YSaC, Vol. 1559: House of pain(t).

2013 July 18

Lots of misilaniouse paint


I cleaning out garage and have sevral gals of pain my ex left behinf years ago i spent $$ on. she like exsperementing with difrent colors on rooms and house. it lots of lime green and oranage and brown paints and red and pepto bizmal pink? LOL it all Free. ho and old charcall ighter flewid and draywall tape too and bucket of laminat floor andheasive. good for home projects. ex like painting picturs on walls.it good for that on picture if you artist..my ex not wont all that stuff i bought her. i let her go with it.
Glen at [address] [location]

Your ex left behind several gals of pain? And she left them in your garage? Did she at least leave them some water and kibble?

Wait, I think we’ve seen at least one of those gals of pain before …

So other than the assorted color dominatrices, what else did your ex leave you with? Oh, a ho. Sounds like your ex really liked “painting pictures,” nudge nudge, wink wink.

And I can’t think of anything terrible that could possibly happen by storing highly flammable items together in your garage.

Thanks, Bubbe!

71 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 July 18

    I had always thought that bit about huffing paint damaging to brain cells was just something people told their kids to scare them.

    Until now.

    Excellent PSA, Sparky.

    Adores: 15
  2. 2013 July 18

    I see an empty litter box tray on the shelves behind the paint, making me think his ex was a cat! This guy is kinky.

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 July 18

      Windy, are you implying his ex was a…

      *dons sunshades*

      …CAT-WOMAN?

      (YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!)

      Adores: 9
      • 2013 July 18

        I don’t think he’s one of mine. I have better taste in paint (and men.)

        Adores: 6
    • 2013 July 18

      my ex not wont all that stuff i bought her.

      Sarves hair right, now she heaves flees! Thay r bizmal!

      Adores: 5
      • 2013 July 18

        now she heaves flees!

        So, she needs an exorcism?

        Adores: 3
  3. 2013 July 18

    Several Gals of Pain was my failed remake of Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Adores: 9
  4. 2013 July 18

    Gals of Pain is The Spice Girls’ death metal cover band.

    (Why, hello there, bandwagon! Mind if I jump on?)

    Adores: 13
    • 2013 July 18
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      These are pretty much the only conditions under which I’d listen to the Spice Girls.

      I’m picturing a nouveau-GWAR aesthetic to the stage show.

      Adores: 4
      • 2013 July 18

        I’m trying to imagine that in my head, and ALL OF MY CAN’T.

        Adores: 5
  5. 2013 July 18

    I can’t think of anything terrible that could possibly happen by storing highly flammable items together in your garage.

    You know, the resulting explosion could explain why Sparky can’t seem to figure our basic grammar.

    He got blasted into a wall and hit his head.

    Adores: 8
  6. 2013 July 18
    Ralph permalink

    I need more info on the free ho. Unfortunately, I no longer have a dray in my garage for the draywall tape; I got rid of it decades ago along with the horse it rode in on. I have my own collection of partial gals of pain, but I don’t keep obsolete technology. I prefer exsperementing with the latest solid-fueled versions of the iGhter, as is my wont.

    Adores: 9
  7. 2013 July 18

    “Miscellaneous.” M-I-S-S… I-L-E… A-N-U-S! “Miscellaneous.”

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 July 18
      DigitalAxis permalink

      Sounds like you need some Preparashun H.

      Adores: 7
  8. 2013 July 18

    I can think of nothing more painful than trying to paint a room using old latex paint that’s solidified into a glob. Kinda like using a rubbery crayon to pain the room, really.

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 July 18

      Oh, it’s not that hard.

      Step 1. Use tongs to fish lump of paint out of can
      Step 2. Fling paint-lump at wall
      Step 3. Watch as paint-lump slowly rolls down wall
      Step. 4. Retrieve paint-lump with tongs.
      Step 5. Repeat steps 1 through 4 until wall is covered.
      Step 6. Add glitter.

      Adores: 11
      • 2013 July 18

        Have you been watching me decorate the new house?

        Adores: 2
      • 2013 July 18

        Glitter! That’s what I forgot!!

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 July 18

          You can’t forget the glitter! It ties the whole room together.

          Adores: 1
  9. 2013 July 18

    she like exsperementing on me with difrent levls of brain shox dayly dats y I sound like thhhis LOL nt kdding pls send help shes cumming back oh god

    Adores: 17
  10. 2013 July 18
    mudslicker permalink

    Awwww, she’s your ex? My, I wonder what went wrong.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 July 18
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Well, he would never give any space, had terrible trouble with his vowels, and he could never quite understand the challenges of the period.

