YSaC, Vol. 974: Na NAAA na na na na na NAAA…
2011 April 25
variety of things
we have a variety of household items. call for more info on the items. please call ###-###-#### if interested in them. thanks
My, the house is certainly full of things, isn’t it? We are very disappointed in you, little prince. There are a wide variety of items, which you have not rolled up. It is not your fault. It is our fault for believing in you. Maybe we will take a vacation on Craigslist someday.
Thanks for the post, Suzanne!
I must call this Earthling now! Earth is full of many interesting things! I wonder, could they have a variety of crabs? I want you to gather 100 crabs for me. Yes, splendid! I am utterly moved by this concept. Go, now! I want crabs!
*Gives her crabs*
Corner?…again?
*Sigh*
You’re kind of young for that, Hammy’s avatar …
That owl and that statement made me sneeze my coffee
*offers tissue* 😀
What a waste of coffee.
:mourns:
All those chunks of coffee must have hurt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fQaj31Wtko
Crabtini will give the crabs to the lovely owl. Crabtini loves giving the crabs to all the lovely birds. It is the hobby of Crabtini to catch and give the crabs to everyone, but especially the beautiful birds.
I will take the variety of things, so long as I don’t have to clean all the things.
What about the Alot of things? He could really use a bath.
All done! Will someone please put the Alot of fire out?
Only if Alotta Fire doesn’t take twenty minutes to decide he wants to come back inside after yowling at the door for ten minutes.
I would kind of like to set fire to this apartment rather than cleaning it up. A masters originates more trash and dirty dishes than I ever expected. Oh, I know! I’ll list this trash on Craigslist! I think I have a still shot from Zelda somewhere.
Hi, Sparky! I’d like you to tell me more about the things.
When was the Volkswagen Thing first produced?
There’s a Thing 1 and a Thing 2, but is there a Thing 3 or a Thing 4?
Does Swamp Thing ever have that “not so fresh” feeling?
What’s this thing on my knee that looks like a jelly bean? (Oops … never mind.)
In a fight between the Thing and the Hulk, who would win?*
*That’s a trick question – the answer is Batman. The answer is always Batman.
JELLYBEAN NOT ON KNEE!
Not anymore.
I was wondering about the Swamp Thing’s “not so fresh feeling.” I am so glad we have you here to ask those hard to ask questions. You are my hero. You must work for Variety Magazine. Now go find out what Kate Middleton’s dress looks like.
I’m gonna say “white and sparkly”.
Sparklington?
8) I just remembered, there’s a bottled water company out here called Sparklets. They hang big shiney discs on their trucks.
VW “Thing” was one of the stupider marketing ideas by VW. Everywhere else in the world it was the “Safari” and one of the most “adjustable” vehicles VW ever built.
Top, doors, and such could come off. Fold windshield flat and you could park it in a 4′ tall space.
So it’s like a reverse Transformer.
Cap’n! I haven’t seen you since my triumphant return (a few days ago)!
That’s what she said.
Katamari Damacy references on YSaC? I can die happy now.
Does this mean that if the Llamanun (BBUH) goes on a bender, she’ll wipe out all the Sparkies from Craigslist?
Possibly–but it probably requires a duet of Monica and Bridgete performing a space aria until all the Mecha finally transfigure back to Battle Form and bankai their zambakto so that Dan can lead them all against the sparkii-Hollows . . .
To have it revealed that Dan is an alias for Bateau, and he’s been working for Section 9 the whole time (yes, that means Llamanun is Maj. Molotoko Kusanagi–which neatly explains both the super-human powers and the hawtness).
We also learn that HHNF actually has green hair and her real name is Eureka (eh ooh REK ah), and pilots the Nirvosh (yes, this means Beau is Renton Thurston) and the lifters are all in support of eradicating the Scrub Coral sparkii . . .
VARIETY ALL THE THINGS!
I’ve figured out what this post is missing. Here, I’ll fix it:
“variety” of “things”
———————————————————————-
we have a “variety” of household “items”. “call” for more “info” on the “items”. please “call” ###-###-#### if “interested” in “them”. “thanks”
Perfect…. also, ew.
