YSaC, Vol. 561: Whoever gets this one can stay after the show and clean the erasers.

2010 January 29

More cat math!

free spayed cats


Hello I have 5 cats 3 I am keeping two I am looking for loving home for I have thought about finding a home for the third one but she is a special needs cat anyhow they are all three females and they have all had their rabies vacination and have been fixed so the initial cost has been covered so all I am asking is to please love a keep the cat you choose and if not give them back to me.I can meet you with thecat of your choice in ######## to ######### and ######## or ### my husband works there and can meet you before or after work M-F I will do cam video of the cats on yahoo if u wish call me at ###########. Thanks Barbara yes that is a toll free number so now there are no excuses;o).ok the two I am looking for a home for one is silver with a silver velvet nose her name is (Silver velvet)theotherm is her baby she is all black with a black nose she looks like a baby panter she is real shiney her name is (Grace).

OK, let’s work this out. She has 5 cats 3. I think that may be like Timbuk3 or 3 Mustaphas 3. Or possibly UB40, I’m not sure.

Of those 5 cats, she’s keeping two, and looking for homes for two. All three of the two cats she’s looking for homes for are females. She will do cam video of the cats on yahoo if u wish, but I suspect that may cost extra, especially in light of yesterday’s glut of job offers.

Of the 2 cats out of 5 cats 3, one is silver with a silver velvet nose. Are you sure that’s not actually a sculpture you have there? Assuming it is a real cat, is there some reason you have named it (and the otherm) in parentheses?

I should point out that I am aware it’s possible to interpret the first line in a less nutty fashion, but since she didn’t punctuate it in any way, I assert that I am free to do so however I wish, and I choose to do so in the funniest manner possible.

Thanks for the brain hurty, J.Z.!

248 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 January 29
    Windrose permalink

    Ow! Cat Math is first period today. Okay, divide the 5 cats 3 by the square root of silver then find the common denominator — oh, look at the time! Gotta to to work. Whew! Solve for X, everyone!

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 January 29

      X = more than she wants……..

      In Soviet Russia X solves for you!

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 January 29
      MsDolfinn permalink

      X=10 no wait 15 no 24

      Aww forget it…I’ll just buy a dog.

      Adores: 5
    • 2010 January 29
      sarajean80 permalink

      X = …pudding?
      Aww crap, not again. I think this calculator has it out for me.

      Adores: 11
      • 2010 January 29
        Dan permalink

        I really want YOUR calculator.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 29
          Tacomagic permalink

          I’m thinking Sarajean’s calculator may just be a snack pack.

          Then again, I wish my calculator was a snack pack.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 January 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          It’s a snack pack abacus. In case I get hungry while doing my sums.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 29
          Lola permalink

          Of course, if you eat some of the beads, the answer changes. On reflection, this strikes me as a perfectly suitable instrument on which to compute cat math!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29

          Why is it that I now have an image of an ababcus that has those candies from candy necklaces for beads?

          Calculus: hard, but tasty!

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 January 29
          Traveler permalink

          I R in ur abacus eating ur maths

          /lolcat

          Adores: 16
    • 2010 January 29
      Tacomagic permalink

      Sorry folks, the answer is:

      X = (Herbert Hoover)²

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 January 29
        Laurelhach permalink

        So the answer is NOT x=(-bacon±√(〖bacon〗^2-4(aardvark)(combine harvester)))/2aardvark

        Because when I work it out, it ends up as x= Oust/Friskies

        That’s it, I’m dropping this class.

        Adores: 18
        • 2010 January 29
          Tacomagic permalink

          Hurray for the Quadradic Equation!

          Also, if we substitue into the non-simplified answer for x:

          (Herbert Hoover)² = Bacon + Grease(Bacon)² + Gin(Bacon)³

          Now, solve for bacon. Hint, you can divide both sides by Herbert Hoover.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 January 29

          All I get from that is a new recipe for a Bacontini Taco.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 29
          Bacontini permalink

          That is right, Bacontini is da solution to all cat math. Because if you drink enough Bacontini you no longer care about da cat math.

          Just remember ladies, Bacontini is also answer to love’s equation.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 29
          christina permalink

          The Bacontini Taco: Killing two birds while being stoned.

          Adores: 7
    • 2010 January 29
      Heather permalink

      I thought that “x-1” represented the special needs cat.

      “x-2” represents the neutered ones.

      Adores: 22
    • 2010 January 29
      Stephanie permalink

      I’ve dropped cat math. I don’t get it. It’s like the rules keep changing on me or something.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 January 29

        ASU was never known for its Cat Math department. You had the deck stacked against you from the beginning.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 30
          Stephanie permalink

          This is true. Oh, if only I had tried to get into a GOOD SCHOOL…..

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 30

          Yeah, UofA has an excellent Cat Math program (after all, they’re the Wildcats, amirite?!).

          Adores: 0
  2. 2010 January 29
    (Colleen) in MA permalink

    I wish to be referred to as “(Colleen) in MA” henceforth.

    Adores: 14
  3. 2010 January 29
    Libbysgirl permalink

    Not.A.Panter? But she is shiney and I just can’t resist shiney things. Oh my.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 January 29
      sarajean80 permalink

      And the other kitten has a nose of silver velvet, which is weird. All my cats have noses made of skin. I’m a little jealous.

      Adores: 13
      • 2010 January 29
        Tacomagic permalink

        To be fair sarajean, your cat is rather pantery.

