YSaC, Vol. 564: Asshat might be too nice of a word for these two.
assorted female stuff
Ring for sale found on floor after drunken night. Need to teach this chick a lesson to stop leaving stuff at my place so my girlfriends dont get jealous finding flats, necklaces, etc that don’t belong to them.
Best offer.
Right … because the lesson that needs to be learned here is for “chicks” to stop leaving stuff at your place, not for you to stop cheating on your girlfriends (notice the plural there?). And of course the best way for you to teach that lesson is by stealing the ring and selling it on Craigslist.
The next one’s behind a cut, for potentially (and actually) objectionable language:
wanted: vid of me on your Harley – $20
this is not a joke. i just want a quick video with me in it sitting on your Harley while it is running. I’m lying to someone that I own a Harley because i think i will get some pussy from her. she likes bikers. i’ll give you a quick $20. I’m in [location] if you can come by or maybe i could come to you. LOUD bike ONLY!!!
delete it again faggots and i will send you a virus
I don’t know about you, but I am not inclined to help this gentleman with his request. I can, however, think of a million ways this can all go horribly wrong, and that pleases me greatly.
I’m also hoping that Sparky ends up on this site when he’s doing his Google search for “sending Craigslist flaggers a virus,” because — somewhat unsurprisingly — this post got flagged.
Thanks for the ads, Dani and John!
Another day, another pair of idiots thinking with the wrong parts of their anatomy. And making it public on Craigslist. *shakes head in wonder, and vows to provide free condoms to these people*
This is why you are a better person than I, because my mind immediately went to ‘forced chemical castration.’
Chemical?
Considered more humane than a knife. The person remains physically intact, but nonfunctional.
well I would argue this fellow doesn’t deserve humane.
That was precisely my point, Lara.
I was thinking rusty scalpel and battery acid.
Does it have to be a Harley? I’ve got a sharp-looking chopper he can straddle, but it’s a Ginsu.
Castralicious.
l_c, even better if it is rusty and dull. 🙂
The old-fashioned way had occurred to me, but this way would be faster and less messy, for me anyway since my knife skills are very limited. I’d certainly not want to waste any more time or energy on either of these assclowns than was strictly necessary.
But lareina – Anything Worth Doing is Worth Doing Well. And, you’ll be learning a useful skill………….
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a more hands-on kind of gal, but I tend to favor the idea of castrating them using just a carrot peeler and a fresh lemon or two. Sooner or later the parts’ll stop functioning, and surely by the time that castration is finished they’ll have fully understood the lesson (or died of shock. I’m willing to accept either).
I have a elastrator for goats. A human male’s balls can’t be bigger than my boar bucks, could it?
Certainly not these particular human males, anyway.
Y’know it’s one of those mornings when your brain misses the “l” in “public” but doesn’t miss a beat because it’s perfectly applicable to these idiots’ posts…
When I was a newbee to public relations, I once left the “l” out of public in a 48 pt.BF headline. It’s a mistake you only make once. =)
Mmm…pubic relations. pubic Relations for Best Band Name Evar!
That’s cool. I recently emailed my pleasantly plump aunt a picture of a bobcat eating cat food, with the message, ‘I know you’ll love this, since you’re a fat person.’ Damn ‘f’ being above the ‘c’.
Hm, haven’t heard from her in awhile.
I did get a text reply from a friend when my daughter was sick. I said I hoped she got better before Monday, and she replied, “I hope she dies”. Several angry calls later I realized that there was supposed to be ‘does’.
Unless you don’t sober up in time, huh, chrony?
Man, this has gotten way out of hand! Yeah, this guy’s a douchebag, but being a Testicle-Equipped American™ myself I don’t feel that this deserves more than HUMANE mandatory sterilization, i.e: with anæsthesia. Save the carrot peelers and lemon juice for the rapists and child molesters, please.
Oh, please. Everyone knows that painful genital mutilation followed by sterilization is the standard punishment for using offensive language on Craigslist or admitting to infidelity thereupon.
I thought you were the Tentacle-Equipped American?
