YSaC, Vol. 1753: Ship of fool

2014 September 8

Price reduced – $1300

1984 searay sevill bow rider for sale new carpets floors solid new outdrive turnkey ready for some fishing $1300 or trade welcome. Question ##########

Avast ye lubbers! Quake in fear as ye prepare to be boarded from me fine craft! Arr! I shall make ye walk the..

You know what? Talk Like a Pirate Day isn’t until the 19th, and I don’t think this tub will actually last that long. And that’s if you just leave it in the driveway. If you actually put it in the same time zone as a body of water, I’m pretty sure it would actively explode.

Thanks for the post, Terrance!

YSaC, Vol. 1752: Until The End of The World

2014 September 5
tags: ,
by dan

I bought a Soda and it had a promotion for an extra one for free but I am diabetic and can only drink one soda a day so I don’t need this extra one. I like game shows so it goes to the third response I get.

Uh oh. The only possible explanation for this is that the poster here is psychic, and knows the world is going to end before tomorrow. *PANIC, YOU FOOLS!* And have a soda. *NOW PANIC SOME MORE!!*

Oh, wait – this was posted in March. Never mind, false alarm.

Thanks for the post, Kit!

YSaC, Vol. 1751: Please phrase that in the form of not stupid

2014 September 3

And now, it’s time to play the exciting new game show, “Boat or Grill?”

boat or….. grill NEW in box – $25 (ne metro)

Um. That’s a grill.

Not really all that exciting a game show, now that you mention it.

And if you think that’s bad, wait till you try the home game.

Thanks for playing, sd!

YSaC, Vol. 1750: Sorry for exploding.

2014 September 1

Who’s ready for a wall of crazy?

saw big (now huge) jon from blue bird taxi wed – w4m

Just saw big jon from blue bird taxi at ingles parking lot. I saw him the 1 day my feet hurt too much to drive. He looks like he put on about 100lbs. He was all smirk probably cause he had always told me id never drive. So that was probably a “see I told u you’d never drive,here u r taking a cab again” smirk,smile&look. I feel so uncomfortable&mixed up right now. Could really use a hug. It took me this long to sorta start getting over my friendship with him&now this. I kinda want to show him that I can drive,but don’t know if I can handle being next to him without the company of a big guy,I’m kinda scarred of him. I do want him to know I do drive,but at the same time show him see how much business u r loosing by not being my friend any more,how much business u&blue bird taxi r loosing. I am kinda happy he gained weight,means he didn’t do so good loosing the friendship either. Ok so person I sometimes ride with now,doesn’t walk my dog while I shop or make out with her or litterally take her on a date with a buy one entree&get1free coupons,both going to resturants where she gets second entree. Caby,I ride with now doesn’t do any of that,but also doesn’t try to” buy “my classic chevy impala “with a kiss” after purposely crushing my van in junkyard&keeping the money for their rent. I guess he was hoping if he gave me a kiss id sign what will be my daughters car over to him(most likely for his daughter. I did lent him both my cars for almost3yrs,but no way I was gonna sign it over to him,esp not for a kiss.Ok,so the ppl I ride with now don’t give me big hugs like big jon used to&honestly,I really do miss that&could really use a huge hug right now,but atleast they r not grroming me to be their next financial victim for2plus yrs. Sorry,just ranting. Could totaaly use one of big jons hugs now,but haven’t found a replacement for that yet. His hugs r awesome,but even they r not worth my classic chevy.
I told todays caby about what big jon from blue bird taxi was probably thinking. He said not to worry about it. I can take a cab when I want to take a cab. Ya,but still I want to proof to jon that I do drive&use less cabs then b4,but my doggy needs a new friend&I just sometimes need anyones company&jon knows I used to pay him just so id have someone to talk to b4 we became friends. My cabby thanked me for our buisness. He should be thanking big jon,cause had big jon from blue bird not broke off our friendship after he crushed my van id still be riding with them&I still would probably not have the heart to ask for my2nd car bk&definatly still be riding with blue bird taxi.Cabby I ride with now from an actual competitor company may not walk my dog&may not give me hugs,but would never take advantage of a disabled lonely single mom like that. Ok,got it out of my system,but really could use company. Anyone up for company? Any church ppl. Ok,just ranting,used to do this w big jon when something was upsetting or sad,but now just throwing it out there in the wind. Its just a lil therapeutic for me. I know this will get flagged&its ok,its already helped me therapeutically just to write this. I used to be the one bragging about big jons petfriendly service&he used to thank me everytime he got new regular customers for him&for blue bird taxi cause of my brags. I’m not gonna mention names of company or ppl I ride with now cause I don’t want anyone to pull a big jon on me in a few yrs blaming it on my compliments about them. Blue bird used to be rated one and a half stars b4 I started raving about big jon,soon after I started they were rated four and a half stars&probably stayed that way. I don’t want to do this for another company&take a chance on it backfiring on me. Seing big jon was awkward,but since we r almost neighboers(did this unpurpose,moved a wk from eachother within a few miles so we can help eachother without waisting gas),it was bound to happen,was just hoping it wouldn’t happen til I was emotionally stronger. Boy am I glad we didn’t have my dog with us. She really was in love with him,the way they acted around eachother,but she may have finally forgotten,although she was&may still be heartbroken. Big jon used to say any man who hurts a woman in any way physically,financiallyor emotionally which includes breaking her heart is not a man,but a scumbag. He did appologize to me cause he was tired of feeling like a scumbag&cause he wanted to be a good example for his sons,how can he expect them not to hurt woman when he as their dad does not practice what he preaches. Ok,now,i’m really done ranting&if big jon sees this telling him how I really feel. Ya,I miss u,your fam&your hugs,but I don’t miss basically supporting u,(ya,I know everytime u asked for money for repairs on a car I never drove,car may not really needed repair,but u obviously needed or wanted money for something&I don’t deny my friends what I have&ofcourse I want u to be able to comunicate with ur fam even when u r tight on cash for ur ph bill&ofcourse I want your wife&son to be healthy&get any sergerys they need even if money for deductable is tight. I don’t miss not having the heart to ask for my cars back cause u needed a 2nd&3rd car for your fam&when I went on most of ur . . ..,I now know the real reason why u wouldnt(or couldn’t)set foot in a church to come to my baptism. I do miss the rest&being able to help someone in other ways,like sharing my freebees and helping someone I care about never go hungry. Now,I have almost everything I want to say out of my system,will write what I wanted to write long ago. But thatlll be a few wks or a few months.
Then ill stop for good. Meanwhile happy bday to one of ur2older girls. And happy aniversary to u in august. Still love u like a brother,but working on not feeling that way.glad I atleast enabled u some nice father son summer vaccation memories with the councilman&what was it your son said “the stop in arizona where the preetiest girls r”. Ok,I need to be done.I think its finally out of my system except the one thing ive been saving in my drafts&gotta find when I feel like it. It won’t be posted on cl. Oh incase ur thinking of scarring me,I won’t be traveling alone,caby u saw me with is almost ur size. But other then that it was nice seing u.ya,I was intimidated,but hey it doesn’t take much for a 6’9,by now 600lb guy to intimidate a 5’2,by now 144lbs handicapped lady using a walker. Also regret not wearing my jeans that make me look hot cause everyone likes having hot friends,even hot platonic friends. Anyway someone like big jon,his size,with his former jobs prowrestler etc,marine etc,well someone like him intimidating someone like me does not take that great of a feat,but if that makes u proud..ok I better stop. Maybe something good will come from this. Couldn’t hold this part in any more,sorry for exploding.