        Edit: Crap, I even TRIED to spell panther incorrectly and still messed up and spelled it right. Should be fixed now.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          He may be “pantery” in appearance, but in behavior he’s like a fur covered slug. I have to check every once and a while to make sure he’s still breathing.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 29
          Tacomagic permalink

          He sounds like he’d get along pretty well with Mini-Taco.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          Unfortunately he’s terrified of small children(and large children), men, most women, loud noises, and some home furnishings. He spends most of the day in my bed hiding under the covers. He does make an amusing chirping noise when he purrs, a little like a squeaky toy.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29

          My cat would rule the world if she were not afraid of the doorbell, vacuum cleaner, mylar ballons, and anyone other than my husband and me.

          (The mylar ballons one will keep her in hiding until one goes and finds her, bring her to the room the alien beings were in, and show her they have returned to their home planet.)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 29
          Tacomagic permalink

          My favorite cat growing up was so close to world domination. She wasn’t scared of anything, and was one of the best vermin control cats I’ve ever met; however, I think she had a depth perception problem that came and went.

          Every once in a while I’d hear a loud bang from the laundry room and would have to go check and see what happened, as usual I’d only find her sitting on the floor looking back at me as if nothing strange was going on. One day I caught her in the act of trying to jump from the floor up to the top of the dryer only to bang into the side of it because she underjumped. She would USUALLY make the jump on the second attempt.

          She was also very easily distra- OH SHINY *wanders off*

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 January 29
          Lola permalink

          My current one doesn’t want to dominate the world so much as he wants to be the friend of everyone in it. Particularly if they have food, but even if they don’t. He’s the feline equivalent of the big-personality type who comes into a room asking, “Did you miss me?” I find those people annoying, but it’s amusing in a pet.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          It takes my sister’s cat Bad Kitty about three or four tries to get up on the washer. He is nearly tailess (he has a “bunny tail” as my niece calls it) and weighs about five hundred pounds, if the cat food wasn’t on top of the washer I don’t think he would even attempt the jump. Usually you hear;
          “THUMP!” scritch-scritch-scritch,
          pause
          “THUMP!” scritch-scritch-scritch,
          pause
          “THUMP!” scritch-scritch-scritch, and then a muffled crunching noise when he finally gets on top.
          If he wasn’t so incredibly lazy, he might have a chance at world domination. He even scares my sister’s Great Dane/Golden Retriever mix, who is the most easy-going dog I’ve ever met.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29

          Sarajean, I think your “fur covered slug” must be related to one of mine. she also scared of everything, including her own shadow.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29
          tacomagic permalink

          I think “Furry Slugs” might be a better band name than “Hidden Poo”.

          Maybe they should tour together.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 29

          are we still adding the band names to that thread in the forum?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 29

          Wow, it really died in here all of a sudden…

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 29
          Lola permalink

          Is that what that smell is? I just thought it was hidden poo.

          Actually, the momentary quiet confirms for me what I suspected: people screw off all week and then run around madly on Friday, getting stuff done before the weekend. At least, that’s what I’ve observed from the people where I work. Quiet all morning, and in the early afternoon, and then at 4:30 everyone wakes up and wants you to do their sh*t first. Mmmm, procrastination.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 29

          Yes it did, what do you think caused it?

          Cat math too hard? Time of day? Annoying page refreshes for no reason? (Well they’re annoying me at least)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 29
          Bacontini permalink

          Maybe it was from lack of Bacontini? Sorry ladies, Bacontini had to run around like da crazy person, trying to satisfy all those who clamor for Bacontini.

          He is back now, for you to love.

          (For help hearing the accent, go ahead and put a quick ‘a’ in Bacontini. Thus is it said, Baconatini. Say it outloud right now.)

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 30

          cat+cat=cat HAHAHAHAHAH

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 January 29
        Elle permalink

        Hmm, the accent my brain uses when confronted with the concept of “Baconatini” sounds like Sascha Baron Cohen’s ‘Signor Pirelli’ in ‘Sweeney Todd’. Is that what you were going for?

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29
          Lurker from the North permalink

          See, I kept hear some strange Jamaican-Italian-Luther Vandross mix.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 29
        Elle permalink

        That’s an interesting combo there Lurker. My brain can’t even figure out what that would sound like. Kind of like I wouldn’t be able to imagine a cotton-candy, cauliflower omelette. Ouch, my brain hurts.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29
          Lurker from the North permalink

          Cotton candy… goood,
          cauliflower… good,
          omelette… gooood.

          Yum.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29

          Thanks, Joey.

          Adores: 0
  4. 2010 January 29
    penguin permalink

    A baby panter would fit right in here. I already have an old barker her name is (Cleo), a black pawer her name is (Bonnie) and a little squealer his name is (Hengry).

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 29

      (Hengry) squeals with delight, living with all them women folk…..

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 29
      Lola permalink

      We used to have a dog who was a panter his whole life.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 January 29

      I dunno; being a baby panter is likely to get you twenty years.

      Adores: 14
      • 2010 January 29
        Tacomagic permalink

        Wasn’t “The Panter” one of Batman’s arch enemies? I’m pretty sure Baby Panter was his son.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29
          Lola permalink

          I thought that was Dick Tracy’s archenemy.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29

          Right. The Batman villain was the Pantser.

          That’s how Robin wound up with the particular outfit in which one used to see him.

