YSaC, Vol. 227: Does it come in green?

2009 March 2
by drmk

Need to sell ASAP


I will take 200.00
Price Reduced

Tan color
Very sturdy
3 years old

Call today xxx xxx xxxx

Emily sends this one along, saying, “A tan what? This was not accompanied by a photograph or explanation. We figured it was a stocky toddler.”

38 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 March 2
    Random Person permalink

    Perhaps it doesn’t matter what it is. It’s sturdy and tan. What more need one know?

    (This may belong with the other Zen posts.)

    Adores: 2
  2. 2009 March 2
    Courtney permalink

    I’m sure whatever it is will go well in one of those apartments after I fix it up. Tan goes well with non-dark/black paint. Tan, sturdy things that cost $200, that is.

    Adores: 1
  3. 2009 March 2

    Haha! Stocky toddler. I love it.

    Adores: 0
  4. 2009 March 2
    jeff permalink

    Could it be instant tan lotion? After 3 years I suspect that stuff gets pretty solid and sturdy.

    Adores: 0
  5. 2009 March 2
    kati permalink

    Iwow i have NEVER paid that much for a tan!

    Adores: 0
  6. 2009 March 3
    Cheryl permalink

    Sweet! I’ll take two.

    Adores: 1
  7. 2009 March 3
    stephanie permalink

    This made me laugh.

    Adores: 1
  8. 2009 December 16
    Shane-For-Wax permalink

    My mind went for a very large dildo…

    Adores: 3
  9. 2012 February 5
    kelli permalink

    I could use an ASAP but I’m not sure one that is 3 years old will convey the urgency I want.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 February 5
      SilvaNoir permalink

      I too would hope “as soon as possible” doesn’t translate to 3 years from now

      Adores: 1
  10. 2012 February 5
    valarie permalink

    If I didn’t just break the bank paying for a surprisingly fragile brand new beige one, I might be tempted. I guess they just don’t make them like they did 3 years ago. I blame NAFTA.

    Adores: 8
  11. 2012 February 5

    2009 must have been a great vintage for maple syrup.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 5
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Maybe Sparky thinks there’s some dinosaur DNA in it, like Jurassic Park.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 5
        One Moving Violation permalink

        My mother was famous for mispronouncing words.
        I went to see Jurassic Park and afterwards she asked me, “How was your ass in park?”.

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 5
          SilvaNoir permalink

          Well when watching a movie, one usually doesn’t jump around too much. You stay in your seat.
          😉

          Adores: 4
  12. 2012 February 5

    Sparky has had it for three years and still doesn’t know what it is. No wonder Sparky has to sell it ASAP.

    Adores: 3
  13. 2012 February 5
    One Moving Violation permalink

    As soon as possibilities come to mind I’ll let you know.
    Sparky has nothing better to do than keep you on the phone guessing.

    A horse,
    A dog,
    An armoire,
    A dining room set.
    The golden child.
    An outdoor playset.
    A tan outdoor mower.
    Come on Sparky, give me a clue.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 5
      SilvaNoir permalink

      Aww, no indoor mowers?

      Adores: 1
  14. 2012 February 5
    One Moving Violation permalink

    It’s obviously a . Sparky is to embarrassed to say that is what it is.
    He has already brought shame to his family name for bringing a into his home. ing is frowned upon in most cultures. s come in a variety of flesh tones ranging from very pale to black.
    If you decide to purchase this , I would suggest you remain anonymous.
    If you have children in the household, you should not even consider bringing a into your home.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 5
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Hmmmm, even the comment box wouldn’t let me type in what it is.
      Apparently everything I type does not show up.

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 5
        CapnMac permalink

        [forum corey]
        Because of the way WordPress fora “work” there are some peculiarities vice other forum strategies.

        One thing that we have here is that all expressions contained between ASCII 60–open angle bracket, and ASCII 62–close angle bracket, are evaluated as html expressions. These are parsed against the (rather limited) stylebook Vigilance Jestro allows. If there is no such match, the entry is parsed.

        So, ‘common’ IRC expressions, like <grin>, <wink>–and, I suspect your attempt to use <bleep> all fail the table comparison and are rendered as ASCII 0 (zero).