*yawn*
I’ve seen this already … that version was the classic “A Bunch More, Too Many to List.” This is just derivative and doesn’t say anything new. /pretentious hipster
I think it was on Donotreply. We’re always scooping their hawt topics.
What’s this about donuts?
Won’t somebody think of the donuts!
I think it’s time Taco pours himself a coffee.
*wheels in catering-size coffeepot on IV stand with two IVs*
Don’t bother, I’ll share.
Do you have extra supplies, Lola? I need the high-octane leaded, please.
Just inject it straight into my brain, pretty please.
*backs up tanker truck*
I don’t have a CDL, so … shhhh, don’t tell anyone. Especially not the Teamsters.
GC/SJ, that sounds kind of painful … I’ll let you do it. But the hoses for the tank are over there.
I had a permanent shunt put in. I just need to plug the tank into my head and I’ll be good to go.
A coffee port. Cool idea.
I tried to get my coffee port working, but I had too many interrupt conflicts on boot.
Don’t take your coffee as a suppository. You will regret it in the emergency room, especially when you are explaining it to the docs and nurses.
I read somewhere about a spa treatment that was basically a colonic with hot black coffee. Sounded … invigorating.
OT
One of my friends moved to Oregon after college and eventually had to change her Washington driver’s license to an Oregon one. Someone at the DMV pressed the wrong button and gave her a CDL permit on her license that allowed her to “drive any vehicle up to [a certain size] including firetrucks.” That’s what it said. According to her license she could legally drive a firetruck. Due to the legality of stealing a firetruck for a joyride, however, we decided it probably wasn’t a good idea to exercise her driver’s license.
/OT
SisterLyle, that is awesome. She could drive a firetruck even if she couldn’t, actually.
I just found it terribly amusing that the DMV thought that it was necessary to include the word ‘firetruck’ on the back of her license.
Maybe there’s one for sale among the “variety of things.”
Which is an interesting thing for DMV to do.
As SteveO will attest, FD are universal in that you cannot drive a FD vehicle without passing an extensive test, and having time-in-grade, too.
Screw legality, I wanna work the siren!
Funny, I would have thought you would have preferred handling the hose…
*I’m already in the corner, neener neener!!*
With all those men, all handling the same hose? I’d rather sit in the cab and play with the knobs.
Hey, someone left a Cadbury egg in this corner!
That’s not chocolate, dear.
Were I your friend, Sis, I would have sent an urgent message to Steve-O and arranged a quickie. Uh, test-drive, I mean.
In other news, CDL also means California Drivers License.
It is so chocolate. It says so right here on the wrapper. “CHALKLET”.
Wait a second …
Hmm. Tastes like Tums, but a little more flavorful.
I follow all of the pretentious hipster mannerisms, but I do so ironically. I did that before it became cool.
I used to make fun of pretentious hipsters, but now that it’s mainstream I’m now making fun of those making fun of pretentious hipsters… and I was doing it before anyone else even thought of it.
I was making fun of those who make fun of those who are ironically making fun of pretentious hipsters before I even thought about making fun of those who make fun of those who are ironically making fun of pretentious hipsters.
(My head hurts now.)
Nooo. Don’t nest the loop GC! You’ll create a hipster singularity!
The hipster singularity was a black hole way before it was so widely accepted to be a single point of enormous mass.
The Hipster Singularity would make a great band name. Or a great disposal facility for hipsters.
The Hipster Singularity is already a band, but you’ve probably never heard of them.
“I heard them play when they just played house parties and stuff. Now that they are playing in bars for money and have gone all commercial and sold out. True art never compromises, man! It just lives on PBR and “loans” from
a trust fund managerloving and supportive family.”I have a variety of things at home. I have a variety of things at work. Why would I want someone else’s variety of things?
Because they’re shiny?
I like shiny things.
SHINE ALL THE THINGS!
“Is your wife interested in “things”? He asked him knowingly. Things things, wink wink, grin grin, nudge nudge, say no more!
to the corner with Hammy….
If I’m already there, do I have to move to a different corner?
PECIL!
Oh all right…
Aww, look at the puppy!
