We haven’t done a “Bad Titles” medley for a while. Here’s some winners that don’t really gain anything by including the rest of the ad:

message chair

I think I’ll Skype the credenza instead.

Mental Filing Cabinet

Sadly, I can’t figure out if “car keys location” is filed under “c” for “car” or “k” for “keys” or “l” for “location” or “w” for “where are my keys” or…

Ass Moldings

That’s probably what happens if you sit in the message chair for too long.

Insulted Pipings

Not galvanized? Well I never!

Varity wood mirrow and jew

Even WITH the rest of the ad, I still can’t figure out what the “jew” part means. Maybe Sparky is mispronouncing “you?”

Hole grage full of assorted tools

As far as I can tell “grage” is not a word in ANY language, not just English.

SLAY BED FRAME/BEST OFFER

DIE BED FRAME DIE!

Antique dresser buff-aye

However, the merely vintage nightstand votes nay, and the barely retro coffee table abstains.

free crip infant for kids

Boy, this gang violence is just starting earlier and earlier, isn’t it?

Thanks for the posts, Mackenzie, Christine, sd, Ralph, robot@craigslist, Eleanor, and Jason!

companion animals

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You call it such, it stays with you 24/7. Dont leave home without it.
Look-up the laws. Whether a dr. note, or from a unicorn, it doesn’t matter.

Does this person have a companion UNICORN? That’s AWESOME! The only drawback, of course, is having to clean out the glitter box.

Thanks for the post, DW!

@@!!!! 99. LIFTED. TAHOE. MUCH INVESTED. NEEDS. REAR END WORK $3450 – $3450

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SELLING. A TAHOE. THATS. HAS. A CUSTOM LIFT. WITH. SUPER NICE. RIMS. & TIRES. ALSO. HAS. SPRINGS. SHOCKS. UP GRADED. STEREO. POWER AMP. CD. CHAGER. CUSTOM. PUSH. BAR. KC. POWER. LIGHTS. SOME. EXTRAS. PLEASE. READ. I. HAVE. INVESTED. 8 K IN. IN. NEEDS. A. REBUILD. REAR. END. BAD. GEARS. IN IT NOW. HAS. LO MILES. 350/V8. VORTEC. ENG. LOOK AT PIC. SELLING. $3450. IN. RENO. PLEASE. NO. TRADES. NO. TEX. I WILL NOT. RESPOND. TO. TEX. HAVE. NO. ROOM. TO. STOR. THIS. TAHOE. GOT. A. SMALLER. TRUCK. JUST. CALLS. THANKS. IN. [LOCATION].

“Howdy, Tex – how’s your truck search going?”
“Well pardner – not so good. I found a truck I like, but the owner won’t respond to me.”
“Who’s the owner?”
“I think it’s William Shatner.”
“Jerk.”

Thanks for the post, Mike!

7inch angel grider – $40

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7 inch angel grinder model 1020 by rigid sold at home depot has soft side case great condition.

(Thanks for the post, sd!)

$$===FREE HEART EGG/PANCAKE RINGS

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* 2 Piece set
* Stay cool knock down handle
* FDA approved
* Heat resistant to 500F/260C
* Makes perfect heart shaped pancakes and eggs

Just to be clear – this is a heart:

To be fair, it is not shaped like this:

♥

However, it also not shaped like a seal, an armadillo, or the state of Michigan. In addition, of the two things in the set, there appear to be three of them.

Thanks for the post, Stephanie!

Free live oak tree, good for bbq ,or fire place logs you cut down

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free live oak wood. must cut down , great for fire place or bbq .text me at [phone]

Normal Craigslist workflow:
1. Take picture of tree.
2. Post ad requesting tree removal including picture.
3. After tree is removed, take down ad.

Sucking at Craigslist workflow:
1. Post ad requesting tree removal.
2. After tree is removed, take picture of tree.
3. Add picture of removed tree to ad.

In this vein, I expect to see “Car for Sale” ads with a picture of an empty parking space, “Help Wanted” ads with pictures of the person who’s already been hired to do the job, and “Casual Encounters” ads with…

NO. Not even going there.

Thanks for the post, William!