YSaC, Vol. 649: Them SPARCstations is hell on the g-strings.
I will do fence repairs for used or broken computers
repairs will be done in the nude .I’m 45 white and 5’9” 200 lb please only email if you are a women and you live in [location]
Opines Erran, who sent this in:
“I must say, I had to read it more than twice. There are just so many things that could go wrong. Where to begin?
1. We’re still only getting high temps in the upper 40’s in [location]. (no one is really impressed by a cold naked man)
2. What if the fence to be repaired is in a regular residential area? Me thinks the neighbors and local police will not like this at all.
3. How do I explain to my husband why there is a naked man, shaped somewhat like a fireplug, in our back pasture?
4. We won’t even think about how the headline would read if one of our shotgun toting neighbors finds him.
This is why we don’t see more male strip clubs. Apparently, all you have to do is offer up a broken computer. Not only will you get a naked man, but you can get your fence fixed too.
I really do need my fence fixed too. I wonder if he’ll keep his clothes on if I throw in an extra computer.”
And now I have this mental picture of a Chippendale’s show with hordes of screaming women out for bachelorette parties – waving computer parts at the dancers. The problem is, there’s no way it would work with a posing pouch – you couldn’t even fit a MacBook Air into one of those. They’d have to be wearing cargo pants, which seems like it would defeat the point of the show.
Do they make cargo chaps?
Thanks for the link!
So much wrongness.
There are places I would think men would want to avoid getting splinters.
Or the rough spots on galvanized chain-link fencing; or barbed or razor wire. That latter having a habit od “wanting” to “remember” being coiled up.
Further, fence repairs require tools, so a tool belt is probable. Said belts are made of leather or canvas or nylon canvas, and even were they of softer stuff, would be filled with pliers, hammers, and the like–none of which one wants battering about one’s loins.
Is that a fence post or are you just glad to see me?
Hey darlin’, how’s about you and me do a little fence stretching?
Why just fence repair? I have a concrete porch floor that needs painting.
Do you have a friend?
And does he have to be naked?
Can’t he at least wear socks? Even one sock would be fine.
How about an eye patch?
I only require those little antenna that kids wear. We called them, “Deely-boppers” but that takes on a more perverse aspect when used in this scenerio.
Meredith, I will never, ever look deely boppers the same way again. What I am imagining on the ends of them … I’m too late for brain bleach, my brain just burned a hole in itself.
oh god!
now I’m stuck with a mental image of an almost naked man, wearing one sock, an eye patch and deely-boppers, bent over painting the floor.
I think I need to talk to Ten about some of that Retcon, because there’s not enough mind bleach in the whole world……….
Wanna borrow my hammer? I suggest concentrating on the occipital lobe.
Occipital goon for shutting down vision and all; frontal lobe better for curbing sentient thought faster.
On second thought, never mind! I’ll do it myself!
What are you wearing?
Well, sarajean, it depends on if you have a broken computer for me … !
Ah, it must be Tawdry Tuesday. Let the sex jokes and innuendo begin. I can’t wait to get home and read them.
I find this post particularly ironic since I do most of my snarking in the nude.
I’ve never fixed a fence that way, but I’d be willing to try a lot of things once.
…
Bleach isn’t going to cut it this time, I’m gonna need someone to hit me in the head with this hammer to get that out of my head.
I was fortunate enough to merely imagine a Taco at a computer without a tortilla shell, as opposed to… what your mind cooked up.
Tools that must be swung with force + nudity = Sego Figicless (have no idea what I mean)
Some things are best left to the professionals, you know.
So…it IS Tuesday, then? I don’t want to be too sure this time.
Just make sure you order enough tacos for all of us! No tool belt necessary on mine.
I’d like mine with less minge.
Preferably no minge at all.
Could I have the tacs, tacos, tacos, minge, tacos and tacos; only with tacos for the minge?
*barf*
My innocence has been ruined and I can no longer read your post with a wink and a grin. Capn, I must insist you rewrite it in invisible ink!