          Adores: 7
  5. 2010 January 29
    Jay permalink

    Tom Lehrer reference FTW!

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 January 29
      Caro permalink

      Base 8 is just like base 10 — if you’re missing two fingers.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 29
        Hugh Jim Bissel permalink

        …So you look at the 64’s.
        64? How did 64 get into it?

        Speaking of base 8, there are 10 kinds of people: those that understand binary, and those that don’t!

        Adores: 5
    • 2010 January 30
      WaywardCat permalink

      It won’t do you a bit of good to review math; it’s so simple, so very simple, that only a child can do it!

      Adores: 2
  6. 2010 January 29

    Bless her heart (and if you don’t think that’s a clever comment, see http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=2758 )

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 29
      sarajean80 permalink

      If I had a nickel for everytime I’ve heard that during a conversation…I’d have a lot of nickels.
      It’s the all-purpose insult-compliment(insuliment? complisult?) down here in the South, normally used to imply less-than-average intelligence.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 29
        Mimi permalink

        Yeah, it’s the catch-all phrase that you can put after any insult so you can still smile in someone’s face while you stab them in the back.

        “She’s dumb as a sack of hammers, bless her heart.”
        “He’s ugly as the south end of a north bound mule, bless his heart.”
        etc. 🙂

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 30

          Pretty much. I mean it’s clear she really cares about the cats, which is sweet and lovely. She might be, you know, also a nut.

          Adores: 0
  7. 2010 January 29
    penguin permalink

    Actually, Barbara was the wife’s name of Timbuk3 (Corey cred?) . I got to meet them once for a minute or two and they were very nice people if a bit out there. 5 cats 3 being the new Timbuk3. I can totally see it.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 29
      Lola permalink

      The future’s so bright I gotta wear cats.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 January 29
        Tacomagic permalink

        In Soviet Russia, cat wears you!

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 29
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        The cats are so shiney you gotta wear (shades.)

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 January 29
          Traveler permalink

          (Cue “Won’t Get Fooled Again”).

          Adores: 2
  8. 2010 January 29
    Camille permalink

    How exactly does cam video differ from non-cam video?

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 29
      sarajean80 permalink

      I think it has something to do with how the valves open and close. I want to know if it’s single-overhead or double-overhead, it doesn’t say.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 January 29
        Tacomagic permalink

        It all depends on whether the video is shot at an angle or not.

        But in any case, you should have your camera’s alignment checked every 50,000 miles of tape. Tapeless cameras will need to have the service done whenever your check engine light appears.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          I wonder when they last had their lenses rotated, it could affect their film efficiency.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29

          Changing their light filter every 30000 frames would, too.

          Adores: 0
  9. 2010 January 29

    I think I’ve figured this out — one of the cats stole the comma key from her computer’s keyboard, and she’s narrowed down the list of suspects to the two she’s giving away. Maybe the reason the black panter keeps panting is the key is stuck in its throat?

    Adores: 10
  10. 2010 January 29
    Tacomagic permalink

    Hi I’m (Tacomagic) and I’m looking for a pair of 5 of 3 cats I can give them a good home as long as the three 2 of cats have all their shots are housetrained and don’t spontanously devour Mexican food whenever it is present thanks Bacontini also the 4 of the 5 of 3 paired cats should be orange and striped and named (Lion).

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 January 29

      Damn you, Tacomagic! I was mere seconds from posting the first lion-related comment. =(

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 January 29
        Tacomagic permalink

        That’s why they call me SexyFingers.

        Ok it isn’t why they call me that at all, but I need to justify it somehow.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29

          I thought we called you Mister SexyFingers.

          I mean they. They call you that. I don’t know anything about it. Why we’ve never even shared a hotel room, much less a bunk at summer camp. What?

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 January 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          That was a disturbing little detour.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29
          Tacomagic permalink

          Yeah Isaac, that got weird fast.

          And, so did your post.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 29

          I do my best.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29
          Lola permalink

          You left out dorms or road trips. What about then?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29

          Then it becomes “Ms. SexyFingers,” but that’s a story for another day….

          Adores: 2
  11. 2010 January 29
    hammbone permalink

    holding out for the special needs cat…*fingers x’d*

    Adores: 4
  12. 2010 January 29

    Punctuation is your friend.

    “Hello.
    I have five cats.
    Three, I am keeping.
    Two, I am looking for a loving home for.
    I have thought about finding a home for the third one, but she is a special needs cat.”

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 29
      Tacomagic permalink

      thanks barbara

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 29
      Heather permalink

      Why even tease us with the thought of an additional three cats? It’s like having to wait until Easter to eat a Cadbury Creme Egg.

      (And don’t anyone dare post that those things are anathema; they are tiny ovals of seasonal deliciousness, I say!)

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 29
        sarajean80 permalink

        They’re better if you put them in the freezer first ♥

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29
          Lola permalink

          *makes note re: freezer tip*
          Easter is coming!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29
          Tacomagic permalink

          I like to boil mine and make Deviled Cadburys.

          Adores: 12
      • 2011 January 9

        Have you tried them dipped in batter and deep-fried?

        Apparently they’re disgusting.

        Adores: 1
  13. 2010 January 29

    I’ll be damned. She got the past tense of “spay” right!

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 29
      Heather permalink

      Even the blind squirrel gets the nut…

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 29
        Tacomagic permalink

        Are we talking about HHNF? ‘Cause I don’t think she’s blind.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30

          I have a Braille monitor and a Braille keyboard.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 29
      sarajean80 permalink

      And yet still managed to spell vaccination wrong. So close, yet still so much fail.

