YSaC, Vol. 775: LBJ, IRT, USA, DDT

2010 August 31

Wanted: DDT — URGENT!!!!


My organic garden has been facing a lot of pressure from pests this season, and I am looking for a reliable DDT wholesaler to help me out with this problem. I have a double lot in SE Portland, and am unsure how much DDT is necessary to effectively eradicate the spiders, slugs, etc that are currently plaguing me. I appreciate the natural balance of the earth and sun, but sanitizing the soil again this year has not effectively decimated the natural insect population. In fact, they’re back stronger than ever!!!! Also, my neighbors’ dogs are poorly penned and are persistent in their destruction of my entire basil crop. I think that DDT will help. I haven’t been able to find any online merchants, and Portland Nursery, The Garden Spout, The Urban Farm Store, etc are unwilling to help me. They don’t seem to understand the needs of an organic, urban gardener. I’m so disappointed. I’m hoping to start an organic CSA program before the end of the summer, and my inability to find useful, safe, environmentally-friendly pesticides is really hampering my ability to do so. If anyone out there can help, or direct me to a supplier, please contact. SOON!

Mmmm, nothing says “organic” like a good shot of DDT. Yep, nothing eliminates pesky insects, spiders, slugs, and DOGS in quite as environmentally friendly a way as one of the most infamous pesticides of all time. Then again, let’s give this person the benefit of the doubt. It’s still organic if you use a container of pesticide to bludgeon your problem animals, right?

Thanks for the link, Stephanie!

270 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 August 31
    Lou Stool permalink

    I think Sparky needs to call Jake the Snake Roberts. that guy was a master of the DDT, and I’m sure he would be more than willing to help. Those spiders wouldn’t stand a chance after their faces were smashed into the canvas.

    Adores: 5
  2. 2010 August 31
    sarajean80 permalink

    I know an organic method of dog removal. It’s called a BB gun.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 31
      TacoMagic permalink

      Land mine.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 31

        I’m sending my puppy over to leave some “land mines” in your yard!

        Adores: 14
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          I’ve got a bunch of plants on my lawn that protect it from zombies. I hope your puppy is up to the challenge.

          I think I need coffee. I’m having lucidity problems this morning.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 31
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Listen to some Queensryche. That should solve the problem, Taco.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31
          MandaB permalink

          But it’s silent lucidity. How can he listen to that?

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 31
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          The voices in your head will tell you all you need to know.

          Manda — I thought mom’s were suppose to know everything.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31
          MandaB permalink

          ACG, my kids are all under the age of 5 and they’d still tell you that mommy doesn’t know anything. I suspect nothing much will change in the next 10 years. 🙂

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31

          Hey, HamCan’s avatar is a pig again!

          What?

          Adores: 2
  3. 2010 August 31
    Gemenon permalink

    Well DDT could be organic if you come from another planet. DDT would seem pretty tame after breathing Methane at say -230 degrees, and were bathed in deadly radiation all day. It might even be considered a beauty product if you’re from one of the newly discovered planets that are like a 5 minute walk from your sun, and where a year is only 22 hours. Yup DDT is downright yummy compared to that.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 August 31
      TacoMagic permalink

      Yeah, but would DDT actually kill any bugs that manage to live on any of those planets?

      You’d probably have to chase the bugs down with a lightsaber. I’m thinking Starship Troopers style bugs would probably use DDT as breath freshener.

      Adores: 13
      • 2010 August 31

        I nominate Stormtrooper Cockroaches as a band name.

        Or to be IF’s Flaming Lips* cover band.

        *The thought process that lead to Flaming Lips from Stormtrooper Cockroaches went like so:

        Roaches –> Death by Cheetos –> Really Spicy Cheetos –> My lips are on fire!

        Adores: 6
  4. 2010 August 31

    [DDTcorey]We used to go to drive-in theaters (another corey for you youngsters, another time) in the summertime when the skeeters were thick as molasses. Before the first movie came on, the skeeter truck with the vat of DDT and industrial-sized sprayer mounted in the bed would come by and spray whatever was in its path. Good times…good times…and people wonder why I am the way I am.[/endDDTcorey]

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 August 31
      Lola permalink

      This reminds me of a bit in Mary Karr’s Liars’ Club where the kids in the town where she grew up would follow a pesticide truck on their bikes (very possibly DDT, but I don’t recall for sure) as a “game,” the object being who could pedal behind the toxic stream the longest.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 31
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        Good times!

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          Bianchi, I think “children playing in the fog from the DDT truck” is the best picture caption I have read or will read all week.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31
          ToBScholarly permalink

          Wow. That must secure a lifetime guarantee against mosquito bites.

          Of course, producing glow in the dark children is a risky side effect.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 31
          CapnMac permalink

          [ddt corey] the diesel oil used to generate fog probably created greater risk than the DDT.

          DDT is a realtively benign organochloride, keep your daily intake under ¼kg/day and you’d be ok. (Malathion, DEET, Theozole, much, much less nice to be in direct contact with.)

          Greayest human risk with DDT is in the manufacturing process.
          [/corey]

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31
        Meredith permalink

        We used to have the “bug truck” drive around our neighborhood when I was growing up, and you’d hear a loud “wwwwwhhhhhiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrr” coming up the road as a warning. It was a rush to close all the doors and windows before you got the smoke in your house. It was the eighties, but I always wondered what it was they were spraying, and if it would actually kill us all in our sleep one day.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          Meredith, this is OT but somehow you have disappeared from FB and when I try to click on your updates at the top of the screen it asks me if I wan’t to open a file. Um, have you gone viral, missy? I would send you a note there but right now it is telling me you don’t exist, at least not in a profile I can find.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Meredith permalink

          Hmmmm, I dunno what’s going on with FB.

          Uh oh, my fingers look a bit…fadey. Maybe I should have listened to Doc and stopped messing with the space time continuum. Now I’m going to have to make sure my parents get to the dance together, so they can have their first kiss!!!

          “BRB. Saving space/time. TTYL…I hope”

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          You gotta produce 1.21 jiggawatts* to get home! Quick, harness some slow moving lightning!

          *If they couldn’t be bothered to pronounce it correctly then there is obviously precedent for a new word.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          The jigglewatts worked. 😉

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 31

        I love that book!

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Wan’t is the best misuse of an apostrophe of all time. It’s like you have a Klingon accent.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          Bianchi, I saw that after the time was up. Whiskey-tango-hotel, I don’t know what I was thinking. That’s like insane apostrophe abuse. I have a headache and a lot on my mind, and will blame that. 8)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          That’s a misuse of an apostrophe that even I can be proud of!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31

          If Isaac were here right now, I’m sure he’d get out his pedanticles and tentarape beat you for that misapplied apostrophe.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 September 2
        Mnemonides permalink

        That’s nothing. When my mom was growing up in south Arkansas, they used to smear themselves with DDT from big barrels they kept in the yard.

