YSaC, Vol. 226: Don’t cry, emo boy.

2009 March 1

Happy HOUSE is Coolest Place! Handyman Hippie or Party Animal WELCOME!

House has basement, fenced yard, half bath in basement and full bath upstairs, possibility of making two apartments in the house if done right, with shared kitchen. WOW! WHERE ELSE can you be yourself? Most “landlords” or roomrenters require you to be well behaved, no noise, no pets, no parties, no fun, right? NOT ME! I’m sick of the bullsh*t, aren’t you? Read carefully, and I’ll explain. I’m a liberal libertarian type. I fix up places and HELP people who are likeminded, who have been abused by the SYSTEM for just being a social outcast, rude crude and socially unacceptable! YOU ARE WELCOME here! You must be HONE$T, a HANDY person (because house needs fixed up) and able to pay your share MOSTLY on time ( I am understanding when SH*T happens ). Just DON’T try to play me for a fool! YOU will agree to fix the place up, paint the insides ANY COLOR you like (except black or dark, no Goths accepted, sorry!), put up sheet rock or paneling or whatever you like, but FIX IT UP nicely, (use cheap or surplus materials to save) and you will also pay at least $300 to $450 a month, depending on HOW MUCH WORK and MATERIALS you have put into the place. I HOPE it’s fixed up enough where you only pay $300 a month, because I HATE high “rents”! I don’t want someone who pays $500 a month and does nothing to improve the place. Nice big fenced yard, basement, and NO NEIGHBORS to the right or left for a LONG WAY, and COOL neighbors across the street! SO this means Privacy, Parties, and FUN to the right FRIEND who wants to start something COOL! WANT to plant a veggie garden this spring? COOL! (I want some!) Want to throw a party (and sometimes invite Me?) COOL! Want to play music LOUD? Go ahead, sometimes the neighbors and I do! Have a dozen of your friends over for a BBQ! Have two dogs in the backyard, or in the house! I don’t care, as long as you clean up your (and your pet’s) messes! NO Rednecks, or Crybabies or if you didn’t vote for Obama, DON’T apply! All other COOL people can write me, the coolest person with the coolest ideas and best written reply AND you have at least $500-$600 cash to throw in (first/last months), may win! House is for sale as well, ($10K cash asis) but I don’t know when it will sell, and I may decide to keep it if you’re cool enough and you may be able to lease to own or something after 6 months of good sharing!
I ALSO have another LARGE building to rehab with at least 6 apartments in it, so I am taking replies for that as well. (Same kind of deal per apartment).
The apt. building is for sale too, but at least $50-75K is needed on that place. (open to offers and possibilities). Email me and tell me what you wish an owner would LET you do, and something about who you are, and who knows, you just might win! Peace Out, brothers and sisters!

You know what amuses me the most about this? That this guy will consider “renting” his house to people who are social outcasts, rude, crude, and socially unacceptable, but won’t consider renting to Goths. In fact, Goths get thrown into the same “uncool” category as rednecks, crybabies and conservatives.

16 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 March 1
    Courtney permalink

    Um, most libertarians probably didn’t vote for Obama. So I don’t know what kinda crack this guy is smoking. Good for him for voting for change, but from a libertarian perspective – where Government stays out of everyone’s business on everything, Obama was not their man. So… yeah… And a liberal libertarian… I don’t even know what that would *be*… at least not in American terms!
    I also wonder how much fixing up is necessary if he’s not even going to post pics. Oh, hell, I voted for Obama and I’m not a Goth, so sign me up and give me a hammer!

    Adores: 1
  2. 2009 March 1

    Liberal libertarian= “I wish I was a libertarian but I don’t want to ‘waste my vote’ so I vote liberal.”

    Adores: 1
  3. 2009 March 1

    He sounds really COOL!

    Adores: 1
  4. 2009 March 2
    Katie permalink

    I dunno, to the right couple of people, this doesn’t sound like a bad job. Art students, theatre kids… They mostly take care of the places they inhabit, but they like to do wild and crazy things- paint the rooms tie dye or what have you.

    If you got three or four people together who wanted to do some creative DIY in their spare time, that’s right around 100 bucks for rent. I know a lot of people who would’ve appreciated a landlord like this in college.

    Adores: 2
  5. 2009 March 2

    If I lived and that area and had some extra time and money, it might be kinda fun to file a housing discrimination lawsuit against this idiot. So many qualifications! You can’t ask who I voted for!!!

    Adores: 3
  6. 2009 March 2
    Sam permalink

    *Cries and burries Cure and Joy Division CD’s in the backyard* Boys don’t cry…*Sniff*

    …But I really want to live in a house where I have to pay rent AND function as free labor to remodel the interior.

    Adores: 7
  7. 2009 March 2
    gas station bathroom permalink

    Aw, my friends can’t move in there, and I have Siouxsie and the Banshees on my iPod, so I guess I can’t come either. :C

    Adores: 2
  8. 2009 March 5

    You must be HONE$T” — Is “HONE$T” meant to be an oxymoron?

    Adores: 1
  9. 2009 March 13
    blake permalink

    I still love that his “accepting” safe haven for outcasts has a pretty long list of people that he wont accept because he views them as outcast.

    More accurate- “Sloppy, Liberal hippie seeks roomate and cheap manual labor for slum. Anyone invited as long as they are exactly like me. Non- sloppy liberal hippies need not apply”

    Adores: 5
  10. 2009 March 14

    Well, darn. I *am* a hippie, but I voted for John McCain. Love the tolerance there.

    Adores: 2
  11. 2009 May 3
    Kitrona permalink

    And you can paint the walls (that you put up) any color you want, as long as it’s not dark! How generous!

    Adores: 1
  12. 2009 June 16
    Kit permalink

    Naw, Goths are “cool”, he just thinks they have horrible decorating sense and he demands their unpaid labor.
    Sadly, exchanging sheetrock hanging for living space sounds like a great idea to me….except that whole “unfinished, possibly uninsulated walls in a house without necessarily working mechanicals” thing.

    Adores: 1
  13. 2009 September 1
    Marko permalink

    Hmm… Might I take a stab at translation?

    Lazy, bigoted, hippie slumlord seeks contractor to pay me for the privilege of fixing up my house while you live there. When you’re done I intend to sell it out from under you. Also seeking same for apartment building.

    Adores: 8
  14. 2009 October 28
    Stephanie Krueger permalink

    So he’s going to charge me rent depending on how much money I’ve invested into his house?! This does sound cool except for that whole bit.

    Adores: 2
  15. 2010 September 30

    Oh my gods if this ad was for a place in CA I know a couple of girls who moved in to that house. They got absolutely screwed over by this guy, lost their deposits, and got kicked out promptly. One WAS sort of hippie-goth though, and the other was definitely a recovering goth. So that’s probably why.

    Adores: 1
  16. 2011 August 2

    So let me get this straight…

    He’s selling the place as is for $10,000. He wants a $500 security deposit, plus 300-450 a month, depending on how much you put into it. He seems to indicate he’d charge $500 a month for someone who doesn’t do anything.

    So after only 17 months of living in this property, assuming I don’t put any work into it, do I own it?

    There are so many other things wrong with this picture, but that one intrigues me the most.

    Adores: 1

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