      Adores: 4
  14. 2010 January 29
    Lola permalink

    [soapbox]
    I adopted a special needs cat. He was an awesome, older cat who happened to be deaf. My life only required some very minor adjustments as a result of the disability, and I had more than six nice years of a fun, quirky, loving pet. I hope that if people see ads for special needs animals they don’t just keep walking or scrolling. The added responsibility may not be all that much in addition to the regular ones of pet ownership (though sometimes it does require more responsibility and commitment, not to mention money), and the animal will love you for it. If you’re looking for a pet, please think about this.
    This ad’s reference to the special-needs cat that she’s keeping put this in my mind. That is all.
    [/soapbox]

    [regular snark mode: commence]

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 January 29
      Tacomagic permalink

      My dad is a veterinarian. We had loads of special needs cats growing up. They actually don’t require much extra work than a normal cat. Some needed some medication, others needed a little extra care when dealing with, but most of them weren’t really disabled by their disability.

      Off the top of my head, through my childhood we had:
      3 cats who were missing a leg (they didn’t really notice they were missing one).
      1 completely blind cat (Loved the lap… never ran into anything. I think he learned echo location)
      2 Deaf cats (our cats never come when called anyway)
      1 cat who was missing his eye (He also drooled a lot)
      1 cat who was missing both ears (Streamlined for extra speed)
      1 cat with severe arthritus (Good lapcat though)
      1 cat with bad back problems (genuinely special needs, lots of medication before we found something that worked)

      We also had our fair share of completely healthy cats. At one point I think we had 11 cats runing around the place. Talk about visitors in your own home.

      Adores: 10
      • 2010 January 29
        Heather permalink

        Bonus points for echolocation.

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 29

        My dad & mom got into finding homes for ‘retired’ racing greyhounds… Needless to say we have Dobermans at our house now. Can you say breed burnout?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29
          Tacomagic permalink

          We had a rehomed racing greyhound for about 6 years. The first entire year he spent doing nothing but sleeping on the couch, going outside to “do the doo”, and eating. Then spontaneously almost exactly 1 year after we got him, he turned into a really fun dog.

          Guess he just needed to take a break.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 January 29
          Lola permalink

          I house/dogsat for some people who had a pit bull/greyhound cross. You did not walk that dog, she walked YOU. (In Soviet Russia …) And then you went home and tried to put your arm that had held the leash back into its socket.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          My sister’s largest dog is a Great Dane/Golden Retriever mix (there is probably some hound dog mixed in there too, Dega’s skin looks like they were out of his size so he had to go with a larger one) and he will literally knock you off your feet if you’re not careful. He saw a stray cat once and dragged my fairly hefty brother-in-law across the backyard like he had wheels on his…bottom.

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 January 29
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        Careful. This may come up on a google search as a recipe:

        3 cats who were missing a leg.
        1 completely blind cat.
        2 Deaf cats.
        1 cat who was missing his eye .
        1 cat who was missing both ears.
        1 cat with severe arthritus.
        1 cat with bad back problems.

        Adores: 14
    • 2010 January 29

      A friend of mine adopted a deaf kitten that she found meowing loudly in a dumpster outside a restaurant. My friend had her for 12 years before the sweet thing passed. She would “call” Blanche by stomping on the floor, and that cat always knew when she ran the can opener.
      I am now treating my rescue dog for IMHA, from which he is recovering quite nicely. He is quite sly about discreetly spitting out pills onto the carpet, long after he should have swallowed them.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 29
        Tacomagic permalink

        Marshmallows work wonders for the sly pill dog. Just jam them in the center and go for it.

        Otherwise the canned food meatball can be used in place of the Mallow.

        Of course we had a dog who could eat the mashmallow or the meatball out from around the pill and still spit it out. We ended up just having to do it the standard way. *Sigh* I miss that dog sometimes.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29

          Ah, but the diabetus (picture Wilford Brimley) that was aggravated by the Predisone he was on means no marshmallows for Gonzo, and he would ferret out a pill in a meatball to be spit on the carpet later.
          I have resorted to the “if-it’s-past-the-bump-in-the-tounge-it’s-down” approach. Thank god for gloves.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 29
          Bacontini permalink

          You get to use gloves? Lucky.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29
          Lola permalink

          I think we’ve discovered one of BaconTini’s fetishes.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29
          Hugh Jim Bissel permalink

          I remember one time we gave our dog some leftover stew or something that was mostly meat and gravy, but there was one green bean left. She gulped it down, then a few minutes later it sounded like she was throwing up. When we looked, there on the porch lay the one green bean.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 29
        christina permalink

        Hey frigglesnitz! Glad to hear Gonzo’s recovering well. You had me worried since there’s been no update. (In case you didn’t figure it out I’m that christina who reads your blog 😉 )

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 29
      sarajean80 permalink

      Simon, my current avatar kitty, is a special needs baby. He had a bottle of fabric softener tip over onto him when he was a kitten and he swallowed quite a bit (he started to lick it off before anyone realized what had happened). As a result he drools a bit sometimes, has coordination problems, is partially blind and deaf, and makes a chirping, squeaking sound when he purrs that I call his happy noise. He’s also afraid of just about everything, but I’m not sure if that’s because of the accident and the resulting blindness and deafness or just the way he is. I wouldn’t trade him for anything.