        Adores: 1
  5. 2010 August 31
    Lou Stool permalink

    Proper use of punctuation? Check. Excellent speeling? Check. Correct use of their/they’re/there? Check. Ability to properly use words of 4+ syllables? Check. What we have here is one of the most grammatically correct idiots YSaC has ever seen.

    Adores: 20
    • 2010 August 31
      Kae permalink

      I think you just put your thumb on what I found most terrifying about this post.

      Adores: 9
      • 2010 August 31

        No, the best was one we didn’t see. The “octagonal” mirror I submitted a little bit back originally had a very long paragraph associated with it that had perfect spelling and grammar, and even correctly used a semicolon.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 1

          It’s still in the queue, Astro.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 September 1
          Astrognash permalink

          I could swear you’ve already posted it.

          Although you could be thinking of the French Prudincial stuff I sent you.

          Adores: 0
  6. 2010 August 31
    Corey permalink

    Let me tell you why they should Bring Back DDT, and Science With It!.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 31

      FauxCorey-first welcome back(?) WE have missed you! Second, yeah I didn’t want to draw the wrath of my fellow YSaCers, but I’ve read this before.

      I’m on the fence about DDT…think maybe in the future it’ll be used judiciously.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 31
        TacoMagic permalink

        Yeah, I’ve read much about the DDT scare and the case against it was largely politicaly motivated rather than scientifically.

        In either case though, the use of DDT and making an Organic garden are mutually exclusive ideas. In that respect, the poster earns our scorn.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 31
          MandaB permalink

          Thanks, Taco. That’s the point I was trying to get at below, but you put it far more eloquently.

          Now, please spell something incorrectly so we can mock you and get this train back on the tracks! 😉

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 31

          I agree, but could really understand the “organic” gardener’s frustration given my b-i-l and his lament.

          Seriously, I’m going to finally start a SMALL garden next year and will plant marigolds around the perimeter and sprinkle with Sevin Dust liberally.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 31
          Corey permalink

          Good point TM – I’ll take that scorn in the name of science.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          New Corey’s got a martyr complex. Kinky.

          But I’ve got plenty of fresh scorn if you wantes some too, New Corey.

          I’ve also got some used scorn if you have a pile of firm obos.

          Adores: 7
      • 2010 August 31
        TacoMagic permalink

        And we know it’s not the real corey because he capitalized his ‘C’.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31
          Corey permalink

          And I’m not bacontini either, eh TM?

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          Yeah, Bacontini is MY meat puppet.

          I think that was the line right there.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 August 31

          So does Corey still have to use corey tags if s/he wants to be serious? Would that be like dividing by zer-

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Actually, I think Corey will have to use a [not Corey corey] and [Corey/not corey] tag so that we can keep it all straight.

          or maybe not…

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31
          mudslicker permalink

          Great! We’ll put you in charge of keeping track of that Gramps.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Astrognash permalink

          He can do it after he makes the rounds giving out candy to first graders in his white van!

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 31
      Windrose permalink

      Yuck! Reality and fact! Somebody get a mop. Not allowed in the Snark Lounge! 8) (jk, love the things I learn here.)

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 August 31
      Litarider permalink

      Yeah, never mind that breast cancer, those dead Bald Eagles and California Condors, the DDT-resistant mosquitoes, and that DDT isn’t really that effective in fighting malaria.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 31
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        I haven’t had any Bald Eagles or California Condors eating my veggies since I started using DDT again. And I haven’t gotten malaria either.

        So there!

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 31

          Oh. Then I can’t use DDT.

          Our marching band show is about Eagles. Specifically the bald ones. If I went and sprayed them with DDT, that’d probably look bad…

          Adores: 3
  7. 2010 August 31
    MandaB permalink

    I. Umm. Wow. Organic? DDT? “Unclear on the concept” seems to be a minor understatement.

    I obviously need another slice of coffee.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 31

      I’m guessing Sparky uses organic agent orange for weed control too…

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 31
        sarajean80 permalink

        Napalm. There’s nothing like a scorched-earth policy to completely eradicate those pesky dandelions.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          The best part about Napalm is that after it does its job there is a lot of Grill Blackened meat left over.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          Jellied gasoline has so many useful home applications!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          High VOC hair mousse makes a great napalm substitute…or so I’ve been told.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I have ivy and morning glory all over my yard… I’m thinking scorched earth is really the only solution here. (So does MrEB, ish. We’ve been talking about completely ripping out our yard and getting someone to re-lay sod or something or another. Or another. Or something. Ish.)

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31
          sarajean80 permalink

          My parents don’t have grass as such, they have a collection of weeds cut to the same height. I believe my dad’s exact words were “I don’t care what it is so long as it’s green and I can mow it.”

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 31
          Moira permalink

          The definition of a weed: any plant growing where you don’t want it.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 31

          We have miner bees. The only way to get rid of them is, apparently, to till up their homes, spray, then plant grass in the fall and hope it grows enough to cover up all their homes before they come back in late spring. My Dad was getting desperate enough that he was ready to pour gasoline down their holes and strike a match in one, then watch the yard combust.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Astrognash permalink

          Also, Lola, I totally read that as Jedi Gasoline.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          Jedi gasoline?

          “This is not the diesel you’re looking for.”

          Adores: 2
  8. 2010 August 31

    [gardeningcorey]My brother-in-law has a massive garden – a half acre – in veggies and fruit that is totally organic. For years upon years his “insecticide” has been bug-picking…yes, he’d spend hours every day picking bugs off every plant. He’s now in his sixties and this summer after a hot day of bug-picking, he plunked down on the porch next to me and said, “Screw organic, I wish I could get my hands on some DDT.”[/endgardeningcorey]

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 August 31
      Windrose permalink

      CJ, smart man! 8) I’ve tried to reduce my snail population by getting those carnivorous snails. It worked well for a couple years, but that’s it. I don’t think the carni snails liked it here and moved to Florida or something.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 31
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        When I was in Florida — I always fed my slugs and snails beer. While not really organic, it kept them under control. (It was kind of gross to take care of every day.)

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          “USDA yearbook of agriculture 1977” is my gardening Bible, and they suggest pie pans full of beer as a slug-and-snail control method. slugs crawl, in, get drunk, drown. Sadly, I’m yet to find a equally hilarious method for getting rid of grasshoppers organically, besides smacking them with a stick. (not really any slugs or snails in Arizona, just locusts. we’re old-school like that.)

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          We put our beer in a contraption formed out of plastic soda bottles. It lets them into the beer, but won’t let them out.

          You fill it with beer, sprinkle a bunch around it, and let the slug party begin.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31
        Grampdaddy permalink

        I always reduced the snail population by giving them jar lids full of beer. Once they were sloshed, into a frying pan with a little butter and garlic, then serve them to the neighbor’s kids….