      Adores: 13
      • 2013 July 18
        DigitalAxis permalink

        So, is rearranging the letters in a word considered a vowel movement?

        Adores: 9
        • 2013 July 18
          mudslicker permalink

          I think we ALL know what a vowel movement is Digi! And it’s not pretty.

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 July 18
          Bombdude permalink

          No that’s when the movement causes screaming…

          “AAAAEEEEEEEEEEEIEIEIEIIIIIIOOOOOOOOUOUOUOUOUUOUU!!!”

          Adores: 6
      • 2013 July 18

        he could never quite understand the challenges of the period

        A lot of guys have that problem.

        Adores: 6
        • 2013 July 18
          Bombdude permalink

          Understand?!?! Not required.

          Sympathize and shower with chocolate/wine/whatever makes her happier? Absolutely!

          Adores: 7
        • 2013 July 18

          Good boy! You’ve been trained well. 🙂

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 July 18
          Bombdude permalink

          Simply Pavlovian… It all goes back to the original TRUTH:

          If mama ain’t happy… Ain’t nobody happy.

          Adores: 3
    • 2013 July 18
      nojazzhere permalink

      Irregular Factual….they must not have been married very long for him not to understand the challenges of the period. I think I picked up on that with my first girlfriend in high school.

      Adores: 6
      • 2013 July 18

        I picked it up from having a mother and a sister.

        And a cousin about my age.

        And her sister.

        And their mother.

        And my mom’s co-workers.

        Basically, I knew how periods worked before I was out of diapers.

        So, yeah, I don’t think this guy’s good at paying attention if he doesn’t know in full detail the trials of the period.

        Adores: 5
        • 2013 July 18
          Windrose permalink

          Just WHAT are you trying to say? Do you think I’m stupid? Does this typeface make my but look fat? WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE CHOCOLATE???

          Adores: 8
        • 2013 July 18
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Demi, I hear your concerns, but I don’t see any evidence of a period in what you’ve communicated above. We all know that none of us should fabricate nonexistent punctuational circumstances for personal gain.

          Adores: 9
        • 2013 July 18
          Windrose permalink

          *Jedi hand wave* This is not the Demi you’re looking for. Period. 8) Actually, I use my real name all over here all the time. So no big. NOW WHERE”S THE CHOCOLATE?????????????

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 July 18
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          *self-flagellates in shame*
          *loads trebuchet full of chocolatey goodness*

          Erm, duck?

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 July 18
          DigitalAxis permalink

          True fact: When I was a little tyke, I was an absolutely voracious bookworm and a fan of Judy Blume, so I read “Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.” when I was 7.

          Some years later, my teachers refused to let me take the Accelerated Reader quiz about it, even though I’d already read it. Silly boy, don’t you know better?

          (Accelerated Reader, if you’re not familiar with it, was awesome: you’d answer questions about books to prove you read them, and once you’d accumulated enough book-points, you got a coupon for a Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza)

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 July 18

          Ooh, I remember that! We didn’t live near a Pizza Hut though so I usually traded my coupons with the other kids. I also kicked major ass in Battle of the Books.

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 July 18
          Windrose permalink

          Quack! Quack quack quack!

          Adores: 1
  11. 2013 July 18
    HamCan permalink

    LOL it all Free

    FREE ALL THE THINGS!!!

    Adores: 11
    • 2013 July 18

      FRRRREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

      Ow. That hurt MY ears.

      Adores: 3
      • 2013 July 18
        Kaziganthi permalink

        Free, at last! Free, at last! Thank God Almighty, I am free at last!

        Adores: 2
  12. 2013 July 18
    andy permalink

    Andheasive is my full name. Everybody calls me Andy, though.

    Adores: 8
  13. 2013 July 18
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Misilaniouse is my Pomplamoose cover band.

    Adores: 5
  14. 2013 July 18
    andy permalink

    I’m hungry for an oranage. But citrus gives me heartburn, so I’ll need some pepto bizmal too.

    Adores: 3
  15. 2013 July 18
    Silky permalink

    Lime green? Orange and brown? Red and Pepto Bismol pink? Was Sparky’s ex the previous owner of my house?

    Adores: 7
  16. 2013 July 18

    lots of lime green and oranage and brown paints and red and pepto bizmal pink?

    This color palette makes me think somebody’s colorblind. Everybody knows lime green goes with salmen pink, not pepto bismal pink. And don’t even get me started with how oranage clashes with brown as compared to its natural complement, purpal. Maybe this relationship would’ve been saved had the artist kept pepto bismal pink only with a dark ackqua the way nature intended.

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 July 18

      Wait… I thought you paid for stuff on Amazon with PurPal.