That as well. 🙂
How dumb does someone have to be to believe a guy owns a Harley because he has a video of him sitting on a stationary one? I have pictures of me sitting on the Picasso sculpture at the Daley Center, so obviously it’s my Picasso.
Excuse me while I plan a trip to Paris so I can pose next to the Mona Lisa …
Could you take a picture of the Eiffel Tower and Photoshop me in? I’ll give you a quick $20 for it.
I think this Prussian princess will give me some pussy and she thinks I own it. KTHX
Sure, right after I visit the Kremlin and take photos so I can get myself photoshopped onto a throne with the Romanov crown jewels.*
*I’m not sure these survived the revolution, but we’re not going for truthery in these photos, are we?
Just don’t try to hook up with a Russian historian, he might call you on it. Other than that you’re probably good.
I keep wondering who on earth is going to give this guy a cat just because he owns a Harley? And isn’t it just as easy to go down to the shelter and pick one up? Maybe I’m missing something.
*Checks Urban Dictionary*
Oh. my. God. a Harley is a kind of motorcycle! No wonder people will give him cats if they see him on it!
In Soviet Russia, Lola, royal jewels photograph you!
TacoMagic: thank you for inspiring me to find out whether it’s possible to give yourself the Heimlich maneuver (it is) and for reminding me not to eat or drink when reading the comments here.
Graham, I think this dude is getting your Eiffel Tower picture for you.
(Now all we need is a chocolate bar and a campfire.)
Damnit, that marshmallowy guy is gonna ruin it. Eat him before he blows my cover!
Is this where the Not.A.Lion comment goes?
In Czarist Russia, Roman offs your family jewels.
Man, I take pictures all the damn time and no-one’s ever offered to give me a cat. I want a kitty dammit!
Iareina, or is it lareina(my phone shows no difference between lower case L and capital I)? Either way, I will gladly pay the shipping on the kitten of your choice for a photo of a red table. The photo, however, must convey that the table is both for sale and free. 😀
Oh, did the “Ownership of Anything Via Ass-Touching” law finally pass?!
You guys are making me LOL today.
I’ve been COLing today, but no full on LOLs for me. I guess I’ve just been hardened by my recent comedic exposure.
A comedian exposed himself to you?
Was it Rip Torn?
*Points to a doll*
The commedian didn’t have anything there! *Cries*
Nothing there, and still he hardened you?
LOL Bianchi.
Crap. If it did, I think several perverts may own me from my last crosstown rush hour bus ride.
frigglesnitz: I actually had a thought like that regarding subway rush hour, but was confused as to whether it counted if they did it unintentionally, or just when they did it on purpose (neither of which is preferable).
frigglesnitz – a friend of mine was being touched up on the Metro in Paris. She grasped the offending hand, held it up high and in her loudest voice asked “à qui appartient cette main?”
Silence, shuffling and a very very beetroot red man – followed by loud cheers from the women.
@ Stephanie – that law came in when Adam first saw Eve didn’t it? Together with the All Males are Goodlooking and All Females Must Lust After Them ??
Oh, tigprincess, I bet that says something really awesome in French! 8)
Quick translation service: “à qui appartient cette main?”=”who does this hand belong to?”.
I just wonder who would buy into a sale like that? Another asshat? Would it be spreading asshat karma to purchase that ring for your own girlfriend?
Maybe arrange to meet the guy in person, purchase the ring with counterfeit money (not that I’d ordinarily approve of passing fraudulent currency) or a rubber check, then advertise for a “found” ring on CL and hope you can give it back to the girl.
Excellent idea, Lola. Would love to see asshat karma in action!
*makes note to self: remember term ‘asshat karma’*
Is it too late to suggest Asshat Karma as today’s band name?
Oh, jackie, it’s *never* too late for that.
I know this guy wants a video, but wouldn’t it be easier (and cheaper) for this asschapeau to just sit on some bike in a grocery store parking lot and have someone take his photo?
I think that’s a way better plan, because I also like envisioning the ensuing scene of the Harley owner coming out of the store, finding this guy on his bike, and beating some sense into bike-liar-dude.