*I’m not broken, but I may never get up again!*
Your innocence was just now ruined? How long have you been coming here? 8)
Lola,
I have a bridge for sale… or how about oceanfront property in Arizona? 🙂
Jes’ practicing my drama skills, you know. If I’m serious… it’s seriously serious. Seriously.
Otherwise, break out the salt-shaker, cause you’ll need lots of grains. Seriously. 8)
LimeLolly,
I prefer my grains around the rim of a margarita glass. Can that be arranged? 8)
In all seriousness, my question was totally facetious. Mainly as I couldn’t figure out how it would have been intact so far, but then destroyed by a reference to yesterday’s minge! I hoped you were kidding. Much as I sometimes wish for innocence, most people function better in this world without it.
Make that ‘rita a double, now that I think about it.
You know and I know… but did anyone else know?
Oh hell… who cares… margaritas- with lots of limes, coming up!
Maybe that naked handyman will drop his tools and we can get a good laugh at the assets he has.
Speaking of minge (not that we wanted to revisit that) did anyone see the tattoo Amanda Seyfried has?
http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/apr2010/7/8/amanda-seyfried-pic-getty-images-11486954.jpg
yep, it’s there, right on her footsie.
I had tacos from the drive-thru joint.
They were good.
Fiend.
They were delicious too, weren’t they?
Y’all started this, what wit’ all’em tasty cerebations on it bein’ Taco’s Tuesday, and come over all clumsy hungry like today . . .
Hmmm…my computer didn’t come with Fence 2.0, it did come with Windows XP, though…do you do windows?
I own an old Gateway, those usually come standard with Fence. It’s pretty old, so I’d bet it only has Fence 1.3 on it.
Oh, wait…he’s in Location…dammit, I live in Ish…
The standard equipped fence is to keep in the cows. Only on Gateways though.
Psst, Mudsy! How was your Birthday? Sorry we missed it.
It was splendiforous; thanks for asking & remembering!
I still have an old Dell, so it only came with Farmer in it.
Small world, I did some work for a farmer next door to Mike Dell’s place.
Did you do it in the nude?
Ah, you clearly have never seen the mesquite scrub around Williamson Co, Texas (penguin can verify this), it is not a place to wander with exposed skin. Or barefoot. Or without watching for fire ant mounds, red-faced wasps in the ‘Squite, lounging rattlers, cranky scorpions and the like. Oh, and cattle droppings.
That, and the sawdust from pressure-treated ACQ lumber is a skin irritant.
This guy gives off a certain unctuous aura. If you don’t see it, let me reorder and edit his post to show what he really means:
I’m 45 white and 5′9” 200 lb. If you are a women and you live in [location] I can show up nude on demand and would appreciate it if you matched my dress code. I can also repair your fence while I’m there, but will need some computer parts to comp my time. There is no fee for my other services. I hope you like back hair, because I sure do!
There we go, decoded for you all.
I’m 5′ 4″, black with green stripes (doctor says that’s a fungus and not contagious at all), 450 lbs and pretty sure I’m already nude. At least, I don’t remember where I put the clothes that fit me. If you can find my spare computer, I’ll let you climb/fix my fence.
Everyone I know who keeps computer parts lying around is male.
“Hey Joe, let me tell you about this great gig I have going. I go to women’s homes, strip down, and “repair the fence” while totally naked! ”
“What?”
“Yeah, It’s great! And more than half the time, the lady of the house and I do some ‘yardwork’, too, if you know what I’m saying!”
“Do you get paid for this?”
“I barter. Right now I’m taking old or used computer parts. It’s amazing how many people have this stuff lying around. Why do you look so pissed???”
“When I came home yesterday, my wife told me she ‘cleaned out the closet’. All my computer parts were gone!!!”
::ba-dum-bum::
Gee thanks SF, now my mental picture is even more icky…
I’m a helper!
Seco = dry
FGIC = Financial Guaranty Insurance Corporation
Humorless Thrift Ombudsman? Sounds like that guy on the other side of Mike Dell’s place. He was not a helper, though. More of a sere impeder.
I have an old broken computer in a closet that I’ve been saving for this exact occasion. Now if only I had a fence….