      Adores: 2
    • 2013 July 18
      One Moving Violation permalink

      And now for all you poets, you can rhyme with oranage’.
      manage’

      Adores: 3
  17. 2013 July 18
    DigitalAxis permalink

    We must not stand by and let the communists sap and impurify all of our precious bodily flewids.

    Adores: 4
  18. 2013 July 18
    subbie_333 permalink

    “I cleaning out garage and have sevral gals of pain my ex left behinf years ago i spent $$ on.”

    Believe me, those are the most expense kind of gals. But, after a few years left in a garage, they sorta lose their appeal thereby reducing their value.

    “she like exsperementing with difrent colors on rooms and house.”

    Interracial sex is a more common kink than most people realize.

    “LOL it all Free.”

    Isn’t that what Santa said back in 1952 when the IRS asked him how much money he makes on all his toys?

    “ho and old charcall ighter flewid ”

    A very combustible pair and too dangerous even for me.

    “draywall tape too”

    The sequel is never as good as the original.

    “and bucket of laminat floor andheasive.”

    Being a true “buckethead” I can tell you that “floor andheasive” was far and away their best album. I lost my virginity twice listening to it.

    “ex like painting picturs on walls.it good for that on picture if you artist..”

    OK, took half a bottle of tequila for me to understand this statement, so, to save y’all some brain cells, here is what it means: “the cow jumped over the moon, moon is another name for nekkid butt, and, astronauts drink Tang”

    “my ex not wont all that stuff i bought her. i let her go with it.”

    Sparky spend money wont-antly but her no like. He free her and her go. With it.

    Adores: 11
    • 2013 July 18
      andy permalink

      Don’t hate me, but I always felt that Floor Andheasive was rather derivative of Gluey Porch Treatments.

      Adores: 3
  19. 2013 July 18

    it lots of lime green and oranage and brown paints

    Oranage you glade I dident see banabanabana?

    Adores: 8
  20. 2013 July 18

    my ex not wont all that stuff i bought her. i let her go with it.

    There was a time when giving away things from your garage that your ex didn’t want but took with her when she left would seem ridiculous. But quantum physics explains how your paint can be simultaneously here and gone, your ex can simultaneously take it and not want it, and your brain can be simultaneously alive and dead.

    Adores: 10
    • 2013 July 18

      your brain can be simultaneously alive and dead.

      That’s Schrodinger, for you.

      Adores: 2
    • 2013 July 18
      One Moving Violation permalink

      I ensemble that resnark.

      Adores: 3
  21. 2013 July 18
    HamCan permalink

    I flewid once, everyone thought I was super-ego.

    “It’s a bird, it’s a plane, oh it’s just him…”

    Adores: 6
  22. 2013 July 18
    limelolly permalink

    Subliminal message : Come clean my garage… for free.

    Adores: 7
  23. 2013 July 18
    CapnMac permalink

    Ugh, wish I could blame my lack of response on being blocked by work’s IT goons.

    Instead, all I can assert is that my sinuses hurt too much to try and anagram the few correctly-spelt words into anything humorous at all (that latter, finding humor, a bit bleak today, too; such is life).

    Adores: 2
  24. 2013 July 18

    I had several gallons of pain in the garage also. The only problem is, The Harpy opened them all and let them dry out, so I have to completely repaint entire rooms if anything gets smudged.

    Adores: 2
  25. 2013 July 18
    One Moving Violation permalink

    sevral gals of pain

    I’ll take them all and start a roller derby team.

    *profit

    Adores: 6
  26. 2013 July 18
    One Moving Violation permalink

    OT- Hoping to become unhomeless tomorrow or the next day. Will no longer have homeless internet. Will no longer have any internet except the public library if I can make it there before it closes, like today.

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 July 18
      nojazzhere permalink

      OMV…congrats…RE: internet@public library…maybe they’ll stay open late for you…or just leave the door unlocked. As a home’d taxpayer, I’ll put in a good word for you…..

      Adores: 2
  27. 2013 July 18
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Well, the library is a Wifi hotspot, but my laptop screen only lights up for about 3 seconds then goes really dark. Apparently the video converter or inverter or deverter or frankfurter is going out and I can only use it with an alternate monitor so taking an extra monitor into the library isn’t likely to happen. The in library computers have a 1 hour limit and that’s only enough time to think of maybe 1 comment lame good enough to post on this here website.

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 July 18
      One Moving Violation permalink

      I failed at nesting again. This is really hard without any internet.

      Adores: 2
  28. 2013 July 19

    Capn Mac, in light of the punches life has been throwing your way lately, I will simply give your card a Tappity Tap Tap!

    Good Morning, Sherman Williams!

    Adores: 2

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