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 31
          mudslicker permalink

          Hope you served them with some fava beans and a nice non-alcoholic chianti.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Moira permalink

          I’ve also heard that newly-emerged cicadas should get the butter and garlic treatment. I do not live in an area with cicadas, though.

          It is recommended that you feed your captured snails and slugs on corn meal for a few weeks before frying them up just to ensure that any pesticides they may have ingested are out of their systems.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          Escargot.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          Bless you.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 31
      TacoMagic permalink

      As somebody who does a fair amount of gardening myself, I’ll say that my garden is only incidentally Organic. Mostly because I grow peppers and tomatoes and pests don’t really eat those too much in this area. And since peppers need such gentle fertilizer all they really get is fish emulsion and bone meal.

      Now the chipmunk who’s eating my tomatoes that’s another story. I’d like to DDT him right in the face.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 31
        MandaB permalink

        I feel the same way about the rabbits that ate ALL of my peppers this year. At least they were equal opportunity pepper thieves and ate all of my neighbor’s peppers too.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          Yeah, I had to put up rabbit netting to keep them away from the peppers and tomatoes.

          What is worse is that the rabbits here HATE the taste of the pepper plants, so they just nip them off at ground level and leave the plant laying in the dirt.

          If it wasn’t hugely against the law to use a BB gun in the city limits, I’d be having rabbit stew rather often. Mostly because of the peppers, but also because they’re gnawing on the supports to my deck for some reason.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31
          Kae permalink

          Yeah, WTH with that? It’s like they’re just doing it to be malicious. I tried to explain to Stewie* that I’m okay with sharing some of our garden with the wildlife, but the whole willful vandalism thing was what was torquing me off. Smart kid, but that definitely got the blank stare. Either that, or the earlier twelve-minute mad rant of profanity had overloaded his synapses…

          *not his real name.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          A short story:

          So I’ve been picking tomatoes out of my garden for the better part of a month now (I’ve got about 3 gallons worth spread all over my kitchen awaiting processing) and I kept finding the occasional tomato that had obvious signs of being chewed on. Since they were small marks, I didn’t pay it much mind. I just cut the offending bits off, and since I was stewing the tomatoes anyway, I didn’t really worry about disease.

          About 2 weeks ago I found my first half of a tomato. Yup. Looking at the tomato from the side I was picking it on, it looked perfectly fine, soon as I grabbed it, I realized that the little tomato culprit had perched on the deck railing and eaten all of the tomato that it could reach. So I started picking any tomato within reach of the deck early and let them ripen inside. I’d still miss a few, and find the odd half tomato. As a way of trying to keep the peace (and keep the tomato bandit away from my plants) I created a little pile of partially eaten tomatoes for him to focus on. That kinda worked, as the pile dwindled to nothing over a period of a week and the rest of my tomatoes were left alone.

          Two days ago I go out to the raised garden to pick more tomatoes. I was excited because my giant beef steak that I’d been growing (weighed about 4 pounds) was going to be ready to pick. I get out to the garden and what do I see? A chipmunk perched on the giant beefsteak hovering over a large section of eaten tomato, looking at me as if to say, “What? Oh this? Totally wasn’t me. I was just investigating what happened here.” We stare each other down for a while before the cheeky little bugger WENT BACK TO EATING THE TOMATO!

          I chased him off with a few profanities and did my best to salvage the rest of the tomato.

          Adores: 14
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          I know it’s easy to say because I’m not the gardener here, but I’m kind of amused by the chipmunk being so bold. On the other hand, I once heard of an older guy talking about his tomatoes and the squirrels eating them right out in the open. His phrase was “nervy bastards.” Maybe the lycopene makes them cheeky or something.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 31

          Yes, well in preparation for a garden I’ve been growing a couple of potted maters and peppers this year. Like you, TM, I’d pick a mater to find it half eaten….only my thief was a mockingbird! Caught the li’l bastid, red-beaked, one morning. He flew off the plant and up into a nearby branch where he proceeded to scold me loudly.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          I had originally thought my thief was a bird, given the locations of the tomatoes being eaten. I only realized who the actual bandit was when I caught him in the act.

          I’ve named him the Tam Burglar.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          I’m with Lola. As obnoxious as I’m sure it was, that chipmunk was certainly a cheeky little bugger.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          Those types of pests are not allowed in my garden, or yard for that matter. The dogs and cats see to them, they think bunnies are especially Nom Nom Nommy!

          [true story] One of my neighbors (since moved away) made their yard into a bird sanctuary and had it certified by the state as such. At the time I had three outdoor cats who patrolled the neighborhood taking care of various vermin. One day i came home to a note in my mailbox that asked me (in not a nice way) to keep my (*&&%$^ cats in my yard because they were nabbing birds that came to the feeders in a “State certified bird sanctuary”…
          This made me laugh, so later after dark, I put a note in their mailbox…”Please keep your birds out of my yard, it is a “cat sanctuary.”
          Never heard anything back from them.[/true story]

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 31
          Meredith permalink

          Charlie the Chipmunk says, “My compliments to the gardener!!! Though the atmosphere is a bit lacking in this establishment, the food more than makes up for it.”

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          “The tomatoes here aren’t that great, but the portions are gargantuan!”

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 31

          I heard chipmunk tastes like cat…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          I have a magnificent red-tailed hawk what patrols my backyard, so I’m thinking bunnies will be the least of my issues. Now, if I could just turn the hawk on to the tasty mockingbirds…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31

          My garden thief story goes like this:

          The Eyebrow ranch has a fairly good-sized garden with lots of variety that produces a good amount of fruits and veggies throughout the year. This year, I put in a couple pumpkin plants. They were coming along nicely, about a foot tall and sprouting. One day, Mr. Eyebrows is outside futzing around our RV when he observes movement in the garden area. To his surprise, he sees a gopher come out of his hole, toddle over to a pumpkin plant, gnaw at the base, grab it and drag it back to his hole. Whole plant…gone. This was a large plant, people. Not some tender little shoot struggling to grow. Grrr.

          *This gopher met with an unfortunate accident a few days later. It collided with a .410 shell. But, that’s another story.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          I vote “Eyebrow Ranch” as the openers for “Flocking Slugs”.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 31
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Nibbling rabbit.

          Adores: 3
  9. 2010 August 31

    Sheesh…I’m all coreynstuff today…sigh…some days my snark stays home, in bed, where I should be.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 31
      Windrose permalink

      CJ, those are the days you say things like Kitty! and Free snails with every slice of coffee today! 8) Snarky can have a silly side, too.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 31

        Twas brillig and the slithy toves!!!

        Adores: 9
      • 2010 August 31
        Steve permalink

        Gummi Bears!

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 31

          Manta Trowel!

