YSaC, Vol. 1264: A winner needs a wand.
Powerful Wand – Lightning Wood
I have been given a very powerful wand from someone who didn’t need it anymore. He was very powerful and experienced and said that he knew I wasn’t ready for the wand but it needed to be in safe hands. He has since passed away. I’m honestly afraid to use the wand and I could use some help getting to know my way around this kind of thing. He told me all about the wand before he died so here’s what I know:
It’s 16″ long. The wood was taken from a tree that had been struck by lightning. Apparently this makes it very powerful. But adding to that there is a crystal set in the tip that came from a geode. The geode was exposed during an earthquake in California. I’m not super knowledgeable about this stuff but from what I understand these two factors make it extremely powerful. It was hand carved and has runes carved into the length of it. There is gold wire running in a spiral from the crystal down it and forming a wire-wrap handle. The previous user told me that gold is the best natural conductor in the world and this enhanced the lightning energy, allowing the user’s energy to flow from the handle and be amplified in the crystal. The wire is 14k gold. He said that the wand could only be used for positive magic because there were runes engraved secretly underneath the wire wrap of the handle that prevented it’s use for negative magic. Still he was very
insistent that it must not fall into the wrong hands. He said even the inscriptions visible along the length were very old, very powerful magic that young users would be far too tempted by.I really don’t know much about all this stuff. Everything here is everything he told me. I won’t post pictures of it because I don’t want the inscriptions to be read on here by everyone. If you know how to use this kind of thing I could use some real guidance. For now I’m stuck just kind of waving it around mimicking Harry Potter! Please email me if you can help!
I think I may have just figured out why my garage door keeps opening and closing randomly.
Thanks, Dani!
Was this in “Missed Connections”?
“W4W” does mean “Wizard for Wizard,” right . . . ?
Or Witch for Warlock. Sparky should really be more specific.
He turned me into a newt……..
.
.
.
.
.
……….I got better.
At least you’re not running for President anymore.
Right, you can’t Gingrich in politics!
Poppycock!
No puppy, poppies don’t have those. They have stamens.
Wands
Sparky got ripped off. 30 seconds of Googling reveals that silver and copper are both better conductors than gold, the so-called “best natural conductor in the world”. (Is it really getting ripped off to get gold instead of copper?)
OT Hey, Danny, have you met Wanda? 8) You two would get along swimmingly. As long as you don’t mind that Wanda is a gay male fish, I know she won’t mind that you’re not! Unless you are. And that’s cool, too. Oh, dear, look at the time!
Hehehe…ahem. Change in Gravatar time.
Runes carved the length of it… was Dana Andrews the previous owner?
Apparently it needs or uses lots of skills. So signs point to yes.
I was singing that at drmk last night – she had no idea what I was talking about.
Not enough doors in the world for that reference! Dammit Janet!
The runes spell out a help file, but unfortunately, it’s in Enochian.
Powerful Wand; I hope you know how to handle it.
Sparky has been handling his wand while pretending to be an English schoolboy, but that might not work for everyone.
Oh, for Christ’s sake…
Honestly, sometimes I just want to knee Craigslist in the groin, I really do…
Hi Mike…and umm…well, we kinda prefer the pitchfork and torch crowd method.
And we’re available for hire.
We’re available for birthday parties, bar mitzvahs, and political rallies.
You forgot garage sales and bazaars.
Hey, that’s a great idea for a political cartoon! Now, who could we get to draw it? And sign it, With Love to Windrose? 8) I’m looking at you, Mr. F!
Does it make me a Sparky if this wand actually sounds kind of worth checking out? It sounds pretty neat.
In other news…”Lightning wood”. Heh. Heh heh.
I’d rather have this one;
http://www.amazon.com/Kymera-Magic-Wand-Remote-Control/dp/B002SJKWZ4
Only 1 left? Huzzah!
:: voice out of nowhere from above::
“I said PRUNES!!! PRUNES!!”
My Dearest Sparky,
You apparently are in possession of the Wand of William, a very powerful tool when used properly.
However, since you seem to be waving it about willy-nilly with no skills what-so-ever your playing at wizard is wreaking havoc upon the wizarding world.
