YSaC, Vol. 999: Next book in the series: Prince Ottoman.

2011 May 26

ARMOUR from THE SOUND OF MUSIC


MOHOGANEY WOOD RECENTLY FINISHED 4X7 IN XCELLENT CONDITION COME TAKE A LOOK NO REASONABLE OFFER REFUSED, CALL ONLY, FLOY xxx xxx xxxx ORIGINAL PRICE WAS 2K

You know, I’ve seen The Sound of Music plenty of times, and I don’t remember the scene where the children are made to dress up in mahogany armour and fight the Nazis. Although it would have added something extra to the scene where Kurt sings farewell to everyone — by whipping out a morningstar and decapitating the front row of spectators. That would have been awesome.

What? Oh, they meant armoire. Oh, how droll. So it’s the armoire from the Sound of Music, in which the children use the armoire to escape the Nazis into a snowy fantasy land ruled by a giant Actually.A.Lion.Except.It’s.An.Allegory? That would be pretty cool. “The hills are alive …. and they’re eating children …. ”

Oops. Dan says it’s time for my medications now.

Thanks, Elisabeth!

186 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 May 26

    I was actually quite tempted, until I noticed the kid taking a leak against it in photo #2…

    Adores: 9
    • 2011 May 26
      Lola permalink

      If that is really what they are doing, then a reasonable offer is “I won’t charge you to take this stinky thing away.”

      Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 26
      mudslicker permalink

      That’s cause it’s Euro-peein’.

      Adores: 10
  2. 2011 May 26

    Auntie stains on couches,
    and bedazzled deer hooves.

    Bright minty shells,
    and warm nacho cheese heads.

    Green prom dresses, size sixteen!
    These are a few of my favorite things!

    When the table’s free;
    When the bees cover the truck;
    When I’m feeling saaaaaaaaaaaaddd,
    I simply crawl into my favorite armour,
    And then I don’t feeeeeeeel sooooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!

    Adores: 20
  3. 2011 May 26

    Craigslist is alive with the posts for armours
    They’ve tried to sell off for a thousand years.
    Craigslist fills my heart with the love for armours.
    Make reasonable offer; don’t be in arrears.

    My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds
    that nest in mohoganey trees.
    My heart wants to sigh like a buzz that flies
    from a truck covered in bees,
    To laugh like the child who relieves himself on the left in picture 2,
    To roar through the night as those mighty not.lions do.

    I go to Craigslist when my heart is lonely.
    I know I will see what I’ve seen before.
    My heart will be blessed with those countless armours,
    And I’ll buy once more.

    Adores: 16
    • 2011 May 26
      Innana permalink

      Oh, my sides hurt after reading that one!!

      Adores: 2
  4. 2011 May 26
    funky monkey permalink

    Sing it to the tune of the Armour hot dog song everybody!

    Ottomans, armours and rocket shoes
    What kind of folks sell stuff on Craigs List?
    Fat folks
    Skinny folks
    Folks that like to rock
    Tight folks
    Creepy folks
    Ladies that are paid for sucking co-ks!

    Big dogs, chandlers and Lincoln Logs
    The Crap!
    Folks!
    Think!
    I’ll!
    Buuuuyyyyyyyy!

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 May 26
      Lola permalink

      FM! We missed you yesterday. You were in the bauwks and Windrose was going to punch you! (Don’t worry, there’s a helmet.)

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 26
        funky monkey permalink

        Punch me? WTH? But I was in the bawx? Woo hoo!

        Mini Monkey woke up yesterday projectile vomiting (and other things), laid out of work and took her to the dr, she’s got da strep. Spent all day washing bath mats and blankets and sheets and popping Mini Monkey into the tub and Lysoling the bathroom. I’m pooped. And I’m now covered up at work.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26

          No, no, FM. Punching is the highest form of honor that can be bestowed upon a YSaC commentator. It’s like getting a gold star on your math homework, or a handshake from the mayor. Show your bruises with pride, Ms Monkey. You’re one of us!

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 26
          funky monkey permalink

          But I can’t be a commentator. I nothing about sports.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 26

          Sigh…I nothing about 16th century French poetry.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 26

          Neither do the commentators, FM.

          “Well, Jim, what do you think is going to happen today down there on that field?”

          “Well, Bob, I think the visiting team is going to give it their best go today but this home team’s got a good chance of giving it right back to them. What’s your take, Jim?”

          “I think you’re right. Let’s go down to the field to talk to our token female commentator we’re required to have due to Anti-Discrimination laws. Jennifer, hello.”

          “Hello there Jim and Bob. I’m down here on the field talking with the coach. Well, Coach, what is your game plan today?”