          Adores: 1
  10. 2010 August 31
    LimeLolly permalink

    Buy a couple of geckos, lizards and such. That’ll take care of the pests. We would only take a few vegetables as payment.

    Adores: 7
  11. 2010 August 31
    Mindfield permalink

    His dog is poorly penned? That whole thing was poorly penned! Honestly, proof-reading, people! Though to his credit there have been much worse posted here, so I suppose I shouldn’t be so hard on him for his grammar. After all, he’s all about helping the environment by eliminating all manner of pesky veggie-eating life forms.

    His garden is too good for mankind. It must be protected. It must be free. The vegetables must grow at all costs! Mother Nature must take back the land from those who took it from her! HIS CUCUMBERS WILL LIVE!

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 31
      mudslicker permalink

      Save the Broccoli!!!!

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31
        Mr. Winkey, the Six Dollar Shirts Hobo permalink

        Yeah! Save the environment! Fight the man! Buy a Six Dollar T-Shirt with “DDT means you love Mother Earth!” on it!

        **winks at Mudsy, is blinded by how well-brushed Mindfield’s teeth appear to be.**

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          I think Mr. Winkey could use a nice application of DDT.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Astrognash permalink

          I think you’ll need stronger stuff to get rid of him. He’s actually Satan’s Lap Hobo, so if you can find a way to get rid of the resident soul-eating clown, you might be able to get rid of Elphias.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          That’s easy!

          *Gets out soap and water*

          Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 31
        CapnMac permalink

        “Save the Chervil, Save the World”?

        Adores: 1
  12. 2010 August 31
    Kae permalink

    Well, if he DOES get his hands on the DDT, we could always hope that “The Silent Spring” was right and the resulting produce will leave Captain What The Fudge here unable to breed…

    Adores: 7
  13. 2010 August 31
    MandaB permalink

    I’d love to see Sparky’s roadside veggie stand.

    Fresh Organic DDT-Treated Veggies! Pasteurized Raw Milk Too!

    Adores: 13
  14. 2010 August 31
    Cindy B. permalink

    Um, I’m not much of a gardener (nothing I planted this year came up, but I have one hell of a compost pile going for next year’s, uh, crop), but aren’t slugs and spiders good for gardens? Spiders eat aphids and other tiny pests, slugs do something good for the soil, right?

    Now, slugs in my kitchen garbage can? Bring on the dangerous toxins!

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 31
      TacoMagic permalink

      Spiders are, slugs are not.

      Spiders are awesome little predators that work for you. Slugs on the other hand are freeloading jerks who think eating entire broccoli heads is funny.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 August 31

        Yep. I have SEVERE arachnophobia and even I know that those eight-legged terrors are good for a garden. So I just don’t garden.

        As for the slugs, yeah, they’re awful. They ate all my strawberries (the one time I decided to try to garden). We tried EVERYTHING. Well, except DDT.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          The only thing we’ve even had a little luck with as far as slugs go is this stuff my dad found at a garage sale.

          It had no label, the bottle looked like it came from the 70’s, and the only indication of the contents was the words “Slug Bate” written in sharpie marker on the bottle. It came out in this unwholesome looking oily-black sludge that even rain couldn’t dislodge. But it was the most effective slug killer we’ve ever used. We really don’t want to know what was in the bottle.

          Otherwise I’ve always used beer traps. Works decent, and if nothing else it’s a way to get rid of your skunky beer.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          I think we tried the beer traps. It got a few of them, but there were SO MANY at that house.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          I live in the slug capital of the world, I got some chickens, they think slugs are really tasty along with Not.A.dandelions and most other weeds and bugs.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31

          Hammie…chickens? Cool, son and d-i-l are currently looking at buying a house in the country. She wants chickens and a garden. I’ll have to tell her that she won’t need to worry ’bout feed….just turn ’em loose in the yard.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          Taco – your description of the color makes me wonder if it was home kind of homemade nicotine extract (as nicotine can be used as an insecticide); distilled chewing tobacco spit or something equally toxic and shudder-inducing.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          I do feed them a little, mostly so they get enough calcium to make their egg shells thicker.
          In the winter I feed them a lot more.
          They are really great bug catchers, they do like stuff in the garden too but I plant some cabbages just for them to eat, for whatever reason they like those over everything else.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          It came out in this unwholesome looking oily-black sludge

          Sounds like pure concentrated evil.

          “So that’s what an invisible barrier looks like”

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          Whatever it was, slugs flocked in from all over the neighborhood to be poisoned by it.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          I am imagining “flocking slugs.” I think the flocking effect could only be appreciated properly via time-lapse photography.

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 August 31
          Anonymouse permalink

          {slug corey} I tried something called “Sluggo” a couple of years ago. It consists of pellets made of iron phosphate. The slugs eat them and then go off to the slug graveyard to expire. Surprisingly, it seems to work, and my garden and deck have been mostly slug free for two summers now.

          What is cool is that if you put a pile of the pellets in front of a huge slug, the slug will engorge itself on them until it develops an actual bulge. I suggest that better name would be “Slugcrack” {end slug corey}

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 August 31

          I am imagining “flocking slugs.”

          Maybe they are Slugdactyls.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Yo, Joey, what are we gonna do about all dees flocking slugs?

          You want I should shoot’em, boss!

          Yeah, Joey, put some focking slugs in dees here flocking slugs!

          Heh, heh. I like what you did dere Boss, with de slang name for bullets and de slimy little bug name.

          Shaddup, Joey, and shoot da flocking slugs!

          Right Boss!

          Adores: 14
        • 2010 August 31
          MandaB permalink

          In Soviet Russia, flock slugs you!

          BTW, I think Flocking Slugs is the name of Irregular Fractal’s Flock of Seagulls cover band.

          There! I killed two slugs with one stone.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 August 31
          sarajean80 permalink

          Watching a chicken eat a slug is possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen. It’s like giving a dog peanut butter.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          J-Dog permalink

          Slug flocking is what goes on here in Portland after they’ve (the slugs) spent too much time in one of those beer traps. Their wild drunken flocking keeps me awake at night.