      Taco – At one time when I was little we had 22 cats living at our house. Fun to play with, but not so much fun when you were on poop-scoop patrol in the garage. The tiniest, most cramped places seemed to be the most popular toilets.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 29
        Tacomagic permalink

        Yup. We had to lay tinfoil in all our hard to reach places to prevent hidden poo. They really liked to go behind the TV.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 29
          Lola permalink

          Band nameof the day:

          Now at the 40 Watt Club: Hidden Poo.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29

          ..there’s a joke in there about there not being sh** on TV, I bet…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29
          Emesis permalink

          “…tinfoil in all our hard to reach places…”

          that sounds unpleasant, indeed.

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 January 29
          Tacomagic permalink

          “So what do you think of that new band playing at the 40 Watt?”

          “They’re crap.”

          Adores: 5
    • 2010 January 29
      Traveler permalink

      The “special needs cat” immediately made me think of Choo-Choo Bear the boneless cat/blob from “Something Positive”:

      http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp01142002.shtml
      http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp07212002.shtml

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 29
        Windrose permalink

        Choo Choo Bear FTW! Honey and I have official pink CCB tee shirts. 8)

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 29
      Windrose permalink

      We have special needs birds and one special fish. We just lost our oldest special needs bird, a zebra finch who had what seemed to be Star Gazing, where he would throw his head back over his tail. It was definitely a spasm situation, and he would do it more when stressed, for example if we fed him or changed his water or looked at him from across the room. Most birds with this neurological condition, if that’s what it was, don’t live very long, but Kuno lived a full seven years, which is average for zebs. He had a companion whose legs went out to her sides, Beta. She passed just before he did.

      Adores: 0
  15. 2010 January 29
    Mimi permalink

    “5 cats 3” makes me think “3rd of 5” and so it must be a little Borg kitty. Other than it trying to assimilate you every 10 minutes, wouldn’t that be AWESOME?
    I even found a picture of her!

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 January 29
      Tacomagic permalink

      I’m immensely glad I wasn’t the only one who immediately thought, “BORG KITTY!”. I just wasn’t going to be the Trekkie today.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 29
        Ed Snyder permalink

        Hey, I know her. That’s Lo-cat-us of Borg.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 January 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          It looks more like Lol-cat-us of the Borg.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29

          I can haz ur technological and biological distinctiveness?

          Adores: 4
      • 2010 January 29

        I’m even more pleased that 2 of you beat me to it, I don’t feel so alone in my nerdiness now.

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 29
      Lola permalink

      I love the cat’s expression. Borg kitty was assimilated, but not happy about the wardrobe.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 29
        Mimi permalink


        Here
        is a slightly perkier one. Rawr!

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 29
        Laurelhach permalink

        Oh well. Resistance is futile.

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 29
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      20 quatloos for the Borg kitty!

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 29

        30 quatloos that Lando defeats the Borg Kitty.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’ll take some of that action. Borg Kitty looks royally pissed and needs someone to take it out on.

          I can’t decide which job would be worse; putting that outfit on a cat or trying to take it off. Either way you’re losing some blood. And possibly a finger.

          Adores: 2
  16. 2010 January 29
    Ed Snyder permalink

    Over all, it was a rollercoaster ride. I cried right along with the rest of the audience about the special needs kitty. I laughed about the faulty counting skills. But my favorite part was the twist ending. I really expected the second cat’s name to be (Real Shiney)” but was quite pleased with the sudden revelation that it’s name was, in fact, (Grace). 3 paws up.

    Adores: 15
    • 2010 January 29

      I genuinely thought the second kitty was named Theotherm. Like Theodore combined with geothermal. The whole (Grace) issue caught me by surprise and I had to reread.

      I now kind of want to name my next cat Theotherm.

      And +2 on the special needs cats: two of our best cats evar were special needs. Patches had FIV, and Darby had feline diabetes. Both were awesome, and I only wish they’d been with us longer.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 29
        (Ed Snyder) permalink

        Theotherm® sounds like the name of a new product from Owens Corning.

        Adores: 5
      • 2010 January 29
        Wraith permalink

        On first read, that’s what I thought, too, re: theotherm.

        And I figured “theotherm” sounded like a new insulating material for jackets and gloves.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29
          Lola permalink

          It’s part of a new line of thermal clothing for religious deities.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 29

          It’s what the holy blue habit’s made of, in SilvaNoir’s new drawing, I think.

          Adores: 2
  17. 2010 January 29
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Special needs cat is redundant.

    Adores: 18
    • 2010 January 29
      Lola permalink

      The best part about this comment is imagining the avatar making that statement. 🙂

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 January 29
        Tacomagic permalink

        If an actual cat had made this comment it would have been followed by the line:

        “Now, feed me.”

        Adores: 3
    • 2010 January 29
      Lauren permalink

      I am not sure whether to agree wholeheartedly or be offended on behalf of cats. I choose to believe that, coming from a cat avatar, it refers to the instinctual belief (knowledge?) of all cats that they are superior, and therefore all of their needs are more special than yours. And so agrre.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 29
        sweetbiscuit21 permalink

        My cat Daisy-May smokes and carries an Uzi (I know I’ve mentioned this before) and for that reason I catered to her every need/desire/whim – special or otherwise.

        We entered peace talks after she decided that sleeping on my chest was not enough territory for her, and took over my face as well. (or was smothering an ulterior motive? – not sure)

        After the peace talks failed she chose to move in with the neighbours who were more accommodating of her demands.