          “We’ve got a good team this year but so do they. My plan is to score more points than our opposition and come out of this game with another win.”

          “Thanks Coach. Jim, Bob, back to you.”

          Doesn’t seem so hard to me.

          Adores: 8
        • 2011 May 26

          I’m clueless when it comes to astrophysics.

          EDIT: That’s a little too coherent, Sis, judging by the NASCAR commentary I’ve heard.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 26

          Astrophysics is easy, comedy is hard.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26

          I have my own physics? And they’re easy? Sweet!

          Adores: 7
    • 2011 May 26

      Sucking Colorado and Kansas?

      Adores: 1
  5. 2011 May 26

    I’m somewhat hampered snark-wise, since I have never seen The Sound of Music. For all I know, it’s chock-full of urine-splattered armoires and shark-mounted lasers. Nazis had those, right?

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 May 26

      Go watch it. We’ll wait.

      Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 26
      LimeLolly permalink

      Brief synapsis:

      Nun hired as nanny to 7 children, sings and dances until the kids are bored into submission. Father thinks this is great and falls in love with nanny. Nazis come to force father to join the army or go to prison. Family escapes over the mountains with much harrowing background music. The end.

      I love the movie.

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 May 26
        Lola permalink

        One of my favorite birthdays, ever, was about 10 years ago when I went to the Sing-Along SoM which was at that time showing/playing in Philadelphia. It is basically a cross between SoM and Rocky Horror, as people wear costumes (still think the best is Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With String, though the families in which all members, of both genders, were all dressed as nuns were fairly amusing) and you are encouraged to sing along (per the name) via onscreen lyric subtitles (sadly, the Mitch Miller bouncing ball is not utilized), including the beginning where the nuns at the convent are singing in Latin, and also to talk back to the screen, hiss the Baroness, wave an Eidelweiss in the air in the manner of a lighter at a rock concert, etc. I went with a friend with whom I share a birthday and a sense of humor, and we both remember it fondly.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 26
          LimeLolly permalink

          share … sense of humor

          Question: Who gets the humor when neither of you needs it? Can I borrow it sometime?

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 26

          You can borrow mine, but you might want to clean it first…

          Adores: 5
      • 2011 May 26
        mudslicker permalink

        @LL: Oh..sort of like the Brady Bunch meets Stripes and Inglourious Basterds until Hogan’s Heroes gets interjected into the mix and they finish with Brokeback Mountain. The best part is, all this is set to music.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 26

          mudsy….you should be a Broadway producer, because that was genius. 🙂

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26
          mudslicker permalink

          I might be shy of a Tony, but I’m aiming for a Mel Brooks award.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 26

          I’ll vote for you Mudsy.

          Adores: 0
      • 2011 May 27
        Dan permalink

        I love playing for musicals, but “The Sound of Music,” like most Rogers and Hammerstein, has a really tedious French horn part. I’d probably only do that one again for money.

        Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 26

      I’m not a musicals sort of person — I’m really not into them — but this movie I really do like. It’s really worth seeing — perhaps not so much for the music itself but the story is great and the scenery is often breathtaking. It’s a bit of a long movie but worth it. I still have to get it on Blu-Ray just for the scenery.

      Adores: 1
  6. 2011 May 26

    *Dawns his Armoire of Invisnibility*

    I’m ready for battle!

    (Interesting tidbit: My browser does not recognize Armoire as an actual word)

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 26

      But it was fine with “Invisnibility”?

      Adores: 10
      • 2011 May 26

        No, but I think we are all aware of why that isn’t considered a real word.

        Because Websters will not recognize my genius!

        Adores: 8
        • 2011 May 26

          Guinness has no problem with it though.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 26

          Beer seldom does.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          Is there a “drink until it makes sense” codicil to the “drink her pretty” phenomenon?

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 26
          mudslicker permalink

          Bucket List #42: Play Scrabble with Taco

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 26

          Don’t forget to bring extra tiles. And a Sharpie.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 26
          mudslicker permalink

          Wite-Out®?

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 26

          When I sit and acchully take time to spell a word, I can do it wright. I love playing scrabal, and Im prety good at it two.

          Noebody evar whants to play with me for sum reasen, thow.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26
          mudslicker permalink

          That must be because they’re jealous of your, er um, how do you say….creative wordplay strategies*?

          You must be a scream at Monopoly too.

          *No, you can’t use your Q and Z at the end of every word if the word lands on triple letter score

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          Adding umlauts to things so that they work is NOT cheating.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26

          I want to join the scrabble party! Is derp a word?

          Adores: 1
  7. 2011 May 26
    Windrose permalink

    As I was saying only last night, “Further Up and Further In!”

    *hopes enough Snarkers have read Narnia books so that this doesn’t just seem out of place*

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 May 26

      “We need to go deeper.”