Now I want a video of that.
I thought the only things chicks left at a place were eggs… and droppings.
If he has a lot of chicks, he must really want to get down.
Down on the farm, you mean?
I used to pick up chicks at the petting zoo.
I want someone to get naked pictures of guys or better yet the guy from the first ad photoshopped into women’s clothing and leave those around his place preferably somewhere he wont find them but his girlfriends would. Or maybe send him flowers while he is with one of his girlfriends and not only make the note lovey dovey but sign it with a guys name. I am trying to think of an undeniably male name here that would also be funny. Dick?
Peter Johnson. Pete O’Tool. Randy Wood. Mike Hawk. I got a million of ’em!
Most any name is better than Dick Lovingood and Saul Goodman *say it fast*
LoL @ Saul Goodman… horrible.
His brother’s name is Ira. No joke. They never hear the end of it, especially at bars.
At least his name isn’t Ira Hayes.
They could have named him Corey.
EPIC FAIL.
I’m amazed that these idiots felt the need to explain themselves in such detail. Did they really think that the details would endear them to readers?
Yes, Heather, you see, idiots think that if they explain totally unrelated details of a situation that you, a gullible person whom they believe is even more stupid than they are, will suddenly trust them.
Watch a few episodes of Cops and you will see this tactic attempted (and fail).
And on further inspection of the first listing, I’m getting a vibe that no one “left” these things. They are stolen.
If that’s the case, he may have actually encouraged the girls to leave the items there, and then break things off, at which point he tells them they can’t come back, and what jewelry? Or, he steals the things at their homes.
Both equally rampantly douchebaggy, if true.
I really don’t think there is anyone more stupid than these two…seriously.
That’s the thing about real idiots, though, CJ… they think they are clever and that other people will actually fall for their silly ruses.
I think the first guy had to explain so much because he wants you to believe he has “girlfriends” which is why I would attempt to challenge his sexuality somehow. Male stripper?
Ooh, good one.
Wow, I’m so, so afraid that if I delete something he’ll send me a virus!!! OMG, what am I going to do?
/sarcasm
… Asschapeaux is right. One’s a cheater and the other is a homophobe who’s also a liar. (And my mother wonders why I’m single.)
Jinx!
LoL @ “I will send you a virus.”
Internet tough guy who isn’t even a real biker. Ruh roh, I’m scared.
“i’ll give you a quick $20. I’m in [location] if you can come by or maybe i could come to you.”
You could? Really?! Man, would I still get the “quick” $20 if you came to me? This is a great deal!
I love that that article includes ChristianU2ubers video…. hilar.
Is this kid for real?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE3KdcTgrno&feature=player_embedded
As far as I can tell, YES.
Where are his parents, for Christian’s sake? Oh… I see.
For whatever reason, I read the first ad as if it were being written by a female. I was picturing the aftermath of a wild girls-only martini-fest. I just figured she had two sets of friends and the “jealous girlfriends” would be the group that wasn’t invited. Puts a whole new spin on it going from catty bitch to philandering jackass.
I can see that. Your average Joe Asshat would have used “shoes” rather than “flats.”
Exactly!
I thought the use of “flats” seemed very out of place as well.
and i thought maybe he was talking about an apartment. i got real confusled.
Hey, queensbee, did I leave my pumps at your flat?
Ah! Flats = Shoes? I read it as, Flats = Apartments, and took it to mean that this individual’s girlfriends had somehow managed to locate his in spite of his best efforts to conceal his address.
That threw me too, I’ve heard the term “flats” used many times by women but never by a guy, at least not a straight one.
Yep, that’s what I was thinking…I don’t think many men even know the difference between flats and pumps. But beyond that, why are women leaving shoes at his place? I understand dropping a ring or necklace, but are they going home barefoot?
I had begun to wonder about the left-behind shoes, too. Now I’m starting to think they fall off of his victims’ feet while he’s dragging the bodies out of his home. The clothes he disposes of elsewhere, but is tired of coming back and finding these stupid, incriminating shoes and jewelry!
Don’t you hate it when you have to saw off the finger to get the ring and then it doesn’t even fit you?
