YSaC, Vol. 533: You light up my life.

2010 January 1

Happy New Year, everyone! And in case you were looking to start your new year off by following up on that resolution you made last night to increase the amount of lighting in your house, I’ve got just the thing for you:

Tiffany Chanderlier, Custom Made,Brand new – $40


Custom Made Tiffany Glass Hanging Chanderlier, 18″ on each side, 14″ tall each side, 100″ hanger to make the size you want, plugs into light outlet, never used, brand new, comes from a smoke free home, if interested please call xxx-xxx-xxxx.
533

Now, mind you, “custom made” here means that it includes their names and wedding date; of course, these are cleverly hidden underneath the hanging chain in this photo. But if you’re Denise and Tom, and you were married in August of 199 … something, you’ve just found the chandelier of your dreams and the answer to all your lighting prayers.

Too bad it didn’t say Becky & Tim — whoever bought their “blank” wedding invitations could certainly have gotten some mileage out of this.

Thanks, Dani!

36 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 January 1
    penguin permalink

    Drat. That is my first name but not my husband’s. We did meet in August 199something (on my birthday). So, so close. And it would have looked lovely over my “skeletons climbing out of hell” table. Maybe I could get hubby to change his name?

    Adores: 26
    • 2010 January 1

      DO IT. When you tell everyone he did it for THIS LAMP, they’ll totally understand.

      Adores: 17
    • 2010 January 2
      Meredith permalink

      Wait, YOU are the one who out-manuevered me for the table???!!! DAMN YOU!!! Just for that I’m getting this lamp…so YOU can’t have it!!! HA, so there!

      Adores: 7
  2. 2010 January 1
    Mimi permalink

    What is that on the front? It looks like a seal balancing the following items on his nose:
    – A green harmonica
    – Half a tambourine
    – A paintbrush dipped in orange paint
    – A pair of flip-flops with fuzzy tops
    – An unidentified flying brown wedge

    And when they say it’s a “Tiffany Chanderlier” I think Tiffany is the 13 year old daughter of their second cousin or something like that.

    Adores: 26
    • 2010 January 1
      Lola permalink

      “And when they say it’s a ‘Tiffany Chanderlier’ I think Tiffany is the 13 year old daughter of their second cousin or something like that.”
      Having seen a fair amount of genuine Tiffany glassworks, including in museums, I’m inclined to agree. It may not all be to my taste, but it’s clearly well-made. This? Turn the damn thing over and embed it in a cement base and make a birdbath out of it. Not too ugly that way.
      I totally love the way they don’t mention the names and wedding date at all. Disclosure fail! 🙂

      Adores: 12
    • 2010 January 1

      As far as I can tell it’s a black dove below a sunrise/sunset, with bells over the sun.

      Maybe.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 1
        arallyn permalink

        I…I think I see it! It’s….a path going into the distance, into some symmetrical foothills. The hills are below a sunset, whose light is escaping into the Universe of Subdued-Hues Flowers, because the Gate of the Giant Macaroni Noodles has broken.

        Adores: 13
      • 2010 January 1
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        It’s an image of the sun setting on Tom and Denise’s marriage.

        Adores: 18
    • 2010 January 2
      Meredith permalink

      To me, it looks like a windy road leading up to a deep green mountain, on which lays a…dead flamingo? And on the horizon…a…yellow santa hat?

      I’d think it was weird if the pink roses didn’t tie it all together so well.

      Adores: 8
  3. 2010 January 1
    Ed Snyder permalink

    If it’s brand new, who cares if it comes from a smoke-free home?

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 January 1
      Windrose permalink

      Ed! We missed you! 8)

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 1
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        Yeah, where’ve you been, Soviet Russia?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 January 1
          Ed Snyder permalink

          I started a new job with the Federal government a little over a month ago. On the day before Christmas eve, I drove back from northern Illinois to Florida where my wife is in the Navy. Then on Monday this week, I drove from Florida to Oklahoma City where I’ll be taking a few work related classes. It’s all kept me pretty busy.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 January 1
          Windrose permalink

          So you WERE in Soviet Russia!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 January 2
          Meredith permalink

          You’d know if you became his Facebook friend. Just sayin.

          Adores: 2
  4. 2010 January 1
    Ed Snyder permalink

    It’s an assumption that the date is Denise and Tom’s wedding date. It could instead be the day that they were killed in a car crash. The picture closest to us even shows the road where they died stretching off into the distant hills. A very touching memorial if you ask me. (In Soviet Russia, memorial touches you.)

