YSaC, Vol. 1043: It’s got layers. Like parfait.
2011 July 27
Do not reply (nowhere)
Please email with inquiries, and write ONION in the subject heading so I can weed out spammers (who have unfortunately become more prevalent on Craigslist); thanks!
David sent in this ad, saying:
Ahhh…so many inquiries. I don’t know where to start.
– Why ONION?
– Why am I emailing when you tell me not to reply?
– Where did you post this from if you are nowhere?
– Crap…now I am starting to question everything. Maybe we all are nowhere.
– How do we know when we are somewhere?
– Is this post supposed to make me question the existence of life?
Dammit…I forgot ONION in my subject and now I will never know the answers to my existence. I guess it’s back to my life somewhere (or nowhere. who the hell knows.)
Right. Carry on then.
That’s deep, man.
The onion is nowhere. I think we can, like, all relate.
Or maybe, I am the ONION…koo..koo…ka-choo…
I am the egg salad!
I am the egg salad!
I am the onion!
Koo-koo pa noob!
Koo koo pa noob, Solo! Oh ho ho ho ho!
Mama always said life is like a box of onions: You never know when it’s gonna make you cry.
Life is like an unexplained simile.
I thought life was like a metaphor.
No, EB, it’s “life is, like, a metaphor, right?”
Onions always make me cry.
It used to be that life did too.
There’s some sort of lesson in there, but I’m too lazy to find it right now.
.
Subject: ONION
Message:
WTH?!?
(That’s my inquiry.)
Love,
Lola
Subject : ONION
Message : *runs to copy and past the funniest spambot message he can find*
Taco has some good ones on his blog he posted. Nothing like the incoherent ramblings of an electronically generated “Howdy-Ho!”
I got a very nice one the other day; the bot really seemed to like my “musings”, said musings being the photos I posted of Mr. Skully. (a wonky-eyed plastic skull with removable brain)
Squee! I want a wonky-eyed plastic skull with removable brain. I’ll trade you my lifesize set of gums with removable teeth. There are a few missing.
Most of mine have something to do with how brilliant I am. And then how to unlock an iPhone 4.
My most recent one was in French! And I don’t speak French…
Ogres are like onions.
I could go for some parfait.
(edit: because I’m too slow in the morning)
LOVE that movie
Squee!!!!
Parfaits may be the most deliscious thing on the planet.
They are “delicious”, too.
Delisioso?
I can never spell that word wrighte.
y sobroso tambien
LL, why do you love that movie? I do too, but maybe not for the mainstream reason. 8) *SPOILER ALERT* I love it because the skinny princess ends up being happier when she is big and green!
I wouldn’t worry about spoilers. As long ago as that movie came out, if you haven’t seen it by now you probably aren’t going to.
ghostie, I should have put it as an ironic spoiler alert. 8)
I love all the one-liners in the movie.
“Not the gumdrop buttons!”
“Alright, Shrek, no one likes a kiss-ass”
“… nobody move! I have a dragon and I’m not afraid to use it!”
and many more, too many to list….
I know I’m happier when I’m big and green.
MF, you’re supposed to take the blue pill !
My favorite part: When they get to Duloc and watch the little animatronic song-routine ala “It’s a Small World.”
I did take the blue pill. I couldn’t stand up all day for fear of people thinking I was inappropriately glad to see them.
Green is a good color for lizards, not toothy dogs.
OK, so I’m NOT supposed to reply, and my non-existent reply should have ONION on the subject heading? And then Sparky will go weed the onion patch?
He’s a real nowhere man,
Posting from his nowhere land,
Making all his onion plans for nobody.
Doesn’t want you to reply,
But still makes spammers pass him by.
Isn’t he a bit like you and me?
Nowhere Man, please listen.
You don’t know what you’re missing.
Nowhere Man, Cragslist is at your command.
Dang it Dave! You get out of my brain this instant! You can leave the ferret. 8)
Dave’s not here man.
Beat ya to it Ghostie.
Surprised you beat Astro to the Beatles-oriented lyrics . . .
Ah the idyl it is to be Summer, and young, and male . . . and needing to hydrate before Band practice starts up in a few all-too-soon weeks . . .
This is an ONION, not a reply.