So, too far yet?
Don’t you hate it when you have to bite off the finger to get the ring and then you just wind up falling into the volcanic pyres in which it was originally forged?
@Isaac: stupid prrresssssshioussss riiiiiinnng!
At my middle school, we were always fascinated by the number of pants in the lost & found. HOW DO YOU LOSE YOUR PANTS AND NOT NOTICE?
My guess is that the people who lost their pants in middle school have now grown up and are leaving their shoes, jewelery, and “assorted female stuff” at this guy’s apartment.
thecarie – My question is…what are middle schoolers doing where losing pants is, apparently, a regular activity?
I like this idea for some reason.
My thought exactly. Technical shoe term for a male.
Unless he has a shoe or foot fetish. Not that I dated a guy like that (It was two or three guys like that).
Somewhat OT, I’m seeing these Google ads at upper right:
“Prayer Cross – TV Site
Prayer Cross Official TV Website Experience the Magic. Buy Direct
Lord’s Prayer Pendant
Official Sterling Silver Pendant Proudly Made in the USA
The Lords Prayer
Looking for The Lords Prayer? Find exactly what you want today.”
And couldn’t figure out what was generating them (it didn’t seem to be the ads). Now I’m thinking … it’s the llamanun mug b/w the prayer reference that’s generating them, isn’t it? Heh!
Me too! Bees be upon her!
And also upon you.
Go in peace and serve the snark!
Gen 1:28
Be fruity and do Cat Math.
LLamanun’s witness knows no bounds.
Hello, I’d like to tell you about the Llamanun and the Miracles of the Ostrimu. This free pamphlet will answer all your questions about life and death and Craigslist. We’ll be starting a Sunday school soon, and the bus will come around to collect your little darlings.
*hides cat*
You may be amused to note that I’m now getting ads for:
Free Biker Dating
Cheating Spouse?
Ask a Harley Mechanic Now
I like the way the third ad seems to be a response to the second one…
Yep, all the Google ads that I’m getting are for Harleys/Motorcycles/Biker Babes.
I liked it better when it was Shirts and design your own T-shirts.
I got Alpha Biker and Rebel Girl apparel. I like that last one.
Hi there – I’m getting
Find Harley Girls in UK
UK Biker Events Calendar and
Direct Access,cbt,theory
OK so WTF is the last one about?
*drmk and Dan – I’ve now purchased both Not.A.Lion mug and llamanun mug and await forthcoming delivery here in UK. They will brighten up my day and also act a conversation pieces *
I think the odds of getting a virus from him are immensely more likely if you actually let him sit on your Harley. I’m pretty sure you can get Viral Hepatitis if you share the same Harley with an infected person.
And given the unctuousness of the poster, I would say the likelyhood of Hepatitis is rather high.
If you’re aiming for general safety and public interest, you could offer to film him under the bike. That way you won’t have to autoclave the seat afterward.
I sorta think just reading his post puts us at risk. It’s a good thing I always wear a full body condom.
Maybe it’s his extreme unctuousness that’s conjuring the religious sidebar ads.
Always gotta one up my use of a big word by adding a modifying adjective.
That was like the biggest word I know too. *Sniff*
I could teach you a few handy sesquipedalianisms, but surely you’ve been told that size doesn’t matter. An obscure short word beats any number of inkhorn polysyllabics.
I mean, forget antidisestablishmentarianism. Give me olm or thirl any day.
*Cries into his dictionotomy*
He’s an English prof, TM. They’re hard to beat; no shame in a good try.
Ah yes, many are the times I’ve thwarted an attempted beating by whipping out my massive lexicon.
*Whips out his Massive Link™*
En Garde!
Ho-ho!
Thrust! Parry! Dodge!
Flèche! Repartee! Riposte!
“inkhorn polysyllabics”
=
My new favorite phrase.
It might be mine too Coco, once I’ve looked it up. Can I borrow that dictionotomy please Taco?
*Hands over Dictionotomy*
Careful, it’s a bit wet for some reason.