      The corner is gonna be full today. I’ll start another batch of coffee slices in the deep fryer.

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 May 26
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        As I re-read Windy’s and Taco’s, it’s starting to sound like the story line to one of those adult movies.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 26

          All it needs is a copy machine and a secretary.

          Move over corner-dwellers, I bring popcorn.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 26
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          I’m starting to think we need to remodel the corner again. It seems to be a little cozy lately.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          I’ll bring the hot sausage pizza…

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 26

          Oh Boy, my favorite pizza! I love the taste of MF’s hot sausage!

          Hey look, a shovel!

          *Dig Dig Dig Dig Dig*

          Adores: 10
        • 2011 May 26
          CapnMac permalink

          So, I’ll go find the Paul Klee wallpaper so we can pretend we can admit to the existence of lines, if only as metaphors of Spark’s inhumanity to furniture.

          Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 26
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      I thought we were going to get to go to Narnia when Dan started pushing the meds.

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 26
      funky monkey permalink

      “Hey baby, have you seen my ‘faun’? Would you like to?”

      The corner is no threat to me today. I’d kill for a nap right now.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 May 26
        Lola permalink

        Me, too, but we could just arm-wrestle for it, Funk …zzzzzzzzzz.

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 26
        funky monkey permalink

        *crawls to corner with pillow and blankie, falls asleep drooling on pillow*

        *twitches occasionally*

        Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 26

      That’s an awfully small hole to enter.

      *heads to the corner*

      Adores: 6
  8. 2011 May 26
    camille permalink

    Buy every armour
    Shell every mint
    Follow every hypno-dog
    ‘Til your money’s spent

    Firm every obo
    Find shoulder knees
    Worship every llama
    ‘Til you find your bees

    Some bees that will swarm
    Every truck you can give
    Every day of your life
    For as long as you live

    Misname every tiger
    Cheese every head
    Nacho every fountain
    ‘Til your table’s red

    Adores: 14
    • 2011 May 26
      SilvaNoir permalink

      Brilliant!

      Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 26

      Anything playing off of the red table deserves an adore if you ask me. I mean take it, it’s free.

      Adores: 0
  9. 2011 May 26
    Windrose permalink

    Mindfield in the box with all the poo. Sorry about that. Here’s a room freshener in holy vanilla.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 26

      Not to worry. I’ve got the Things cleaning and disinfecting as punishment — but this holy vanilla smells heavenly!

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 26
        mudslicker permalink

        I prefer the scent of holy godzilla (or is that nunzilla?)

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 26
          Lola permalink

          I have several friends who are both devout Catholics and intentional collectors of religious kitsch (one was the source of the holy vanilla BVM air freshener, and the other was the recipient of it as a gift). One had a party at one time and, among other guests, invited her priests. She was a little unsure as to whether she should tuck away things like Nunzilla, but … lo and behold, it was a popular item with the priests (I suspect the fact that their parish has an attached convent and school may have something to do with this).

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 26
          mudslicker permalink

          Shouldn’t that have been enclosed inside some [/imprimatur] tag or something?

          8)

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26
          ToBScholarly permalink

          I worked in a Catholic Church for a few years and staff had a party to celebrate our pastor’s 25th year as a priest.

          I gave him the Buddy Christ Bobble Head doll. He loved it and even showed the Bishop, who also got a chuckle out of it.

          Thus ensuring that not only am I going to hell, but I am taking religious leaders with me.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 26
          mudslicker permalink

          Oh, I”m pretty sure those religious “leaders” have a pretty good shot at going there all on their own.

          😉

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 26
          LurkRealClose permalink

          My father worked at a Catholic school for a few years. We used to get him nunzilla-type items as gifts. He said that most of the nuns thought it was funny.

          Adores: 1
  10. 2011 May 26

    Bad advice, Bad advice
    Every morning you greet me
    Truck of bees, bedazzled like these
    You look crappy to me, to me
    Have some Crisco, it may bloom and grow
    Bloom and grow some fungus
    Bad advice, Bad advice
    Piss in my armour forever.

    Adores: 11
    • 2011 May 26
      Lola permalink

      Hammy, reading “piss in my armour forever” is funny, but next to a puppy avatar it is freakin’ hilarious.

      Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 26
      mudslicker permalink

      BWAHAHA. I just pissed in my armour.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 26
        CapnMac permalink

        Sir Robin, Go and Change Your Armor!

        Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 26

      I once spent nearly 10 hours singing “Edelweiss” over and over in the rear seat of the car while my parents slowly slipped into madness.

      It was a long road trip.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 26
        mudslicker permalink

        “Maaaaaaaaaaa! CJ’s singing AGAIN! Make her stop!”