I’m pretty sure you don’t need a fence. This guy strikes me as being nude on demand.
But you know, not in the fun way that pay-per-view is.
NOD…
Geco Fisic made a funny.
Great, now all I can think of is Splinter from the TMNT movie saying “Ahahaha, I made another funny!”
Something tells me you don’t have to demand, or even ask nicely. Something tells me that he probably strips off in anticipation of being asked to do so by anyone remotely female.
“Oops, sorry m’am, it looks like my pants just happened to come loose from my ass while I was installing your new banister. Do you mind if I just stay like this?”
Remotely female? Is that anything like remotely pregnant? Or is this ‘bot terminology?
Meredith: my plumber says that to me all the time.
Band name of the day – Randomly Nude Plumber.
Hit single: Showing Crack.
first single – Just The Tool For The Job.
B Side: I’ll Wrap My Wrench Around My Pipe
With your pipe wrench slippin’ down
Your pipe wrench slippin’
Your pipe wrench slippin’ down
Your pipe wrench slippin’ down…
Too over the top?
“Baby let me plunge your toilet.”
Lemme get the Scrubbing Bubbles as long as you’re down there [the toilet bowels that is]…!
Wouldn’t the appropriate band be “(Naked) Men at Work?”
You really don’t want to go to The Land Down Under…
Lola, are you able to further define what “remotely female” means?
I fear that I may have a different standard.
Sorry, I had to do work and stuff.
Remotely female: Anyone clearly feminine, anyone sorta feminine, anyone less masculine than this guy thinks he is. Old, young – doesn’t matter as long as he thinks* they’re female.
*Note: may be incorrect.
Probably more like Sparky is “Clothed, but only after a lot of shouting and insisting through the closed door first, and still, you close your eyes, despite all the promises”.
This poor, lonely man has watched too many pornos.
“Hey baby, wanna see my hammer?”
“Can I hold the nail while you drive it in?”
(The ones I had for screws are just too filthy.)
“Hey baby, wanna screw? Heh heh heh.”
“Yes, actually. I need a #10-32×1 1/2″ phillips drive. Preferably drywall, but a coarse wood screw would work as well. I could use a whole box if you have one.”
“Um….”
“And when you’re done there, I have several holes that need plugging.”
“Wow, really?”
“Yes. Pick up some drywall putty while you’re out, and a spackle knife. You know, the one in the hallway is probably too big to plug, so why don’t you pick up a new sheet of drywall. I’m sure the whole project won’t take more than an afternoon or two. Make sure you get drywall tape, paint, sandpaper, nails…”
“After that you can snake the drains. Slowly.”
“Really? ‘Cause…”
“Yeah, they’re crammed full of hair and crap. You need to go slow to make sure you get it all. If there’s time we can get down in the gutter and get dirty.”
“That sounds…”
“A squirrel died and it’s body is blocking the downspout. You’re going to have to go in deep and hard and really work it.”
“You know, this sounded better in Penthouse Forum.”
Real professional use Torx or square-drive screws, not those plebean Robertsons
Here’s a proper “screw” (if nothing on this “#24 x 6″” ).
You know. I’ve never figured out why square drive didn’t replace philips as the standard “go to” screw. Probably something to do with robertson trying to upcharge everyone for using them.
Jerk. Trying to make money off his invention.
Yeah, I hate guys who refer to their penis as a hammer.
Now where did that wonderflonium get off to?
Hey Cap, I hate to be insubordinate or anything, but I think a square drive is a Robertson.
Square drive is technically the generic style that was developed after Robertson’s patent wore off.
But in reality, yes they are the same.
I see. I feel smarter already.
So a Robertson is called a square drive.
Except on craigslist, where it is called a hexagon drive.
So… how many of the women here are a women all by themselves? I just realized how small his demographic must be if you need somebody who is a group of women all by themself(ves).
Maybe we’re going to have to venture into the 4D world in order to find one of these polywoman(en). Paging Dr. 10.
