YSaC, Vol. 1704: The time has come, let’s give it back.
2014 May 16
FREE: abandoned SLEEP SOFA.. TAKE IT!
Neighbors moved out. left at curb a sleep sofa. full sized, has mattress and cushions.
its ugly, looks well loved on (litererally) and looks comfy too.
Best of all its free.
Please do not respond to email, do not call and most of all do not disturb us or neighbors.
That’s right. Do not email this person. Do not call them. Do not disturb them. Also, do not go to their neighborhood and pick up the couch. Don’t even read the ad. In fact, you should probably just close the browser now and go compulsively wash for a few minutes. I know I’m going to.
Thanks for the ad, Kim!
Don’t use any medium of communication to ask us where it is. Just take it. This ad won’t get you a sleep sofa, but if you contemplate it enough, you will achieve enlightenment.
“…most of all do not disturb us or neighbors.” Especially when they return to use it?
“its ugly, looks well loved on (litererally) and looks comfy too…..”
Are we still talking about the free sofa, or are we refering to the neighbor’s wife now?
I thought they moved out?….Oh!!!!!…HE moved out and left her at the curb with the sofa.
(we men can be so mean and crude sometimes….sorry)
Love the couch you’re with!
Note to Potential Sofa Plunderer:
This isn’t even Sparky’s sofa. From what we can tell, it’s not even on his/her property, but on the neighbor’s curb. But please, come and steal it (preferably in the middle of the night) before its Love Stains make their way over to Spark’s property.
-Sofa King Disturbed
I Watched every motion
Of their kinky lover’s game
Motion like the ocean
They left lots of funky stains
Please no returning
Might be secret snakes inside
Retching in slow motion
As I turn around and say
Take their couch away
Take their couch away
Do you want your friends to think you have an actual love life? Do you need proof that your Girlfriend who lives in Canada came for a very quick visit? Do you hate yourself so much you only pick up ugly furniture? Well, hurry up and claim this amazing couch/bed covered in Sssstuff!
*checks email*
*finds email from Sparky*
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! Sparky knows my email address! I must email him back to find out how he knows my email!
But…I….Am….Not….Supposed….To….Respond….To….E….Mail….!!!!
Eww! There is squick all over Sparky’s email. I’m not touching that!
There’s a little girl in our neighborhood.
Her name is Charlotte Johnson and she’s really looking good.
I had to go and see her so I called her on the phone.
I walked over to her house and this was going on.
Her brother was on the sofa, eating Cherry’s pie.
Momma washed the slip cover and hung it out to dry.
Her daddy was near the bathroom spying on aunt Rose.
I was on the porch with Charlotte ‘cuz her family’s really gross.
And she was reelin’, Yeah she was reelin’.
Little Charlotte’s feeling queasy from her head down to her toes.
Her brother’s eating Cherry and her daddy’s peeping Rose.
And she was reelin’!
What a find! I’ve been looking for a free place to slouch while I die of shame!
All alone at the end of the evening.
Where the sofa was faded and blue.
I was thinking ’bout the strange stains upon it.
If I only knew.
You know I only take the free stuff.
(Don’t throw my money ’round)
But it’s so hard to change.
(Running all over town)
But the sofas I’ve seen lately,
Have been broken down and colored brown
And aint that a shame.
Don’t respond to my email,
And I won’t disturb you.
I’ll take it from the curbside just this time.
Well you know that it’s sofa king ugly.
And you know it aint sofa king fine.
If it all fell to pieces tomorrow,
Would that be a sign?
So you posted it on craigslist.
(But nobody seemed to care.)
It belonged to your neighbors.
(But they moved away from there.)
And it’s been such an eyesore.
It still remains with people stains.
It’s gross to the core.
Don’t respond to my email,
And I won’t disturb you.
I’ll take it from the curbside just this time.
Take it from the curbside.
Take it from the curbside.
I’ll take it from the curbside.
Just this time.
OT- Last Sunday I saw a bear. It was the first bear I’ve seen this year…
I saw it in Ripley, believe it or not.
When the moon hits the curb,
You will become disturbed.
You can list it.
When it’s seen many whores,
And it’s not even yours.
You can list it.
When your neighbors are gone,
And it’s still on their lawn.
You can list it.
When the mattress aint clean,
From the lovin’ it’s seen.
You can list it.
When you yell,”Ow! My eyes!”
‘Cause the stains are this size.
You can list it.
When it’s ugly as sin,
Maybe you can still win.
You can list it!
I remember when I was young.
Me and Susie had so much fun.
Playing musical sleeper sofa.
Rubbing each other with our nap time loofa.
Okay, that’s enough. Am I disturbing you yet?
There, fixed it.
Do not disturb you, Sparky? I’m already disturbed by the mental image of your neighbor’s ugly “well loved on” sofa and all that implies.