YSaC, Vol. 1414: The Inlay of the Inland

2012 December 27

“Inlaid” is just sort of a classy word, don’t you think? It brings to mind elegant furniture, inlaid with exotic woods. The sort of thing you’d see in a museum of design. You picture inlays of lapis lazuli, mother-of-pearl, mirepoix, and other fancy-shmancy words that you can’t quite remember if they’re food or not.

Coffee Table inlaid with Pornography – $20


I made this table and covered it with pictures from Sports Illustrated, Playboy, and other assorted magazines. It is not explicit or tasteless (but there are a lot of tits), and it is accented by bright bits of paper, and other shiny metallic bits. The whole thing is very colorful. The table itself is very very sturdy. Honestly, tits aside, it is the nicest coffee table I’ve come across in a college house. It’s about 5 feet long and a little over a foot high, perfect for in front of a 3-4 person couch.

Call Andrew at ###-###-####

Right. Well there goes one of my cherished linguistic notions destroyed. “Inlaid” is no longer a classy word. On the other hand, I’m going to HAVE to come up with a good situation to work “tits aside,” into a conversation.

Thanks for this one, Genevieve!

51 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 December 27
    limelolly permalink

    It’s not so hard to work ‘tits aside’ into the conversation:

    “I’m telling you, Henry, tits aside, that dog would look exactly like Larry The Cable Guy.”

    “Tits aside! Can’t you see I’m carrying something heavy?”

    And so many more ways to use this phrase, too many to count.

    Adores: 22
    • 2012 December 27

      If only George Carlin were still alive.

      Adores: 7
    • 2012 December 27

      Tits aside is how I have to get my back massaged.

      Adores: 12
    • 2012 December 27
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      Tits aside, Mother Brown!

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 December 27
      Tankerbell permalink

      It sounds vaguely nautical to me.

      “Raise the Mainsail! Tits aside! Do something piratey amidships!”

      Adores: 7
  2. 2012 December 27

    [Corey] It sounds like découpage, not inlay. [/Corey]

    Coffee tables with genuine inlay, tits aside, typically go for at least an order of magnitude more than what this Sparky with the interesting hobby is asking.

    Adores: 11
    • 2012 December 27
      DigitalAxis permalink

      So he should ask for more? Tits aside, redecorating the frat house isn’t cheap.

      Adores: 9
      • 2012 December 27

        How much do posters and dumpster furniture run these days, up into the tens of dollars?

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 December 27
          SilvaNoir permalink

          I thought dumpster furniture was free; look for it on the curb on trash day

          Adores: 4
  3. 2012 December 27

    I’m not really sure I want to know what Sparky here used as a shellac for this table.

    From the makers of quiet t-shirt time comes quiet table time.

    Adores: 13
    • 2012 December 27
      Tankerbell permalink

      Now there’s something new for EB to put on her crafting blog.

      Adores: 2
  4. 2012 December 27

    Tits aside, put a bird on it!

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 December 27
      LimeLolly permalink

      Tits aside, I see a new meme.

      Adores: 10
      • 2012 December 27

        Tits aside, this would look fabulous in the corner! Now we have somewhere to put all those plates of coffee slices.

        Adores: 11
      • 2012 December 27

        My thoughts exactly, LL!! Just when you least expect it, a new shapely meme slaps you right upside the head.

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 December 27
          LimeLolly permalink

          But honestly, how long do you think this meme can be milked?

          Adores: 11
        • 2012 December 27

          As long as it’s in good taste…

          Hey, it’s the corner!

          Adores: 8
        • 2012 December 27

          As long as tits in good taste.

          Adores: 7
  5. 2012 December 27
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    it is accented by bright bits of paper, and other shiny metallic bits

    Wouldja look at all those ti……… ooh, SHINY THING!

    Adores: 19
    • 2012 December 27
      Kaziganthi permalink

      No, tits aside always win out over shiny things no matter how bad your ADD is. Unless the shiny things are the tits aside.

      Adores: 8
  6. 2012 December 27
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Now you can have some cheesecake with your coffee cake.

    Adores: 13
    • 2012 December 27
      CapnMac permalink

      Dunno, table is only a foot tall, and probably has had a lot of, er,ah, “feet” upon it.

      ([corey] Coffee table is best about 14-18″ tall, to be near knee-level to those seated on a couch.[/corey])

      Did I miss the ‘why” we are setting all the Chickadees to one side? Is there some great Paridae congestion along presumed courses?

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 December 27

        Sparky used the phrase in the ad. We have claimed it as our own.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 December 27
          LimeLolly permalink

          We are just inlaid with calassy that way.

          Oh.. my favorite corner!

          Adores: 9
        • 2012 December 27
          CapnMac permalink

          Oh, I saw the phrase, I was just wondering why our tufted friends needed corraling to one side. I mean, really, they are much more pleasant when centrally located in the pectoral region in my experience.
          Oh, look, a corner . . .