          Sarajean – the trick to giving a dog peanut butter is to apply it to you toes or the bottoms of your feet. It gives the dog incentive while he massage your tootsies with his soft gooey tongue.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 31

          I usually only flock my slugs at Christmas time…

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          Personally I prefer using slug flocking to decorate only outdoor Christmas trees…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          J-Dog and the new HamCan puppy are not only efficiently de-snarking me, I’m not even getting actual work done. (Going “AWWWW!” rather often does not help one’s concentration.)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          Me too, Lola. I’ve been to busy to properly read and reply today, but I have been popping in to look at the pups.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          J-Dog permalink

          Oh Ms. Lola,

          You’ve made the J-Dog a very happy puppy today. Got peanut butter?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          And still JD and HC manage to type while drooling over your avatar, Lola…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          My feet are pretty ticklish, J-Dog, but I think we could work something out. 8)

          My last cat liked peanut butter. I learned this one evening while eating some while sitting on the couch. He was deaf, so his other senses were perhaps a little sharper than most, and he climbed up in my lap to see what smelled so good. I said, “You don’t want any of this!” and offered a bit on my finger so that he wasn’t putting his face right up next to the crackers that had it on them. He proved me wrong, and ever after that whenever I had any, he got some. My current one has no interest whatsoever (Cheez-Its, however, are another story).
          I think cats do a little better with peanut butter than do dogs due to the texture of their tongues.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          *LicklicklickNomNomNom*
          Wait your turn puppy!

          What?

          Ok, back to my corner…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          My preferred slug removal method is salt.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 31
        MandaB permalink

        So, HamCan and Taco are slug flockers…say that one five times fast.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Astrognash permalink

          I’d rather not.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          Don’t knock it till you flock it!

          Adores: 1
  15. 2010 August 31
    kelli permalink

    Okay, what is “sanitizing the soil?” I’m sure it’s something simple and organic, but right now all I can picture is Sparky applying purell to his dirt.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 31
      TacoMagic permalink

      There are a lot of ways to do it. The two most organic ways I can think of are:

      A) Baking. Literally, you spread the soil out on a cookie sheet and bake it. I do this if I’m going to use garden soil for house plants. It kills pretty much everything in the soil, as well as helps to break down some of the organic matter for easy absorption.

      B) Compost Baking. You basically put a hot compost pile on top of the bed and let it heat the soil up above where anything can survive. This is really difficult to do correctly. To the point that I don’t bother trying anymore.

      Given that this guy is asking for DDT to use on his Organic garden, I would bet that he tried (and failed) to compost bake. If you don’t get your compost hot enough, you’ll have pretty much the same problem he had… you make things way worse.

      Adores: 2
  16. 2010 August 31

    Wanted: DDT — URGENT
    *Anagram fun*

    Dratted Dung Newt (What else would DDT be for?)

    Wand Tent Trudged (This happens in the morning to Harry Potter…)

    Dented Twang Turd (Musical bean shaped instrument?)

    Dr. TNT Wedged A Nut (OUCH!)

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 August 31

      Wand Tent Trudged (This happens in the morning to Harry Potter…)

      I swear that line was here a second ago…

      Adores: 3
  17. 2010 August 31
    Meredith permalink

    “Organic” in this case:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2y8Sx4B2Sk

    Adores: 2
  18. 2010 August 31
    Not.A.Commenter. permalink

    For all we know he could be asking for a Dry, Dog-eating Toad to get rid of the pests and pets without him having to install a pond. It’s about as logical as using a high-profile man-made pesticide on his organic garden.

    Adores: 3
  19. 2010 August 31
    Not My Name permalink

    I can’t think of anything to say, so I will say nothing.

    Adores: 1
  20. 2010 August 31
    Jess permalink

    ::creeps out of lurker status::

    Hmmm I wonder why all of those stores she tried were so -unwilling- to help her? Perhaps they were just out of DDT since it is such a popular “safe, environmentally friendly pesticide”?

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 August 31
      Lola permalink

      “… safe, environmentally friendly pesticide …”
      … banned nearly worldwide for three decades … yeah, nothin’ wrong with it!

      Adores: 2
  21. 2010 August 31
    mudslicker permalink

    Oh, gimme with Hair:

    LBJ took the IRT
    Down to 4th Street USA
    When he got there
    What did he see?
    The youth of America on LSD

    LBJ IRT
    USA LSD

    LSD LBJ
    FBI CIA

    FBI CIA
    LSD LBJ

    DDT?

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 31
      Mindfield permalink

      OMGWTFBBQ? IDK, MYOB BFF.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 31
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      WTF?

      LOL!

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 31
        TacoMagic permalink

        And we devolve into LOLcats.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Not My Name permalink

          OMGWTFBBQ!!!
          That’s all I can say.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 31
        mudslicker permalink

        And to think I didn’t change the words one bit.

        That’s what drugs will do to you, boys and girls—why do you think they call it dope?

        But the llama-nun was the first to think of it. What does THAT tell you?
        😉

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31

          OMGWTFBBQ!!!

          I believe I’ve showed y’all this before, but:

          OMGWTFBBQ! For babies! New! Tasty!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Windrose permalink

          Gimme head with hair
          Long beautiful hair
          Shining, gleaming,
          Streaming, flaxen, waxen
          Let it fly in the breeze
          And get caught in the trees
          Give a home to the fleas in my hair
          A home for fleas
          A hive for bees
          A nest for birds
          There ain’t no words
          For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
          Of my…

          Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
          Flow it, show it
          Long as God can grow it
          My hair

          Adores: 2
  22. 2010 August 31
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    This guy is in Portland? I would have guessed [xxxxxx] or possibly Ish.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 31
      J-Dog permalink

      [organic corey] Sparkey’s in for a big surprise when she decides to register her organic CSA with Oregon Tilth, the folks who certify organic agriculture in these parts.
      [/corey]

      However, on all future trips to the farmer’s market, I will be asking what types of “organic” chemicals and pesticides were used.

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 August 31

      Really? My bet was on [other location]?

      Although I could see him being from Ish, or some other part of Guatsusnake County.

      Adores: 1
  23. 2010 August 31
    camille permalink

    It seems to me (and my avatar) that if the dogs are trampling your basil because they’re poorly penned, the correct solution is to pen the frigging basil, not to poison the dogs.

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 August 31
      TacoMagic permalink

      But free range basil gets used to all the open space and doesn’t produce nearly so well if you start penning it.

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 August 31
      sarajean80 permalink

      But free range pesto is so much tastier.

      EDIT: Dang it, Taco.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 31
        TacoMagic permalink

        We’ve all be in each other’s heads the last few weeks it seems.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          mudslicker permalink

          I was wondering what that thong was that I found in my ear.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 31
          J-Dog permalink

          Thank you Mudsy for that disturbing image. I will now go poke out my mind’s eye…

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 31
          mudslicker permalink

          It’s Taco’s fault. He leaves that thing laying around in the darndest places.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’m gonna need that stick for my mind’s eye when you’re done with it, J-Dog.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          MandaB permalink

          We’ve all be??? Taco, have you been eating the DDT coated basil without washing it again?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          *Om nom nom nom nom*

          And’s it all my to, suckas!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          mudslicker permalink

          You’re spelling gibberish now TM.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          MandaB permalink

          Incoherent, yes, but spelled properly. I’m not quite sure what to make of that. Now I’m afraid to be we’ve in Taco’s head.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          54ty789 78qwqwe we4sqweraER 4gh54 OPx uioqrtty234qwe b78ghcvq q

          (Translation: This is the hardest that I’ve laughed in quite a while.)