This is what CatMath was made for…
*whips out catulator with new string theory attachment*
Location+nude-windows=brain asplode
*notices catulator seems to have slipped into a coma*
Oh dear…this is not good…
Silly! You forgot to install the ball of yarn! The string theory attachment doesn’t work without it!
Whew!! I thought the whole thing was kaput…thank you!
*installs ball of yarn and watches catulator spring into action*
You called?
I see your point, although, I remember one time on 54th century Alsturis 6……
Eek, now have Eric Carmen “All by Myself” as earwoem, and it was awful in the 70’s.
Roll for Garth Brooks’ No Fences.
Arrgh, not enough HP!
Danger! Danger! Will Robinson, Danger!
“Two Of A Kind Workin’ On A Full House”?
oh dear, more nasty mental images, I need coffee.
An Adore for the Clint Black reference.
Jack Ingram “Keep On Keepin’ On” seems to be conquering sappy 70’s laments.
Ah, and having actually perused the DS box, how appropriate that it’s REK’s Barbeque . . . (still ducking ‘Rose’s punch, hah! )
I prefer “Friends In Low Places” myself.
Although that probably brings us right back to some of my earlier mental images. I’m having a very bad day image wise today.
Where’s that bleach gone?
REK is ballading on how the “Road Goes On Forever” just now (love my WMP “rowdy” playlist).
In a related note:
A friend of mine recently asked me what I thought was the worst song ever written. I responded almost immediately with “Friends in Low Places.”
I’m not sure what it is about that song the fills me with such loathing, but I’d rather listen to a chorus of rabbits scream the entire score of the HMS Pinafore than listen to 4 seconds of Friends in Low Places.
I’d best not post a link then huh?
Actually, if I had to pick just one Garth Brooks song, I’d go for “The Dance”, soppy romantic claptrap that it is, I still think it’s lovely.
How about Roy Rogers’ “Don’t fence me in” or possibly the favorite “Wichita Nudeman”?
Gordon Lightfoot Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
‘nough said.
And the win here goes to Steve-O I think.
+elebinty!!?!
Worst (or at least most hated) song — Benny And The Jets by Elton John. When it used to come on the radio on the way to school, I’d exclaim “noooo shut it off!” and, if sitting in the front seat, dive to kill the radio before he could start falsetto-warbling the name over and over like a broken record…
It sure is Shameless of Sparky to go to these lengths to Make You Feel Love. I mean really, The Last Thing I Needed the First Thing This Morning was for this Okie From Muskogee to Make Me Believe that I was going to show him a Goodtime. It’s just a Matter of Time before he strikes Again on some unsuspecting victim. I can stretch my own fence, thank you. After all, This Ain’t My First Rodeo.
I think Goodbye Says it all,
Danny Boy
*Garth Brooks, Garth Brooks, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard, Martina McBride, Alan Jackson, Randy Travis, Brooks and Dunn, Vern Gosdin, Blackhawk, Johnny Cash
Elebenty!!11!!
I must throw in “We Built This City On Rock and Roll” as the worst song of all time. OF ALL TIME!!
Seriously, it f*çking sucks.
utterly awesome Steve-O +elebinty adores
You may not fit the computer parts in the posing pouch, but maybe it’ll take your cache.
Fence needing repair: 5 miles of concertina wire fence
Needed: short, chubby, middle-aged naked repairman
BYOB: [bring your own band-aids]
Payment: amber screens and all the PCBs you can handle.
Is that Printed Circuit Boards, or Polychlorinated Biphenyls? ‘Cause I’m down either way.
Hey, if Sparky is on 64-bit fences, then he may have PCB being cooled in PCB baths.
HazMat call three ways, near as I can tell
Polychlorinated biphenyls = cancer circus
Data are not entirely conclusive there. Strong correlation, true enough. But, we are dealing with the Cl-Fl part of the periodic table and things combine in ways to make satyrs blush.
They crop up in morrain sediments, for one.
Now, I’m not so worried about water transport of trace amounts as much as transformer can’s worth aflame. But, that’s true of all that column in the periodic table, too.
I get things cropping up in moron sediments all the time!