*scratches belly*
Hammy — We recently enlarged the corner due to overcrowding. There is room for both of you.
That’s a predicament-think of all the horrible ‘things’ they could plot together in that corner.
**raises finger, opens mouth as if to speak.**
**closes mouth, heads to corner.**
You have learned well young Coffewan.
You know, I was just thinking the other day I don’t have enough nightmare inducing artwork. I’m too poor to afford the serial killer collection. This just might be what I need. That thing is scarier than the Burger King guy.
I like accumilating things, but I’ve been forced to cut back.
I have a friend that often posts on Craigslist and she gets strange responcses. I told her to join us, but I don’t think she has. Unless she’s lurking. Joy, if you’re lurking, say something.
C’mon, Joy – join us!
You can have the end piece from the coffee loaf!
Awww maaaan!
*Pouts*
Taco, share with the lurker/newbie. I have a pallet of coffee slices over here.
*backs up second truck*
Oh all right.
If we’re expecting company I better get my tools out and start enlarging the corner.
…
I’ll be in the corner.
I love the Burger King. I laugh hysterically at him although I suspect he kills the people who he surprises shortly after the cameras are turned off. He can disconnect his jaw and swallow people whole like a python. I think the people in the whopper for breakfast ad deserve it though because who the hell mistakes the smell of a whopper for the smell of fresh brewed coffee?
(OT) I submitted an ad to the llamanun (bbuh) awhile ago that was in the personals section of C/L. Guy was looking for a girl and submitted a picture with his ad (not x-rated) with a picture of the Burger King’s face over his face. *ugh*(/OT)
That is hot!
We could definitely use more things for the Snark Lounge, don’t you think? To Craigslist!
I vote on taking the red table, it’s free
And it’s technically a thing!
McDewlap’s collection of singing phallus seemed like a good idea at the time. However, given their repertoire consisted mainly of 1980s era lonely love rock ballads, he was quickly coming to the end of his rope.
His attempts to sell them at the swap meat had ended in complete failure when the collection of genitals singing Ave Maria took the booth right next to him. Complete disaster.
But, McDewlap (or Tasty Jowls as he was better known), had a plan. Craigslist was a veritable feeding trough of desperation. Put the right spin on his product and he was sure his musical shafts would be out of his hands in no time. Also, a well timed and liberal application of skin colored duct tape would certainly help the sale.
And so, that was how Jowls found himself tied to a stake with an angry mob of aboriginal Pecils dancing around him crying for his tasty man flesh.
Yes, that transaction could have gone much better. The morning of the sale Tasty had strapped the whole lot of his orating wood into a large cardboard box, muffling each with a double layer of duct tape. It hadn’t really occurred to him that the clients of this single transaction might want to inspect the goods before purchasing them.
But, it was not to be. When TJ threw open the door in response to the insistent knocking of his visitors, the depth of his mistake was immediately apparent. Two three-foot-long male reproductive systems tipped their hats to him as they walked in. After a quick inspection of his now abused merchandise, TJ had had little in the way of valid excuses. And, despite their stature, the two proved to be very strong indeed.
They had muscled him into their car trunk and hours later pulled him out into their bizarre, yet excellently choreographed tribal gathering. It had been several hours since they had strapped him, butt naked, to a rotisserie above an unlit fire pit. Ceremonies were performed to prepare him for the feast, and all the while the great collection of love bullets sang the entirety of Sting’s works from the late 1980s. It was pure torture.
It wasn’t until near midnight that finally the festivities finally reached their height and the chieftain, decked to the nines in feathers, paint, and the odd studded ring, finally came forward to address him.
“TJ McDewlap. You are hereby sentenced to death and consumption by the Great Thundering Winkle Tribe! If I could walk 500 miles, and then would walk 500 more, I doubt I would find a more despicable creature than you. Do you have any last words?”
“Last words?” Dewlap pondered, “Boy, that’s a hard on…”
The swap meat, eh? Is this a Wisconsin thing? Is there a swap cheese, too? How about a swap beer?
Given that there was a very “meaty” theme to this story, I figured the play on words was appropriate. Too subtle?