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 26

          [Sister]? Is that you? Here, let me test my theory on duct tape and incapacitating one’s sibling.

          Hurt?

          No, it won’t hurt me a bit.

          Adores: 3
  11. 2011 May 26
    funky monkey permalink

    And who is “FLOY”? Is that a badly spelled Floyd? Or Lloyd? Or Roy with a speech impediment?

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 May 26
      Lola permalink

      Yes.

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 26
      mudslicker permalink

      Probably.

      Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 26

      Accordion.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 26

        Polka time?

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          *Pokes Lyle*

          Poka Poka Poke Poke!

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26
          Lola permalink

          Ew! That’s your SISTER!

          *returns to corner*

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26

          It’s actually a reference to the car trips we used to take with our parents. The theory was that we’d be perfectly fine and content to read, stare out the window, or whatever until 15 minutes before our arrival at wherever we were headed.

          Once we hit the 15 minute mark the sibling bickering would begin, usually with an assortment of poking, hitting, or the ever popular “I’m not touching you so you can’t get mad!” “But you’re on MY side!”

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 26
          funky monkey permalink

          “MOM! She’s LOOKING at me!!!!”

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 26

          “She’s breathing my air!”

          I’m convinced that if Mom hadn’t gotten a van with two bench seats, my sister and I would have killed each other about twenty minutes into the annual beach trip.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 26
          Lola permalink

          Taco, I figured it was probably that innocuous, but – HEY! – this is the Snark Lounge. We do what we can … get away with.

          As for all of the other comments about siblings on car trips, I sometimes wonder what I missed being an only child. (Bet my parents don’t, however.)

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          *smacks Taco’s hand and pouts, staring out the window for a moment. Waits until he’s looking away. Reaches slyly across the armrest/drinkholder and snags his sleeve, yanking it viciously a few times before retreating to her side as if nothing happened.*

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 26

          Your stories are nothing compared with driving from Raleigh to Chattanooga sitting next to my demon of a sister.

          This is the same girl who climbs into my room through the window to steal my gum. The same girl who causes me to lock my door so she won’t wear my shoes. My shoes! She’s a girl. With her own perfectly good shoes. I’m a guy. With guy shoes. She’s a monster.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 27
          Camille permalink

          With monster shoes?

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 26

      Only on Wednesdays

      Adores: 0
  12. 2011 May 26

    He posts his ads to Craigslist selling things that no one wants
    He types in caps and spells like crap, his ignorance he flaunts
    And underneath his ball cap, his receding hair makes taunts
    I even see him posting on Kijiji!

    He’s always posting flotsam, but the price he asks is real
    He writes such bad descriptions, but he does it with such zeal
    I hate to have to say it, but I very firmly feel
    I think that Sparky should stick to Kijiji!

    If I could say one thing on his behalf: Sparky makes me laugh!

    How do you solve a problem like our Sparky?
    How do you catch a clod and make him stop?
    How do you find a word describing Sparky?
    A circus show freak? A whimpering sod? A flop?

    Many a thing you know you’d like to tell him
    Most of those things he’ll never understand
    ‘Cause nothing can make him change monosyllabic ways
    Because he must speak around his prostate gland

    Oh, how do you solve a problem like our Sparky?
    How do you ignore the pecil in his hand?

    When he posts, his item’s pics are out of focus and depict
    Mostly shadow ‘cos he won’t turn on a light
    When he does it mainly shows things he really should dispose
    Like those piles of random garbage on the right

    He’s a half of a half-wit since his brain got up and quit
    You can tell with every word that he misspells
    And what little he has left soon will render him bereft
    Of the last remaining pile of living cells

    How do you solve a problem like our Sparky?
    How do you catch a clod and make him stop?
    How do you find a word describing Sparky?
    A circus show freak? A whimpering sod? A flop?

    Many a thing you know you’d like to tell him
    Most of those things he’ll never understand
    ‘Cause nothing can make him change monosyllabic ways
    Because he must speak around his prostate gland

    Oh, how do you solve a problem like our Sparky?
    How do you ignore the pecil in his hand?

    Adores: 8
  13. 2011 May 26
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    I’m a sparky
    Going on Craigslist
    I don’t know that I’m naive
    Trying to sell some armour I can’t spell
    And dropping my leading Es

    Adores: 5
  14. 2011 May 26

    Next up on the auction block is this prestigious armoire. This piece is an early 20th century working made from a fine Mahogany, as you can tell by the marvelous grain of the wood and its distinctive coloration. According to an engraving found on the bottom, this piece was by the von Trapp family carpenters. Bidding will start at a firm OBO. Who would like to start off the bidding? *hefts gavel*

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 26

      I bid one stick of gum, barely used.

