church pew sectional / cult leader starter kit – $150
This is a 3 piece, dark stain finish, woo bench sectional. Possibly constructed out of church style pews….so u know its comphy. And yet without sacrificing that creepy look, that you’ve been going for. Getting tired of always trying to impress your house guests? Now u can start scarring the s**t out of them. U can change your whole lifestyle. All u need is this epicly creepy sectional, a robe, and a mustashe and you’ve got yourself a game changer. Practice your new pickup lines like, does this rag smell funny to you??? Enuf said. I’m asking $150 or best offer. Delivery is available. Email, call, or text for measurements, or to make an offer. ###-###-####. Thanks.
Much as I’d like to use this comphy woo bench sectional to scar the s**t out of my friends, I’m afraid I can’t, because that sentence doesn’t actually make any sense whatsoever.
OK, let’s assume I really do want to start a cult. I wonder what else I can find on Craigslist that might be helpful with that.
Fiberglass Baptistry (Location, but misspelled)
That seems like a good idea, but I think I should try to find the B-2 model instead. After all, it has more than triple the capacity. If I really want to step up my creepy cult leader game, a mere 350 gallons just isn’t going to cut it. Although I am tempted to buy it as the world’s most interesting Jell-O mold.
Thanks to my newest acolytes, Jason and Amanda, for the post. All hail Saltines!