YSaC, Vol. 1450: Chim Chiminey Chimichurri

2013 February 15

You know that “unrealistic expectations” tag we have? I think it just melted:

Rant: Laswry’s Chimichurri Burrito Casserole (TumH20)



I followed the directions on the packet, modifying only two things: the burritos I used were larger than suggested and I used ground Turkey instead of Beef. None should have any bearing to my issue/problem.
The direction states that it makes 8 servings with 8 tortillas. Using measuring cups (as accurate as can be expected of any home kitchen) I managed to make 5 1/2 burritos following the directions, not 8 as advertised on your packet. On the bright side, the sauce smells great.
Please explain the discrepancy as it will be a decision factor in future purchases.

UPC 021500010504 Best By Jan 03 14 H 10:18

Let’s see – I think I can explain. If you put the same amount of filling into larger burritos, you will be able to fill fewer of them. Idiot.

However, I can’t explain why anyone would expect to receive some sort of answer to this by posting it on a random Craigslist. Does they think that “Laswry’s” has a crack staff monitoring all global communications in case an idiot somewhere in the world can’t figure out basic division? Or that their particular Craigslist is somehow special, and clearly singled out for monitoring by the Lawsry’s intelligence division?

Thanks for the post, Amy!

49 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 February 15
    limelolly permalink

    If he had just cut the burritos in half, he would have doubled his results.

    Adores: 11
    • 2013 February 15

      If he cut the five and a half turkey-beef burritos in half, that would have given him :consults catulator: Eighteen shrimp cocktails.

      Maybe Sparky is allergic to shellfish.

      Adores: 15
    • 2013 February 15
      DigitalAxis permalink

      Yes, but if Burrito ÷ 2 = Burrito, there are only two mathematically consistent answers: There are NO burritos, which is clearly not true; or there are INFINITY burritos, which puts Chipotle out of business, has implications for the size and contents of the universe, and clearly leaves no room in corporeal existence for us, Sparky, the tits aside table, OR the collected works of Douglas Adams.

      Ergo, we do not exist, God does not exist, and reality is 30% black beans.

      Take THAT, Rene Descartes.

      Adores: 19
      • 2013 February 15
        Tankerbell permalink

        Whoa. And I really mean that.

        Adores: 3
        • 2013 February 15

          Digi might want to consider switching to decaf.

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 February 15
          DigitalAxis permalink

          I have a degree in specious burrito logic.

          Adores: 4
    • 2013 February 15
      HamCan permalink

      But…5 is more than ate.

      Adores: 7
      • 2013 February 15
        mud "static noise" slicker permalink

        Ate is just a number verb.

        Adores: 3
        • 2013 February 15
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Eight the cat will eat anything. Bring her into this and Sparky won’t get anything to eat.

          Adores: 1
        • 2013 February 15
          CapnMac permalink

          Number One, The larch.

          Adores: 6
  2. 2013 February 15

    Math is hard. Let’s go Craigslist ranting.

    Adores: 7
  3. 2013 February 15

    Today on Sparky’s Kitchen, we are going to make 5 burritos following a recipe for 8, and set the stove on fire while boiling water. But first, here’s a message from our sponsor, Laswry!

    Adores: 9
    • 2013 February 16
      PhantomBanker permalink

      [corey] Actually, it’s very easy to cause a fire while boiling water. I know from experience. [/corey]

      Adores: 1
  4. 2013 February 15
    Grumpy Grammy permalink

    Hoo boy! It’s bad enough we have to stretch our brains around cat math. But now we have to learn burrito math too? Owwwwwwwwwww!

    Adores: 7
  5. 2013 February 15
    penguin permalink

    Sparky is old school but used new math when preparing this.

    Adores: 3
  6. 2013 February 15
    Ralph permalink

    Tumwater is far enough north of the border that it’s hard to tell a burrito from a burro anyway, because Sparky is an ass.

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 February 15
      Tankerbell permalink

      AdesI hadnt noticed this was from Tumwater. I am in Tumwater. Tumwater is small.
      *locks doors and pulls shades*
      I am afraid. Very afraid.

      Adores: 4
      • 2013 February 15

        :loads shotgun with bees:

        Defend the Tankerbell!

        Adores: 4
        • 2013 February 15
          Windrose permalink

          Calling all Commentariat Special Forces! Set up a perimeter around Tankerbell, allow no Sparkies to enter!

          Adores: 2
      • 2013 February 15

        Tankerbell…you’ll be fine. Just don’t take any turkey burritos.

        Adores: 3
  7. 2013 February 15
    Digitalaxis permalink

    Damn you, burrito algebra, with your non-constant guacamole numbers and your refried constants of integration!

    Adores: 11
    • 2013 February 15

      And don’t even get me started on the Euclidean salsa.

      Adores: 5
      • 2013 February 15
        Windrose permalink

        Which, oddly enough, is the name of IF’s Los Lobos-Tito Puente mash up and cover band. 8)

        Adores: 4
      • 2013 February 15
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        I prefer my salsa to be non-Euclidean. That way I can dip a triangular tortilla chip that has three right angles.

        Adores: 4
  8. 2013 February 15

    “The Lawry’s signal?! Quick! To the spice cave!”

    *Later*

    “What is it, connoisseur Gordon?”

    “Someone is unhappy with the meat to tortilla ratio produced by our Burrito casserole seasoning packet! They even wrote a Criagslist post about it! You’re our only hope, Packet Man!”

    *Later*

    “What the hell is wrong with you? You divide the meat before you put it into the tortillas!”

