YSaC, Vol. 1374: Famed Web Hinter
2012 November 1
man with free bed
Please call me ###-####
Ah, semantic ambiguity. How we love you. Is this person a man giving away a bed? Or is it a person of indeterminate gender who wishes to be telephonically contacted by a man who has a free bed? “Free” meaning no charge, or “free” meaning available? Is that number our poster’s phone number, or the number that our poster wishes to be contacted by?
So many questions. Good thing answering “Is Sparky here an idiot?” didn’t take long, so I have plenty of time for these.
Thanks for the post, William!
Perhaps this is a plea; the bed has gotten loose and is capering about the neighborhood getting into the trashcans.
Or that is the current surmise, what with the person in night-dress peering in bushes, and under cars calling out “Here Bed! Bbbeeeedddd! C’mon home! Bed! Bed! Here Bed!”
You could always bribe the bed with a duvet?
Ah yes, the eternal, infernal, never-ending quest for…….
The Truth
Even though on the one hand there’s a ‘man’ and on the other a ‘bed’ neither are free and both are bound, one to the other for time and all eternity.
Can either break free? Do either want to?
What is, The Truth?
You wanna know what the truth is? Do ya? Can you handle it?
The truth is Sparky had ONE fecking job to do. ONE. List a bed/painting/horned frog/jersey on Craigslist for sale, and he FUBAR’d it thoroughly and completely.
Well played, dipshit, well played indeed.
So you’re saying the man can’t break free from his bed? He’s stuck to his bed? You know you can go blind doing that…
I had a free bed on Craigslist.
I felt unfettered and alive.
There was nobody calling me up to see it
And no one’s pickup to decide.
You know I’d go back there tomorrow
But for reflectoporn vanities
And all the clarity-challenged adverts
Posted by spacy Sparkies.
No thanks, one divorce is enough. Unless, it’s just the bed… and even then… I’ll wonder where it’s been. *shudder*
Sparky must still be trying to get rid of the “whore” bed.
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=6756
Today’s Punishment in a Box is brought to you by the letters C and J, and the improper noun, ghostcat!
Congrats, CJ and SJ. You make a great tag team in the box.
Honestly, you two should go on the road, ala Hope and Der Bingle. You two could toss a coin to see who gets to play Dorothy Lamour and wear the sarong. Think of the possibilities. We could advertise on Craigslists all over the country!
Windrose, my husband was just taking the tags off a new shirt and tossed them into a box that was on the way to the garbage. He said ‘In the box.’ I said ‘Punchity punch’. For some reason I got an odd look lol. Been lurking too much here I guess.
Yes! You have done well, my Padawan!
You are my free bed
My manly free bed
You should please call me
L-B, Sparky.
You’ll never know, man,
Where this free bed has been.
Please don’t hate my ambiguity.
(this after I couldn’t make the free bed/Free Bird thing work. Too many distractions with, you know, my job.)
::puts away lighter::
I get it, it’s an anagram. And maybe even an allegory.
ARDENT BEEF WHIM
Wanted: brief hem,
fawn bride theme.
Bathed ween firm!
Wafted herb (mine)…
Batmen herd wife,
find Hebrew team–
what briefed men???
Them barfed wine,
wet behind frame.
Bent wife harmed,
brew thief named–
Ben White framed!
Hewn timber fade
(damn beef wither).
Birthed few, amen.
Wham! Inbred feet.
So if you buy the man, you get the bed free?
AND, for a limited time only, this amazing mirror to hang left to right! But you MUST ACT NOW!
But IF you call within the limited time we will give you a second left to right mirror free. Just pay shipping of two free couches.
Please call me ###-####
It’s his name, an odd name to be sure, but no reason to mock him for it. It’s not his fault after all but his parents fault…
So there I was, snarking away, when all of a sudden CJ and ghostcat landed beside me in the box! That’s all I remember, officer. Will I be able to play the piano again?
Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Men Without Sheets!
I like the way you think, Archie!