Thanks for your attention.
Ceci n’est pas une réponse.
Ich nicht eine Zwiebel sein.
Eu sou um picolé de carne.
I loll in repose.
My nipples explode with delight!
My postillion has been struck by lightning.
But what a buttress!
Couldn’t not reply to that one.
Ceci n’est pas une peep.
ONION NOT ON FIRE!
Because…you know…ninjas.
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!!! PLEASE DISREGARD ALL ONIONS!!
Edit: When they’re testing the fire alarms here at work someone screams on the intercom to “Please disregard all fire alarms”. We make fun of it and it’s kind of become a meme here in my office. Like “Please disregard my gas” or “Please excuse my bad hair day”.
Edit again: Is it a “meme” if it’s just at work, or does it have to originate on line?
If it looks like a meme, and it quacks like a meme, and it smells like a meme, it’s a meme.
@FM – next time there is a fire alarm..or any kind of “disregard….” notice, follow-up with “Because, you know…ninjas”
We expect a report back here.
That may be the next thing I turn into a T-shit on Zazzle: You Know…Ninjas.
So long as I get a cut of the profits, I’m cool… 😉
Of course you get a cut. And of course you’re cool 🙂
As Dostoevsky said: Get back! This is my onion!
This makes perfect sense. No, wait, I mean perfect nonsense. I always get the two confused.
Would the opposite of perfect sense be imperfect nonsense? Because there’s definitely something lacking here…
Witty comment on onions and a nowhere man. Snark regarding Sparky and weed.
Hmm, Hollyweird, desperate for Sparky to cough up disposable income will blend January Man and Omega Man as a movie scheme to create the ultimate onion-bomb?
Hmm, Thunderdome deathmatch of Gilbert Gottfried, Carrottop, and Yahoo Serious . . .
To: Sparky McFiggypudding
From: Mindfield bin Smileydog
Subject: Onion! Onion onion onion!
Dear Sparky,
When I was but a sprout, oh, I don’t know, must have been around the time of The Great Over-Under TP War of nineteen humpty two, my great aunt Shmeckle, bless her heart, she would make us kids a big ol’ onion pie. Our parents had died a firebombing run, see, when a P-40 flew overhead and dropped hundreds of rolls of flaming toilet paper rolls. It wasn’t so much the fire that killed them, though, because you see in those days, safety standards and scientific advancement not being what they were today, it was the toxic fumes from the burning paper and the artificial sweeteners they contained in particular that caused respiratory failure. In fact, it was that particular bombing that led to increased safety standards and alternative materials to be used in toilet paper, which is why the stuff we have today is so safe.
So anyway, our aunt Schmeckle took care of us kids after that, and once a week she would make her famous onion pie. Oh yes, it was famous. The whole street knew when she was making it, and not just because she’d go outside and scream her intentions from the veranda. You could smell that sweet onion pie for a mile around. She had her own special recipe. I never did quite learn all what was in it, but I knew there was some nutmeg in there, and some brown sugar, and pickle brine, and a whole that certain special something you just couldn’t quite put your finger on. My, my, but it was delicious. Kids and adults from all around the neighbourhood would crowd around our house and peek in the windows to watch us eat it. Wolves, too. Always wolves. We always had one or two fewer neighbours in the area after aunt Schmeckle’s onion pie.
So it came to pass one day that the president — president Moogler, it was, man only communicated in semaphores — the president handed down an edict restricting our access to onions. They were needed for the war effort, you see, and there just weren’t enough to go around for everybody. Well, we were devastated, of course. Aunt Schmeckle couldn’t make her onion pie because there just weren’t any to be had, not at a price we could afford. But we supported our troops, naturally we did. We didn’t want those commie Under bastards to win, so we were behind them all the way and gave them our full support. And our onions.
That war seemed to go on forever, I tell you. It seemed like we’d never have peace, and sometimes we’d all huddle, all us kids, we’re huddle under our desks at school every time news came down the wire of another Axis bombing, afraid that if we weren’t killed, we’d have to spend the rest of our lives putting the toilet paper rolls on backwards. Well, for some of us, that was a fate worse than death, a way of life we just couldn’t stand for, no sir.