I wonder what computer parts he is looking for? Does he need a bigger hard drive but is stuck with an old floppy?
I venture a guess that he’s looking for more cheap RAM?
I think he must be trying to overcome some sort of bottleneck.
No man is EVER satisfied with the size of his hard drive.
That would explain why there are so many external peripherials available to enhance the hard drive. Some guys just can’t resist fiddling with it.
I get spam about that all the time. I think.
Not so much the size of the drive as much as dis-satisfaction with the case it goes into. I mean, you can’t fit a 3.5 inch drive into a 2.5 inch case, and a 2.5 inch drive just rattles around in a 3.5 inch case unless you use a lot of adapters.
And don’t get me started on having a SCSI drive…. Yuck!
He wanted to trade his zip drive and wound up with a flash thumb-drive instead…
LOL Thanks Sarajean, that was *priceless*!!
The irony is that the only person willing to hire him is blind and of the same gender.
Do you really need that spare drive Spanky.. I mean Sparky?
I’m picturing average looking men stripping, holding out large sacks (get your mind out of the gutter). Knowing the average male, it would be whatever he found in his house. Santa sack from Christmas that was still hiding in the closet? That’ll work. Backpack from college still lying in the garage? Grab that thing and filler up. Errant Walmart bag on the floor of your car? How “blue collar”, and women love that!
It’ll look like a male revue of “Happy Hobos” with computer parts waving in the air.
Took me three tries to see you said “sacks,” not “socks.” Gives the comment a whole different flavor, it does.
“Shake it baby! Mama’s got an access port with your name on it!”
*Waves ethernet card*
:guffaw:
SJ, extra Adores for you!
Now I gotta figure out how to explain the fluid splattered computer screen here at work.
If the fluid ruined your computer, you can always trade it for some fence repair.
“Gee boss, I don’t know what that naked man is doing out by the fence…”
blame a coughing fit, that always worked for me.
Coughing fits made you do THAT??? Wow, you must be….ooooohhhhh, you meant you SPIT on the computer screen…..ooookay, I knew that.
Is the serial port the “cougar” of the spare computer parts world?
*Sorry Lola, I know how much you hate that expression.
Sorta OT, but I just noticed that Silva’s CatMath creation is up over there, and my Vegas gold CatMath t-shirt is on its way to me.
I’m sooooo excited!! Awesome artwork, Miss Silva!
thanks 🙂
Aww thanks. Glad everyone likes!
And we are counting down to your birthday on Friday! How will you celebrate? Going to draw a crowd? Zing!
Cat Math illustration gets a “paws up” from me!
So the kids* are calling it “fence repair” these days, are they? Interesting…
* And by kids, I mean 45 year old white guys.
“Heh heh, yeah, I’d repair her fence any day. I’d replace her storm windows with double panes while I was at it.”
Makes sense. ‘I will be your Pool Boy’ keeps getting flagged on CL. He should have put this in the ‘Personal Ads’ section to reach his clientele.
Nah, would have been flagged for sure.
And then there’s Spanky of [location].
The two hundred pounder Croatian.
Your fence I’ll repair.
That’s if you shall dare.
‘Cause nudity is my vocation.
I think nudity is his aspiration!
More like his inclination.
Seems more like an avocation.
Maybe an aberration?
Could it be a hallucination?
What is another name for butt sweat?
Anyone?..
Anyone?..
Ass-peration…
I wonder if he mends fences with a $1 tool.
*Wait, wait, I didn’t say tha-*
**AIYEEEEEeeee….**
I certainly don’t want to see his elevation!
What luck! I am a women *raises both hands* and I live in [location]!
Now bring on teh noodz!
I’ve been trying to find out for the longest time why the $6 T-shirt site thought that an unkempt transient was a good idea as a model for selling their shirts.
I can understand that semi-busty women in shirts 3 sizes too small; sure, but a 37 year old with a scraggly beard and hair that haven’t been washed in this lifetime? What the hell people.
“This unwashed Hobo loves our product! So, therefore, you will too. Now with the fresh smell of aged patchouli!”