        She is absolutely superior – what other creature can sleep in the middle of the road just over the crest of a hill for two years and still have the nine lives she was born with?

        Adores: 0
  18. 2010 January 29
    hammbone permalink

    “theotherm”…the equivalent of moderately elevated room temperature in the huxtable house?

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 January 29
      Quickcomeback permalink

      Once Theo learned to keep the penguins out, Vanessa was able to take control of the thermostat.

      Adores: 3
  19. 2010 January 29
    Quickcomeback permalink

    So if she is doing cam video of the cats does that mean that she will be doing an interpretive dance of what the cats are like? Because I would totally watch that.

    Adores: 5
  20. 2010 January 29
    InsideJoke permalink

    Is anyone else reminded of those rhymes people would chant to while jump roping?

    I have 5 cats 3
    I am keeping two
    How many will you take home with you?
    1. . .2. . .3. . .

    Adores: 16
    • 2010 January 29
      Emesis permalink

      For
      6 long years these poor kitties moped.
      5 sad kitties: no reason
      4 hope.
      3 are still trapped with this choad who can’t spell;
      2 can be saved, why won’t any
      1 help?

      Adores: 22
  21. 2010 January 29
    Meej permalink

    My wife and I are expecting our first at the end of May, so I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the fact that I’m soon to be a “baby panter” myself! (And a baby de-panter, and a baby-pants-washer, and…)

    Or at least, that was all I could think of when I read that.

    Adores: 6
  22. 2010 January 29
    John S. permalink

    I’m going to call my next World of Warcraft character “Silver_Velvet_Theotherm”. Totally.

    Adores: 3
  23. 2010 January 29


    class catAd
    {

    public class main(String args[]) {



    int totalCats = 5;
    int givingCats = 2;
    int keepingCats = 3;
    int phoneNo = "###########";

    string thecat; //will define with buyer input
    /* str catName1 = "Silver velvet"; //global constant, cannot change catName */
    str catName1 = "Grace"; //global constant, cannot change catName

    str catTraits1 ="silver";
    str catTraits2 ="velvet";
    str catTraits3 ="black";
    str catTraits4 = "shiney;
    str catParts1 ="nose";

    str myName ="Barbara";

    str location1 = "########";
    str location2 = "#########";
    str location3 = "###";
    str location4 ="######";

    out.print("Hello, I have " + totalCats + " cats " + keepingCats + " I am looking for loving home for I have thought about finding a home for the third one but she is a special needs cat anyhow they are all " + keepingCats + " females and they have all had their rabies vacination and have been fixed so the initial cost has been covered so all I am asking is to please love a keep the cat you choose and if not give them back to me.);

    out.print("I can meet you with" + thecat + " of your choice in " + location1 + " to " + location2 + " and " + location3 + " or " + location4 + " my husband works there and can meet you before or after work M-F I will do cam video of the cats on yahoo if u wish call me at " + phoneNo +".");

    out.print("Thanks " + myName + " yes that is a toll free number so now there are no excuses;o).");

    out.print("ok the "+ givingCats + " I am looking for a home for one is " + catTraits1 + " with a " + catTraits1 + " " + catTraits2 + " " + catParts1" her name is ");

    theotherm myTheotherm = new (catTraits1 + catTraits2)theotherm;

    out.print(myTheotherm);
    out.print("is her baby she is all " + catTraits3 + " with a " + catParts1 + " " she looks like a baby panter she is real " + catTraits4 + " her name is " + (catName1) + ".");

    }

    }

    Find the error.

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 January 29
      TacoMagic permalink

      “GrahamT permalink”

      Looks to be the error I think.

      Either that or you’re missing /* at the beginning, and */ at the end of the code.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 29

        LoL

        I actually commented catName1 just to see how well WordPress scrubs their input…

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 January 29

      And it’s not the missing quotation at the end of the first out.print (damnit).

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 January 29

        Is it the missing quotation mark after shiney?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29

          Erm, that’s not it either (*curses under breath*).

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 29
      emesis permalink

      The only thing I really see wrong with it is that you actually took the time to write it.

      Adores: 11
      • 2010 January 29

        He clearly has too much time on his hands today don’t you think?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 29
          Traveler permalink

          Just wait until HHNF arrives…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 30

          I’m not saying a single word.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30

          Technically, that was like, six words.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 30

          Well, technically they’re not single words because they’re all taken.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 30

          😐

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30

          Sorry. My funny bone is fractured.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 29

      You know what, screw it, I left out givingCats in the first sentence.

      Joke’s over, folks, nothing more to see here.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 29
        tacomagic permalink

        I thought you did that on purpose actually.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 29

          Oh yeah, I did… that’s the ticket…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 29

          He did it to please his wife … uh … Morgan Fairchild. Yeahh… That’s it; that’s the ticket.

          Adores: 2
  24. 2010 January 29
    Traveler permalink

    I’m thinking that the (reason) why (Barbara) was using (parentheses) for the (names) is that all the (quotation marks) had already been used by some other (Craigslist idiot), so she had to take what was left.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 January 29

      I think she was programming in Lisp.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 29
      InsideJoke permalink

      That also explains the lack of (commas). But how do you acount for the missing (periods)?

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 29
        TacoMagic permalink

        She didn’t write this in the correct time period, she’s out of phase with us.

