YSaC, Vol. 1488: I wanna mend some leather

2013 April 10

Home made Biochar


LeeAnn I don’t have your email address and I still can’t find you on facebook. How the heck am I going to show you all the stuff biochar can do!

Hello friends, Billy Mays here for Biochar! Biochar is the miracle new substance that does it all. It can produce perfect julienne fries, each and every time. Biochar is the natural remedy for arthritis, diabetes, halitosis, heartburn, badgers, sore joints, nausea and also badgers. Biochar can resurface your driveway, resharpen your lawn mower blades, rewrite your term papers and reupholster your cat. You know you need Biochar. Biochar is better than any of the competing products. Look at this competing product! Absolutely no sparkle. Biochar is FULL of sparkle. Also riboflavin. You NEED riboflavin! Biochar can even help locate people on Facebook so that you can tell them all about Biochar!

Thanks for the Biochar, Kim!

28 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 April 10

    It isn’t enough for the biochar to be homemade; it should also be artisanal locavore biochar.

    Adores: 9
    • 2013 April 10

      I like to prepare my Biochar pickled in the salty brine of hipster tears. Mmmm. That’s good ennui.

      Adores: 13
      • 2013 April 10

        I’m old-fashioned; I like my Biochar sliced thin, double-battered, and fried with rice and gravy.

        Adores: 6
        • 2013 April 10
          Bombdude permalink

          That’s not old fashioned, just Southern…

          Adores: 4
        • 2013 April 10
          mudslicker permalink

          Bless its little pickled heart…

          Adores: 3
  2. 2013 April 10

    Well, heck, Sparky, how the dang ding can we help? Shoot, you just give us no blasted information at all! Dadburn it!

    Adores: 2
  3. 2013 April 10

    Have you ever tried that organic Biochar? Blech. No flavor at all by itself. Of course, if you serve it over lacawates valtrus-suka it really brings out the flavor of the dish. Don’t ask me how.

    I think it’s witchcraft.

    Adores: 11
  4. 2013 April 10

    LeeAnn should try Biochar Infinite, which just came out last week. Apparently it’s awesome.

    Adores: 4
  5. 2013 April 10
    Ralph permalink

    Biochar is an outrage! Carbon-based lifeforms of the world unite — you have nothing to lose but your polymeric chains!

    Adores: 9
  6. 2013 April 10

    Weird deja-vu moment – I found this exact ad this morning in my local CL free section and sent it to the Holy Overseers (BBUT) before coming to check YSaC. When I saw the ad I thought “Wow, that was fast. Wait, I’m not Kim! Or am I?”

    The world, she has gone wonky.

    Adores: 11
    • 2013 April 10
      Windrose permalink

      ghostie, see what name is embroidered on the tags inside your shirts.

      Adores: 5
      • 2013 April 10

        :peeks:

        My name is Hanes. Also I apparently should only be washed in cold water with like colors, which sounds a bit racist to me. I fully endorse the “no ironing” policy, though.

        Adores: 13
  7. 2013 April 10
    Aphid permalink

    The name biochar makes me think of something like charcoal briquettes made from human tissue. Sort of like Soylent Green, except for cooking with instead of eating.

    Adores: 9
    • 2013 April 10

      Maybe the Biochar is what you have to use to process the Soylent Green?

      I just grossed myself out.

      Way to go me.

      Adores: 9
    • 2013 April 10
      CapnMac permalink

      This, indeed, was my first question (after pondering the possible pronunciations).

      [long, pedantic diatribe combining charcoal production, Genus Salvelinus, and o-chem–deleted after 30-second wiki search]

      So, this is a “Missed Connection” over a product made from negligent composting?

      No wonder LeeAnn took out that TRO . . .

      Adores: 1
      • 2013 April 11
        PhantomBanker permalink

        New York State calls those things “Orders of Protection.”

        OOPs.

        Adores: 0
  8. 2013 April 10

    Biochar is probably the coolest word I’ve ever seen for “ash.”

    I’m totally using it at the next camping trip!

    “Hey kids! Who wants to help process this wood into biochar?”

    Kids: “Yay!”

    Adores: 11
    • 2013 April 10
      Windrose permalink

      Translation:

      Tron — “Wha?”
      Vash –“Blapa! Plalablapa!”

      Adores: 5
    • 2013 April 10
      CapnMac permalink

      Of course, if we are pedantic, that happy campfire is made up of leaves, vegetable litter, vegetable waste (compost in other words), set afire than buried under sand and loam.

      You probably do not want to cook food products in the outgasses from that.

      “Sorry kids, it’s all into the the hermetically-sealed hazmat bubble tents, no s’mores.”
      Vash: “Blrbl,blrbl,gr’gr’gr’ggggg” [spits up at both ends]

      Adores: 3
  9. 2013 April 10
    mudslicker permalink

    Biochar partners up swell with Vegemite and Nutella on finger sandwiches. Be sure and pick up a couple of tubes for your next party!!

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 April 10
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      I’m feeling an upswell just thinking about it.

      Adores: 2
  10. 2013 April 10
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    I tried Biochar for just one week, and now my dishes glow in the dark, I’ve dropped 3 dress sizes, I get 150 miles per gallon and can remember things that happened before I was born. Thanks, Biochar!

    Adores: 9
    • 2013 April 10

      Now I want dishes that glow in the dark.

      Adores: 1
      • 2013 April 10
        Dan permalink

        True story – a certain color of Fiestaware plates from the 60s (bright orange) was dyed with uranium in the glaze, and will set off a Geiger counter. They’re perfectly safe to eat off of, but it’s still sort of disturbing.

        Adores: 3
      • 2013 April 10
        Ralph permalink

        Vaseline glass (or uranium glass) was also made with uranium, and does glow in the dark, but only under UV light.

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 April 10

          Mom has a few pieces in her Depression glass collection, it’s pricey stuff.

          Adores: 2
  11. 2013 April 10
    One Moving Violation permalink

    I don’t care how many of you think its cool, I don’t want my biothingies charred. No grill marks for me!

    Adores: 2
  12. 2013 April 11

    Dave, thank you for letting the ferrets clean the blood stains off the Punching Machine. And off of me. They can stop now. Please? Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, BioFriends!

    Adores: 0

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