They’re trying to appeal to the hipster crowd. They figure since hipsters dress like unwashed hobos, what better to attract them than an actual unwashed hobo?
Sadly, you probably could replace “like” with “are” in your sentence and still be true.
If you go to the site they have a photo of the employees and Unwashed Hobo is in the back. He must work there, or at least live in the dumpster out back.
But the snacks in their dumpster are, of course, eco-friendly, fair-trade, vegan … and paid for out of their trust funds (the t-shirt business is a
front for selling weedsop for their parents, who gave them the start-up money for it so they wouldn’t keep going and gettingarrested for drugssick in inconvenient places like Thailand).(I don’t like parentally-funded hipsters. It may show.)
Only a little bit.
You hit a nerve Lola. I appologize for what follows.
[rant]I also dislike the children of hipsters and hippies. Because they lacked stucture as a child, they feel the need to impose their freaky, over-the-top, big-brother version of structure on the rest of us who actually know how to behave responsibly (granted we may be in the minority these days). Yes, hipsters ruin the world in two ways by their presence. 1. Their stupid existence. 2. Their stupid children who needed parenting.
For example: Just because you can’t grasp the difference between fiction (video games / TV) and reality or don’t have the time to teach your kids the difference, it doesn’t mean you should be able to ruin it for those of us who can make the seperation. Breeding licenses would make this whole situation much more tenable.
For the record, I’ve been playing and enjoying extremely violent games (both video and P&P) since I was about 12. I am also a pacificst who abhors violence as a solution to real world problems. The difference of course is that one of those two stances applies to things that are REAL. I don’t play these games in front of my child, nor will I allow him to play them until I think he’s matured enough to handle it (And if that never happens, then he gets to play Mario Golf and Pokémon until he’s 40).
Responsible parenting, pass it on. [/rant]
I’d have nominated you for YSaC Parent of the Day, but the nasty mental image imposed by your post about nude snark has finally reached my brain, and I don’t think I’ll have time to before I go into shock, and then a c———————————————-
Don’t go into a coma! Once you’re unconscious how will you fight off the zomb-
**dies, and is reincarnated with a new avatar**
It’s all better. I just re-read YSaC Vol. III and found myself revived.
Zombies are so Yesterday. tacos al cerebros, nom, nom
They way you people keep bringing up zombies in a cut off sentence way reminds me of the “Freakazoid” episode with CandleJa-
Why, I don’t know what you’re talking about, Taco seems to be talking pretty norma-
Goes back to the legend of Arthur at the Cave of the Killer Rabbit, and the terrible legendary Beast of Arrrrrrrr
The location of the Fountain of Youth is located at 0 degrees South and 91 West in the Galapagos Islands right near the big hill with the face of a…..
Ni!
First, you must…
http://cheezburger.com/View/426300160
Is anyone else getting an entirely confusing ad? It’s for Bonobos pants, with this guy hanging in the middle of the screen with one hand in his pocket and one hand on a… push broom? Cut off shovel? Geh… confused. Taco/Sexy/Seco/Assplode? Do you still have that caffeine IV lying around somewhere?
I think that’s a squeegee, like for window washing. On mine it is, anyway. It looks like he’s dangling outside an office building.
He’s wearing a safety harness over khakis. My mind is such that I look at that and wonder about the fetishes of the head of their ad campaighn.
I’ve got the office building one now… now I’m just curious as to why he’s wearing khakis and a nice shirt to clean windows… weird ad agencies…
I find their use of my name insulting! I am the only real Monkeypants, bonobo or otherwise!
Um, adore. Seriously. Best. Name. Ever.
Bonobos aren’t monkeys.
If Sparky was 8 years younger and in Vegas instead of Location, I’d swear it was my exhusband*. He wants to do everything naked and will do just about anything for computer parts. He also would not care if it was a woman or man that was watching him work.
*I swear I had no ideas about his strange proclivities when I married him. At least I learned to know someone for more than a month before marrying him.
Do you think he’d erect fences for a whole, if not fully functioning, computer? I’m sure I’ve an ancient Zenith somewhere around the back of my garage and it’d be worth saying farewell to that antique to watch the action. I’d even raid our local rubbish tip in the dead of the night to find spare computer parts just for the craic.