          Adores: 3
  24. 2010 August 31

    I never knew DDT was so selective, It appears to only kill 5% of stainless Puritan moths.

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7b/DDT_jug.jpg

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 31
      MandaB permalink

      I hear it has a thing for moths with shoes with large buckles.

      Adores: 6
  25. 2010 August 31
    EclecticBlue permalink

    I’m watching The Core, because I think my brain has the same funny-not-responding-what-the-fruitcake that my muscles do. This movie is funny. You will probably get live-comments from the movie. I’ve never been drunk, but this might be kinda what it feels like… ish?

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 31
      EclecticBlue permalink

      Also. Birds have eyes. They wouldn’t go all wonky just because one of their senses if funkdified.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31
        sarajean80 permalink

        Have you been into Moira’s mead today, EB?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          EclecticBlue permalink

          No. But the core of the earth has stopped spinning! Planes will fall from the sky! The sun will kill us!

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 31

        EB, Your boss just called and said quit watching stupid movies and get back to work on C.R.A.P!

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I thought about going to work today anyways, but that’s when I thought that free lunch was today. Lunch is tomorrow, so it’s all good.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          I went to work today and thought about working, but that’s when I thought the boss was in today. Turns out he’s out today in tomorrow…

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 31
      EclecticBlue permalink

      “I call it unobtanium” AHahhahahaha….

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31

        You took that kitchen cleaning job, didn’t you?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Kinda what it feels like…

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 31
      EclecticBlue permalink

      HAhahaha, it’s the kid with the big nose…

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31
        TacoMagic permalink

        Did you forget your medication today EB?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          Or do you have the flu or something? 🙁

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I haven’t taken my bummy bear vitamins yet. Maybe it’s the flu… I don’t feel feverish, just sore throat, headache, loopyness, and muscle-failure.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          Sounds like lack of coffee.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Eclecticblue permalink

          Err, “gummy bear.” Also, apparently I’m a cat again…

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31
          Mr. Winkey, the Six Dollar Shirts Hobo permalink

          Why, this bum would be more than happy to show you his bummy bear!

          **winks at EB, whistles loudly.**

          Pedobear! Come on over, EB and any relatives of hers that happen to be minors want to meet you!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 1

          *Hands EB some chicken soup and a flask of beverage of choice*

          Sorry you’re under the weather. Is it wrong that I’ve found you rambling awesomely funny?

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 31
      EclecticBlue permalink

      Oh my gosh, I don’t even know if I can watch this movie. It’s terrible!

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31

        Just play MST3K with it, you can borrow my two robo…err nevermind.

        *Slinks into the corner*

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          I annoy the crap out of TacoMa’am doing that. Both with horrible movies and ones she’s actually trying to enjoy.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          It’s a hobby of mine too, the ushers usually throw me out half way through the movie though…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          TM, I do the the MST3K thing, too, but only with awful (read: most) movies…until I get everyone in the room laughing so hard they can’t hear the dialogue.

          Then, I leave…and tell them I don’t know how anyone’s supposed to enjoy a movie with a bunch of laughing hyenas in the room.

          Says something about us that we watch enough of those bad boys that I can do this on a regular basis.

          :makes mental note to pick up “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” on the way home tonight:

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31
          sarajean80 permalink

          One of my favorite things to do, it annoys pretty much everyone I’ve ever gone to the movies with. Now that I have Netflix I can heckle from the comfort of my own futon.

          CJ – If you rent Return of the Killer Tomatoes you have the added bonus of ogling a very young George Clooney.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          My wife and I rent a fair number of horrible movies just so I can get my agression out on them (well… any agression that’s left over after a spin through my collection of violent video games).

          In recent history we’ve had some BAD ones:
          •Sharks in Venice (Ye Gods, talk about bad!)
          •Ice Pirates (Upon watching it I realized I had seen this one in my youth and liked it. Just further proof that we’re very stupid when we’re young)
          •Barbarella (The only redeaming thing about this movie was the nudity at the beginning)
          •Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell
          •Time Barbarian
          •Starry Night (Vincent Van Gogh as played by Torgo)

          I’ve got a bunch more (too many to list) queued up on my Netflix. We also take a stroll to the local cheapo video rental joint to look for anything awful that just jumps out at us.

          Also, if you haven’t watched it and like the bad movies (or making fun of them) the Trancers series is not to be missed.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          sarajean80 permalink

          Amazon Women in the Avacado Jungles of Death and The Blob are my personal favorites. Amazon Women is more of a mock B-movie, but it’s funny and has Bill Mahr in it.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Meej permalink

          Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death is the first DVD I ever owned. Granted, that’s ’cause it was a gift before I owned a DVD player, but still.
          “Bolero” will never be the same.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Astrognash permalink

          Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell

          SAYWHAT?????

          Change a few letters at the end of Nymphoid and, if my translator is correct, you have a very bad porno, I believe.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31
        EclecticBlue permalink

        CLOUDS DON’T APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE! *ahem* Geezaloo… Poor Rome, though.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          mudslicker permalink

          Watching MST3K definitely prepared me for YSaC. I still love Joel.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          I’m team Mike!

          I liked Mike’s dry sarcasm more than I liked Joel’s sillyness.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          mudslicker permalink

          Taco: Have you seen Birdemic?

          I always got a soft spot for the silly boys—until I have to smack them. 😉

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          No I don’t think I have. Unless MST3K did it, then I have seen it but don’t remember.

          Either way I’ll have to see if Netflix has it.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          mudslicker permalink

          It’s been voted the worst movie ever. Bring the Pepto Abyssmal.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          I don’t know. It’s got some strong competition.

          I’ve seen Plan 9 from Outer Space, Battlefield Earth, and You Got Served. Those are hard movies to beat (For their own individual reasons).

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          mudslicker permalink

          Google it. I’d give Astro a warning on that Google-suggestion but for completely different reasons.

          And you know me about my policy on Google warnings…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          Wow, a movie that managed to get a lower rating on IMDB than Blood Gnome, You Got Served (Half a point anyway), Battlefield Earth(2/10ths of a point), AND Plan 9. I gotta get my hands on a copy of that!

          It’s still is rated better than Manos: The Hands of Fate, which to me has always been the movie to beat. It’s held the #1 spot in my bad movies line up ever since I watched the full non-MST3K version.

          Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell recently usurped the #2 spot from Battlefield Earth.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          sarajean80 permalink

          Have you tried RiffTrax? It’s the same guys that did MST3K, but they riff on more modern, widely available movies. The commentary track is an mp3 that you play while watching the movie. It makes watching Twilight and Paranormal Activity bearable.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          Indeed we have. It’s got primary Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy, but a lot of the Sci-Fi era cast shows up for the Riffing. I think his wife, Bridgette Nelson (Who was one of the co-writers for MST3K) also did a few with him.

