YSaC, Vol. 374: “Coat of many colors”, this ain’t.
2009 July 26
Free Headboard
Free headboard, used many times to bang my broad against it, don’t need to polish, has fresh love stain coat
Erm.. how to approach this one?
B-52s? “Love Stain, Baby, Love Stain!”
No.
Sometimes these ads take a while to work; what if someone wants it two weeks from now? How will he make sure it’s still fr…
No.
Is that “used” in the sense of being used for broad-bangery, or “used” in the sense of “I USED to bang my broad against it, but she got tired of this disgusting, stained, unpolished…”
No.
I think I’m going to have to agree with Kerri, who submitted this with “Fresh love juice! No witty text needed!”
Funny, between the combination of HEADboard, banging, and stain, I was more thinking,
Love stain – ur doin it wrong.
(It’s not supposed to be red.)
Ha ha ha!
I’d been trying to think of a logical way you could “love stain” a headboard and all I could think was “does the headboard have a dildo protruding from it?” But now, thanks to you, I finally get it. đ
I picture the following telephone exchange:
Dude1: Dude, what’s up?
Dude2: Not much, dude. Just polishing my headboard with a fresh coat of love stain.
Dude1: Cool.
Dude2: Hey, any luck selling yours?
Dude1: Nah, man.
Dude2: Maybe $200 a cup is too high.
Dude1: Maybe you’re too high.
It just devolves from there.
This ad gives me a sad with a side of frownyface.
Do you suppose people are deliberately writing ads like this just to see if they’ll show up here?
Aah, I remember when I had faith in humanity, too…
Another for the “No. Just, no.” category … (Not that you have one, but I personally do. Feel free to appropriate if needed.)
EW WHAT
Do people really…? Sigh. No. I have nothing witty to say about this.
/headdesk
I must be getting old if I have to ask ‘Why would someone even POST this?’
Wow. I had forgotten all about this one. I hope to do so again, soon.
I feel like I need a shower after just reading this.
Because of the head banging?
What, no haiku?
Disgusting headboard.
Sparky, are you serious?
No-one likes ‘love stain’.
I wonder if Sparky ever found a buyer? Two years is a long time to be constantly adding fresh coats of “love stain.”
I was thinking of applying a fresh coat of love stain to a certain other headboard listed here, but I’ve read that mixing love stain with bad juju is even worse than mixing bleach with ammonia.
Ms. Sparky on first date: So, have you ever done it?
Sparky: Not with a person, no.
Ms. Sparky: Ha ha guess you give your hand a good work out?
Sparky: No, I bang my headboard. It’s really pretty with constant applications of fresh love juice stain.
Ms. Sparky: ????
Sparky: You want to come back to my place and see it?
Ms. Sparky: Uh, no thanks, I have an appointment to get my nails done.
Sparky: It’s 9:30 pm.
Ms. Sparky: This is an all night, emergency nail repair place. In fact, I better go now!
Hey Dude, don’t stain your bed
A coating of love juice wonât make it better
Remember put condoms onto your part
Then you can start to make it better
Hey Dude, don’t be a freak
Itâs not made too, youâll get a sliver
The minute you get one under your skin
Then youâll begin to clean up the splatter
And anytime you feel the pain
Hey Dude refrain
Don’t bang the wood upon your boulders
For well you know that it’s a fool
Who plays his tool
By banging the board against his soldier
No no no no no
no no no no
Hey Dude don’t get so down
You can pound her, just go inflate her
Remember to leave gap for her head
Or she can pop, then canât make batter
So let it out and let it in
Hey Dude begin
You’re waiting for someone to perform with
And don’t you know that it’s just you
Hey Dude, you’ll do
The movement you need is in your pelvis
No no no no no
no no no no yeah
Hey Dude, don’t stain your bed
A coating of love juice wonât make it better
Remember put condoms onto your part
Then you can start to make it better
Better, better, better, better, better, oh
No, no no no no no no
no no no no, hey Dude
this is an apt âearwormâ today.
Any required analgesics will need to be self-administered.
I’m just happy that drmk let dan handle this one. ew.
Noni and Daft, Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, all you young dudes!