTU’s per unit than popular, including related species like Quacking Aspen.

      Adores: 3
  4. 2012 December 21

    Move over all you popular mechanics, there’s a new piece of firewood in town.

    Adores: 4
  5. 2012 December 21
    HamCan permalink

    “Popular wood”…that’s what she said.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 December 21
      LimeLolly permalink

      ‘But…it’s all wet’… she said. “How can you start a fire with wet wood?”

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 December 21
        HamCan permalink

        If it’s wet you know it’s popular.

        Adores: 7
        • 2012 December 21

          Good thing I thought to make a double-batch of coffee slices this morning.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 December 21
          CapnMac permalink

          Weight, which comes first, the wood is wet because it’s poplar; or is it Liriodendron tulipifera because it’s wet?


          Hey, check out the pattern of grain in this Corner . . .

          Adores: 5
  6. 2012 December 21

    Free, eh? No wonder it’s so popular.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 December 21

      Still have to work for it, though. And bring a friend to help.

      Adores: 6
  7. 2012 December 21
    HamCan permalink


    Adores: 2
  8. 2012 December 21
    Tankerbell permalink

    It’s not good if firewood is too popular, because sometimes when it pops, it spits sparks all around. Since sparky feels the need to point out how popular this wood is, I’m assuming it would be like putting a whole box of firecrackers into your grate. Festive, perhaps, but not entirely wise.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 December 21

      So you’re saying Sparky has sparkly wood?

      Adores: 7
    • 2012 December 21
      CapnMac permalink

      The [corey] for tulip poplar is that, as firewood, it’s just this side of using similar sized balsa wood for home heating. Burns brightly, quickly, and does not much “coal” up at all. It’s decent fire-starter, but not much else.

      It will machine into turnings, boxes, shelves and the like far better than it will burn as firewood.

      Memory does offer up that you can use the bark and the chips to make those fake, compressed-wood “firelogs”; but this requires a factory, infrastructure, and more than the one chopped-down tree to achieve with any economy.

      Adores: 0
  9. 2012 December 21
    DigitalAxis permalink

    “I can cut down my neighbor’s unsightly tree,” though Sparky, “but how do I dispose of the evidence before she comes back from work?”

    Adores: 5
  10. 2012 December 21

    Question: If a popular tree falls in the woods and no one is around, does it make a sound?

    Answer: A popular tree is always hanging out with someone. So it would never fall in the woods when no one is one around.

    Adores: 9
  11. 2012 December 21

    Oh no. This has to be a hoax. I mean, at my school, cords were NEVER popular. Acid-washed denim all the way.

    And “nice” popular? Clearly Sparkums has never attended an all-girls’ school.

    I’ll be shuddering in the corner now.

    Adores: 3
  12. 2012 December 21
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    I’m now picturing the Ostrimu in a blonde wig with sparkly shoes belting this out on stage. It’s pretty.

    Pretty AWESOME.

    Adores: 6
  13. 2012 December 22
    SilvaNoir permalink

    Happy the-world-didn’t-end everybody!

    Adores: 1
  14. 2012 December 22

    ghostie, Yancy, SilvaNoir, you don’t know you’re in the box yet, so this is a stealth Punchity Punch Punch! 8) That was FUN!

    Good Morning, Ents!

    Adores: 0

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