Thanks Taco
*hands over large box of tissues in exchange*
Okay, let’s just imagine for a moment how hilarious it would be if Extreme Unctuousness were the band playing at your neighborhood pub on Fat Tuesday, and the drunker people got the more they screwed up the name?
Like, “Man, I shuszhed lurrv Ehshtreem Uncshoessniss..”
*crickets chirping*
Just me? Okay, then…
The main problem for fans of Extreme Unctuousness is that they’re always the last band on the bill, and by the time they play, everyone else at the 40-Watt is either dead drunk or leaving the building.
I think the bigger problem with Extreme Unctuousness is that they try to slip away from their gigs early. Of course you can’t really blame their inability to stick to the schedule.
I hope there’s t shirts for the Extreme Unction Junction tour. Last rites for alcohol as the train pulls out for its final destination!
“Extreme Unction, What’s Your Function?”
Schoolhouse Rock! Conjunction junction! Makes me think of pink eye.
I’m just a bill.
Yes, I’m only a bill.
And I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill…
The 80s are rushing back to me…
“Extreme Unction, what’s your function?” is from the lesser-known series, “Catechism Rock.”
“The 80s are rushing back to me…”
Sexyfingers, you aren’t sitting in a large bathtub by chance?
My read is that asshat #1 and the chick have had drunken encounters before at his residence, and she is in the habit of leaving items behind . . . *humming*
“Tequila makes her clothes fall off . . . ”
Perhaps if he tried vodka instead.
Vodka makes the invisible leprechauns go away for a few hours.
And when they come back, they bring whiskey!
*points to self*
Married to an Irishman. Could write a book!
Is that racist? or just proud?
It’s only racist if he’s not a leprechaun.
Nope. But his dad was.
Well, half leprechaun isn’t bad. He can still benefit from their casinos and can even purchase gold stock through the rainbow L-223/521B funding option.
But I don’t think he can buy or use their ceremonial pot, he would have to be full leprechaun.
An Irish civil servant. You should see the not-suprised look on my face. I R 1 2.
🙂 Yes indeedy. Damn fine representation. Two son-in-laws, too. And all do their uniforms proud.
Speaking of alcohol, I’ve not seen Bacontini today.
You call for Bacontini, and he come for you. Bacontini is always here to serve the ladies, even when he’s not here.
Now, what can Bacontini do for you?
perhaps you could give the asshats posting on CL some lessons in “smooth”?
Ahh, yes Bacontini can do that!
To be smooth you first must use the highest quality Gin or Vodka, then soak only the finest bacon in it. That makes Bacontini dangerously smooth, and Bacontini sure it work for anyone.
I can’t believe that the second post is from [location]. That kind of crap used to only happen in Ish.
Downtown Ish at that. But now it’s getting so you can’t go outside in Somewhere anymore. Let alone [location].
Wow…and we want people like this to SUCCEED in adding to the gene pool?
I’ve always been in favor of breeding liscenses.
But then again, I’m a social optimist aren’t I.
We do? I’m sure hoping their stupidity dies out with their generation.
We could arrange for asschapeau to be a Darwin Award beneficiary, in scenario #1 – the guy who would actually believe any girl would date him, let alone multiple girls, could be introduced to the guy in scenario #2, and given their obvious attraction to one another we could find someone to loan them a Harley and convince them a road trip was called for.
With any luck, a Darwin Award would ensue, and…problem – solved.
CJ, I just hope they have a nice basket on the Harley for those baby cats.
I believe Darwin himself wrote that “even the most highly-evolved gene pool will eventually collect scum.”
..and bottom feeders!
Hey everybody! Sorry I’m late but I have been searching everywhere for my….my….shoes and well, have I missed anything?
Yes, you just missed his girlfriends.
Dang, I was hoping to go to [location] later this week. Too bad I don’t have a Harley so this guy can get some.
If they do get together, who would be more disapointed? Her, because he really doesn’t have a Harley or him, because she’s probably got VD. I say her, because if he thinks a Harley makes him worthy of getting in her pants, he obviously doesn’t have anything in his pants.
