2008 November 17
by drmk

****Nacho Cheese Fountain****

Okay, wait. Stop right there. Does this really sound like a good idea to anyone? Those three words should NOT be strung together (in any order) under any circumstances I can think of.

Let’s see how badly this is going to end …

****Nacho Cheese Fountain****

This is still in perfect working order. I bought it for a party a couple years ago, but it has just been collecting dust in my cupboard since. All you do is add cheese to the bottom saucer, plug it in, and wait about 10mins. Your guests will have flowing nacho cheese the whole night. YUMMY!

It’s even worse than I thought. That’s just … wow.

And the phrase “flowing nacho cheese” really didn’t need to enter my consciousness.

39 Responses leave one →
  1. 2008 November 17

    Mmm, clumpy, lumpy, burned cheese. WHERE CAN I GET ONE OF THESE?!?!

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 September 16
      Heather permalink

      Clumpy, lumpy, burned, DUSTY cheese at that…I’m sure that these things are a bugger to clean.

      Adores: 10
  2. 2008 November 17
    drmk permalink

    On Craigslist, obviously!

    Adores: 4
  3. 2008 November 17
    Mandee permalink

    I need this to go with my chocolate fountain!!! Or I bet I could just put CHEESE in my CHOCOLATE fountain! Although, then I couldn’t have a chocolate and cheese fountain party, it would have to be one or the other. But yes, “free flowing nacho cheese” just sounds so wrong on so many levels!!!

    Adores: 2
  4. 2008 November 17
    drmk permalink

    Even worse (as if there could be something worse), in the picture it looks as though they’ve used the Velveeta nacho processed cheese food that contains peppers and other vaguely vegetable-like substances, resulting in lumpy, uneven nacho cheese blobules that probably clog up the fountainworks.

    I’m never going to eat ever again.

    Adores: 14
  5. 2008 November 17
    Mike permalink

    Personally I think I need to start collecting food-related fountains. Chocolate fountain. Nacho cheese fountain. Marshmallow Fluff fountain. Really, the possibilities are endless.

    Because really, food ain’t no fun unless it’s flowing. Or something.

    Adores: 27
  6. 2008 November 18

    Yay. Dusty cheese.

    Adores: 10
  7. 2008 November 18
    Random Person permalink

    I have to confess, I find flowing nacho cheese to be a pretty good idea in principle. The thing is that I can’t imagine how it would ever work out in practice. If it’s GOOD cheese it won’t flow enough. If it has good stuff added, it will probably not work as in the photo. Sure, if you get pure Velveeta you can probably get it to flow, or the stuff they use at snack bars that probably doesn’t even qualify as cheese at all, but who wants to eat that stuff?

    That photo looks like the result of a problem in some workings to me, but not necessarily the fountain’s.

    Adores: 8
  8. 2008 November 18
    Emland permalink

    I had flowing nacho cheese at a party once, but it was after too many margaritas and you wouldn’t want to spread it on a tortilla.

    Adores: 17
  9. 2008 November 26
    Rancho permalink

    The worst part is that it’s dusty.

    Adores: 1
  10. 2009 January 3
    Anonymous permalink

    And looks like vomit.

    That’s so off in so many ways.

    Adores: 0
  11. 2009 January 7

    I think I enjoyed the comments even more than the ad itself!

    Adores: 1
  12. 2009 January 17
    D / DM permalink


    Wow. Blobules. I can’t imagine eating any food in any more appealing unit than the blobule.

    @Random Person:

    I’m fairly certain Velveeta doesn’t qualify as cheese either. Isn’t it a PPCFP?

    (The things they DIDN’T teach us in law school…)

    Adores: 1
  13. 2009 February 6
    Nicole permalink

    This may just be the American in me, but I think any kind of fountain that accommodates food is a sound investment.

    Adores: 16
    • 2011 December 12

      This insight’s just the way to kick life into this dbaete.

      Adores: 0
  14. 2009 February 11
    anonymous permalink

    dude! I have one of these!!


    Adores: 3
  15. 2009 March 13
    araispoetry permalink

    I think that looks AWESOME.

    Mind you, as a slightly drunk student, most things do right now…

    Adores: 11
  16. 2009 June 19
    Dray permalink

    Oh gods. I have one thing to say…: tubgirl. Urgh.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 November 18
      emsies permalink

      Oh, why, WHY did I have to google “tubgirl” … Damn you, Dray! Damn you to the ninth circle of Nacho Cheese Fountain Hell!