        But wait, by what arcane chicanery or occult art did I get the mystic characters to appear? Well, I used the rather tiresome “ampersand” html character codes. Which follow a pattern of ampersand, code, and semicolon.
        The Shift+comma is ampersand lt semicolon (& lt ;–e.g. <) with no spaces; the Shift+period is ampersand gt semicolon (& gt ;–e.g. >). {In this usage, lt= less-than, gt=greater-than}.

        This is why we use square brackets (e.g. [ ]) on ‘corey’ ‘matt’ and similar “tags”–those express graphically without a great deal of manipulation and typesetting.

        The style-sheet here supports the <blockqoute>; <em> (italic), <b> (bold); <del> (strikeout); and <url> tags.

        The “short” link syntax is

        <A href=’htmlcode’> “Text you wish to appear as link” </A>

        Thus, endeth the lesson; Gentleman Start Your Engi, er, Play Ball!

        [/corey]

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 5
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Thankew!

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 February 5
          Tankerbell permalink

          Omniscience. Cap’n haz it.

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 February 5
          One Moving Violation permalink

          To Right!

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 5
      One Moving Violation permalink

      OMV comment Redux

      Ok, it’s obviously a (bleeep). Sparky is to embarrassed to say what it is.
      Sparky has brought shame to his family name for bringing a (bleeep) into his home.
      (bleeep)ing is frowned upon in most cultures. (bleeep)s come in a variety of flesh tones ranging from very pale to black.
      If you decide to purchase this (bleeep), I would suggest you remain anonymous.
      If you have children in the household, you should not even consider bringing a (bleeep) into your home.

      I hope this clears things up for you.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 5
        Tankerbell permalink

        Actually, One, I thought it was hilarious just the way it was.

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 5
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Should I have used (blank) ing instead?

          Adores: 1
  15. 2012 February 5
    Windrose permalink

    It’s magic! It’s whatever you want it to be, as long as you want it to be tan. I want a pony! No, wait, a maned wolf! No, no, a turaco! Oh, they don’t look so good in tan. Lederhosen! George Hamilton! A luxury Yacht! I can’t make up my mind!

    Adores: 2
  16. 2012 February 5
    Windrose permalink

    We have a small, tight box today! Uh. . . . yeah, corner. Astro, when’s your birthday?

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 5
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      We’re sorry, sponsors! So very sorry!

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 5
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        No we’re not. We just need to go out and get lower-class sponsors.

        Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 5

      That never happens when it’s my turn…*pout*

      Adores: 1
  17. 2012 February 5

    Dude! What the heck is their toddler doing with a tan?

    And $200 seems kinda steep.

    Adores: 0
    • 2012 February 5
      Tankerbell permalink

      Says the guy who has a toddler.

      But note that $200 is the reduced price. I wonder what Sparky was originally asking?

      Adores: 0
  18. 2012 February 5
    Tankerbell permalink

    I don’t know why, but I’m getting that this is a toddler with superpowers. Mommy and Daddy have just had to admit that what is happening is not, in fact, just odd coincidences. It IS Junior that is making it happen. They tried to appease Junior with all his favorite treats, hence the stockiness, but still he would have tantrums and the… occurrences would happen. That’s why they need to get rid of him ASAP and have reduced the price. The $200 is for their bus ticket to deepest, darkest Saskatchewan, where they will start a new life under assumed names.

    Unfortunately, they don’t realize that among Junior’s superpowers is omniscience. ( Just like CapnMac.) Junior WILL find them. Oh, yes. He will find them. And when he does…

    Adores: 3
  19. 2012 February 6

    I get this funny feeling that this is a hidden ad for a prostitute:
    -“Very Tan” means she is a white woman who is, well, tanned.
    -“Very sturdy” means she is game for all that hard core shit.
    -“3 years old” would mean that she’s experienced, and been in the business for 3 years… I hope.

    Adores: 0
  20. 2012 February 6
    Windrose permalink

    Astro, you may go and take this with you: Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, uh, er, well. . . yeah.

    Adores: 0

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