Time came when I’d turned 13 and was old enough to enlist. Oh, I was too young to fight but I could sure help in the factories, and I felt it was my patriotic duty to lend whatever meager skills I had to whatever part of the effort needed them. So I got me a job that made tear gas out of onions. It was a bittersweet time. Oh, I was proud to help the war, certainly I was, but I could never walk into that factory without thinking of my dear aunt Schmeckle’s onion pie. On the other hand, I thought, if I did my job as well as I possibly could, then maybe the war would be over sooner. Then everybody could have onions again and we could finally have more of that scrumptious onion pie.
So it was one day that I found myself peeling an onion in preparation for it to be juiced so that stuff inside of it that makes you cry could be extracted and weaponized when there was a commotion clear across the other side of the factory floor. I tried to see what was going on even as I peeled another onion, trying to stay productive yet steal a look, but I couldn’t really make anything out. There was an awful lot of yelling and people scurrying about, though. then I heard a few shots fired, and I knew. We were being invaded. The enemy wanted our onions. But we weren’t going to let those bastards have any, no sir. Those were our onions, and by God, they were going to win us this war! I knew that this was my chance. My chance to fight the good fight. Oh, I know I was technically too young, but don’t you go thinkin’ that mattered to me any. I’d been practicing with my BB gun, and I could shoot the danglies off a mayfly at a hundred paces, I could, you just give me a reason to prove it.
Well, now it was my chance to put that to use, so I turned to run into battle — and ran straight into him. I staggered back, both from the impact and the surprise. He was a tall fella, must have been six-odd feet if he was an inch, and mean looking. He wore a uniform with a badge on it depicting a roll of toilet paper with a big red arrow pointing to the end of the roll. The roll was backwards. He was one of them. The axis, the enemy, an undersolder. I froze. I was terrified. I’d seen grainy pictures of them in the newspaper and such, but I’d never been face to face with one in the flesh. He cast an imposing shadow. I didn’t know what to do. My life seemed to flash before my eyes. My childhood. My parents. My aunt. Onions.
Onion pie.
And that, really, ended up being what it was all about. This war, they took my parents away from me. They took our onions away. They took our onion pie away. And just like that, this man, this imposing, fearsome enemy, became the embodiment of this entire war. He stood before me, a vessel of everything I had lost, everything everybody had lost. At that moment, he and he alone stood between me — everyone — and a return to our way of life, our freedom, our way of over-the-roll life, and most of all, our onions. The anger, the hatred, boiled inside of me. I balled up my fists. That’s when I realized I still had an onion in one hand. Without even a second thought, I brought that onion up behind my head and threw it with every ounce of strength my lanky thirteen-year-old frame could muster.
I watched in an almost calm, detatched state as that onion flew through the air, seemingly in slow motion, and connected squarely with the undersoldier’s nose. The impact split the onion and seemed to crack his nose, too. The juices sprayed all over his face, into his eyes. The man stumbled backwards, clawing at his eyes. His nose sprouted a crimson stream; his blinded eyes flooded with tears, and he screamed from the pain that must surely have spread throughout his entire face.
Others in the factory saw what I did. It seemed to suddenly galvanize them, and they began to grab onions and throw them at the enemy. The dull, wet sounds of onions hitting flesh began rattling off the walls like big summer hailstones in the mud. We fought with vigor and drove the enemy out of the factory and into the streets, but we kept pounding them with onion after onion until the asphalt was white with flecks of ocher skins. Finally, the enemy began to flee, and we kept throwing onions after them to make sure they never dared darken our doorsteps.
Well, not too long after that, we won the war. I like to think we helped tip the balance. Maybe we did, I don’t know. But tragically, it was just a little too late for my aunt Schmeckle. She was killed in a minor skirmish near the end of the war. She tossed an onion at the enemy, who caught it and threw it back at her. It hit her square in the nose, driving a shard of cartilage into her brain, killing her instantly. It was truly a sad day. I missed my aunt, and I knew, most of all, that even though we won the war and onions were once again plentiful, we would never again taste her sweet onion pie.
What I’m trying to say is, I hate you, and I never, ever want you to mention onions again. Ever.
EVER.
What’s an undersolder? Did he have a soldering gun? Was that why he was so scary?