      Adores: 3
  17. 2009 July 6
    Erin permalink

    At first, I thought this was called “Nacho Cheese Foundation”. Although I’m kinda disappointed that the ad wasn’t to promote a foundation that works to give nacho cheese a better name, this fountain WOULD be great for a Nacho Cheese Foundation benefit gala.

    Adores: 11
  18. 2009 July 7

    That’s not a cheese fountain, that’s a mixer for combining dogsnot and housepaint.

    @Emland – you took the words (and the puke) right out of my mouth! But you said it beautifuller hehe ^_~

    Hey, speakin’ of that stuff… why is it that whenever you puke, it takes like pizza and orange juice? Weird.

    Adores: 3
    • 2009 September 19
      Kate K permalink

      You’re not a student who lives on pizza and drinks vodka orange to excess by any chance, are you?

      Adores: 11
  19. 2009 July 11
    Jordan permalink

    can i say that the chocolate fountain we had at prom this year look EXACTLY like that one..
    except with chocolate, and not whatever he considers cheese which is flowing out of that now cursed machine.

    Adores: 3
  20. 2009 August 16

    Nacho Cheese fountain? Child’s play, I tell you! That’s got nothing on….



    “Think of the possibilities!” the website says.

    I know I can’t wait to show my boss this first thing Monday morning. This will *totally* liven up our company christmas party.

    Adores: 10
    • 2012 August 30

      And, according to the website, the “possibilities” include the Ranch Dressing Fountain, the Egg Nog Fountain, and the Marinara Fountain. Mmm, a blood-red fountain of sauce: perfect for Halloween parties!

      Adores: 0
  21. 2009 August 25
    Dawn permalink

    Can you imagine the PLOPPING sounds that thing would make??

    Adores: 4
    • 2009 October 18

      I think it’d be more like blorping than plopping: moist and swampy borborygms.

      Adores: 6
  22. 2009 August 31
    ??? permalink

    What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

    Nacho Cheese…

    Adores: 14
  23. 2009 September 1
    mallett time permalink

    I’m sorry. I see no problem with this ad. Well spelled and punctuated, a minimal amount of capital letters, and THERE’S NACHOS! I love nachos. Everyone loves nachos. Just admit it; you like them, too.

    Adores: 7
  24. 2009 September 4
    Kagenin permalink

    Anyone else remember those animated Mac & Cheese commercials they used to play during Saturday morning and after-school cartoons?

    “Cuz when the cheese starts flowing, [a food company owned by a Tobacco conglomerate] gets your noodle going!”

    (I hope the fact that Kraft is owned by Phillip Morris isn’t lost on people – it needs to be common knowledge…)

    Adores: 4
  25. 2009 October 3
    vaecordia permalink

    oh that’s just nasty.

    Adores: 0
  26. 2009 October 9
    Christopher permalink

    OMG. That is not a Nacho Cheese Fountain, it’s a Fondu Fountain. LMAO.

    Adores: 1
  27. 2009 October 31
    Zephyr permalink

    Uh… yeah… I can see why this is on your favorites list. These things are really pretty simple: the pump is a spiral auger inside the center column, and whatever fairly thick liquid (i.e. not water) is in the lowest bowl is pushed to the top. They also have a heater. They’re really built for chocolate – think of fruit, cookies etc. as dippers – but I’ve seen barbecue sauce once, and cheese once. Smooth cheese. Not this disgusting lumpy stuff that looks like vomit. It’s supposed to be an unusual fondue service, and they do attract attention and work well.

    Normally, these units are pretty quiet until they get low on contents, when air gets into the auger and they start making some quiet pops. But this…THIS abominable glorpy ooze would make horrifying glorps and splorps as the chunks..flow… over the…the.. urrgh. Okay, I’ma go run to the restroom. I don’t feel too well.

    Adores: 4
  28. 2009 November 6
    Badcoladog permalink

    Hmm, dusty vomit fountain?

    Adores: 3
  29. 2010 January 19

    um…is it weird that i want one of these? clearly not to serve nachos cheese from a fountain but stricktly to make all the guests at the party leave at the end of the night!

    Adores: 4
  30. 2010 January 29
    Cyrocco permalink

    @ Kate K

    I dont know about her, but I do. But, it never taste like pizza and orange drink to me. It always taste like bacon and cheetos

    Adores: 0
  31. 2010 April 16

    Who can say: “Mmmmm, BARF, yum!”?

    Adores: 0
  32. 2010 July 2

    Wait a minute. Nacho cheese rocks. Having it flow, melted, down a dusty contraption? Not good.

    Still, overall- I’d buy it.

    Adores: 2

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