    *SMACK!*

    *BIF!*

    *KESPLORT!*

    *Later*

    “Holy clumped seasoning mix, Packet Man, that was really close!”

    “I know, Reuben, but it’s all in a days work. Now, make me some tacos or you’ll spend a night in the spanking machine.”

    THE END

    Tune into Packet Man next week! Same spicy time, same spicy channel!

    Adores: 27
    • 2013 February 15
      camille permalink

      Extra adores for “connoisseur Gordon.”

      Adores: 4
      • 2013 February 15

        That was my favorite bit.

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 February 15

          “Make me some tacos or you’ll spend a night in the spanking machine” sounds way cooler in your head if you imagine it as said by Adam West.

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 February 15

          And there’s the sinus enema.

          Adores: 3
      • 2013 February 16
        Tankerbell permalink

        My favorite was “KESPLORT”

        Adores: 0
  9. 2013 February 15
    CapnMac permalink

    Oh my, yet another example of Thinking is not Spark’s First Sapience.

    Has the photo of the product, and still manages to mispeel the name?

    A [culinary corey] being required–Spark’ is creating a self-referencing algebra here, uno mas burrito = 1 burrito. Spark’ means that the recipe has filled only 5½ “burrito-sized” tortillas, and not the ±8 “taco-sized” tortillas as suggested.

    Note, usage here is for pan tortilla de la Mexíco, and not the egg tappas of Spain. Taco is used here to refer to a food product, and no person, real or imaginary.

    Note, too, in traditional Mexican cooking, the “burritos” made are actually enchiladas, since they are cooked in a sauce. A burrito is “sauced” internally, not externally; the name comes from the shape of the sacks or bags one puts upon a burro (donkey). “Enchilada” comes from “adding chilé [to].”

    Chimichurri is an Argentinian style, which is a blend of German, British, and Spanish influences.

    Oh well. I clearly have unrealistic expectations, too.
    [/corey]

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 February 15

      Now I want some chicken verde enchiladas.

      Adores: 2
    • 2013 February 15
      mud "static noise" slicker permalink

      Oh, that’s Argentinian style! That’s the chimichurri recipe only if you’re using Gaucho meat.

      Adores: 5
    • 2013 February 15
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      None of which makes it a casserole. By putting that on the packet, Laswry’s has covered their ass regardless of whatever hot mess the Sparkies of the world come up with, as long as it’s in a baking dish.

      Adores: 3
  10. 2013 February 15
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Just imagine if he had made them smaller. He would have had at the very least…lunch.

    (Lunch would of course, would consist of Cymball’s tomato soup, 12 saltine crackwhores, and a “tuna free” dolphin sammich.)

    Adores: 9
  11. 2013 February 15

    Chimichurri cocoa pop, chimichurri ro-ock,
    Chimichurri cocoa pop, chimichurri ro-ock,
    Ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on top!

    Adores: 5
  12. 2013 February 15
    mud "static noise" slicker permalink

    Somehow butter and carpet is strangely missing from the Ingredient’s List.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 February 15

      I guess they just assume experienced chefs would know to butter the carpet before making burritos.

      Adores: 6
      • 2013 February 15
        mud "static noise" slicker permalink

        Based on life experiences, I now know which side my carpet is buttered on.

        Adores: 4
        • 2013 February 15

          I take solace each day from the Book of Craig;

          Clothespin Jeebus said unto them, “Take unto you eight carpets.
          And unto these carpets apply the butter and spices of the Chimichurri.
          Brown thy beef which is fowl according to thy holiest of packet instructions.
          Divideth this most holy of mixtures into eight portions.
          Distribute these portions unto the annoited carpets and roll them tightly.”

          The people, fearing the wrath of Clothespin Jeebus,
          He who is vengeful yet anatomically incorrect,
          did as they were bid, though they complained most bitterly on the Lists of Craig.
          And Clothespin Jeebus smiled upon the Not. A. Casserole. and it was good.

          Adores: 14
  13. 2013 February 15
    tigprincess permalink

    ‘a decision factor in future purchases’ … now where in the Sparky dictionary of big words and phrases did he find this one? I’m sure Lawry’s (or ,as Sparky has it, Laswry’s) must be trembling in their boots.

    Adores: 3
  14. 2013 February 15
    Tankerbell permalink

    On the bright side, the sauce smells great.

    Why do I fear that Sparky is sitting at the table, fork in hand, waiting to enjoy his burrito casserole, once Lawry’s responds to this rant? Better eat the casserole, hombre. The lights not gonna get any greener.

    Adores: 6
  15. 2013 February 15
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Good to see that Abe Simpson has found his way online.

    Adores: 7
    • 2013 February 15

      That reminds me of the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ’em. “Give me five bees for a quarter,” you’d say.

      Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…

      Adores: 6
      • 2013 February 15

        I’m curious to know how many of the Commentariat have that little speech memorized since it shows up from time to time. I do, and obviously Taco does, and I think the Cap’n as well.

        Adores: 4
        • 2013 February 15
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          It would surprise me if Dan isn’t a member of that club as well.

          Adores: 2
    • 2013 February 16
      Ralph permalink

      Video clip.

      Adores: 0
  16. 2013 February 16

    Don’t worry, Limelolly, I won’t use the automated puncher when there’s only one person. It draws too much electricity. Punchity Punch Punch.

    Good Morning, Ironic Chefs!

    Adores: 1
  17. 2014 July 14
    One Moving Violation permalink

    The discrepancy is that cows (beef) have more meat in them than turkeys (turkey) do.

    Adores: 0

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