* any rude innuendos are entirely the responsibility of the reader *
PS -home at last – hurrah!
Yay!
The nude fence repairman would give you something to watch while you recuperate.
@sarajean80 – great idea – and oddly enough not one of the actions suggested by the hospital.
Hey, as long as they did not specifically tell you not to watch a large naked repairman…
actually, I think I’d like to specifically tell you NOT to watch a large naked repairman
Welcome back, Not.A.Lion Princess!! Hope you’re feeling splendid in short order. 🙂
Ok, at present I eke out something resembling a life doin’ “stuff” to ‘puters. On a good day, that’s updating software on dozens of machines in an insurance company or bank. On slower days, it’s excising pr0n-vectored viruses fro ma SOHO network.
So, I like to think I know what the average bear does about ‘puters.
Had to go check this, though.
This is scary, “fence” progframs are on the cutting edge of 64-bit and O/S 7 screen aps. They taks the clutter of icons off the desktop and align them in stacks of rows at the bottom right of the screen, replacing the taskbar. Some of these are even context-sensitive, so you can have a “work” fence of applications; a “communications” fence, and so on. The term fence comes from the appearance of the folder icons on the collased bars.
Scary that Sparky is so convinced that [location] has that many cutting edge computers which have also confused female naturalists who are not tech-savvy enough to ebay or trade-in (or network) their old/used/broken devices.
Poor Sparky, wait until he finds out that the average naturalist is still happy on Win2000 or XP SP1, and lives in a condo and the Resident’s Association fixes the fences . . .
*gets out Cap’n to English dictionary*
So it’s a naked computer repairman? Ewww.
Well, another use of “nude” in the consulting community is to mean without penumbra, i.e., no invoices, no company paperwork, etc.
Some corporations have minimum levels of spending. These levels can be much higher than the cost to get 4-5 work stations set-up/fixed/synchronized. So, the manager/boss/department head goes to petty cash and hires a consultant “nude” so that there is no griping from Corporate (or so that the Consultant can get moonlighting work).
Sadly, that would require a much brighter Sparky than we have here. Who, I firmly suspect, is, in fact, a nudist handyman with a penchant for property division hardscaping and willing to work for the pr0n in cast-off computers.
Given that he gives a vague physical description of himself, I’m gonna have to go with Option B.
Anyone else try Googling nude repairman yet?
No, and I was too scared to look up ‘minge’ yesterday as well.
It’s slang for lady bits.
It is? I’ve been using it to mean a breaded beef dish since grade school.
That explains a few things now.
See… I do not want to know that… I’ve got enough stuff in my head without knowing things like that… darn it… now I know.
*scrounges for chocolate*
DelVec, now I’m having Portnoy’s Complaint flashbacks. I hope you’re not talking about liver.
*feels ill*
Portnoy’s is now causing me Opus flashbacks,
as I live and Breathed as it were.
To quote Winky from Brewster Rockit Space Guy: “Ahhh, My Spleen!”
I’d at least like to discuss financial terms with them before turning the page on what could turn into a productive independent contractor relationship.
I presume others are like-minded.
You mean who actually hands over the money?
As luck – all of it bad – would have it I have an old SPARCstation. It’s only good as a boat anchor, but I still have it for sentimental reasons. Luckily I’m not a woman, and I doubt I live anywhere near [location].
Things I’ve divulged from this ad:
1. You’re a short 200 lb. man? And, at that, based on a)your unwillingness to specify where that 200 lbs is and b)the current trend in American weights, I’m guessing very little of that is muscle. So not Superman, more like the Penguin.
2. So you’ve a very rare fetish? Clearly, based on how plurals work, you’ve got a think for
SiameseConjoined Twins.3. Most people I know don’t watch as their fence is repaired. So, you wish to put on a
Peep ShowJigglefest for, not your client, but the family next door? You, myfriendweirdo, are both a moron and, quite possibly, willing to scar minors forever in order to get lucky with aSiameseConjoined Twin (female only), but only if they live in [location]. I have three words, sir, to describe you: Sicko. Creeper. SickocreeperOK – I spent 8 hours with 22 second graders, and then I came home to this….