He’s a typo. The worst kind of solder. What can I say? I didn’t proofread. I’m lazy today. It’s hump day, and I just don’t have the energy to.
Woohoo!
I don’t think that means what you think it means Taco.
But WOO HOO anyway!
The only thing better than hump day is S.H.I.T!
That was Walla Walla sweet MF.
see, I didn’t mention onio’s
Beautiful.
ONION
Dearest Sparky,
Were you dropped on your head as a baby, or did you just eat a lot of lead paint as a child? Please put PARSNIP in the heading of your reply so I’ll know to ignore it.
Kisses,
Ghostie
I couldn’t make up my mind, so CJ and ghostcat are in the box. Together. With the new playground equipment. And possibly a Freeze Ray.
Good call. I hope they stay out of trouble.
Is the Freeze Ray this thing over here that says Do Not Press This Bu… BZZZZT!
Oops. I mean … That was like that when I got here.
*picks up freeze-ray*
Hey, what does this button do….oops…ghostie? GHOSTIE?
Oh well, guess the kibble is all mine now.
Y’all have now crossed the streams.
Mama Windy! CJ froze my catnip mousie!
:crunch-crunch:
Actually, that’s quite refreshing. Never mind.
And this is why we can’t have nice things.
I thought it was because… you know… ninjas.
At our house two cats in one box equals fur flying and lots of fighting and squalling. Y’all behave.
[checks manifests . . . hmm, missing how many 500# bladders of helicopter fuel and how many anti-tank rockets . . .?]
[OT]
So apparently Rogers, my ISP, is bumping our internet speed from 25mbit to 32 megabit absolutely free and at no extra charge to boot. Sounds pretty cool, and it kind of is, except that what this really means is “We’re going to be nice and not ask for a couple more of your extremities for this enhanced service.”
Yeah, I know. #whitewhine.
[/OT]
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Duck.
Duck.
Goose!
Swan.
Cheese!
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♫♪Don’t know what to say the monkeys won’t do. ♫♪ 8)
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*dances around a bit… faints*
Hi.
We’re about to get a spanking for this, aren’t we?
You should move the talk about spankings over to the “Hump Day” discussion.
We can’t get punished for this… I mean, what did they expect when putting a bunch of sarcastic people in one place? Ninjas? Oh… right…
I am a dull red humped table ninja onion fish with a spanking fetish named Jack. I mean, my name is Jack, not my spanking fetish, which is named Bob.
*brainsplody*
::returns flask::
Just check what’s in it before you drink, since I think MF got ahold of it at some point, and he likes to mix everything together, and someone left the brain bleach out where he could reach it…
ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER! ROOFER!
Also – @ Sis, multiple doors for the RD reference. 🙂
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
It’s a world of laughter
A world of tears
It’s a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world
No! Bad Astro! Back in your cage!
Nuh-uh!
**invokes Godwin’s law**
You know there’s more than one verse to that, right?
There’s just one moon
and one golden sun
and a smile means friendship to everyone
though the mountains are high
and the oceans divide
it’s a small world after all…
Hey, at least no one broke the style sheet.
Sour cream.
Mmmm.
Can I write peanut butter & jelly instead?
No, it must be Onion. NO REPLY FOR YOU!
So long as you spell it O – N – I – O – N.
O ƒ N – I ÷ 0 ~ N ?
You forgot to carry the 1.
I don’t have my catulator here at work so I’ve had to make do with a birdulator I caught. The answer I’m getting is “a bag of mayors.”
That doesn’t sound right.
“Knock Knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Onion!”
“Ok, you may come in.”
(The punchline of that joke if a 9 year old were telling it)
FOUR HOURS LATER: “Garlic”. “Garlic who?” “Aren’t you glad I didn’t say onion again?”
[ inside joke ]
I was half expecting the punchline to be “Fancy meeting you here.”
[/ inside joke ]
Onion
This is not a reply.
Thanks!
Anion
Neither is this.
You’re welcome.
Minion.
Pay no attention, cuz..you know, ninjas.
Danke.
Bunion
Number twelve, hold the mustard.
Live long and prosper.
Crampon
I think I dislocated my occipital lobe.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
Betelgeuse.