It made me giggle loud enough to get stares.
I think “Meaty Themes” could be a band name.
…
Or a porno.
That probably is a porno, Taco. I think there are more things in heaven and earth, Taco, that have been made into a porno.
I’m not sure that made any sense
The swap meat is between the swap bread and the swap mustard, over in the Swap Sandwich District.
Sounds delicious, and corner-worthy.
And I thought the Singing Billy Bass was evil.
He is, he’s like the Chucky of Bass
Is the plural of singing phallus “singing phalluses” or “singing phalli”?
EDIT: I thought I’d get stuck awaiting moderation for all those phalluses/phalli, but I guess not. I’ll have to try harder next time.
I was wondering about that as well. However, I did not post that comment as I was otherwise distracted by the combination of phalli and dewlap, because it made my brain itchy (in a weals of urticaria kind of way).
Still does, actually.
*scratches*
I was hoping it was like “deer”: One phallus, two phallus, alot of phallus.
The Alot of phallus …
:pops out brain, dunks in boiling bleach:
We should commission Lyle to do a drawing…
That might be a hard on to pull off.
*Welcomes Ghostcat back to The Corner.*
Wasn’t that this guy ?
Ooh, you have the fancy coffee slices over here!
EDIT: I’m not clicking that link, BD. I learned my lesson already today.
I can’t sleep because I am scared by the Alot of phallus
Damn you curiosity!
*Click*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Bombdude — you should come with a warning. Oh wait, you probably do.
I would like the three tiny cows, please. You can keep all the rest of the things.
Aww, I wanted the tiny cows.
They would be a perfect start for my individual creamer empire.
I wanted the tiny cows too. That’s what I get for sleeping in. It’s a derp kind of a morning.
I guess I’ll have to take the vertical rainbows instead.
I’m willing to share. One cow for ghostcast and one for Lara and one for me.
AWWW, thank you Camille <3 Have a vertical rainbow.
Thank you, tiny bear dog!
You can have my first thimbleful of milk.
Tiny bear dog prefers cheese.
:delivers quarter-inch cube of cheese to tiny bear dog:
I keep reading the phrase “Tiny bear dog prefers cheese” and thinking it sounds like a title for an abstract painting, or an album of experimental music (or by Brian Eno), or a spy communication transmission indicating some kind of Cold War secret.
Cabbage crates over the briney?
I actually thought of it as some sort of weird mnemonic device, like “every good boy does fine.”
The Chair is against the wall.
The Chair is against the wall.
John has a long mustache.
J’repet, Jean has a monotonous languor and many things to sale.
Swordfish.
EOM
[corey]For Lara from the Future
“Cabbage crates over he briney” is legitimate WWII RAF lingo/slang
“Cabbage crate” is rhyming slang for a German medium bomber, the Ju-88. It’s also alteration for how the German bombers were sturdy aircraft (like a crate) and delivered “cabbage” (bombs). Which was likely reinforced by the “greenhouse” noses on both the Ju-88 and He-111, giving them a lattice-like crate-like appearance. That the aircraft flew great distances to only deliver 4 to 6 bombs each, and of diminished size probably also reinforced the “might as well just toss cabbage” imagery as well.
“Briney” refers the Channel and North sea bomber approaches.
Tactically, is was considered to be “best form” to “splash” into the brine sea before the bombers could even reach UK targets. The bombers and their fighter escorts were also fuel-limited, and could not burn any extra fuel on their inbound, fully-laden, leg, which made them better targets.
“Bail out” was more of an American expression, and really did not gain traction until ’42, two years after the Battle of Britain. Instead, the pilots “took to the silk” when they deployed their parachutes. Silk had been used for hosiery, so the expression morphed into “put a run in the stockings” or “ruin’ t’ hose”, later becoming just hosed.
The Luftwaffe was not replacing skilled pilots very quickly (and the best ones wound up in Russia in ’41), so “jerry” became ‘berry” became “Cherry” adding a sense of beginner’s luck, too.