        Adores: 4
      • 2010 January 29
        Lola permalink

        Missing periods can be ascribed to unprotected sex/contraceptive failure, but sometimes just stress. I hope it’s stress. I really hate the idea of all of these near-illiterate CL people reproducing, as the world is full up with its ration of stupid.

        … Yeah, I love working with idiots! 8)

        Adores: 10
        • 2010 January 29

          ROFL

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 29
          tacomagic permalink

          It’s the unfortunate fact of life that the less intelligent somebody is, the less likely they are to use protection.

          I think I may need to watch Idiocracy later today.

          Adores: 5
    • 2010 January 29
      sarajean80 permalink

      I #wonder# what punctuation marks #people# will use once #parentheses# run out.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 January 29
        tacomagic permalink

        I dont ­®know® but whatever ®replaces® it wont last long at this ®rate®

        Adores: 4
      • 2010 January 29
        Mimi permalink

        I ¿am¿ all for ¥using¥ completely random ¤punctuation¤ marks liberally throughout †any† text. It §gives§ me an ¶excuse¶ to play with the ©Windows© alt key codes!

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 29
          christina permalink

          Mimi, as a travel agent we use most of the symbols in your post to perform various functions such as pricing so what I see is that you would like to “change punctuation” (¤ meaning “change”) which is oddly appropriate.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 29
        hammbone permalink

        i think it’s obvious that qwerty-style keyboards will be replaced with poiuyt-style keyboards so that the punctuation can just be used backwards’ly…therefore buying us years of additional overuse. ?)what(

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 29
          Quickcomeback permalink

          That brings a whole new meaning to “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.”

          Adores: 1
  25. 2010 January 29
    Traveler permalink

    Yes, at this €rate€, €things€ may get really weird in a few €months€.

    Adores: 2
  26. 2010 January 29

    drmk/dan have you been “tweaking” things in here at all?

    Normally, I click reply under someone message and the reply box opens up right there in the thread and I go ahead and post. That worked great as I could see where it would end up within the messages.

    Today though, every time I click on reply, the whole page refreshes (which takes time and is rather annoying) and the reply box opens up at the foot of the page, so I’ve no idea where my post will end up.

    So come on, tell, what did you do? Did you break it?

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 January 29
      Dan permalink

      I suspect it was the cats.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 January 29

      Now Dan, just because you can’t do the math, don’t blame the cats.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 29

        Don’t the time if you can’t do the math, Grams always said.

        Grams was a little touched, bless her heart.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 29
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          My gram said “Don’t do the meth if you can’t do the time.”

          On visiting days, of course.

          Adores: 6
    • 2010 January 29

      It’s still working okay for me –it’s not reloading the page, and it’s putting the box where the reply will show up.

      I’ll bash a few things together in the admin panel and see if that makes a difference. Whether it will make it better or worse, I’ve no idea.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 29
        chronologically gifted permalink

        Hmm. The box #always# opens up at the end for me, which is why I lurk more often than I comment.

        Adores: 1
  27. 2010 January 29
    knockerovels permalink

    Clearly, (5 of 3) is (7 of 9)’s cat. The silvery facial hardware is the giveaway.

    My cat had better depth perception than judgment. He’s get so ESSITED gawking the birdies in the garden that he’d launch himself headfirst into the kitchen window, creating a sonic boom that would scare the birds away.

    He’d stagger back, that – Ow, what happened? – look on his furry face, but then the birds would circle back and land once more, and he’d be off to the races again. A padded skull served him well. Sadly, his time came and went before the advent of consumer video recorders.

    Adores: 1
  28. 2010 January 29
    queensbee permalink

    i was promised that there would be NO MATH!

    Adores: 2
  29. 2010 January 29

    Thanks to everyone who looked through my gallery last night. I would have replied, but I fell asleep. XD

    Did anyone else read this one as the poster being frustrated at Barbara? “Thanks Barbara yes that is a toll free number so now there are no excuses” No more excuses, Babs! Come get your cats!

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 January 29
      christina permalink

      Yes! I thought perhaps Barbara had “suggested” the toll-free number in an insistent, borderline manic way and the poster was doing a bit of passive aggressive ribbing.

      Adores: 1
  30. 2010 January 29
    morningdew permalink

    barbara seems to have some importance in this cat-exchange, somewhere between the yahoo and the toll-free number. is she the head cat? who is this barbara, and from whence has she come?

    tangentially, my kitty has major social issues and likes to tell you he loves you by biting and clawing you. he says, “oooh, i love it when you pet me SO MUCH I WANT TO EAT YOU.” i’ve been thinking about enrolling him in classes to help him express himself better, but i’m not sure he’d be able to follow the curriculum.

    Adores: 4
  31. 2010 January 29
    ronnielou permalink

    Is anyone worried that her husband could meet you with the cats after work? What is he going to do with them all day?

    Adores: 3
  32. 2010 January 29
    Windrose permalink

    Silva Noir, your card is going to be nothing but punch holes pretty soon. 8) Might have to make your next one out of titanium. Congratulations.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 29

      If I get ten punch holes, do I get a free sub-sandwich? Because that’s how every punch card I’ve ever had before worked.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 29
        Windrose permalink

        Close! No sandwich, but all the Internets you can eat!

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 30
          Bacontini permalink

          I was once told that you get a free coffee when you have enough punches!