Hello all! Back from our extended trip to the Eyebrows cabin in remote neck-of-the-woods Northern California (soon to be a state, don’t ya know). Highlights from our trip include:
1. We got water! Hallelujah!
2. After we got water, we got leaks!
3. After we got leaks, Mr. Eyebrows got to play plumber…for days on end because new leaks kept popping up.
4. Finally, all the leaks were fixed, and we could shower. Another hallelujah!
5. Swam in lake, hiked around lake, took sunset quad rides with a bottle of port and enjoyed seeing ALL the stars in the sky away from the glow of civilization, had a visit from middle daughter and her bf, and got in some much-needed relaxation.
6. Made it home safely despite a smouldering rat’s nest discovered between the truck engine manifold and carbeurator halfway down I5 (those suckers build quick!) and a bumblebee blown in the back window, dropping in my lap and stinging a rather sensitive area (it wasn’t one of yours, dear llamanun).
Haven’t had a chance to catch up on what I missed. Sure there were some humdingers! Love the addition of Lunacy! Hi Monica! Hope all is well with everyone!
*Double Arm Wave*
Welcome back!
Archie’s back! Archie’s back!
Archie, we have taken over Facebook! Come and join us! It’s fun and it doesn’t kill the comments here, and there’s chat, and stuff. Ask for details. Your mileage may vary. Void where prohibited. Store in a cool, dry place.
Welcome back! Yes, you missed quite a bit. Lola upgraded her flask to a tureen; we’ve filled the lounge with ficus plants; we replaced the coffee slices with Folgers crystals (nobody noticed), war was declared, waged and abandoned in the thirty seconds it took everyone to realize that our only weapon was sharp wit; Taco went a day without a single typo (I know!); I was briefly declared President of the Universe before someone discovered that it was a clerical error and I was actually meant to be scheduled for an elective double mastectomy, which itself turned out to be a clerical error when they discovered I didn’t have any to cut off, so they just stuck me in the mail room ’til they figured out what to do with me; IF formed a cover band of Mott the Hoople called “Mott’s the Clamato”; The Higgs boson was finally found and is now the subject of a heated dispute over drilling rights; and lastly, the microwave is on the fritz, so if you want to heat your
coffee slicesFolgers crystals, we have cans of Sterno and matches in the hall closet. But you’ll have to hurry, someone keeps eating them and we don’t know who yet.It is just me, or does that sounds Douglas Adams-esque?
Rather like Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, and Stephen Fry got in a car accident (but no one was hurt, so, carry on as you were).
It sounds like a fun day.
Aw written by Douglas Adams, yes.
Edit: Aww, Lola beat me to it. Still, couldn’t have been beaten by a better snarker. 🙂
MF, leave it to you to bring me up to date. As CJ would say: Mini tanks! 🙂
Lola, dearheart, the tureen idea is simply marvelous. *makes note to stock the lounge supply cabinet with straws* I brought some ferns back from the mountains. They will go well with the ficuses. Gives it a nice forest feel. As long as there is coffee, I don’t think anyone cares what form it takes. And since it’s the summertime, chilled coffee is delicious so we don’t need to replace the microwave until Walmart has a sale on blu-rays.
*sigh* I missed No-Error-Taco-Day. Don’t tell me what day it was. Let’s see if I can find it when I review the archives.
Not that I’m a fan of war, but we do wield our wit weapons rather well. I think any war of words that we wage would provide better reading than what we see from the daily newspapers and pundits, yes? Additionally, very little PTSD is incurred (only occasionally to a sparky or two) which I consider a big plus. Just sayin’.
President of the Universe…hahaha! Of course, you do know they all started in the mailroom so you are on the right track. Clamato makes the best Bloody Marys! IF always combines just the right ingredients in his cover bands.
Simple. The ninjas are eating the Sterno.
[slight mixed-drink Corey]
A Bloody Mary made with Clamato is actually called a Bloody Caesar.
[/corey]
At least in Canada it is.
This was learned by myself and my fellow naive college students visiting across the border for the drinking age advantage, thanks to a bartender who wanted everyone in Cheers to have a good laugh.
Thanks, IF. I love details! I shall add it to my mixology trivia stash.