ps, I wrote this on wed,but wasn’t able to post it til today,dont know if I would have been able to face big giant jon alone had I been driving that day. im glad we didn’t have our dog with us that day,that would have broke her heart all over again,she has actually started acting old since than,didnt eat for a few wks after the incident in 2012,the crushing my car and after I forgave him crushing my furbabies heart by ending the friendship. ok now I need to be done except for one thing which will take a while. still love u,but was never in love with u and never will be,that was my dog and sorry but even ur kiss wasn’t good enough for me to fall in love with u or to give u my classic car for. besides there is a very lovely lady in your life I would never hurt like that,several actually(I wouldn’t have lent u our back up phone for her to use or for u to use to communicate with her or paid for her surgery deductible if I didn’t care about her or not said anything when she drove my van when the deal was between u and me for driving my car as a loan til I get my dl and relearn to drive in the mountains,which I just did,had u not crushed my van,u would still be driving the second car until my daughter gets her licence and since we are almost neighboers we would still let u barrow one when we don’t need it,heck we might have taken ur advise and moved next door so whoever needs the cars first could use it. and since I cant do some things I would have paid ur son and daughter to do them like trash paid ur son for that and paid ur daughter again for petsitting,ask her how much I gave her last time,more than I would give most petsitters and more than most charge cause I wanted to). sorry for ranting.
oh ya, happy mothersday to your wife and probably also to your daughter in law, u did always say your biological son would make u a grandpa too soon. personally I think he is a very nicepolite responsible young man.

Well good. Glad we got that cleared up. I just have a few questions:
1. What was the elephant doing in the grocery store in the first place?
2. Why didn’t this person just have the badger laminated?
3. Shouldn’t the notary public lose their job for that?

Thanks for the post, HML!

YSaC, Vol. 1749: Turns out $200 is your price for flight.

2014 August 29

Yesterday’s poster was selling all sorts of wacky stuff. Today’s poster? Not so much:

Motor – $200

condition: like new

Well, $200 is a pretty good deal. And there’s really only two types of motors, right?

It could only be either this:

or this:

And either one of those seems like a steal for $200. Of course, my grasp of engineering may be a little fuzzy, but it’s still better than Robin’s grasp of Craigslist.

Thanks for the link, sd!

YSaC, Vol. 1748: Bricks are Heavy

2014 August 27

free crap!!

Moving and have plenty of stuff we no longer need.
Kitchen table….made of lovely wood like substance…has stains and scratches
Eight toaster ovens
Three foot tall green glass duck, head is broken off, currently has a smaller wooden duck mounted in its place
Old potting soil
Broken Microwave oven (Kenmore brand, very good quality, lasted many years before it died)
Large pile of old clothes.
Canned Goods…most expired.
First aid kit
At home std test kits (at least a dozen)
Front seat from a honda (large cigarette burn)

too many more items to list
All items are in the middle of ### road, near ###. Im sure they wont last long

OK folks – today’s homework assignment is to design a Rube Goldberg machine using all of these items. It should accomplish a very simple task in a needlessly complex way. But please hurry – either the potting soil or the duck is starting to smell funny.

Thanks for the post, Matty!