Mr. Figglebottom wishes you to change him back into a man as pumps do nothing for his ailing sciatic nerve.
Mrs. Whifflehump requests you remove her third…shall we say “headlight”? Yes, I believe that’s delicate enough. It’s quite in the way, and simply ruins the line of every dress she tries to wear.
The Attlebummed twins are…what’s that? Oh yes, never mind, they are quite please with your, ahem..”enhancements”.
As for myself, I really could do with an extra set of arms/hands many days but the looks of horror are just not worth the trouble. Please remove them immediately.
And, while we are at it, please send the wand via the accompanying owl, back to us at the school so we may properly care for it.
That is, of course, once you have completed the above requests.
Sincerely,
Miss Recordia, Keeper of Wizarding Accoutrements
Lightning Wood is IF’s Peter Gabriel cover band. So far, they only play Shock the Monkey.
We are not amused.
But aren’t you at least a bit tingly, FM?
Always! 🙂
I object to the Lightning Wood term. Does this mean if I burn my burgers on the grill I can call then Flame Meat?
You mean there’s another name for them?
Well, then taking inventory of the old monkey body, I have:
One Car Hip*
One Knife Thumb** and
One Cat Head***
*from a head on collision 20 years ago
**kitchen incident a few years ago
***wild cat in the bed incident last weekend.
“Cat head” sounds so very, very wrong…
Of course, waving one’s wand around like Harry Potter, in public, seems not much better.
I thought that said “pubic” for a second.
Nevermind. Carry on….
:giggles:
Well, and Shaking the Tree.
(In days of yore, IF bore a bit of a striking resemblance to Peter Gabriel, back when they both had hair.)
I wanna be your sledgehammer….
I don’t think I can make fun of Sparky any better than he already has himself.
The snickering you hear is the sound of its magical aura. No, seriously.
I guess Ollivander left out the end of the saying: “The wand chooses the wizard… on craigslist.”
I’m kind of expecting he also has a whole closet full of light sabers too.
But they’re all pink! I’ll trade you for a green one. 15 creds, on Dantooine.
Sorry. Mine were given to me by a powerful man. Who is now dead.
Dude, I have a geode! And a stick! I also (almost) have a PhD in Astronomy. Does that make me some kind of super-wizard?
Let’s see if you float!
Everybody should have a stick.
You can use it to beat your dragon.
Gleep?
Dear Sparky:
I suspect the reason you are getting no results with your wand is that the positive magic needs to be recharged. Simply hold it bare-handed and touch the wire to the positive terminal of a DC arc welder, making sure that you are well grounded. You can wear an aluminum hat to prevent a bad hair day.
Sincerely,
Beelzebub.
I have a powerful wand with a crevass tool attached that sucks up dirt.
I have a more powerful wand attached to a hose that blows water all over the place washing away dirt.
What does your powerful wand do? (tell me it’s dirty little secrets)
I too have a wand. It has a brush at the end with black gunk that makes my meager eyelashes stand out. Somewhat.
Or so the package it came in told me it would.
“Lightning Wood”
Perhaps Sparky could use some shock therapy.
Hmm, now I think I understand why we refer to these people as sparkies.
Up the voltage.
But is it powerful? You neglected to mention.
I can hardly wait to weave “lightning wood” into a conversation with Mr. Eyebrows.
It been a looooooong time since I has been in the corner. Hey there, everyone!
HI, Archie! Did you meet Mr. Flugennock?
You’ve been so polite with the introductions today, Windy!
WANDER, WANDER,WANDER, WANDER, WANDER, WANDER,WANDER, WANDER, WANDER, WANDER,WANDER, WANDER, WANDER, WANDER,WANDER, WANDER, WANDER, WANDER,WANDER, WANDER, WANDER, WANDER,WANDER, WANDER.
Yes?
Here Sparky, come here, I’ve got this lovely (cough) wizard jacket for you see how cleverly it has these long white wizardly sleeves that tie at the back? Then we can go to the (cough) wizard school for a lie down,,,,,
Why yes! I’ve always relied on the kindness of strangers!
Taco, you could have been somebody! You could have been a contender! Instead, you’re a winner! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Frogwarts!