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 26
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      I bid one teenager, barely works.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 May 26
        funky monkey permalink

        I see your lay-about teenager and up you one 9-year-old that likes to run around naked.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          Anyone have change for a toddler that wakes up at 1 am and screams for several hours until you figure out that the thing he’s trying to point at is the white noise generator that he wants turned on?

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 26

          White noise generator? Around my apartment, we call that a fan. (I’ve actually slept with one pretty much my whole life. I have trouble sleeping without it — I like both the breeze and the white noise.)

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 26

          Same here. I even have a tiny one that I can pack in my suitcase for when I travel.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26

          [grumpy Taco OT]
          His is a heater or fan depending on the temperature of his room vs. what it should be. But, given that last night his room was rather… perfect temperature-wise we couldn’t figure out what the heck he wanted so adamently.

          My wife ended up turing on the heater on low for him in desperation and just pointed it away from the area where he sleeps so he wouldn’t get warm. He quieted right down and passed out minutes later. Of course by then his father was so wound up that he couldn’t sleep.

          Best we could figure is that since the last week it had been really hot we’d been putting the fan on for him when he sleeps, and it’s a pretty loud box fan at that, yesterday was rather cool out so we didn’t turn on his fan. He must have woken up and realized he wanted some noise to help him sleep.

          If only he knew how to speak. A “Fan!” would have been very helpful at the beginning of all the screaming.
          [/grumpiness]

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 26

          He’ll learn eventually that pointing and screaming only works if you’re a celebrity.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 26

          Or a republican senator.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 26
          mudslicker permalink

          Or Hitler.

          Adores: 2
  15. 2011 May 26

    In other news, my blog got it’s first spam. I’m disappointed. All it says is ‘test blast.’ I was hoping for some good garble-de-gook.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 26

      Oh, I got that one! And a couple in Russian that Uncle Google translated into some sort of “upgrade your site with our suspicious software” gobblety-gook.

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 26

      It’ll pick up and get more interesting, I’m sure. I got a couple of good ones recently:

      Substantially, the article is actually the very best on this worthy issue. I concur along with your decisions and definately will thirstily watch for see a person’s approaching changes. Saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the phenomenal lucidity inside your writing. I can at as soon as grab ones own feeds to remain informed involving any changes. Delightful work and much success in your business interests! Have a sexy day.

      Thank you. I will, in fact, have a sexy day. Be sure to thirstily watch for my approaching changes.

      Im completely fed up with this, should you spam my personal internet site as well as blog site one more time I could expose yourself!

      Irony aside, this is the first spam that ever threatened to pants me.

      Adores: 10
      • 2011 May 26

        Ya know, I almost want to start a blog just so someone will wish me a “sexy day”.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 26

          CJ; I want you to have a Sexy Day. Buy yourself something that makes you feel pretty and strut your stuff like it’s the focal point of the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

          There you go.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 26

          Wow…thanks Taco.

          *peruses Victoria’s Secret site until she remembers what Victoria’s “secret” is….no one over thirty can wear that shit*

          Think I’ll go to Sprawl-Mart and see if there’s any flannel on clearance.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 26

          Even for those of us under 30, Victoria’s secret remains a no-fly zone.

          I don’t care how well made their thong panties are, they just don’t flatter my figure the way the TacoThong does.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 26

          I always figured Victoria’s secret was that she is actually Victor.

          Adores: 6
      • 2011 May 26

        Drop your panties Sir William, I am sick of you posting on my website!

        Adores: 5
      • 2011 May 26
        funky monkey permalink

        That’s how I’m going to start exiting a room, conversation, church, phone call: “Have a sexy day”. I’ll use Borat’s accent.

        Adores: 10
      • 2011 May 26

        Given that that today is So Happy It’s Thursday, I would like to wish everyone a sexy S.H.I.T!

        Adores: 6
      • 2011 May 26
        drmk permalink

        We get those thesaurus-based fill-in-the-blank spams all the time. Some of them are pretty funny.

        The ones we’ve been getting recently are generic “I enjoyed your website” ones where one word is misspelled in a characteristic way; I’m assuming it’s so that they can do a search and find out on which sites their spamming is actually working/allowed. I’d give an illustration but that might encourage them.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 26

          Yeah, about 80% of the crap I’ve been getting are either spings or some variation on the “I like-a you!” theme. That is, when they aren’t in Polish. I think my “Pole to Pole” story is responsible for that. Spam has been surging recently, so I’m guessing there must have been new spam king crowned.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26
          funky monkey permalink

          Your “Pole to Pole” story.

          heh

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26
          mudslicker permalink

          I wish I could find a 100% Pole in Warsaw. All I’ve been able to find so far have been Pole-ish.

          p.s. I’m having this same sort of problem in Israel as well. Too much Jew-ish and not enough 100% commitment.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 26

          Storytime!!