And thanks, everybody…it is nice to be back. I’d call for a group hug but blue pills and onions seem to call for some space.
[Onion]
I’m introducing some new HTML tags for posts that are a clear cry for attention. So make sure to read this post!
Read it! Look at meeeeeeeeeee!
[/Onion]
Onion
Ooh, don’t look now people, but we’ve got a new poster working their way through the archive.
Oh? Whoo-who?!
Said poster goes by the moniker of: Dete.
Gesundheit.
Just wait ’til he gets here. He’ll be surprised we’re talking about him, so let’s welcome him and say things about him so that by the time he makes it to this thread he’ll be a little freaked out.
Hi, Dete! Welcome to YSaC! We have clams! It’s not contagious.
Since he seems to be reading the comments, shall we say next March?
Dete – If you hear a jingling sound, run.
Dete’s up to 230! Should be up here with us in a few days.
Dete: don’t rub the puppy’s tummy.
Awww, I never get to have any fun.
My tummy, however, is perfectly safe. One might even say silky.
The smile makes that statement oh so creepy.
My work here is done.
Petting a monkey is so much more fun, Dete. Trust me. Wink.
Hi Dete! Ignore the dogs and monkey. penguins are much more fun. Plus we’re always dressed to go out on the town – even if it’s just to grab some beer, watch some football or listen to Willie.
Hey Dete, I’ve a mosquito problem, can you swing by the house and hang out for awhile?
Welcome, Dete. Interesting comments you have made in the archives. Shame if something should happen to them.
Hey now, let’s not scare poor Dete away with chores and protection rackets before he’s even really arrived. We want to let him sit down, put his feet up, get comfortable, maybe have some coffee slices and a little light conversation about himself before we break out the mop and kneecaps.
Pay no attention to these mooks, Dete. Really, we’re a cool bunch, honest. We love newbies and welcome newbies. Why don’t you take a load off, have a slice of coffee and tell us about yourself? Oh, and have you seen my belly? It’s really quite soft.
Oh, yes, we love newbies. Quite tender and tasty.
And s/he quite liked one of your comments, AR (his most recent before this one).
By the time Dete gets here, they will be freaked out by these messages. lol
Curiously, there is a small feed on the side of the site that lets me see all your talking about me here in the future-present. Yes, I am weirded out… but in a good way.
They’re just happy you’re here, Dete.
The Llama-Nun is right, BBUH. All of us were lurkers before we commented, and many of us read the archives first. Welcome!
YAYNEWPOSTERWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
**ahem**
Sorry, they don’t let us out much.
But onions reply
Sometimes without any sense
Refrigerator
Donotreply.com took me to nowhere. Nowhere is a city in Oklahoma. Oklahoma has a Fried Onion Day. There is something called an onion weed. There is a type of (smoking) weed called Kevin Bacon. Bacon tastes better than spam.
I think I need a cup of Folgers.
Well done. Now you just need to connect beer and football.
Thick sliced or flash frozen?
Wow. I just found this site today and I’ve been reading all the past posts… I’ve smiled at my laptop multiple times, and once, literally “lol’d.” I don’t remember the last time this happened in my years of Internets. O_O
Hey now. I’m the newbie around here. >:( Yo steppin’ on mah turf, son. Er. Or daughter.
In other news, Yay! Other Newbie! Maybe the regulars will lavish their lascivious love on you instead of me. Or including me. I went to kindergarten, I learned how to share.
Dete, you made it! Hi Mashie! We Lurv Newbies! 8) Stay around, and we’ll put out the good china.
Well… technically not yet. I’m still in the early 400s.
It’s ok Dete, around here we laugh at the space-time continuum.
*points at space-time continuum* Ha! Hahaha!!! Haha…
Mama Windy, Mama Windy, the space-time continuum is looking at me! It’s gonna get me! Waaaaaaah!
It won’t stay on its side of the car! It’s touching me! Mama Windy make it stop!
In other news, feel free to comment even if you’re not caught up in the archive. And remember, never mention Mr. Winky out-loud, avoid standing on Grampdaddy’s front lawn, and stay away from the pudding… it’s not on fire.
Welcome, Mashie! I’m so glad you enjoy the site!