YSaC, Vol. 374: “Coat of many colors”, this ain’t.

2009 July 26
tags:
by dan

Free Headboard


Free headboard, used many times to bang my broad against it, don’t need to polish, has fresh love stain coat

Erm.. how to approach this one?

B-52s? “Love Stain, Baby, Love Stain!”

No.

Sometimes these ads take a while to work; what if someone wants it two weeks from now? How will he make sure it’s still fr…

No.

Is that “used” in the sense of being used for broad-bangery, or “used” in the sense of “I USED to bang my broad against it, but she got tired of this disgusting, stained, unpolished…”

No.

I think I’m going to have to agree with Kerri, who submitted this with “Fresh love juice! No witty text needed!”

22 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 July 26
    Mike permalink

    Funny, between the combination of HEADboard, banging, and stain, I was more thinking,

    Love stain – ur doin it wrong.
    (It’s not supposed to be red.)

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 July 26
      Count Blah permalink

      Ha ha ha!

      I’d been trying to think of a logical way you could “love stain” a headboard and all I could think was “does the headboard have a dildo protruding from it?” But now, thanks to you, I finally get it. 😀

      Adores: 0
  2. 2009 July 26
    Amaia permalink

    I picture the following telephone exchange:

    Dude1: Dude, what’s up?
    Dude2: Not much, dude. Just polishing my headboard with a fresh coat of love stain.
    Dude1: Cool.
    Dude2: Hey, any luck selling yours?
    Dude1: Nah, man.
    Dude2: Maybe $200 a cup is too high.
    Dude1: Maybe you’re too high.

    It just devolves from there.

    Adores: 10
  3. 2009 July 26

    This ad gives me a sad with a side of frownyface.

    Adores: 0
  4. 2009 July 27
    jackie31337 permalink

    Do you suppose people are deliberately writing ads like this just to see if they’ll show up here?

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 August 14
      Jen permalink

      Aah, I remember when I had faith in humanity, too…

      Adores: 3
  5. 2009 July 27
    Lola permalink

    Another for the “No. Just, no.” category … (Not that you have one, but I personally do. Feel free to appropriate if needed.)

    Adores: 1
  6. 2009 July 29
    Canaduck permalink

    EW WHAT

    Adores: 0
  7. 2009 July 30
    SockHead permalink

    Do people really…? Sigh. No. I have nothing witty to say about this.

    Adores: 0
  8. 2009 August 30
    Stinkerbell permalink

    /headdesk
    I must be getting old if I have to ask ‘Why would someone even POST this?’

    Adores: 0
  9. 2011 August 14
    LurkRealClose permalink

    Wow. I had forgotten all about this one. I hope to do so again, soon.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 August 14
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      I feel like I need a shower after just reading this.

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 August 14

      Wow. I had forgotten all about this one. I hope to do so again, soon.

      Because of the head banging?

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 August 14

      What, no haiku?

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 August 14
        Jen permalink

        Disgusting headboard.
        Sparky, are you serious?
        No-one likes ‘love stain’.

        Adores: 3
  10. 2011 August 14

    I wonder if Sparky ever found a buyer? Two years is a long time to be constantly adding fresh coats of “love stain.”

    Adores: 1
  11. 2011 August 14

    I was thinking of applying a fresh coat of love stain to a certain other headboard listed here, but I’ve read that mixing love stain with bad juju is even worse than mixing bleach with ammonia.

    Adores: 3
  12. 2011 August 14
    Windrose permalink

    Ms. Sparky on first date: So, have you ever done it?
    Sparky: Not with a person, no.
    Ms. Sparky: Ha ha guess you give your hand a good work out?
    Sparky: No, I bang my headboard. It’s really pretty with constant applications of fresh love juice stain.
    Ms. Sparky: ????
    Sparky: You want to come back to my place and see it?
    Ms. Sparky: Uh, no thanks, I have an appointment to get my nails done.
    Sparky: It’s 9:30 pm.
    Ms. Sparky: This is an all night, emergency nail repair place. In fact, I better go now!

    Adores: 2
  13. 2011 August 14


    Hey Dude, don’t stain your bed
    A coating of love juice won’t make it better
    Remember put condoms onto your part
    Then you can start to make it better

    Hey Dude, don’t be a freak
    It’s not made too, you’ll get a sliver
    The minute you get one under your skin
    Then you’ll begin to clean up the splatter

    And anytime you feel the pain
    Hey Dude refrain
    Don’t bang the wood upon your boulders
    For well you know that it’s a fool
    Who plays his tool
    By banging the board against his soldier
    No no no no no
    no no no no

    Hey Dude don’t get so down
    You can pound her, just go inflate her
    Remember to leave gap for her head
    Or she can pop, then can’t make batter

    So let it out and let it in
    Hey Dude begin
    You’re waiting for someone to perform with
    And don’t you know that it’s just you
    Hey Dude, you’ll do
    The movement you need is in your pelvis
    No no no no no
    no no no no yeah

    Hey Dude, don’t stain your bed
    A coating of love juice won’t make it better
    Remember put condoms onto your part
    Then you can start to make it better
    Better, better, better, better, better, oh

    No, no no no no no no
    no no no no, hey Dude

    Adores: 6
  14. 2011 August 14
    Is.A.Manx permalink

    this is an apt “earworm” today.

    Any required analgesics will need to be self-administered.

    Adores: 0
  15. 2011 August 14
    Windrose permalink

    I’m just happy that drmk let dan handle this one. ew.

    Adores: 1
  16. 2011 August 15
    Windrose permalink

    Noni and Daft, Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, all you young dudes!

    Adores: 2

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