You Suck at Craigslist

Men! Want money? Here’s a woman (maybe) who will pay you!

I’ll pay you! – w4m

The devil’s always in the details, though, isn’t it? Let’s see what they want you to do…

All I need you to do is to take a picture..

Well, that doesn’t seem too hard, does it?

1-) You can’t be seeing.

You want a BLIND man to take your picture? O-kaaaay…

2-) I need a clear face pic or whole body.
3-) You take the pic, and give it to me.
4-) You get $200 and we never see each other again.

If he’s blind, he wouldn’t have seen you in the first place, right?

I’ll give you all the info, You must have a car… Discretion is advised!

Must have a CAR? A BLIND GUY? I should THINK he’d want to be discreet about that. I’m not sure how much LUCK he’d have, however. Presumably a blind person driving around might be a tad conspicuous. Although it’s certainly theoretically possible:

No games! also let me know, when can you do it, I need it as soon is possible!
DO NOT EMAIL ME ASKING FOR A PIC.. I need you take a picture to someone else…If you are afraid, Don’t bother!

Wait, I’m confused. Is the driving blind guy supposed to give YOU the picture, or take it to someone else?

You know what? Unlike a LOT of the things we post here, this actually makes me HAPPY I have functioning eyeballs.

Thanks for the link, Diana!

Kitchen TABLE 3 chairs – $35 – $35

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Kitchen TABLE 3 chairs – $35
WOOD
only AND 3 CHAIRS that are all wood
VERY GOOD CONDITION
NO WOBBLES good set
The chairs & table do NOT have spots the lens on the camera did
(borrowed camera)
42″ Across and 30″ High (Round)

ligit offers only I am here to sell my table and not join some get rich club thank you!
Please don’t spam me or i will report you!

It’s nice to know there are fans of the site out there. Clearly this person has read some of our many posts featuring pictures of things other than the thing being sold. They wish for there to be no confusion. They want to be sure you aren’t confused by all the other items in the picture which are not kitchen tables, but which you might inadvertently mistake for kitchen tables. Just because there’s a large, obvious table in the center of the picture, some unsuspecting viewer might decide that some OTHER item in the picture is actually the kitchen table for sale. They are also worried that said hypothetical viewer may not have checked our table identification guide.

So they fixed it. Thank goodness. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with state of the art photo editing these days.

Also, is it just me, or does that chair look like the seat is about twelve inches off the floor?

Thanks for the link, Yvie!

Free large paper mache’ Vagina to good home… HAS SEEN BETTER DAYS

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Made this a couple of years ago, some of the mache’ is crackly – comes with 5 large tin foil balls. FREE to a good home!

I call shenanigans.

I think someone went to a modern art museum, took this picture, and decided to have some fun. I can’t prove this theory, because I don’t know who did this piece or what museum it’s in. It’s the display that’s giving it away for me. It’s too well lit, and too well-presented. Plus there’s six balls, not five — though that may have just been a Craigslist-normal cat math error.

And, just above it, I swear you can see the reflection of a frame in the floor. If this was CSI-Craigslist I could zoom in, increase the resolution, fill in the missing pixels, deepen the contrast between the somethingtechnicalsounding and identify what painting was being reflected and thus what museum this is in. (Not that anyone can actually do that UNLESS they’re on a CSI show, speaking of calling shenanigans.)

This person sucks at Craigslist, AND at modern art. Why, this is clearly an abstract representation of the breaching of the walls surrounding Athens in the Peloponnesian War, and as such represents man’s inhumanity to man. (Something ALWAYS represents man’s inhumanity to man.)

Wait, I call shenanigans on that, too.

Thanks, Ashley!

Vintage Micro Fish Reader – $5

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Vintage Micro Fish Reader. These were used to look up property, taxes and this sort of thing before computers. This one is in mint condition and would make a great conversation piece. $5

Sara: I don’t know about you, but i’m truly excited at the thought of conversing over people in olden days looking at tiny sea creatures.

drmk: What does it say about me that I really, REALLY want this??? I want to buy it and turn it into a fish tank.

Sara: Perhaps the best idea I’ve heard in a while! Just make sure you use smaller fish, LOL.

Thanks, Sara!

Earlier this week, we saw how important pictures are to a Craigslist post. Another often overlooked element of a successful Craigslist post is the creation of a good title. You want to be sure that your title reflects what you’re offering, while drawing the reader in. Here are some wonderful examples:

Sunny Rennovated elevator in building large bedroom, great kitchen

I know apartments in some cities are small, but this is a bit nuts. Also, my brain is now full of jokes that involve the phrase, “Going down.” I should be ashamed of myself.

One Armed Security Officer Needed Immediately

Is it wrong that I keep thinking of the recurring character from Arrested Development here?

Guy who jumped me across from The Bitter End on Fulton

See? This is why we need one-armed security officers. He would have protected you with his one good arm. What? Oh, you mean jump-started you. Ah. Never mind.

book of moron. 2 of them. good condition

I should probably mention that this ad was posted in Utah, right? What a difference an m makes.

Thanks, oliveees, John, obeychomsky, and William, for these exemplary titles!

jeff fox werthy – $25

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I am selling a Jeff foxwerthy complete read neck dictionary
Call text xxxxxxx

There are two things that horrify me about this. The first is that Sparky can’t spell Jeff Foxworthy’s name — or the word redneck — correctly, even though the book is right in front of him.

The other is that Jeff Foxworthy is still milking the “You might be a redneck if” shtick. And has multiple books published on that theme. I guess it proves the rooster with a typewriter theory.

Wait, I’m sorry, there’s a third thing … the fact that Sparky is trying to sell this book for $25, when it’s listed for $13.60 at Amazon.com. (The Kindle edition is only $9.99!)

You might be a redneck if …

Thanks, Erin!