So,
“Fresh plucked; Cherry hosed [me] bouncing cabbage crates on briney.”
or
Just back after Search-and-Rescue collected [me] after bailing out of my plane which was shot up by a German escort fighter while attempting to intercept bombers en route to their targets; the enemy fighter pilot was not skilled as mach as got in a lucky shot.
We humans love our brevity in speech.
[/corey]
So you’ve got stills from a failed remake of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band? I didn’t know that those counted as household items, but whatever floats your boat.
Or your Yellow Submarine.
How about whatever blows your skirt up?
Sounds like BD’s territory.
:Rushes into the snark lounge:
Wait… What? Who needs their skirt blown up?
Touché.
Or frosts your wienies
They make an ointment for that now.
I am reading the post with a pleading “please” at the end… “Please call, for the love of everything that is holy and good, I am overwhelmed!” But the Sparky is lazy and instead just typed “please call.” I sympathize with this method due to sleepy eyes and a slow coffee pot. Looking at the poster, Sparky’s lethargy is probably due to a drug, mine is from lack of. Maybe I should try smoking my coffee… hmmm?? Anyone know how to make a pipe from a potato??
Yes. take a very sharp knife and begin to carve the bowl out of the OH MY GOD WHERE IS MY FINGER?!
Eh, I don’t think smoking it is really going to speed up the absorption of the caffeine. I suggest snorting the grounds.
I knew guys, when I wore a tree suit for a living, who would put grounds (or Sanka) into their bottom lip like snuff…
I prefer to ingest mine in the normal (or intravenous) way…
In high school I would buy whole coffee beans and tuck a couple in my cheek during class. They soften up after a while and you can chew them up.
[Star Trek geek]
I think the Paklevds might be interested in some things.
Riker: “This is Commander William Riker of the USS Enterprise.”
Grebnedlog: “Uh-huh.”
Riker: “We received a mayday message from your ship.”
Grebnedlog: “Uh-huh.”
Riker: “What is the nature of your problem?”
Grebnedlog: “We are far from home.”
Riker: “Aren’t we all. What is the reason for your distress signal?”
Grebnedlog: “We are Pakleds. Our ship is The Mondor. It is broken.”
Riker: “What brings you so far from home?”
Grebnedlog: “We look for things.”
Riker: “What sort of things?”
Grebnedlog: “Things we need.”
Riker: “Can you be more specific?”
Grebnedlog: “Things that make us go.”
Riker: “Try Craigslist. We’ve got shit to do. Ensign, set heading 201 mark 18, warp 9. Engage.”
It’s truely sad on my part that I know what episode that’s based on.
I always thought the flaw with Star Trek was the lack of sex with Riker
Bearded Riker or Beardless Riker?
Yes
Who wants a beard ride?
Ask and ye shall receive…
:click:
Gah! Why did I click on that?!?
*insert evil laugh here*
I’m a little gunshy around Star Trek fanfic after ther Riker/Scotty fic that was ninja’d at me while searching for a Hannah Montana/Tasha Yar fic.*
*There weren’t any so I’m free to write my version where they are a team hard-nosed gumshoes looking for a Bolian hitman planning to assassinate the emperor of Music Country. The forums are going to be so excited when I’m done!
I think I may have just earned a few “Uncle Creepy” points there.
:punch-punch-punch:
You filled up your Uncle Creepy card. Now you get a ten percent discount at Uncle Creepy’s Stalker Emporium!
This week’s specials are replacement thong bells and fur patching kits for squirrel costumes.
If you need me, I’ll be at Bob’s Brain-Bleach Emporium.
Tell him I sent you, all my
victimscustomers get volume discounts.Take my punch card. Ten more gallons and I get a free hat.
I should have more to say on this–I can feel it.
But, I do not.
Perhaps it is because it is World Penguin Day and I cannot resolve the conflict between wanting huge quantities of herring and/or giving them all tiny red hats and sending them to Redmond, Washington . . .
Things, doohickeys, whatchamacallits, flibbertigibbits. There’s your variety pack.
Unless you’re looking for a hoozywhatsis, those are a separate category.
I’m sorry, I prefer a different variety.
With or without attachments?
Yes
Got any blobamajigs?