          Adores: 6
  7. 2012 December 27

    Tits aside, sounds like it would be good bonfire fodder.

    Adores: 7
  8. 2012 December 27

    it is the nicest coffee table I’ve come across

    Which begs the question, how many —

    Never mind. Corner’s nice and warm today!

    Adores: 15
    • 2012 December 27

      Just , please, for the love of dogs, don’t turn on the black light in the corner!

      Adores: 10
      • 2012 December 27

        I think monkey has that cross-stitched on a pillow in her sitting room.

        Adores: 4
  9. 2012 December 27
    Ralph permalink

    I’m not a fan of inlaid tits aside; I prefer the original unmodified frontal versions.

    Adores: 12
  10. 2012 December 27
    Audax permalink

    tits aside, humanity is doomed!

    Adores: 7
  11. 2012 December 27

    This is a wonderful addition to the YSaC lounge and will supply hours of conversation and amusement. (Who’s up for a spirited game of connect the nipples dots?) We needed something new and shiny. I, quite frankly, was running out of things to say about IR’s lederhosen hanging from the ceiling fan.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 December 27

      YSaCers are notoriously easy to distract with both squishy-bits and shiny things. It’s a twofer!

      Adores: 9
      • 2012 December 27
        Windrose permalink

        Well, they usually do travel in pairs.

        Adores: 8
  12. 2012 December 27
    camille permalink

    I think the problem is just that Sparky hasn’t gotten inlaid lately.

    Adores: 15
  13. 2012 December 27
    Karmyn permalink

    Tits aside, I wasn’t aware that Sports Illustrated had that many tits in it.
    Oh, Swimsuit issue. Sparky should have said.
    Tits aside.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 December 27
      SilvaNoir permalink

      Sparky never said they were entirely female “tits aside”. We could be dealing with a bit of manboob as well.

      Adores: 3
  14. 2012 December 27
    Tankerbell permalink

    This is what the Celtic lords of old used to say when they were ready to be weaned. “Tits aside, woman, there’s battle afoot!”

    Adores: 9
  15. 2012 December 27
    cari permalink

    Tits aside? I must have been sleeping on my back again.

    Adores: 6
  16. 2012 December 27
    One Moving Violation permalink

    You all seem udderly fascinated with this ad.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 December 27

      This ad may have the tendency to rack up some fans.

      Adores: 8
  17. 2012 December 28

    TacoMagic, I certainly hope the table inlaid did not give you any new craft ideas! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, House Mu Chi Chi!

    Adores: 0
  18. 2012 December 28
    LurkRealClose permalink

    I can’t even tell you how disappointed I am that there is no picture. Tits Aside is my Barenaked Ladies cover band.

    Adores: 7
  19. 2013 January 10
    Lizzi permalink

    If only this guy had seen the ad for that bronze lady coffee table. He could have saved himself all that time and…elbow grease, yeah, that’s what we’ll call it

    Adores: 1
  20. 2013 December 28

    Tits aside! A phrase that will live in infamy on YSaC! And also make us giggle uncontrollably.

    Adores: 2
  21. 2013 December 28
    One Moving Violation permalink

    It is not explicit or tasteless (but there are a lot of tits)

    Although the degree of explicitness of tits may be argued, they are definitely not tasteless whether they are aside or the main course.

    Adores: 1
  22. 2013 December 28
    Brer Fox permalink

    Tits aside! Tits aside!
    We all know it’s short and long
    but we don’t know how wide.

    Tits aside! Tits aside!
    This nice table might be wrong,
    I really can’t decide.

    Tits aside! Tits aside!
    Let’s use it to play some beer pong
    ’til all those tits collide.

    (I know. I’m going to Helena Hand basket.)

    Adores: 2
  23. 2013 December 29
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Frat boy arts and crafts had always been my favorite college course. And tits aside, have you seen my Keystone Light and the glue sticks? I’ve get some decoupaging to do! Plus, tits aside, if you hadn’t heard, glitter is the herpes of the craft world.

    Adores: 2
  24. 2013 December 29
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Seriously, though, tits aside, this reminds me of our old college coffee table, a lovely piece from Ikea that we dubbed (use your movie announcer voice here) “The Coffee Table of Liberal Opinions!” upon which we placed every free ridiculous liberal sticker we could find. Had I known there was a market for such a thing, I would have pasted some tits on it and sold it on CL instead of throwing it out my apartment window in the middle of the night to see it explode in a blaze of glory.

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 December 29

      This would have been TOTALLY awesome if someone had video taped the event. But even so, it’s awesome!

      Adores: 1
      • 2013 December 29
        MissMommyNiceNice permalink

        I’m not saying there aren’t pictures. But I will say those days were, thank the gods, pre-interwebz.

        Adores: 1

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