Can’t do it…….
*Hears someone calling — Oh hello, Vodka!*
*passing you the sliced limes from making margaritas*
Gratefully accepted – now where did I put my straw?
Okay, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here, and assume you’re a teacher?
Astro – a new avatar and enhanced perception – I am in awe! :>) Actually, Masters in Elementary Ed. and subbing (or, euphemistically, “Guest Teacher”) for grades K-6. Truly fascinating – some days are wonderful and others make CL postings look normal and intelligent.
Explains my attraction to sammiches and ability to be distrac – look, sparkly dangles.
Of all the days for me to come stumbling in late.
It is never too late for you, HHNF. Although, with the original posting today, it might be better to say, “Better laid than never…”
*subsequent edit – that REALLY came out wrong.*
Never is more like it.
*ahem*
Well for those wandering in late,
The muzak at the grocery store caused me to have a
Petty epiphany.
Y’see Sparkylvitch is living as a refuge and thus his CL post
After all,
In Soviet Russia, computer fences nudist
Whoa, Tom Petty fences?
Dodge, parry, ho!
Dodge ParryHo, isn’t that one of the cars Taco is looking into?
I hope not, since all YSaCers should be in one Accord.
Really? I pictured us as more of Magical Mystery Bus people.
I pictured us as van down by the river people. But that could be just me, Lola, Taco, and HHNF. Sarajean is on the fence.
Not THAT fence up there, though.
(actually, I see Lola as way too classy for us people. I picture a delightfully drunken socialite. Maybe Bette Davis from All About Eve…but younger)
Auntie Mame, thanks. 😀
“Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!”
From the recent f/b photos, she bears a striking resemblance to the actress portraying Princess Mary on the Tudors–but that could joust be her grace et deportment naturale
Only if I can bring my cats.
**Lame-o bot alert!**
Oh, good; it’s gone. My work here today is done.
I suggest Eric had best be Idle
With requisite trappings
No need meddling in our idyl
Or invite cyber-stompings
We are several and also one
Who has MIB on speed-dial
They love door in-kickings
Finally, I now see the bonbon monkey washer.
Egads, brown oxfords with slate chinos?
A person would think an ad art director would be more stylish.
Or, maybe, it’s hearing Mike Rowe narrate Deadliest Catch, which then recalls the Dirty Jobs episode where MR washed windows in Hawaii
“Eric” should go back to the Cave of the Killer Rabbit, insert a Holy Hand-Grenade adjacent to his head, and have a big asplode (without benefit of tacos).
*Wanders off muttering,”Don’t mess with me, I’ve got 20 first-graders waiting for me tomorrow….”*
Tougher than I am, by four or five times.
I cannot imagine facing even four or five first-graders with less than kevlar vest and hat; the cafetorium’s supply of limeade; and at least a fifth of Absolut.
Makes the thought of leading an amphibious assault on a defended beach seem far less dangerous or stressful. (Well, unless it was the ISD’s administrators defending the littoral with paperwork, work rules, and loss prevention guidelines and the like )
Thank you, everyone! That was a delightful read after a killer day. Wait, does killer mean good or bad? I mean a not good day. Oh well. And here’s a Punchity Punch Punch for Cap’nMac! You look lovely in the box, Cap!
Ow, dang it, thought to have my duck-and-weave down pat.
Oh well, my own fault for thinking to out-wile a skilled osler.
Domo arigato barakaze-san
Vielen danke, Winderhöhung
Merci beau coups, augmenter de vent
gratia per diem volvoascenere (yes, flabrorosarium would be better, zephyrrosa more lyrical, and Aleosererosa most flattering)
i needed that. thanks so much ysac. that was inspirational.
i think i will read the rest of the web in my cowboy boots and porkpie hat.
You people are all perverts.
/Sam the Eagle voice
This post deserves the “Humanity is doomed” tag…
Damn, I’m wondering what this guy looks like…lol