          So far one of my Favorite Rifftrax is Eragon. Made the movie nearly watchable. If only he could have riffed the book while I was reading it.

          Last I heard, Joel Hodgenson was doing Cinematic Titanic Live around the country. But his videos are way less affordable than Mike’s Rifftrax, and the tickets to the live show are rather expensive too.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          I totally forgot that Bill Corbet (Sci-Fi era Crow/Brain Guy) also does a lot of the Riffing. He actually joined the riffing group about a year after Mike started the company if memory serves.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          The name (HamCan) sorta came from MST3K, in an indirect inside joke kinda way.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          Hamdingers?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          Only saw MST3K once, briefly, having stumbled on it by accident about 10 years back on some cable channel over here. It was like watching a film with my friends – I’ve looked out for it regularly ever since but it never seems to be on. One of the best films to give the treatment to is League of Extraordinary Gentlemen – total codswallop. Dorian Gray’s fake plastic chest is the best actor in it.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31

          Hamdingers?

          Nope,
          There was one movie (I wish I could remember the name) they spoofed where they had the lead character always looking for ham…A female friend was over watching with me and she was lamenting how she was losing her “hourglass” figure and her hind end was getting larger…
          I said, “You lost your hourglass and found a hamcan” which was very funny in the context of the movie (I had to run from thrown things while I laughed though) so from then on somehow I got stuck with the name HamCan, should of been her me thinks!
          😀

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31
        MandaB permalink

        This seemed fitting. All the MST3K fans, sing along!

        In the not-too-distant future
        Next Sunday A.D.
        There was a guy named Sparky,
        Who was searching for DDT.
        He worked to grow veggies and fruit,
        But the buggies kept eating all his loot.
        He did a good job fumigating the place,
        But then claimed he farmed organic
        Can I punch him in the face?

        We’ll make some snarky comments,
        About “organic pesticide” (la-la-la).
        He may be able to write and spell,
        but he’s clearly lost his mind (la-la-la).
        Now keep in mind we can’t control
        Where the stupidity begins or ends (la-la-la)
        Because without this asshat Sparky
        The Craigslist mocking ends.

        SpamBot Roll Call:
        Spambot! [Not Found!]
        Movie! [Titanic!]
        Airosmith! [Error: Not Found]
        Uh oh! *TACOSPLOOOOODE!*

        If you’re wondering how he eats and breathes
        and other science facts (la la la),
        Then repeat to yourself, “God only knows,
        I hope offspring he lacks!
        It’s You Suck at Craigslist 775!”

        Adores: 13
        • 2010 August 31

          Manda, I do believe you just won the internets.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 September 1
        MandaB permalink

        I won the internets? Cool! Oooh – they’re so shiny!

        I wonder what this button does. It says “divide by zer-

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 31
      TacoMagic permalink

      Sounds like you’re having a similar reaction to that movie as I did to “The Day After Tomorrow.”

      There was another movie where the Earth was jumped by a sudden ice age that I had the same reaction to. For the life of me though, I can’t find the name of the movie. It might have been a Sci-fi original. Either way it was bad. Really bad.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31
        Moira permalink

        Someone start a thread in the forums for their favorite RiffTrax. Please?

        I’ve never listened to one but I loved the MST3Ks I caught and this sounds awesome!

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 31
      Eclecticblue permalink

      Haha, Stanley Tucci makes a great crazy guy. He was a great crazy guy in Big Trouble. In other news, I think Lola’s right, I probably have the flu… apparently I am feverish. Enjoy! :-p

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31
        TacoMagic permalink

        That would explain why you’re posing like I do before I have my coffee.

        Whew, not a pretty sight.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          TacoMagic permalink

          Apparently I try to pose all sexy before my coffee.

          That’s totally what I meant, too.

          Get Low!

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 31
        sarajean80 permalink

        Oooh, I loved Big Trouble! A vastly underappreciated movie.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          CapnMac permalink

          Big Trouble definitely a good wacky,

          Adores: 0
  26. 2010 August 31
    Addicted Reader permalink

    First of all, “plaguing me” look very odd to me. I’m still not convinced it’s correct, despite Firefox not giving it a red underline.

    Secondly, [chemistry rant] what non-organic plants does anyone expect to grow in a garden? I would hope they’re all carbon-based!

    On the same note, I was in the grocery store yesterday and saw “carbon-free” sugar. So, that’s water, right? Grr. [/rant]

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 31
      TacoMagic permalink

      I hear you on that one, AR. I have a small seizure when people talk about the evils of genetic engineered food and that we all should eat organic everything.

      It’s all I can do not to scream at them: “We’ve been genetically engineering food for over 6 millennia, dumbass! And all ‘organic’ means is ‘made of carbon’!”

      Instead I just spontaneously burst into flame. Doesn’t get the point across nearly as well, but it makes me feel better.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 31
        Astrognash permalink

        Corn is genetically engineered! Dogs are genetically engineered! Someday we’ll be genetically engineered!

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Astro, we are genetically engineered. Notice how we have oppose-able thumbs? And are able to run on 2 legs? And breathe oxygen? And I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea and it’s probably better for my blood pressure to go think about something else.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31

          Hey, this drives me nuts too!
          Especially when people start trying to explain dog behavior and genetics by comparing them to a wolf. Dogs are no more like a wolves then a cows is like gazelles.
          Dogs are probably the very oldest domesticated species, I hear breeders all the time try explaining how dogs got to be so diverse in terms of “natural selection.” People, please! As soon as humans started breeding for specific traits there is no more “natural selection” Dog breeds did not evolve, we engineered them and have been doing so for over 10,000 years.
          [/rant]

          I feel better now 🙂

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 31

        “Attention! Tacosplode in Produce, Aisle 4. All available personnel for clean up. If you are near that section of the store, please take the detour through canned goods that has been marked for your convenience. Thank you.”

        I wonder if the kitchen cleaning lady has come up for air yet.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 31
          CapnMac permalink

          Nope, and those dam’ slacking addle-brained dopers are passed out on the floor of the kitchen again!

          (There’s kumquat-jalapeño jelly on the rice cake crumbs!)

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 August 31
        Addicted Reader permalink

        I do pretty much the same thing. When I found the “carbon-free” sugar, there happened to be a friend of a friend nearby whom I had met once or 2ce before, and I had to point it out. It was too painful to keep inside. She only sort of understood the problem.

