YSaC, Vol. 1411: Fill it to the rim …

2012 December 24

It’s Christmas Eve … that means it’s time for our annual You Suck at Craigslist gift idea for procrastinators. Don’t have something for that special person? Don’t worry — we’ve got just the thing!

I Will Produce Human Kopi Luwak For You For Cheap (My shed)

I’m a home roaster and I’m noticing in the newpapers that animal poop coffee is really popular and expensive. I’ve been growing yellow bourbon arabica in my greenhouse for a couple of years and it’s finally starting to produce quality cherry. I will personally ingest this cherry and mimic the “kopi luwak” process. I will roast this coffee so that it’s ready to brew, in time for the holidays. I will be able to harvest only a couple of pounds of this special kind of coffee so act now before it’s too late.

I’m 47, healthy, and will guarantee you’ll like my kopi luwak style coffees. Fecal specimens available for inspection upon request.


$30 a pound.

You can thank me later … but not with a cup of coffee.

Thanks, William!

16 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 December 24
    arallyn permalink

    Fun game to play: Ask a specialty coffee enthusiast (a real one) about Kopi Luwak. You get the same response that you got from “real” wine aficionados after Sideways came out. Except, you know, with more force-fed animals and shit…literally.

    I’m in favor of this man, if only because Kopi Luwak is nasty and mostly fake to begin with. I hope he gives people tapeworms.

    [/bitter coffee corey]
    [/civet lover]

    “Kopi Luwak” = Weasel coffee
    human poo-beans = “weasel” coffee

    Adores: 12
    • 2012 December 24
      DigitalAxis permalink

      But dudes, this could be the new eXXXXTREEEEME food for radical new coolness! We’ll sell it with a picture of a skateboarding crocodile wearing sunglasses, because… because it sells!

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 December 24
        Windrose permalink

        Digi, you left out an M, I think.

        Adores: 2
      • 2012 December 24
        Kaziganthi permalink

        Ew. Just, ew.

        Adores: 1
  2. 2012 December 24

    If you ask me, this all sounds like a total crock of…

    Adores: 11
  3. 2012 December 24

    I don’t drink coffee, and I wouldn’t pay anything to drink coffee that has passed through the intestinal track of any animal, but I can’t help wondering if this guy would take money to eat a quart of bhut jolokia with his coffee to impart some heat to the beans.

    Adores: 6
  4. 2012 December 24

    I can’t afford to pay you money for this, but I am interested in your coffee, sir. I am willing to trade for it. I will eat a breakfast of my choice (I am an expert in choosing delicious breakfast foods) and give you the post-digestion product.

    Adores: 8
  5. 2012 December 24
    HamCan permalink

    I better get out my #2 filters…

    Adores: 14
  6. 2012 December 24

    Hey, why isn’t anyone trying the special holiday coffee slices I brought? I made them myself!

    Maybe “Baby Ruth” was a bad flavor choice for today.

    Adores: 12
  7. 2012 December 24
    limelolly permalink


    I no longer need that Coffee-of-the-Month club subscription.

    *tosses out rest of coffee in coffee pot*

    Adores: 7
  8. 2012 December 24
    One Moving Violation permalink

    People are insane and totally weird. Consuming something that came out of an animals posterior. Ewww!
    Oh, my breakfast of eggs and toast with honey is ready.

    (Yes, I know honey is made by regurgitation and I should have spelled it “hunny”. You know, because, Winnie the Pooh.)

    Don’t mind me, I’m just [verb].

    Adores: 12
  9. 2012 December 24
    Windrose permalink

    So, my home internet access sucks, only works when the temp is above 50 degrees F. I could not get in to the Control Center ™ for YSaC to update the box. And I can’t do it from home. 8( So Dave, you would have been in the box all day today if I could have found the keys. Sorry. I’ll update as soon as I can. 8)

    Adores: 1
  10. 2012 December 25

    Merry Christmas, Dave and chipmunks dressed as ferrets! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, You-ban!

    Adores: 0

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