YSaC, Vol. 1583: Gerbil me later
2013 August 21
This was posted in the “Free” section:
Gerbal
I have a female gerbil named diamond. I cant have her anymore. She’s 15 dollars ddollarsd her cage is 10 dollars … Email me for negotiation or something . If interest email me so i can hold her for your purchase. I live in
Now, normally we redact the location of our posts to protect the innocent stupid. But in this case… we didn’t have to. The post just ends here.
So apparently the owner of this free ten dollar gerbal has been sucked into some sort of space-time wormhole. Perhaps Neal DeGrasse Tyson can help. But I doubt it.
Thanks for the post, Tiff!
What really happened was this…
Winston and Pickles had been planning Diamond’s rescue for a long while. Diamond was certain her stupid human would either kill her with neglect, or worse, would try to sell her for free.
Such a fate was beneath so magnificent a diva as Miss Diamond, and Winston agreed.
You see, truth be known, Winston was a little smitten with the brown-haired beauty. Never mind that he was a genie pig and she a gerbil. He didn’t care what society said about such intermingling. He was in love, and as fate would have it, the feeling was most mutual.
So, Winston enlisted the aid of his best friend Pickles and together they hatched a plan to rescue the beautiful Diamond.
As the two of them scaled the window ledge, they heard the tap, tap, tapping of computer keys. Pickles stood up on his hind legs and looked across the room. There, at the desk sat Diamond’s human, typing an ad for Craigslist.
Stealthily Pickles and Winston dragged the chloroform-laden towel they’d managed to purloin from a local vet’s office across the floor and up the back of the human’s chair.
With any luck, he’d never suspect a thing….
Ah, Winston and Diamond – a truly modern rodent love story for our troubled times. Pixar starts production this fall.
Still a better love story than Twilight!
Would it sell better if we made them into vampires a’la Bunnicula?
* takes her coffee slice to the corner to peck out the greatest screenplay ever written*
This made me snort.
Me too. *snort*
Free ALL the gerbals! And the gerberts! And the genie pigs! *
* only 10 ddollarsd
“My gerbil costs 15 d-dollar-d-d-DOLLARS! Oh man that feels weird! Okay that’s enough, how do I get it out?!”
I’m getting an error that won’t let me update the box today! So here’s what would have been put there:
This is just so sad.
I mean first it’s popsicles, then you move on to soft-serve cones, and before you know it you’re strung out on Blizzards, just hangin’ out at the DQ trying to score all day long.
*sniffle*
C””J
Congrats, C””J!!!!
SQUEE!!
Other than the “ddollarsd” part and the missing location, this is remarkably coherent for YSAC. I suspect it was actually posted by the gerbil (no genie pig necessary) who wasn’t sure of where she is, having never left the house.
Lucidity in disguise with Diamond.
This post is remarkably like an episode in my life….I once knew a gerbil-like female named Sapphire. She, too, was “free”, but then wanted money for the “cage, etc,”. I tried to negotiate or something, but I couldn’t hold her until purchased. So we went to where she lived and she proceeded to
Aaaand, welcome to the corner, jazzy. I was getting lonely!
Thanks, MissMommy…it’s nice to have company….would you mind holding my gerbil for a minute?…or two?…
Sure, I’ll put it in the free $25 cage I got with my genie pig next to my herd of free range artisinal chwawas.
I almost had to tell you two to get a room. Or a cage.
Just like Winston and Diamond…sniff…
O.K., Windy…I’m back. just had to go get my cage….where should I put it?
Dear Sparky, I want to negotiate or something.
Okay, you interest? I can hold diamond for your purchase, but if she bite me I have to put her back in cage or something.
I don’t care where you stick your gerbil. What I want to know is is she free or 15 dollars? I like free or something.
Gerbal is free. I have gerbil for 15 dollars or ddollarsd or something.
Oh, so you have 2 gerbi? Can I have one for 7.50 or something?
No gerbi. I can get you one, but it will be 20 dollars or something.
No thanks. I’ll take the free gerbal.
Free gerbal not for sale. Only diamond for sale 15 dollars. Also cage for sale 10 dollars. I sell you both for 30 dollars or something.
How about $20 for both?
For 20 dollars I can hold her or something. No cage.
I’ll give you $20 if you can hold both diamond AND the free gerbal for me.
Okay, but holding fee is 5 dollars or something.
$5 each, or for both?
5 dollars for gerbil, 6 dollars for gerbal. Both for 14 dollars or something.
In that case, I’ll just get the cage for $10.
Gerbil cage is 10 dollars. Gerbal cage is 16 dollars or something.
Can’t they share the same cage or something?
No. Gerbil is natural enemy of gerbal. That’s why I can’t have her anymore.
Oh. Well……. I’ll get back to you or something.
Such a shame about “dollars ddollarsd “–no body could cover the Dolan’s Dullards like they could.
Isn’t a gerbal where Cinddollarsdella lost her diamond slipper?
I was told there would be gerberts.
I am still really proud of that gerbets post. Probably prouder than I should be, but it still makes me laugh every time.
I need a dollars ddollarsd for her cage. hey hey!
So, C””J, while you didn’t get to be in the box a full 24 hours, you may be in there again today. 8) Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Dear YSaC!