2008 November 9

VERY UNIQUE Edgy Original Painting – $999

“Friction” 36×48″ High quality acrylics on deep-edge canvas, suitable for framing but not necessary.

This large-scale, modern work belongs in your home.

Email me for a larger image of the piece.

I’m the artist and I’ll deliver within 75 miles of [location].
xxx xxx-xxxx

Okay, I’m not objecting to the quality of the painting itself. I actually kind of like it. The ladies’ fingers are kind of freaking me out — their hands look like E.T. met a skeleton — but that’s okay. At least the hands match the anorexic bodies. But that’s okay too.

I don’t get the title: Friction. Okay, the woman on the right is holding her purse and she’s upset about something. Maybe she’s upset that her spaghetti strap keeps falling down. Maybe she’s upset that she just dropped her appletini in her lap and now she has to pay for another one. Maybe she’s upset that the parrot that’s just off-picture has more lovely plumage than she does. Maybe she’s upset that her companion has fallen asleep at the bar. But that’s okay too; in fact, it may even enhance the work, since everyone can create their own backstory to the image. That’s actually kind of cool.

I’m actually objecting to the assertion that this work belongs in my home. You, artist, have no idea what belongs in my home. It wouldn’t go with the French Prudential furniture I’ve been so carefully collecting. Or with my lovely vintage loveseat. And it would really clash with my beautiful and expensive lion and giraffe wall hangings.

No, dear artist, unless my house is decorated in late-century depressed-and-angry-barfly, I would disagree that this “belongs” in my home.

You should try this person — they were changing decorating themes. Maybe they’re going for inexplicable bar-based art. They seem like they’re willing to pay too much for things, too, so they won’t even notice your clever pricing that’s hiding the fact that $999 is almost $1000.

7 Responses leave one →
  1. 2008 November 10

    Man. I just remodeled my entire house. Cherry hardwood floors, cherry furniture, travertine tile, my own artwork adorning the walls. However, I am suddenly seeing the artist’s point. I DO need this in my home!!!

    I must have it!

    Where’s the wtf tag?

    Adores: 1
  2. 2008 November 16

    But it’s very unique! You know, like super-special unique! Not only is it one-of-a-kind, it’s very one-of-a-kind!

    How could you possibly pass up the opportunity to get something very unique?

    Adores: 3
  3. 2008 November 16
    drmk permalink

    You know, I actually wrote out a rant about that, but then I found this, this, and this website (among others), which claim that “very unique” is acceptable under certain circumstances.

    It still rubs me wrong, but I decided not to pedant about that one. (And yes, I just used pedant as a verb.)

    Adores: 2
  4. 2009 July 29
    Angela permalink

    ….this looks like Juliette Lewis and Uma Thurman in Hysterical Blindness…

    Adores: 2
  5. 2009 September 11

    See, the chick on the right is mad because the chick on the left just told her she’s been sleeping with Crymad’s boyfriend. And the chick on the left is all, “Oh well, bitch, I’m about to get mah appletini on.” That bit of color off to the right is maybe a parrot, maybe a wall sconce, depending on how drunk you are.

    I wasn’t going to buy this, but then I read that it belongs in my home. So I guess I’d better get on that right away.

    Adores: 1
  6. 2009 October 1
    Moira permalink

    Correct or not, “very unique” sounds like desperation to me.

    Adores: 1
  7. 2010 February 22
    kate permalink

    Ummm…It looks like their wrists aren’t even strong enough to hold the glass, or the purse, or anything for that matter.

    Maybe that’s why she’s pissed? Maybe the one on the left is about to start crying and that’s why she’s looking down?

    She’s the stoic one.

    Adores: 1

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