          Taco, the thong does not go on your head! Where does it go? Umm…ermm…here, take this highly unstable chemical compound and go play in the corner.

          First..and I do mean this – I have many Jewish friends and harbor no prejudice against…well, against anyone – except cat haters…but that’s another story.

          Anyway – we all went to dinner one night to celebrate my mother-in-law’s birthday. There were about a dozen of us family members and the restaurant we went to was a pricey Italian place.

          The food was awesome…sigh..

          This was the night that [oldest son] was introduced to ‘tini drinks. His fiancee ordered an Appletini and he was smitten.

          He drank one..and then another and another. I was sitting across from him and admonished him to stop before he fell outta the chair and onto the floor.

          “Really, mom? I don’t feel a thing.”

          “Think tequila..only worse.” I said, reminding him of a recent – and epic – bout of post-tequila vomiting he’d had.

          “Oh..okay…I’ll stop.”

          He did, but it was too late. Normally outgoing, he got very quiet until the food was finished and the huge red velvet cake had been brought out, Happy Birthday, was sung and the check was delivered to the table.

          We had one check and easily eight people trying to figure out who owed what.

          [Oldest son] finally snatched the check up, added up the money laying on the table, and when it came up short, loudly proclaimed…

          “Okay, who’s being JEWISH here??”

          Silence, except for a few snickers, befell the entire dining room we were in (the restaurant is divided into several small dining rooms).

          “Who is it? Who didn’t put their money in? WHO IS BEING JEWISH??” He demanded, growing more agitated.

          “Honey,” his fiancee said quietly tugging on his sleeve, “it was you. You haven’t put any money in the kitty yet.”

          [Very drunk oldest son] stands up and announces to the room, “S’okay…I’m the JEW.”

          The room erupted into applause and laughter.

          We have never let him forget that moment.

          /end storytime

          Adores: 9
        • 2011 May 26
          mudslicker permalink

          ::ring ring::

          Ann Frank on line #2 for CJ and mudsy.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 26
          Lola permalink

          AR’s on line #1.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          And I’m sorta on Line #4.

          I believe Line #3 left a long time ago.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26
          LimeLolly permalink

          No line here… I’m on the fence. Been there for a while, too.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 27

          I am not sure if I like oldest son or hate him from that story CJ

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 26

      I got test blasted today too!

      Coffee high-five!

      *Splash*

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 26

        Did you pass?

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26

          Pass?! I blasted the test!

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 26

          A good day for a test, ladies and gentlemen! Blasts all around. Bartender, put it on my tab!

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26
          Lola permalink

          Just finished a triple espresso, but I’ll take another blast!

          Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 26

      I haven’t actually done anything to my blog yet. I wonder if I should look for spam.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 26

        You’re on wordpress so you’ll know. On your Dashboard page there’ll be a “Right Now” thing on the left hand side at the top. In the righthand side of that box will be your comments, approved, pending, and spam. Have-at! And if you don’t get any once you get started, I’ll come spam you 🙂

        Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 27

          Spiffy! Thanks SisterLyle! Obviously I am still finding my footing on wordpress and I don’t have as much time to devote to it as I would like. Your advice (all of you along with SisterLyle) is very helpful.

          Adores: 0
      • 2013 April 29
        Aaron of Mpls permalink

        The only blog I have is an old LiveJournal I haven’t updated in years. I’ll have to go delete my not-yet-visible, pending-approval spam one of these months.

        And yeah, it tends to be of the Russian visit-my-malware-infested-site variety.

        Adores: 0
  16. 2011 May 26
    Angel permalink

    ‘K, now who’s going to tackle a “Lonely Goatherd” parody? I challenge you all!

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 26
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Sorry, I don’t yodel.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 26
        Lola permalink

        But will you wear the lederhosen anyway?

        *corner*

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 26

          He wears them when he “polishes” his “alpenhorn”.

          I’ll be in the “corner”.

          Adores: 9
        • 2011 May 27
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          My sister was varnishing my alpenhorn recently and tweeted about it.

          That got weird quickly.

          Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 26
      ToBScholarly permalink

      I will not, but thank you for the earworm. That was my favorite song from the movie.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 26
        Angel permalink

        Mine too, and I’ve been humming it all day. No yodelling though: I resemble IF in that I’m yodellingly-challenged.

        Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 26
          ToBScholarly permalink

          I thought that the whole point of yodeling was to disguise the fact that you cannot sing. Now I gotta have skill for that too?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26
          mudslicker permalink

          I thought it was to disguise the fact that you couldn’t remember the words….