Just stay out of [location]. It’s obviously populated by douches and skanks.
Back in my walk of shame days, I left a necklace at the home of my “friend”. I did know the guy and called him about it. He said he didn’t know where it was. A month later I saw him back together with his ex girlfriend with a very similar necklace around her neck. Coincidence? I think not.
Honey, you’re better off without that cheating hussy of a necklace.
I hope you found a nice stable bracelet, or some friendly earrings to cushion the blow.
You gotta watch out for anklets though. They tend to swoop in to be the rebound jewelry, but they’re just there for the quick wear around town then before you know it they disappear while you’re at the mall.
Obviously the once and future girlfriend was either not very bright or was very avaricious, as she either didn’t notice or care that the necklace didn’t come in a box. Any jewelry that I received that didn’t have its own box, no matter how inexpensive and generic, would just scream “purloined/found/bought off of the back of a truck/fell off of the back of a truck.” Doesn’t matter if the box says “Stan’s Jewelry Shack” instead of “Tiffany,” (well, actually it does, but for the sake of argument it doesn’t), at least it looks like it was legitimately acquired.
This is why I deal in stolen and counterfeit jewlery boxes.
Maybe I should give the first guy a call.
Oh, Lola, Stan’s Jewelry Shack has the best sale going on right now! Mix and match baubles, buy two, get one half price. 8)
Building on Christine’s story, I don’t understand why the first poster doesn’t just give the ring to one of his many girlfriends. How does selling the ring teach his walk of shamer a lesson? The ring is still gone either way.
He obviously assumes that having sex with him is its own reward and he shouldn’t have to pass on the opportunity to score some meager green.
it likely will be quite meager too, it doesn’t exactly look like a Tiffany’s piece does it?
Maybe he’s hoping the girl will see the posting, and realize how very wrong she was to leave things lying around where other girlfriends can find it.
Or maybe the chick and his girlfriends know each other and he doesn’t want them getting to conclussions if she recognises the ring.
The first post reminds me of my boyfriend’s old roommate. He had this table in the middle of his bedroom, and under it was just this huuuuge collection of things girls had left in his room. Things like pairs of shoes, or skirts, or jackets, plus the usual things like earrings and hair ties….. I always wondered if these girls would just leave the next morning still naked and not realize their mistake until they got home.
“Still naked” gets a +1 from me today.
(And it’s also a pretty good Band Name!)
After All These Years?
What worries me is that there may be a girl out there shallow enough to sleep with this guy because she thinks he has a Harley.
(I was going to say dumb, instead of shallow, but I’m in a generous mood today)
Pretty sure that was a Pirates of the Caribbean reference by drmk: “I am not inclined to help this gentleman with his request.” Or maybe it’s just that I watched it last night with my sister-in-law who is obsessed with Johnny Depp. She made me do it! It’s not my fault that eyeliner works for him!
oh dear, DT and Depp, you have it bad Miss Nomer *chuckle*
I come by my DT thing honestly, but my sister-in-law is 16, so she brings out the giggly girl that is not-so-hidden beneath the surface. Swooning together is a bonding experience! *sheepish grin*
oh it’s a bonding experience? I see, well that makes all the difference then, or it would if I believed a word of it. *giggle*
Oh I did finally get to see Hamlet the other night by the way. It was as far better than expected to be honest. After all it’s not the most “up beat” of stories is it? They did make a very fine job of it though.
Oh really dev? How did this “Hamlet” end? Did they set it up for a sequel? Was there an alternate ending?
So many questions….
Hamlet… that’s the sequal to Charlotte’s Web right?
I’m glad you liked it! David does a great anguished. And I thought Patrick Stewart was actually almost sympathetic as Claudius. Did your sweetheart like it?
You’re right, he does do anguished well, although I did have a “Who” moment at one point, when he was slapping his head trying to think, I can’t recall the ep. immediately, but I’ve seen that affectation before.
As you say Patrick is also an amazing actor, he too came across really well. As for my man, not sure, although the one time I looked over at him he was doing something on his laptop, so perhaps that’s not the best sign.
Now duck!