          I’ve got somewhere between not enough punches and enough punches, so I feel I’m getting close.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30
          TacoMagic permalink

          Damn, Bacontini blew my cover again. That’s it, I’m straining his fat off again!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 30

          If you wouldn’t have said anything, we wouldn’t have known. Here I was thinking it was Meredith, or Ed.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30
          TacoMagic permalink

          Well, since he did it yesterday too, I figured the cat was out of the bag… and into the math class.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 30
          Lola permalink

          Nah, I totally suspected it was TM. The avatars are kind of similarly-shaped. 😉

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30
          Windrose permalink

          *facepalm* Bacontini is actually TacoMagic? Wow! I never would have guessed. 8)

          Adores: 1
  33. 2010 January 30

    Does Cat Math remind anyone else of Calvinball? The baseball-kickball-rugby game that Calvin and Hobbes play? The rules change as you go along, get more ridiculous, nonsensical and infuriating, and in the end, no one really wins.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 January 30

      You’re alive!

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 30
      Lurker from the North permalink

      Calvin & Hobbes FTW!
      They are the best. And yes Calvinball must be based on Cat Math.
      Because Hobbes is a ~Lion~ right?
      And Lions are cats.

      So are not.a.lions.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 January 30

        How did I not realize that? You’re awesome.

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 30
        (Ed Snyder) permalink

        I’ll admit that I get all fucked up by ligers and tigons.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 30
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          In Soviet Russia, ligers and tigons get all fucked up by you.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 30

          Just let tigons be tigons and we’ll forgive you.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 30

          Bacontini isn’t even in this thread!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30

          I keep them straight by location. Tigers and cheetahs are from Africa. Lions are from… wait. Okay. Cheetahs are from Africa. Tigers are found on the Asian continent, and lions… Australia?

          Nevermind. I’m just as fucked up by ’em.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 30

          Wow, I really showed my Bitch in that post you linked to. I think that was my first comment, and I was ready to go Tron on that Emily chick and slap her. she must be corey’s sister.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30

          I know… it was boodiful. You were so angry you couldn’t even spell “their.”

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30

          or ‘american’ or ‘chettah’
          My brilliance stuns me.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30

          Americans don’t deserve to be spelled right — bunch of bigoted racists, man.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30
          Bacontini permalink

          Oh, Bacontini heard his name. You wished Bacontini be in da thread, well Bacontini is now in da thread!

          Bacontini does whatever it takes to please da ladies… so long as the ladies want Bacontinis.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 30
        Lola permalink

        This thread wins simply by the Calvin and Hobbes reference. That Calvinball does in fact resemble Cat Math is just the awesome sauce.

        Adores: 3
  34. 2010 January 30

    *thinks to self*
    Oh. My. God. I’m all alone on YSaC! This will be the first and last time! woo0hooo!
    *runs around nekkid, singing loudly and off-key*
    crap, forgot about lurkers.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 30

      holyshatnersforgetthatlastpost

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 30
        Lurker from the North permalink

        ROFL
        I don’t think I will ever forget that post.
        🙂

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 January 30
          Lurker from the North permalink

          Neither will all the lurkers,
          remember them. We met some of them the other day

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 30

          I’ll just be hiding under this rock.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30
          Lurker from the North permalink

          You really needn’t hide under that rock.

          I’ve been lurking long enough to have *seen* worse.

          Besides that’s my rock you’re under. Hello, down there.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30

          Awww. I’ll be real quiet. I’ll share the hole with the mole if you let me stay.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30
          Lurker from the North permalink

          Well, OK.
          But watch out for the mole.

          He might rat you out.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 30

          you mean like this?
          http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m174/sweetallysmom/meee039.jpg
          That’s my buddy, I dug him out of my yard.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30
          Lurker from the North permalink

          Well that is just the cutest little mole.
          He’s probably OK, but some moles are… well… moles.
          you know – rats, stool pidgeons, etc.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30

          Canaries, narcs, yeah I know them all. Now to train my mole to work for the government…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30
          Lurker from the North permalink

          A mole in the Gov’t that can’t be good.
          For whom are you really working?

          And does anyone know where the edit feature went?

          Ah, well it is time for me to go, I’m about to lose my internet connection.

          Goodnight all!

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 January 30
        Lola permalink

        Forget it? Why? I do that in my apartment all the time. The only lurker is the cat. He’s used to it.

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 January 30
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      *snaps picture*
      *uploads*
      Dear Jason F. I hope you are still looking for a housekeeper. Here are some pictures of me so that you can see how blessed I am. When can I start?

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 January 30
      TacoMagic permalink

      Last time I did something similar to that, it made YDSaC.

      You’ll just have to decide whether yours is more embarassing than me insinuating that I read Hannah Montana forums.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 January 30

        Erm, you don’t? Uhh… *hides extra Hannah Montana Live ticket*

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 30
          TacoMagic permalink

          To give you an idea of what we’re talking about here, this is an actual conversation between me and my wife:

          Taco: I can’t decide who’s skankier, Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus.

          TacoWife: Uh, they’re the same person, you do know that right?

          Taco: No way! Are you sure?

          TacoWife: *Eyeroll* Yes, I’m sure.

          Taco: No wonder I was having trouble with that call.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 January 30
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Oh, crap. I bought Hannah Montana AND Miley Cyrus tickets. Now you tell me…

          Adores: 1
  35. 2010 January 30
    Iphy permalink

    LOL for the Tom Lehrer reference 🙂

    Adores: 0

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