    Adores: 30
  5. 2010 January 1

    I feel the need to Google “custom made tiffany sale chandeliers” to see how much one of these puppies cost!

    Adores: 1
  6. 2010 January 1
    voodoo permalink

    Looks like something you would find hanging over a pool table in a bar.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 January 1
      Windrose permalink

      Denise ‘n’ Tom’s Saloon, established August 1990 Ish,

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 January 1
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        Denise ‘n’ Tom’s Saloon moved from Ish to Kinda Sorta in the late 1990s. This lamp was made to commemorate the move.

        Adores: 11
  7. 2010 January 1
    gary permalink

    The road to hell is paved with sunshine and bells.

    This thing is just hideous. Obviously the creator woke from a 25 year coma to create it, because it just screams mid-70’s.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 January 1
      Windrose permalink

      ‘Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.’—Mark Twain

      Good man, that.

      Adores: 10
      • 2010 January 1
        Ed Snyder permalink

        In Soviet Russia, hell paves road to you.

        Adores: 5
    • 2010 January 1
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      It was nice of the “artisan” who made this lamp to include a rendering of the road to hell on it for clarity sake.

      Adores: 3
  8. 2010 January 1

    Those are my parent’s names. That’s funny. Missed the wedding date by decades.

    Adores: 1
  9. 2010 January 1
    PapaSloth permalink

    The truly dedicated lighting fixture purchaser will be willing to change his or her name, the name of his or her spouse, and their wedding date.

    I mean, come on, it’s Tiffany-style people, have some respect.

    Adores: 2
  10. 2010 January 1

    That doesn’t look like Tiffany to me. I know for sure I wouldn’t eat my breakfast at it, for example.

    Adores: 13
    • 2010 January 1
      Windrose permalink

      With or without Holly Golightly!

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 1
      Lola permalink

      I don’t think the security guys there would let you in the door with it, either.

      Adores: 1
  11. 2010 January 1

    Something tells me Tom bought this for Denise thinking she’d love it. Denise, being a woman of taste and elegance, sees it and immediately demands a divorce.

    Adores: 21
  12. 2010 January 1
    Lola permalink

    Having looked at this earlier in the day and then come back to it now, a few thoughts:
    This was made for/given to Tom/Denise by a friend or relative who they could not afford to/stand to offend by giving it away (though clearly that person never visited to observe that they have never put it up).
    That person is now incapacitated/dead.
    They now feel free to sell it.
    Or:
    Neither of them liked it, but per above, they didn’t feel they could get rid of it.
    They’re getting divorced.
    Tom is getting taken to the cleaners/Denise is getting what she deserves, depending on your POV, and one or the other is selling it in the occasion of splitting the marital estate.

    Neither of these things (or any other reason I can think of) excuses the lameness of not pointing out what the chain is not-so-effectively hiding – their names and a date (wedding or other).

    Final observation: Man, that’s fug.

    Adores: 1
  13. 2010 January 1
    screamer permalink

    Of course it was never used and is brand new; it’s butt ugly. The only possible reason to pay $40 (or anything at all) for it would be as a collector of the ugliest things ever made. I used to have a garage full of that stuff but then I left him.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 September 13
      NotMyName permalink

      I’d pay money so I could smash it.

      Adores: 0
  14. 2010 January 2
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    I’m here to see the lamp.

    Oh great, it’s right over here.

    I like the sunset and the road and the roses…

    Yeah, great huh?

    What’s under the chain?

    Oh, more of the same. You know, roses, flowers, um, a hill…

    Can I take a look?

    Um, it’s pretty much the same on all the sides. I really got to pick up my kid at school here in a minute…

    It’s Sunday.

    Yeah, right. Um How about $30 and we call it even?

    I’d really like to see the other side…

    Tell you what, I’ll take $20.

    Who are Denise and Tom?

    Alright, $10 and I’ll throw in this Lion Tapestry…

    Um, that’s a Tiger…

    Adores: 25
  15. 2010 January 2
    queensbee permalink

    it would have been such great fun to just smash that thing, and leave it in the dustbin of their marriage………it would be worth 40 bucks, denise, to just take a hammer and have a go at it. its only a chanderlier, and you could do it outside, and then put all teh pieces in a big garbage bag. think about it!

    Adores: 1
  16. 2010 January 3
    'Tis Himself permalink

    Other than it being ugly, commemorates some date significant to Denise and Tom, and is bad imitation Tiffany, it’s a steal at $40. Unfortunately I seem to have left my checkbook in my Saturday pajamas or else I’d grab it (and then hide it from my wife).

    Adores: 1

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