* throws a small cushion at Tacomagic*
Ah, that feels better. 🙂
develish1 – I saw David Tennant’s Hamlet live at Stratford as well as catching up with the screen version. In the play they stopped for the interval at the point where Hamlet comes across Claudius praying and he holds a dagger up behind him. Gasps from audience – the Shakespeare afficionados because it’s not a scene end, the rest (Dr Who fans) because it’s a point of high tension.
In the ice-cream queue the conversation behind me was “I wonder how it all works out, I hope its a happy ending”.
I’m not sure the ice-cream salesperson welcomed me spluttering out my request for two ginger and honey and one strawberry ices with snot dripping out of my nose!
I thought David did anguished and energetic very well; for pure sex appeal the Toby Stevens one was better. Also at least with the DT version Ophelia was believable – she often lets down the whole play – in the immortal words of Victoria Wood “Look at me, I’m a looney”
*drmk – maybe we should have a film and theatre forum?*
If it was a PotC reference, it wasn’t deliberate … I haven’t seen any of those movies.
Well, I’d hook this guy up for a quick $20 but unfortunately I have a bike that is timed correctly, has an insane power-to-weight ratio, and will run for 50,000 miles without a lick of problems. I guess I just wasn’t cut out to mingle with the Harley crowd. Plus, if anyone is getting laid on account of this bike, its going to be me.
At first, when I read the second ad, I thought “Harley” was a euphemism of some sort. Of course, even with its literal meaning, it’s still pretty sketchy.
Oh, Jason F, you have such top quality model looks for a guy who is into bikes.
Yeah, I really like riding my pig around with my posse.
Do you mean hog and gang?
Yeah, I was just, um, testing to see if you were really into the biking lifestyle, like I am so very much.
Oh, take me now Jason F! Wait. Who is that naked woman?
Oh, that’s Ashley. She’s putting herself through fake cosmetology school by being my naked housekeeper.
Oh Jason F, we should all do it.
Yeah!
Yeah!
**********
Jason! Jason F! Wake up! You’re going to be late for school!
Damn it mom! I was just in the middle of a good dream. *Under breath* I going to send you a virus, mom…
Don’t forget to wear your corrective shoes and thereputic underwear.
I am sooo ROFLing right now.
Can anyone say “double sh*t?”
*resuming not so secret identity*
*message in a bottle*
How does one change a gravatar and make it stick?
Clear your cache and restart your browser.
Hokay. Thanks, Graham. Let’s see if it works for me. I didn’t realize trying to be clever would result in such a phalangical exercise.
You saw that, did you? *embarrassed*
Well, you know what they say . . . exercising any part of the body on a regular basis is good 😀
or add a spare avatar over at Gravatar and attach it to a different email address, then you can swap between them as you wish
Ah ha. That was the hitch in the git-a-long. I didn’t attach it to another email address. Thanks, dev and Graham. When I have more time, I shall give it another whirl. Meanwhile, it’s off to class. Have a lovely evening. May I suggest a nice glass of California wine?
after the custard incident I’m not sure I dare, or that Graham could cope with round two for that matter * chuckle*
I still don’t get it. 😛
if it’s any consolation Graham, I went back and read through it again sober, and I don’t get it either.
I’m deeply confused over the first post for the same reasons others have said above. I don’t know of any man that would use the term flats instead of using shoes. And “girlfriends” is still used by women to describe their associated tribe. So this is my conclusion: this female is upset because some of her friends are sensitive. They hate seeing other woman’s accessories that are much better than their own.
And excuse me I’m in College Essay Writing Mode (CEWM pronounced “swim”). *shuffles off back to writing about how environmental awareness is changing ethics in big business*
There is also the possibility that the poster is not an asshat guy, but an asshat lesbian.
I see my ex has been posting on craigslist again.
Which one?
Jacob, the one I was with for 6 years, and friends with for 13. Isn’t it fitting that the name ‘Jacob’ means ‘liar’?
Crap, my bitterness showing. How embarrassing!
Erm, I meant which ad, but the vignette about Jacob was quite interesting. 🙂 Thanks.