        Also, I wrote an article about how GM =/= evil for a class a couple years ago. It’s too long to post here, but it’s in my notes on FB if you’re interested.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Astrognash permalink

          You Tacosplode?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Not quite that messy, but bits of my brain end up in the oddest places…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 31
          Jen permalink

          Malo! Back from tropical overseas-ness and went to the supermarket to stock up on foods and things – saw a display of “Diet Water”. 0_0

          And on the GM/GE thing, I remember having some politicians come to talk to us before an election when I was in sixth form (US Grade 11, I think? Second-last year of school, anyhow, so not all of us could vote, but it was Educational, somehow) and someone asked the Green candidate about the difference between GM and GE, as labelling or not of GM foods was a biggie at that election. He tried to explain it by saying that GE is what we’ve done for years, whereas GM “is like, say, injecting a tomato with frog genes” at which point the other three candidates (mid-left, mid-right and wacky-nutbar-loopy-right) joined together to proclaim from their seats he was mad and no-one was trying to create frog-matoes. My classmates unanimously decided we weren’t voting for the three muppets, and all promptly turned into leftie greenie pinkie liberals*. The end.

          *This may not be true**.

          **Because most of us were already.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31
          Astrognash permalink

          leftie greenie pinkie liberals

          They’re Pinky and The Brain, they’re Pinky and The Brain, One is a genius, the other’s insane…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Jen permalink

          Narf! Favourite cartoon ever, which I think says a lot about me.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Astrognash permalink

          I think that Pinky was really the genius, by the way.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Update: I put the article in the fora. Now you have no excuse not to read it. ; )

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          I’d totally go see the Frog-Matoes play at the 40 Watt.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 September 1
        Moira permalink

        The “misleading truth in labeling” that I most love to hate is when some packager sticks a great big “FAT FREE” star on a package of carrots or oranges. They don’t seem to do it with “cholesterol free” as often as they used to which is good because that was even stupider.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 1
          CapnMac permalink

          Well,it’s legal. As long as the serving size is not 0.6g of fat, the serving is said to be fat free by “rounding.” The marketing people are then allowed to label the package as if the entire contents were fat free.

          Still waiting for strudel dough to be labled as fat free–sering sice would have to 1.1g, but, still . . .

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 September 1
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Legal? Yes. Informative? No. Oranges are always fat-free. On chips or yogurt, the sticker has a point, but not on fruit or veggies.

          Adores: 0
  27. 2010 August 31
    Jen permalink

    On the topic of creepy crawlies in one’s garden, I notice someone (Taco?) posted a pic of a weta in response to the discussion of crazy frightening beasties a few posts back. They’re pretty common here (though still entirely terrifying) and my friends have found that their flat has a wannabe-pet weta with a sweet tooth. It was found in the kitchen one morning, spreadeagled in the icing of a cake which had been left out overnight and, being eco-friendly people, they scooped it up, put it outside and gave the affected cake to co-workers they didn’t like very much. But the next morning, it found its way in again and sat on someone’s jammy toast. They think it wants to be an inside weta. *shudder*

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 31
      Lola permalink

      Eco-friendly is one thing, but do your friends not believe in, say, window screens? I would think investing in one would solve their “pet” problem.

      *shudders sympathetically*

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 31
        Jen permalink

        We don’t really have them in Enzed (never really gets hot enough to need the windows open all the time) and one of their windows is kind of wedged open due to a particularly tenacious tree/creeper/thing which also wants to become an indoor friend.

        Hmm, I’m worried I’m making it sound like I live in a totally arse-backwards mud-hut society. It’s not, we just don’t have anything dangerous or large enough* to require hermetic sealing of our living spaces.

        *Apart from teenagers, but a quick BB to the tenders stops them pretty quick, and they’re not exactly stealth.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 31
          Lola permalink

          I live in a blocky apartment building in the midst of near-indistinguishable block apartment buildings. Even if you did actually live in a mud hut, I still wouldn’t think that was arse-backward (clearly, it’s a mud hut with net access). It sounds attractive at the moment. As does not being hot enough to need screens. We’re in the middle of another heat wave, and I’m tired of them.

          I’m amused that your friends are letting the branch into their house as well as the weta. If they aren’t fussed about the branches and bugs, then I guess they don’t need a screen. I might, just on principle, though, if those critters were about … they’re bigger than roaches, which are bigger than I can deal with (though I now know that I might be able to fend them off with Cheetos).

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 31

          Seriously would love to live in Australia, especially some place with a cool name like Enzed.
          Isn’t that were male enhancement products are made, no? well anyway…I’d be less trouble then a Weta and I have PUPPIES!!

          *Disclaimer, Cheetos may not kill or fend off roaches unless the roaches are contained in a toroidal clear plastic tube* (results may vary)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 1
          Jen permalink

          Sorry Hamcan, Enzed is colonial-speak for New Zealand (NZ – we pronounce ‘z’ as ‘zed’… yeah). Close to Australia but as much a part of it as Canada is America. I prefer it ‘cos our biggest native predator is a sweetly bemused-sounding owl which freaks out if you sneeze 5km away, whereas in Aus, even the freakin’ rocks are alive and out to kill you.

          Due to my gender and age, I am mercifully unaware of where “male enhancement products” are manufactured, or even what they are. Dickie bows, perhaps? What? Eleven has made them cool again.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 1
          Jen permalink

          Woohoo! I have finally posted a comment with links massive enough to require moderation! I’m a little sad that I can get excited about that, but it’s Wednesday, so I’ll take what I can get. 🙂

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 September 1
      Moira permalink

      If crickets are considered good luck as pets and weta are rather like gighugic crickets, wouldn’t adopting one (and sticking it in a cage with jammy bread) bring you massive amounts of good luck?

      …and it would keep it OFF your other food items.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 September 1
        Jen permalink

        Well, they do also make cricket-y noises by rubbing their tummies, so I guess they could be considered huge good-luck charms, plus, some species eat other, smaller and less frightening insects so there’s that, too.

        ‘Course, when you find one in your gumboot, or worse, inside the jumper you just put on, good luck seems less important than the “OHGODOHGOD get it off me get if off me it has spiky legs and oh god I just wet myself a little getitoff!!” sensation of something prickly and large trying to climb up your neck. So I hear. [/scaring myself Corey]

        ETA: Actually, I think I’d be scared that if you put a weta up in such luxury as its own cage _and_ jammy bread, all its mates would be around pretty quickly to see if they could score such sweet accomodation as well.

        Adores: 4
  28. 2010 August 31
    Windrose permalink

    Rats! No one new in the Don’t Suck box. I am giving an honorary punch to SiverDragon! The link to the llama from the state fair was very special! Here’s the post if you missed it:

    http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=5220#comment-62410

    Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Rancheros!

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 September 1

      Thanks, Windrose. Blame the beginning of the semester. I’ll try to keep up.

      Adores: 0
  29. 2010 September 1
    Flopsy permalink

    Urmmm… I believe the stuff you are looking for is called DE (diatomaceous earth–a fine powder made from diatom shells that kills most bugs). But kudos for taking the wrong term and just running full hog with it!

    Adores: 0

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