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          I thought it was because you dropped something heavy on your foot.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 26

          I thought it was made up by Bob Barker.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 26

          I thought Bob Barker invented skinny jeans.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26
          funky monkey permalink

          I thought Bob Barker invented the internets.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          Al Gore invented the internets, but Bob Barker invented Al Gore.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          Bob Barker also went back in time and invented Bob Barker. He did it to prevent the paradox of “Who created Bob Barker?”.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 26
          funky monkey permalink

          But then how do Justin Bieber and Grand Theft Auto factor in? I thought I had this figured out. Dayum.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 26

          Just as the creation of 2 bowls really good soup also creates a few gallons of toxic, industrial waste, so does the creation of Bob Barker have some unfortunate consequence.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          The compression of so much awesome into one place resulted in a vacuum of suckage that caused America’s Hat to birth the Bieber.

          (Note to self: Never eat soup at Taco’s house.)

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 26

          But, Ghostie, just think of how awesome the soup must be if it creates a vaccuum of suck great enough to cause 5 gallons of industrial waste per cup!

          That’s some good soup right there.

          But if you think the soup is good, you should see how much medical waste is produced when I’m making up coffee slices! I’m told if you were to line up the syringes it would circle the globe a few times.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26
          funky monkey permalink

          ew.

          Just, just…

          ew.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 26

          That is an impressive level of awesome.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 26

          Coffee Slice?

          *Crunch Crunch*

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 27

          Bob Barker invented sliced bread too.

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 26

      High on my list
      Is a bedazzled goathead
      lay-oodle lay-oodle lay hee hoo!

      Where can I find
      Such a awesome thing?
      lay-oodle lay oodle loo!

      Folks in a lounge
      That was quite peculiar
      lay-oodle lay-oodle lay hee hoo!

      Told me to check
      On the local Craigslist
      lay-oodle lay-oodle loo!

      OH-HO
      Crazy lady selling
      OH-HO
      Just what I need!
      OH-HO
      Crazy lady smoking
      Something that just might be weed!

      Adores: 9
      • 2011 May 26
        Angel permalink

        Outstanding! I love the “OH-HO” part!

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          Challenge Pass 😉

          Adores: 2
  17. 2011 May 26
    Wraith permalink

    Any other Newsradio fans here in the comments? There was an episode where eccentric billionaire boss Jimmy James bought a box full of fake movie memorabilia from some kid. Including “the original sword.”

    See if you remember this one… ‘SOUND of music, SOUND of music, music music, sound of music…’

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 26
      funky monkey permalink

      I remember that was the show with the dirtiest stars’ names: Andy Dick and Stephen Root. Snort.

      Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 26
      CapnMac permalink

      As a career move, that show was a bit of a grenade.
      The humor was both base and subtle.
      Steve Root’s career seemed to explode after that; Andy D just imploded; poor Dave Foley has wound up hoist on petards not of his own making (just bought and paid for).

      Adores: 0
  18. 2011 May 26

    OT – so today, in the badlands of N. Texas, it’s currently 66 degrees. The hum-diddity is like 12% and the high is expected to be 80. This is amazing…truly amazing. By this time, each year, it’s usually over 90, humid, miserable.

    Sigh…….I’m working, hubby is home – he’s taking a couple extra days to add to the upcoming holiday – and he calls me to say he’s going to the lake.

    I’m working…still..

    Oh well, I’m off tomorrow for a four-day stay-cation.

    And, it’s going to be 92 degrees with high humidity and 30+ mph winds. This makes being on the lake, in a boat, a recipe for motion-induced puking. Not gonna do it.

    Sigh….

    Saturday we’re busy all day. Sunday is looking promising, and then I remember it’s Memorial Day Weekend when all the once-a-year boaters get out on the water and proceed to prove why each should be removed from the gene pool…yesterday.

    An aside – last year, we were at the marina on Saturday, before Memorial Day, and as we were getting ready to leave – putting the boat on the lift, tying it off, wiping it down, etc. a couple comes walking up the walkway from another boat slip. The woman is wobbly-legged and the man is half-carrying her as they go along. She stops, at our slip, grabs one of the posts and proceeds to projectile vomit into the water…and all over the bow of the boat next to us….not once, not twice, but THREE times. The man looks apologetically at me and mumbles something about too much sun…yeah..riiiiiiiiiight I think as I can smell the alcohol. Seriously, a lot of boaters check their brains at the dock.

    Anyway, here I sit..working while he’s out on the lake..probably mostly alone at this point since it is a Thursday.

    And what was my point?

    Oh yeah, working sux….and idiots should not be allowed to own/drive/ride on boats.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 26
      CapnMac permalink

      Seriously, a lot of boaters check their brains at the dock.