Both, actually. He took pics of himself with my twin turbo Volvo at Pacific Raceways to show off to girls on myspace, after I drove his ass there and worked on my car alone. And the stories about suspicious items found in his house while he was living alone were soap-opera-worthy.
The story of me is getting better and better, so I’ll shut up.
Jacob is a winrar!!!!111
Well he won me. Great. Does that make him look bad, or me? Hmm. Both! We’re both wienars!!
On to a less pathetic topic, now.
You seem to go for jerks.
Nope, just the one. Guy friends are different, because they are easily disposed of.
BALETED
There are many ways of being used. I dated a guy who, I began to discover, was dating me because he liked my roommate but she wasn’t interested. And then he also started dating his dealer, but would not admit that either.
I was half the age I am now and deeply naive.
Later edit: Wow, you totally had a separate exchange while I was posting this (the phone rang). 🙁
You dated a professional card player?
I wish. Dealer would likely have been better looking.
Ah man, amateur? That’s the worst!
I guess you’re right, Graham. So which category do you fall into? /b
You don’t know the half of it. Amateur in more ways than one. Oh, and a heavy metal tattoo on his hip. *wince* *grimace*
later edit: yeah, Graham, which are you, a winner or a wiener?
Or a jerk? *naw, I haven’t fallen for you, don’t run off screaming*
Oh, Lola! I’m so sorry you had to endure a crappily-tattooed guy!
You want to know what’s better? As soon as I saw this news article, i knew it was a guy I had dated, without it even saying his name. My fam and friends placed bets…and guess who won?
http://www.kitsapsun.com/news/2008/jan/15/no-cash-but-plenty-confusion-in-pairs-alleged/
http://www.kitsapsun.com/news/2008/mar/14/man-sentenced-to-nearly-2-years-for-string-of/
I fall squarely in jerk territory. (I was leaving that one open for you earlier. :P)
Aw, no you don’t! I hope. You’re no Corey or Jacob, for sure.
Aww, thaaaanks. I’ve certainly had my Corey-esque moments, though.
To err is human, but to forgive is divine.
You should know that, what with the Venus thing.
Venus has taught me a lot about humility. And clear discharge.
Just wait til she tries to teach you about rear diseases. 0.o
I don’t know why it took me so long to think of posting this, since:
1. I am a female
2. I talk too much anyways
3. being female, I know how devious we are.
I have heard many women talk about ‘CU Insurance’. if they want to see you again, they will leave something inexpensive, yet important, at your house, so that they can either show up at any god-forsaken time with the excuse of wanting their ‘thing’ back, or you will be a ‘nice guy’ and call them and then return it. Also a good way to weed out jerks. I feel this is stupid, since you’ve already given him what he wants, and if he wants more, he’ll be damn sure to get a hold of you.
Guys, if a female is at your home, seriously, make sure she takes everything with her. And don’t let her bring in a metric ass-ton of stuff to leave all over your house. If all else fails, destroy the item with napalm.
http://www.wonderhowto.com/how-to/video/how-to-make-homemade-napalm-fire-starting-goo-272244/
Oh, honey, you send me this as if I don’t already know.
It was for the benefit of any of our less pyrotechnically-savvy readers… 🙂
We really need to post legal waivers.
I was just thinking that…
Great minds, dearest. Goodnight!
The diphenhydramine gods are calling to me…
Can’t go to sleep without an Ambien.
Oh, Great! If we weren’t already on the FBI watch list that link is sure put us there.
Witness Protection isn’t going to like that.
No, wait…
Da Boss aint’ gonna like dat, youse guys.
Thanks, everyone, for a really nice Monday evening. And christina, don’t forget to claim your {card punch/party favors/Richard Nixon}.
That is just job security for me. As long as there is a lust for adrenaline in young boys and grown men alike, I will not want for work. There is no fire prevention program for testosterone.
Edit-That comment refers to the Napalm link.
YSaC trivia time! My first band was named Napalm Candy. We rocked. In our minds.
If you reassemble, you can open for Asshat Karma!
You probably won’t understand what this means, but that guy is alpha.