I personally collect doodads and gafarkles. Sometimes, I can be persuaded to invest in gizmos and gadgets… it just depends on if the advertising has a catchy hook.
I’ve been looking for a good doodad. All I can find in the stores around me are whatknots and thingermabiddles.
Maybe I should check CraigsList.
I can feel it. I feel the Cosmos. And it’s writing stupid Craigslist posts.
I hope you at least bought the Cosmos dinner first.
:quickly changes name to Cosmos:
Where’s the new & improved corner again?
So that’s what your kitten is doing in that picture!
*once again compulsively clicks “like” due to compelling* cuteness of kitten*
**why this particular kitten, I do not know, but it never fails to get me to squee**
Because he’s incredibly snuggly?
BTW, he’s all grown up now, but still adorable: http://pics.livejournal.com/ladycrim/pic/0015d3ck
Awww…
Fluffy kitty belly!
I think these are Needful Things.
I will covet them.
Don’t forget to look for a few of your Favorite Things.
Oh no! Mr. King has resorted to posting to C/L to supplement his income?
He’s trying to save up for a down payment on New Hampshire and Vermont so he can expand Maine and put in a swimming pool.
Around the Snark Lounge I can see
Yards and yards of empty room.
Almost everyone inside
In the many corners loom.
When the coffee slices chime
Instant stampede does ensue
Then once again the corners all
Teeming crowds acrue.
Why do we not toss in the towel
And stop the suffering near the wall
We now declare the corner is
Everywhere, and all in all.
:pulls up Zippo app on iPod:
:waves iPod in the air:
[OT]
Finally back from the trip up north — back to overcast skies and rain, but home nonetheless. The visit was relaxing if nothing else and we ate half a metric ton on Sunday. Oddly, no pasta for the Easter Feaster this time, though they did make Italian cheese balls.
Took a bunch of pics, some ordinary, some creative, some strange. Although I took my dedicated camera (which itself is just a mid-range point-and-shoot) my iPhone ended up taking better pics, so I just used that the whole weekend.
Glad to be home though; I’m on vacation from work so I have the rest of the week to chill.
[/OT]
MF, welcome back home, and I hope your definition of “chill” includes writing – maybe even another Pickles and Winston installment. 🙂
There will certainly be writing involved — creatively and musically by turns as the mood takes me. Especially since as of tomorrow my archives will be empty so I’ll have to write s’more to fill it back up. Dunno how many I’ll be able to write as I do have to get at least some title music done before the WWDC ’11 show, but that shouldn’t be a problem.
And yes, Pickles ‘n Winston are about due to get out of that alley by now. 😀
One more Monday been and gone. Sister Lyle, did you even notice you were in the bawks today? I guess you’ll know when the bruises appear. Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, All Cosmos!
Of course I noticed! I’m just a silent boxer.
McDewlap’s Singing Phalluses is hereby inducted into the hall of silly band names we made up and then forgot.
Windy! You have extra space for a variety of things! Look! Right there between here and by!
You can solve Sparky’s problem.
Please forgive me. I know I use too many commas, and too many apostrophies, and too many prescription drugs, and too many ands.
One, I have no idea what you are talking about. And since I can edit any post at almost any time, neither will anyone else. 8)
Sorry, I guess that space is all in my head.
You see, boys and girls, here we have yet another stellar example of why one should not ingest hallucinogens while watching Monty Python and posting to CL. Wait for the shiny to wear off first! Amateurs.
Variety of things is the spice Christ of life.
Didn’t Benjamin Franklin once pompously say “In all things,variety” ? If not, he should have……
Okay, I’ll take all of your doors please.
I’ll take all of your windows. I’ve heard that windows are the eyes to the soul.
Besides, you can’t do any peeping without windows.
I’ll take the flies.
Do you have any steps? I need to take steps. I’m on a twelve step program and I only have four. Oh, I do hope that your steps are lively.
I’ll take your daughters…
*rolls up newspaper* Bad Puppy!
Brer Fox! In the Box! That has no locks! Or bagels with lox! Punchity Punch Punch doesn’t rhyme with rocks or sox or any type of ox!
Good Morning, Your Highnesses!