      Far too many seem to do so the second the hitch drops over the ball on the truck–but, that may be because they’d already been to the Kwicky-Mart and had to cope with all those keystones of beasts that would not fit in the cooler with the ice.

      I have a long-term twitch reflex whenever I hear about people going “skiing”–which, in Texas, means getting to a BAC in the 0.06-0.08 range, and driving a boat at top speed mostly watching whoever is on the end of the towrope.

      This in contrast to PWC operators, most of whom seem to use maximum throttle with eyes closed. And, in some fairness, there are sensible PWC operators, but, most of those will have PWC licenses. The rest, it’s

      “Wail, wees jus jait-skeen ain’ no lyesnse f’r ‘at, izzz’r?”

      Which is usually all they have to offer after running over somebody.

      Got no love for the twice/thrice-a-year “ski” crowd. Been to one too many coroner’s inquests and made too many EMS runs.

      I’m probably highly over-qualified to operate various-sized vessels on waterways, too.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 26

        Capn…wow…first let me congratulate me on understanding EVERY word of your post.

        *pauses to enjoy the moment*

        Ahem, yes…well I’ve been a Skipper and First Mate aboard everything from an 18 ft. bass boat (currently) to a 42 ft. houseboat (years ago on the Mississippi), over the past 40 plus years and I can safely say…

        I agree…wholeheartedly and completely.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 27

          *claps for CJ*

          Adores: 0
  19. 2011 May 26

    That’s not even an Aunt closet, it’s an entertainment center. That hole in the back where you are supposed to put wires and such would just let all of the Aunts escape. This is exactly why I will be buying a stainless steel Aunt closet which keeps both Aunts and odors in.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 26
      funky monkey permalink

      Okay, what did anyone from the SoM era need with an entertainment center? I saw that spot in the back of the armour, thought it was a mirror.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 27

        If it was a mirror you would see Sparky with a camera in it since he/she is taking the picture straight on. As for the time period of SoM, I think it is perfectly clear that while fleeing the Nazis they came upon a wormhole which threw them into our time so they could make entertainment centers and sell them on CL.

        Adores: 0
  20. 2011 May 26
    SpaceBug permalink

    D’Oh – an ad, Sparky posts an ad.
    Ra – sells an egyptian god of sun.
    Meh – really, I don’t want their shit.
    Fah – they need the cash for fun.
    So – they try and try again.
    La – we laugh at all their verbs.
    Ti – it really has no worth.
    And that brings us up to O O OBO

    Adores: 13
    • 2011 May 26

      Awesomesauce.

      Pure awesomesauce.

      Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 26

      I’d throw more doors at you but I don’t wanna squish the bug. Love it!

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 26

        Well done, sir. Or Ma’am. I am probably wrong.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26
          ToBScholarly permalink

          Looks likes a bird to me.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 26

          I see a plane.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 26

          No, it’s… a non sequitor!

          Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 27

      Awesome possum!

      Adores: 0
  21. 2011 May 26
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    I believe the title is actually a cat math equation. The Sound of Music – Armour = 2k. Once you simplify the antecedent the answer is Floy.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 27

      But the answer is alway sammich! You are bending the cat math continuum!

      Adores: 0
  22. 2011 May 27
    Bridgete permalink

    Ooh…today was 999…do the llamanun and ostrimu (bees be with them) have anything extra-special planned for 1000?

    I will actually be able to be here earlier in the day tomorrow, so I’m hoping they do! 🙂

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 27
      Lola permalink

      Bridgete, I’m thinking about that time when we had over 1000 comments (the day we all composed the YSaC prayer), partly by encouraging people to comment who usually lurked. I would like us to try and get 1000 again, in honor of post #1000. JMO.

      Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 27

      For the 1000th episode of YSaC, something very special has been planned. Everybody look under your seats. That’s right you all are taking home free Oprah singers!

      Adores: 0
  23. 2011 May 27
    Windrose permalink

    Punchity Punch Punch Person in the box!

    G’night, Location!

    Adores: 0
  24. 2011 May 27
    SpaceBug permalink

    And there was once 1000 coments on a single [redacted][femaletraits[2]

    Edit:
    oop been done…

    Adores: 2
  25. 2013 April 28

    I know it’s futile to throw adores when the post is so old, but I can’t stop myself! This was a great day! I hope we get a second generation of commentors since so many of the first generation have had to go to life stuff.

    Lurkers, anyone up to the challenge?

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 April 29

      I’m so glad you do it, too, Windy. I click adores thinking (hoping?) that the commenter still lurks on occasion, and it will make them smile. Sometimes it’s wonderful to be reaffirmed even if it’s years later.

      Adores: 0

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