YSaC, Vol. 1584: Gastropussy.
2013 August 22
Mystery Snails
Tons of baby snails – about 60 or so. Take 1 or take 20. Please, take them all!!
DOES NOT COME WITH TANK
The real mystery of these snails is how 60 of them can weigh 4000+ pounds. Are they made out of tungsten?
Actually, I’m imagining this slightly differently. Think of it this way instead: International Snails of Mystery! They fight crime, woo women, wear tiny little tuxedos, have very, very slow car chases, and leave slimy trails of destruction in their wake. But they do not have their own Panzer.
Thanks, Camille!
Mystery snails.
Are you ready for your mystery snails?
Watch their tails leave slimy trails.
Open the tank for your mystery snails.
Well, the snail’s owner clearly lives in a pineapple under the sea. So the snail itself must be Gary. Mystery solved.
Oh, you’re no fun any more!
Assignment: Create a joke with today’s post using this punch line:
Look at that S Car Go!
I would, but there is no more garlic butter.
We have had quite the snail fest around here recently, haven’t we?
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Craptacular.
Craptacular who?
Craptacular engage the…oh, wow!!! look at that S car go!!!!!!!
It’s a glacier, it’s a city road project! No it’s the Mystery Snails!
Wow! Look at that S Car Go!
Bob is sick of these door-to-door snailsmen.
Your big snail was pregnant.
There, solved the mystery for you.
According to the Interwebz;
These must be exceptionally slutty snails if they managed to lay enough eggs to produce one ton of offspring.
That’s enough roe to make sandwich spread for an army, but you’ll need….
One ton of mayo,
Or nearly one ton of mayo,
One ton of maaaayyyyyyoooooo,
Go get your one ton of mayo…*
*My deepest apologies. Yo soy un hombre sincero.**
**this may not actually be true.
Corey cred! ^^^
Bummer. I thought I finally found a way to get my marbles back.
*makes note of what to get One for Beesmas*
Tons- plural, means at least two. So each snail is at least 66 lbs. I’m afraid I couldn’t possibly take even one. They must get smaller as they get older.
Edit: Ooh, I missed the comment by DRMK(BBUH) above.
MYSTERY SNAIL THEATRE 3000
T Servo: Hey look, the snails work in an office.
Crow: Must be the DMV.
T Servo: How many snails does it take to push that snail mail cart around.
Crow: Tons. I got stuck behind one in the candy isle at the store.
OMV…you forgot the punchline…..”look at that S Car Go!!!” There..took care of it for ya….you’re welcome.
To Corey or not to Corey, that is the question….
Nah, have fun with it. Uncle Google will wait.
I shall bite the Corey bullet!
[snail corey]Mystery snails are a real thing, Wikipedia says so
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mystery_snail
You can find them at most aquarium shops, although all the ones I’ve seen weigh significantly less than a ton. I may not be going to the right shops.[/snail corey]
[corey]Snails are slimey little beggars that like to hang out in hard, crunchy shells. Gender differences in snails yield different speeds. One would think that snail males would be faster than snail shemales because snail shemales tend to take a whole lot longer to get ready. But because of Gastropodal regulations on container conditions, shells with slime on them are now suspected to be possible explosive devices. After the bomb squid inspection and submerging in water, snail males take longer to get ready than snail shemales. This condition has produced a new phenomenon. Snail shemales’ nagging has increased exponentially, causing snail males to attempt suicide. However, due to the sticky nature of snail males, they just tend to slide down the cliffs they try to jump off.[/corey]
Wow! Look at that S Car Go! Er, I mean Look at that snail male go!
Tons of Snails opened for Phish.
Seems legit.
DOES NOT COME WITH TANK
Does, however, come with artillery.
Shell out!
Shell out for the mystery snails
Shell out!
Shell out for the mystery snails
The magical mystery snails
I wish you would take them away.
Wish you would take them away.
Call me today.
My grandmother sent me a newspaper clipping about a bear attack. There was a tour/ outing bus taking some senior citizens up to the Ruby River Resevoir a ways outside of Butte MT. They were travelling on a gravel road about 5 miles from the reservoir. The trees were cut back from the road about 50 feet. Someone on the bus saw a woman run from the tree line. The person made it known to everyone else on the bus as a bear came out of the tree line behind the woman. The driver stopped the bus and the woman ran up to the door of the bus and pounded on the door, screaming to let her in. The driver refused to open the door and the bear grabbed the woman and dragged her off into the tree line. The senior citizens were furious at the bus driver for not opening the door and they told the fish and game officers all about what had happened. When the officers questioned the driver as to why he would not open the door, The driver claimed it was against regulations. The officer asked, “What do you mean?” Then the driver pulled out his regulation handbook, opened it and showed the officer, “See, it says right here,
I am not allowed to let a woman on the bus with a bare behind.Wow, look at that S Car Go!”Did I win?
you got my vote!!!!!! But I gotta know…what happened to the woman? Did she sit in the bear’s chair, eat the bear’s porridge, and sleep in the bear’s bed? Or did she witness the wild bear pooping in the woods? Inquiring minds want to know…..
What did the snail riding on the back of a turtle say?
Weeeeeeee!
What did the non-riding snail say?
Look at that S Car Go!
What is the velocity of an unladen snail?
What do you mean? African or European?
It’s a mystery.
C””J, Don’t get too comfortable! We may have to spray the box for snail infestation! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Panzerkampfwagen!